Bobbsey Twins Liveblog 2009: So It Continues
Chapter Two: The Mystery Visitor
We last saw our heroes leaping to the conclusion that smugglers had taken a box of valuables--valuables so valuable that Toony had just left them on the dock in plain view while he was scooping up the Bobbsey family. Bert asks for elaboration on the box, and Toony asks for elaboration on the smugglers. Bert explains, and Toony supposes that "a person who would try to cheat Uncle Sam out of money could be a thief too." Here that, young, impressionable readers? Anyone who tries to cheat Uncle Sam out of anything is a monster, because Uncle Sam is always in the right. Mrs. Bobbsey points out that there are several non-smugglers on the island who could have moved the box, which cheers everyone up as they head to the house.
Flossie sees an iron statue of a dog on the front lawn and loses her shit.
When Flossie saw the statue, she ran over and threw her arms around it. "He looks just like Snap!" she cried. "Only he can't wag his tail." Behold, a sentence that doesn't end in an exclamation point (unlike this one)!
Hope takes a paragraph to explain that back home, the Bobbseys have three pets: two dogs and a cat. Hope also takes the opportunity to say that while the twins were sorry the pets couldn't come with them on their adventure, they had no fears for the pets' health because "Dinah and Sam Johnson, the jolly colored couple who helped Mr. and Mrs. Bobbsey, had promised to take good care of them." Upon reading this sentence, I spewed Coke all over the pages, and I hadn't even been drinking Coke. "Jolly," eh? Are they also magical, perhaps? It was a simpler time. Just keep repeating that to yourself. It's what I do.
Moving on. We meet Aunt Alice, who is "tall and dignified-looking," with "snowy-white hair," and other hyphenated things, no doubt. And we meet Trudy, who is "small and wiry and had snapping black eyes." We also meet Aunt Alice's house, which is octagonal and totally blows the kids' minds. They've never seen an eight-sided house before.
Trudy spoke with a twinkle in her eyes. "They don't have any dark corners in them, so the goblins have no place to hide!"
The twins laughed. They knew there were no goblins and that Trudy was teasing.
Was she? Was she? I guess we'll know if Nan is lured into the woods to a fiendish market, where she sucks on a whole lot of fruit.
Toony drops the bomb regarding the lost box, and Aunt Alice is upset. "Two of my most valuable possessions" were in the box, she explains. "A fashion doll and a wooden flute which belonged to our family in the time of the Revolutionary War." Flossie immediately perks at the word "doll," and Aunt Alice describes the doll's outfit: "a silk gown with a train and a little straw bonnet tied with a bow under her chin."
"She must be bee-yoo-ti-ful!" Flossie sighed. The first time she insisted on saying the word "beautiful" one syllable at a time, I thought she was just being obnoxious, but now I'm wondering if she doesn't have some sort of speech impediment.
After Aunt Alice heads back into the house, Toony confesses to his wife that he has an idea of who might have stolen the box: a local ne'er do well named "Slippery Jenks." Toony had once employed the man, but then fired him for stealing (though really, I'm not sure what else one would expect from an employee named "Slippery Jenks"), and now Slippery Jenks lives for nothing but the opportunity to make trouble for Toony. The twins are fairly confident that Slippery Jenks is the culprit, and want to charge right over to his house, but are hindered by the fact that it is dinnertime. Still, Flossie reassures Toony that they are great at solving mysteries.
Flossie was right. In The Goldfish Mystery the twins had gone to Japan with their parents, and during their visit had recovered a valuable bracelet which had been stolen from their hostess. And in Volcano Land they had found an ancient statue for a little Hawaiian girl. That's right, folks, Hope is not above plugging other Bobbsey Twins books in the text of a Bobbsey Twins book.
The twins are tuckered out from their traveling and head to bed shortly after dinner. But some hours later, Bert awakes to the sound of splashing oars. He peers out the window and sees someone with a flashlight mucking around by the shoreline. Freddie also wakes up and insists on accompanying Bert to check things out. Twice, Bert makes cursory attempts to keep Freddie by the house, where it's safe, but they both go something like this:
Bert: Maybe you should stay behind.
Freddie: No!
Bert: Well, all right.
It may seem like he has little regard for his young brother's safety, but it is not so, dear readers. Bert actually has little regard for anyone's safety, his own included.
The boys walked silently down the steps and out onto the lawn. They ran across the grass until they reached the shelter of the trees. Both could see the shadowy figure of a man moving along the edge of the sandy beach.
"Come on, let's get him!" Bert cried.
OMG!!!
The boys dashed toward the beach. They leaped toward the man, and each grabbed one of his arms. But the next minute he shook himself free and ran across the narrow strip of sand. The stranger jumped into a boat and rowed rapidly away.
That's right, little gumshoes: if you spot a suspicious character, just run right up and grab him! He won't hurt you! No evildoer is a match for a preteen and a kindergartner!
Freddie and Bert can't wait to tell everyone what went happened, but politely wait until their mother prompts them. When Freddie breathlessly exclaims that they nearly caught a burglar last night, the adults express far more concern over the presence of a possible burglar than they do over the fact that two young boys attempted to physically take the burglar down by themselves. "You'd better tell us all about it, boys," is the closest thing to a scolding that Mrs. Bobbsey can manage. When Nan suggests they go look for clues, their mother firmly tells them to finish their breakfasts, first. It's nice to see she has them so well in hand.
The twins all head to the beach to look for clues, but only find a silver button. Aunt Alice doesn't recognize it, but Toony does:
"Where did that come from?" he asked in surprise.
"Nan found it on the beach," Bert said. "Do you know whose it is?"
"Sure! It belongs to Slippery Jenks!"
