Something Different. 2 PG-13 Sam, Dean (Gen)

[zenamydog]

Dean had made him promise. Told him that they'd find another way around his mojo, but the headaches were getting worse and he'd started to drink a lot more to dull his senses. He couldn't take the risk that he'd think something hateful.

It wasn't like Dean was an idiot and he'd taken to keeping his voice quiet and monotone. He'd been sympathetic about Sam's physical pain and didn't say a word when Sam went on one of his walks.

Mostly he'd go, find a tree or something, burn it down, put out the fire and come back, but as the weeks plowed on it was getting harder to find release that way. The hardest thing of all, though, was returning and seeing the way Dean looked at him, a little more warily each time. Like Sam wasn't his brother anymore. Sam didn't know how long he would be able to take that.

Dean had tried to call Cas and Sam had mocked him. "Don't think they get good coverage in heaven, Dean." But Dean wanted to know about the book Cas had left. He reckoned it was the key to all of this and Sam knew he was right. He'd tried again to decipher it, but with no luck.

They hadn't been hunting and Sam was grateful for that, but Dean was starting to push. Starting to think that it would help. Sam didn't agree.

In Florida, they'd found out for sure when a psycho witch had taken a hostage. They'd tracked her, cornered her and she had taken a young boy to use as a means of escape. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 years old and when it came down to it, Sam lost control and turned her into cinders. The problem was the collateral damage. The young boy had suffered 3rd degree burns as well.

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Dean knew something was up the moment he opened the door to their motel room. "What are you doing?"

Sam glanced at him, but didn't say anything. He was stuffing clothes into his duffle.

"Sam?"

Sam stood to his full height, a sure tell tale sign he was about to say something Dean wouldn't like. He let out a shaky breath. "I'm leaving."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"No you're not." Dean reached out and grabbed Sam's duffle and threw it to the end of the bed.

"Dean."

"Sam, you're not going anywhere."

"I have to, Dean." There was a whine in his voice. A plea and need that Dean couldn't ignore.

"Come on." Dean grabbed Sam by the arm. "There's a park just down the road. Let's go sit in the sun for a bit."

Sam frowned. No doubt wondering what the hell had gotten into him, because really… sit in the sun? Dean just needed to be somewhere other than a stupid motel room. He needed air and somewhere neutral.

They sat down and Dean took in a deep breath. "Sam, you can't just give up."

Sam looked away, annoyed and then turned back to him, a more somber look on his face. "There's something in me. It scares the hell out of me, Dean. The last couple of days, I caught another glimpse. I'm in no shape to be hunting. I need to step back, cause, I'm dangerous. What I did to that poor kid is proof enough of that."

Dean couldn't help but flashback to the little boy in Florida. That had been the last straw for Sam and if the truth be known, it was for him too. "That wasn't you're fault," he started to say automatically.

"Of course it was, Dean!" Sam stood from the picnic table.

"Hey," Dean said in an effort to get Sam to look at him. "It was an accident. You didn't mean…"

Sam started to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Dean shouted after him and got up to follow.

Sam just walked back to the motel and sat down on his bed. He looked like shit and Dean could see the look of defeat all over his face.

Okay," Dean said, resigned as he sat on the bed beside him. "We'll stop hunting."

"That's not the answer, Dean."

"Then what is?" He exploded. Weeks of low voices and nonjudgmental tones had come to the surface in just those three words.

Sam looked at him. It was a look that conveyed so many things. One of them being, that Dean already knew the answer to that. "Sam…" Dean shook his head slowly. "You're not the only one who's scared here, okay?"

"Dean." Sam swallowed hard. "I have to learn to control it or…"

"Or what?" Dean asked sharply. He really was frightened, too.

"I don't know why I came back like this, Dean. I mean…" A tear welled in Sam's eye. "To… to get back here, you know I had to do stuff and maybe…" His breath hitched. "Maybe this is some sort of curse or punishment or something, but… Dean, I can't just keep burning down trees and blowing up cars."

Dean smiled and huffed out a sad laugh. He knew Sam was right, but no matter which way he looked at it, it all amounted to the same thing. If Sam did this… If Sam consciously developed and used his powers then he was… He looked across at Sam and had to blink away the images his imagination conjured up. His fears invaded his dreams sometimes, but now they assaulted his waking life, too.

"Dean?" Sam said, pulling Dean from his musings.

"I just can't, Sam. I won't let you…" Dean realized he was about to say something he shouldn't and stood up so his back was to his brother. Powers or not, Sam could read him. He would know.

"Can't what?" Sam moved to stand behind him.

