Random rants after a tiresome day...
What a long day. I think that the highlight was sitting at a complete stop on the 5 right after the 118 for 20 minutes. Completely stopped. Some idiot thought that it would be fun to take a stroll on the freeway, causing the CHP to close all lanes... asshole.
There is something really truly amazing about how much time changes everything… how something that is so prominent one day can be gone the next. How it almost seems that this year alone, I’ve lived four completely different lives for certain periods of time, and I will continue to live more. People say that they can’t believe that so much time has passed, but I can’t believe how little has passed… how much has changed in so short a time. And it scares me to think about how much it is going to continue to change… not that I am afraid of change, it’s good, it keeps life interesting, but I’m really scared to think about how much I am going to lose in the process… how many people that I used to be close to are going to forget that I exist…
And I hate that I am slowly losing myself. I can’t be me anymore. I always have to be careful of what I say, what I do, what I think… have to constantly be aware of the fact that someone is not going to approve, in one way or another… and you slowly lose yourself… you put on so many masks that you don’t remember where to find the real you anymore… yeah that sounds so stupid but I can’t think of how else to say it…
And so much shit has happened lately. My eyes have been opened to so much, and it’s rather overwhelming. Sometimes you just want/need someone to talk to and rant to about shit, but then you turn around and realize that no one is there. No one can give that to you…
Wow. I started this out by wanting to write about so much. And now I just don’t have the energy. And gah I’m being bugged yet again on AIM. Never fails. Haha. It’s funny actually. He makes an effort to talk to me everyday… just makes you think. From the people that you would expect it…
K. Enough. I am done with this now. I am going to bed. I’m working 13 hours straight tomorrow, and probably sitting in 5 hours of traffic on top of that (sadly, not exaggerating), so I need sleep. And there won’t be time to think tomorrow anyway… one of the perks of the job…
There is something really truly amazing about how much time changes everything… how something that is so prominent one day can be gone the next. How it almost seems that this year alone, I’ve lived four completely different lives for certain periods of time, and I will continue to live more. People say that they can’t believe that so much time has passed, but I can’t believe how little has passed… how much has changed in so short a time. And it scares me to think about how much it is going to continue to change… not that I am afraid of change, it’s good, it keeps life interesting, but I’m really scared to think about how much I am going to lose in the process… how many people that I used to be close to are going to forget that I exist…
And I hate that I am slowly losing myself. I can’t be me anymore. I always have to be careful of what I say, what I do, what I think… have to constantly be aware of the fact that someone is not going to approve, in one way or another… and you slowly lose yourself… you put on so many masks that you don’t remember where to find the real you anymore… yeah that sounds so stupid but I can’t think of how else to say it…
And so much shit has happened lately. My eyes have been opened to so much, and it’s rather overwhelming. Sometimes you just want/need someone to talk to and rant to about shit, but then you turn around and realize that no one is there. No one can give that to you…
Wow. I started this out by wanting to write about so much. And now I just don’t have the energy. And gah I’m being bugged yet again on AIM. Never fails. Haha. It’s funny actually. He makes an effort to talk to me everyday… just makes you think. From the people that you would expect it…
K. Enough. I am done with this now. I am going to bed. I’m working 13 hours straight tomorrow, and probably sitting in 5 hours of traffic on top of that (sadly, not exaggerating), so I need sleep. And there won’t be time to think tomorrow anyway… one of the perks of the job…