DUN DUN DUNNNNN!
So ends chapter two.
We last saw our heroes leaping to the conclusion that smugglers had taken a box of valuables--valuables so valuable that Toony had just left them on the dock in plain view while he was scooping up the Bobbsey family. Bert asks for elaboration on the box, and Toony asks for elaboration on the smugglers. Bert explains, and Toony supposes that "a person who would try to cheat Uncle Sam out of money could be a thief too." Here that, young, impressionable readers? Anyone who tries to cheat Uncle Sam out of anything is a monster, because Uncle Sam is always in the right. Mrs. Bobbsey points out that there are several non-smugglers on the island who could have moved the box, which cheers everyone up as they head to the house.
Flossie sees an iron statue of a dog on the front lawn and loses her shit.
When Flossie saw the statue, she ran over and threw her arms around it. "He looks just like Snap!" she cried. "Only he can't wag his tail." Behold, a sentence that doesn't end in an exclamation point (unlike this one)!
Hope takes a paragraph to explain that back home, the Bobbseys have three pets: two dogs and a cat. Hope also takes the opportunity to say that while the twins were sorry the pets couldn't come with them on their adventure, they had no fears for the pets' health because "Dinah and Sam Johnson, the jolly colored couple who helped Mr. and Mrs. Bobbsey, had promised to take good care of them." Upon reading this sentence, I spewed Coke all over the pages, and I hadn't even been drinking Coke. "Jolly," eh? Are they also magical, perhaps? It was a simpler time. Just keep repeating that to yourself. It's what I do.
Moving on. We meet Aunt Alice, who is "tall and dignified-looking," with "snowy-white hair," and other hyphenated things, no doubt. And we meet Trudy, who is "small and wiry and had snapping black eyes." We also meet Aunt Alice's house, which is octagonal and totally blows the kids' minds. They've never seen an eight-sided house before.
Trudy spoke with a twinkle in her eyes. "They don't have any dark corners in them, so the goblins have no place to hide!"
The twins laughed. They knew there were no goblins and that Trudy was teasing.
Was she? Was she? I guess we'll know if Nan is lured into the woods to a fiendish market, where she sucks on a whole lot of fruit.
Toony drops the bomb regarding the lost box, and Aunt Alice is upset. "Two of my most valuable possessions" were in the box, she explains. "A fashion doll and a wooden flute which belonged to our family in the time of the Revolutionary War." Flossie immediately perks at the word "doll," and Aunt Alice describes the doll's outfit: "a silk gown with a train and a little straw bonnet tied with a bow under her chin."
"She must be bee-yoo-ti-ful!" Flossie sighed. The first time she insisted on saying the word "beautiful" one syllable at a time, I thought she was just being obnoxious, but now I'm wondering if she doesn't have some sort of speech impediment.
After Aunt Alice heads back into the house, Toony confesses to his wife that he has an idea of who might have stolen the box: a local ne'er do well named "Slippery Jenks." Toony had once employed the man, but then fired him for stealing (though really, I'm not sure what else one would expect from an employee named "Slippery Jenks"), and now Slippery Jenks lives for nothing but the opportunity to make trouble for Toony. The twins are fairly confident that Slippery Jenks is the culprit, and want to charge right over to his house, but are hindered by the fact that it is dinnertime. Still, Flossie reassures Toony that they are great at solving mysteries.
Flossie was right. In The Goldfish Mystery the twins had gone to Japan with their parents, and during their visit had recovered a valuable bracelet which had been stolen from their hostess. And in Volcano Land they had found an ancient statue for a little Hawaiian girl. That's right, folks, Hope is not above plugging other Bobbsey Twins books in the text of a Bobbsey Twins book.
The twins are tuckered out from their traveling and head to bed shortly after dinner. But some hours later, Bert awakes to the sound of splashing oars. He peers out the window and sees someone with a flashlight mucking around by the shoreline. Freddie also wakes up and insists on accompanying Bert to check things out. Twice, Bert makes cursory attempts to keep Freddie by the house, where it's safe, but they both go something like this:
Bert: Maybe you should stay behind.
Freddie: No!
Bert: Well, all right.
It may seem like he has little regard for his young brother's safety, but it is not so, dear readers. Bert actually has little regard for anyone's safety, his own included.
The boys walked silently down the steps and out onto the lawn. They ran across the grass until they reached the shelter of the trees. Both could see the shadowy figure of a man moving along the edge of the sandy beach.
"Come on, let's get him!" Bert cried.
OMG!!!
The boys dashed toward the beach. They leaped toward the man, and each grabbed one of his arms. But the next minute he shook himself free and ran across the narrow strip of sand. The stranger jumped into a boat and rowed rapidly away.
That's right, little gumshoes: if you spot a suspicious character, just run right up and grab him! He won't hurt you! No evildoer is a match for a preteen and a kindergartner!
Freddie and Bert can't wait to tell everyone what went happened, but politely wait until their mother prompts them. When Freddie breathlessly exclaims that they nearly caught a burglar last night, the adults express far more concern over the presence of a possible burglar than they do over the fact that two young boys attempted to physically take the burglar down by themselves. "You'd better tell us all about it, boys," is the closest thing to a scolding that Mrs. Bobbsey can manage. When Nan suggests they go look for clues, their mother firmly tells them to finish their breakfasts, first. It's nice to see she has them so well in hand.
The twins all head to the beach to look for clues, but only find a silver button. Aunt Alice doesn't recognize it, but Toony does:
"Where did that come from?" he asked in surprise.
"Nan found it on the beach," Bert said. "Do you know whose it is?"
"Sure! It belongs to Slippery Jenks!"
DUN DUN DUNNNNN!
So ends chapter two.