"Forget it, Sam. It's nothing." He turned to face Sam with the best neutral face he could muster.

"You were about to say something, Dean. You won't let me what?"

Dean kept his game-face on. He just stared at Sam, but he was right. Sam could read him, powers or no.

"You won't let me become a monster?" Sam's voice broke and his breath hitched. "Is that it?"

Dean didn't answer straight away. He simply met his brother's eyes, hoping beyond hope, that Sam would understand and not hate him for it.

Sam turned and walked out. Dean followed him into lobby of the motel.

"Hey," Dean finally said, when he caught up. "Can this just… you know, wait for morning?" He couldn't quite meet Sam's eyes. "Please, Sam?" He forced in a calming breath. "I don't know about you, but I could go for a beer."

Sam looked at him. His face pale and his voice pained. He seemed to struggle to get the words out."I might take a walk," he said and just left.

Dean went back to the room and laid down on the bed. He just stared up at the ceiling for god knows how long. He didn't let sleep take him until he heard Sam return a few hours later.

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When Sam returned, he found Dean was laying fully clothed on top of the bed. He knew his brother wasn't really sleeping, but Sam went through the motions of getting undressed and into bed, anyhow.

Sam waited until Dean was sound asleep before he left again. He didn't bother to pack. Couldn't risk waking his brother. He just took his coat and grabbed his wallet and cell. With one last glance at the sleeping form on the bed, Sam closed a huge chapter in his life with the click of the door behind him.

Sam stole a car and just started driving. He didn't know where he was heading, so he kept to the back roads. He couldn't take the risk of getting too upset. What if he was near something or even worse, someone, when all his grief came barreling out of him?

As much as he really loved Dean. He had come to the realization that he couldn't do it anymore. Dean had always looked at him like he was a freak and Sam had never liked it, but last night, the way he'd looked at Sam it had sent Sam over the edge. It was one thing to call him a monster when he was drinking demon blood, but this… this was something he had no control over. A by product from being in hell, but Dean still thought of him, looked at him… that way. His leaving was no longer just about keeping Dean and others safe from him. It was about keeping him safe from the one thing that could bring Sam to his knees.

Dean's accusing eyes.

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"So he just took off in the middle of the night?" Bobby asked.

"That's what I said," Dean said snidely. He was tired. It took him all night to get to Bobby's. He needed someone to tell him he was doing the right thing.

"But why, I don't get---,"

"Because I wouldn't let him use his mojo. Because I told him he'd be a monster and I couldn't do it. Because…" Dean sighed.

"You called Sam a monster?"

"No!" Dean moved to look out of the window. "Not exactly."

"Aw, Dean. What'cha go and do that for?"

"I didn't mean to." He felt anger and frustration building. "But you know what, Bobby. Sam is the one who left." He keeps leaving me. "He's the one who wouldn't stick around to try and figure something out. He's the one---,"

"Would you just listen to yourself, boy? Now just get on the phone and call him. Tell him you're sorry and to get his ass back here."

Dean continued to stare out the window. He thought about Sam sneaking out. He freaking snuck out! Damn you, Sam. How could you do this to me?

"Dean?" Bobby said. "Dean? Are you listening to a word I said?"

"Yeah I heard ya… I'm not calling him."

"Don't make me get my gun, boy."

Dean turned around to face Bobby and then moved to a chair. Somewhere deep inside he knew that this wasn't Sam's fault. Like everything else, it was probably his, but Sam had betrayed him. He left… Again! Using his freak powers were more important, Dean concluded. A defense mechanism, maybe, but to Dean at that moment, irreconcilably true.

"Well I am sick and tired of chasing him," he said as he sat down. "Screw him. He can do what he wants."

"You don't mean that."

"Yes I do, Bobby. Sam's gone. He's gone. I'm not even sure if he's still my brother anymore." Dean looked down at his hands and added, "If he ever was."

"Dean," Bobby said sternly.

"It's true, Bobby. Other hunters already have Sam in their sights."

Bobby looked at him with pity in his eyes.

"What?" Dean said angrily. "He's not just 'different' now, Bobby. Don't you get it? He's gonna turn into something even I would want to hunt."

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Weeks had turned into months, but there wasn't a day go by, hell, there was hardly an hour go by without Dean thinking about Sam. It was like when he'd lost him to the pit all over again. The days had seemed endless and even Lisa hadn't been able to fill the void. Dean sighed. Ben had come close, though.

He often wished that Sam hadn't found his way back. At least then he wouldn't know that Sam was out there somewhere… alone. He thought about calling him a hundred times a day, but he never did.

"They call pride one of the seven deadly sins for a reason, Dean."

Dean startled at the voice, so unfamiliar these days. "Cas?"

Castiel smiled his lopsided grin and moved into view. "Hello, Dean."

Dean couldn't help the frown or the anger in his voice. "Where the hell have you been?"

"In heaven." Castiel looked at him strangely.

"I know that, Cas, but… You came back. You gave Bobby a book to give to Sam."

"Yes."

Dean huffed and moved forward. "Well, we couldn't read it. Couldn't decipher it. Why didn't you hang around? Why didn't you let Bobby call us?"

"Sam couldn't read it?" Castiel looked perplexed.

"No. He tried to, several times as a matter of fact, but zip." Dean studied Castiel's face.

"Oh…"

"Oh? Dean growled out. It was a relief to finally have someone to vent to. "What was it?" He didn't wait for an answer, before he seethed, "Do you know what happened to Sam? About all that psychic, mojo crap he brought back with him from hell?"

"You seem angry?" Castiel tilted his head in just that way. That familiar, and missed, expression of innocence on his face. He genuinely could not understand the reason why Dean was so pissed.

Dean tried to contain himself, because really, Castiel really should have checked in. That's what friends did, didn't it? Dean justified his hostility to himself. You left me too.

Cas smiled. "I'm here now, Dean."

Dean grinned. He couldn't help it. "Did you just like… read my mind or something?"

"No." Castiel frowned like it was a strange question to ask. "I didn't intercept your thoughts… Why would you ask such a question?"

Dean huffed out a real laugh. He couldn't stay mad at him for too long. He was one of the good guys, Dean reminded himself.

Even though Dean felt guilty about being angry. The fact was despite everything, he was really happy to see the angel.

He leaned forward and patted Castiel's shoulder firmly. "Don't…" He grinned at the angel. "Don't ever change."

Uncharacteristically and on impulse, Dean grabbed Castiel and hugged the living daylights out of him. "I'm sorry, man," he whispered. He was genuinely surprised at how relieved he felt. "It's really really good to see you." He stepped back and unconsciously looked for a sign of forgiveness in the angel's eyes.

"Sam should have been able to read the book," he informed. "It's…." Cas seemed to struggle for the translation. "It's Enochian for beginners."

"Huh," Dean said mainly as a throw-a-way line. "I guess that Ash had to become fluent somehow."

"He skipped straight to level 8."

Dean raised an amused eyebrow. "Really? Good ol' Ash."

"So what level book did you give Sam?"

"Level three."

Dean tried to do the calculations in his head. "Out of a possible, what?" he asked.

"Your fluent would be our level twenty," Castiel explained. "Maybe I am to blame for miscalculating Sam's literacy skills."

Dean scratched his head. "Why does Sam have to learn to read Enochian, anyhow?" He wished it'd been his first question.

"I cannot pinpoint Sam's whereabouts, but I am now able to find the general vicinity."

Castiel avoided the question, but before Dean could bring him back to the point, a flash of light caused Dean to squint. The wind picked up super fast and he thought he could feel a raindrop on his face.

Dean turned sharply and suddenly they were on some unknown street in some unknown town.

"Where are we?" Dean asked without waiting for an answer. He started to dig around in his jeans pocket for his phone.

"Sam is on his way here," Castiel explained.

"Yep." Dean bit back the feeling of pride that threatened to settle in his belly. He hit Sam's number and held his breath.

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Sam wasn't exactly sure what to do when he saw Dean's name on the display of his cell. He was in the car, on his way to a job. He needed to stay focused and for the slightest of moments, Sam thought about not picking up.

"Dean?"

"Sammy?"

"Hey," Dean said and he sounded hesitant.

"I'm in Laurence," Dean informed, checking he was right by Castiel's response. "It seems it's gotta end where it all started."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam knee jerked, but then… "Wait, Laurence?"

Dean drew in a breath. He was nervous and he couldn't keep still. Castiel had returned him to a motel room, but Castiel had not come along, Dean explained.

Sam frowned. He was on his way to Kansas. He hadn't exactly planned to go anywhere near Laurence, but really, it was only an extra forty minute drive.

"I'm close," Sam said as he listened to the squeak of the windshield wipers on the vehicle. "But if Castiel was there then I guess you know that?"

"Yeah," Dean laughed. "Apparently he's important enough now that he can kind of locate us, even with our ribs all tattooed."

"Did you ask him about the book?"

"Yeah…" Dean went quiet for a moment. "It's a… Well it's a reading book, according to Castiel."

"Well then why can't I read it?" Sam felt familiar frustration hit him. "Look," Sam continued. "Is there, I mean…" Sam was embarrassed to come right out and ask Dean if he was inviting him back.

Sam heard the squeak of a bed and then Dean was saying a motel name and room number. "Get back here ,okay?"

Sam had already turned the car in his brother's direction, but he couldn't let Dean just order him about anymore. "Is that all you've got to say?" There was a bitter tinge in his tone. "Nothing else?"

"Sammy," Dean said with both authority and vulnerability in his voice. "Can we… Just not."

"Dean, I… I'm not prepared to make the same mistakes all over again. I'm… I'm… I'm pretty good at doing things now," Sam knew his voice was trembling. "It… It's actually kind of funny really."

"What things?" It only took a second for the big brother mode to come pouring out. "What are you doing, Sammy?" A hint of panic laced every word.

"It's okay, Dean. Really. It didn't take as long as thought to find a balance."

"Oh really? Dean asked and Sam wasn't sure if he sounded pleased or pissed.

"You know what?" Sam said. "You know the dirt road just under the Cower Bridge? Let's meet there tomorrow morning. Say about nine?"

"Why don't you just come straight to the motel?"

"I…" Sam stood up for himself. "I want to meet somewhere neutral, Dean."

There was a long silence and Sam wouldn't have been sure Dean was still there, if not for the sound of his quiet breathing.

"Nine AM it is," Dean eventually said. "I'll be there."

Sam knew Dean was about to hang up. "Dean, wait. Don't hang up!"

"Yeah?"

"One question," Sam asked seriously.

"Shoot."

"Now you know for sure… I'm…"

"Something different?" Dean interjected with a small laugh. "You've always been a freak."

Sam wanted to retaliate, but there was so much affection in Dean's words he just said, "Yeah. Do you think you can handle it?"

"I know I can, Sammy." He sounded sure. "And when you get here…" There was a pause.

"Dean?" Sam prompted. He heard Dean's breath hitch and he could tell Dean was crying. "Hey…"

"Sammy, Castiel is gonna come back and explain things. It's gonna be different this time."

"How do you know?"

"It really is just you growing up," Dean said abstractly. "Please, just…" His voice broke.

"I…" Sam drew in a calming breath. "I don't think I could take it if you look at me that way." He was being as honest as he knew how to be.

"What way?" Dean asked defensively.

It was Sam's turn to let the silence do the talking.

"Castiel said your powers are growing because…"

"Because I'm becoming an angel."

Dean gasped. "You know?"

"Yeah," Sam said softly. "I figured it out eventually."

Dean had a laugh in his voice, clear relief shone through. "Well I can get on board with that."

Sam smiled as he put his foot down on the accelerator. He could, too.

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Dean squinted against the sun in the distance. It was almost nine and Sam would be turning into the road anytime. He recognized the rumblings in his stomach as nerves. He was only gonna get one shot at this, so he had to get it right.

He tried to control his breathing when he finally saw Sam in the distance. His heart was hammering and he really wasn't quite sure why fear coursed through his veins. This re-birth that Castiel spoke about. It explained most of all that had happened, but would that be enough for Sam to forgive him?

"Hey," Dean said softly when Sam walked to stand in front of him.

"Hey yourself," Sam answered.

"So you're an angel, huh?" Dean just blurted out.

"More like an apprentice, I guess," Sam corrected.

Dean nodded and tried not to stare, but he couldn't help it. He wasn't staring at his freak brother. The one time blood junky, who'd killed demons with just a thought. He also wasn't looking at the 'apprentice' angel standing in front of him. He looked healthy and strong, but his eyes gave him away. He was as needy as Dean was.

The man in front of him was none of those things. The man… Dean smiled to himself at the word… man, who was standing in front of him, was Sam. His Sammy, his brother, his soul mate.

Sure he'd felt a little creeped out when Ash had said that, but he knew what he'd meant and deep down, Dean knew it was true. He looked closely into his brother's eyes until they seemed to just be talking in telepathy.

"Forgive me, Sammy."

Forgive me, too, Dean."

It was the coward's way out. The connection he could share with Sam, with just a look. It meant he didn't have to put his feeling into words. Not one of his strong points. He forced himself to open his mouth anyhow. I love you. You're my brother and I'm not going anywhere. No. Dean unconsciously shook his head. Sam had already heard all of that.

Dean stood to his full height. Never in a million years did he ever think he would be uttering words like this. Powers were fine.

"I need to talk to you, Sammy, 'cause…" He smiled warmly. "I have something different to say."

THE END.

AN: Well, what did you think? Fancy that, I actually wrote honest to god, "Gen"… LOL Really hope you enjoyed? *hugs you all* Z


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