"when life hands you lemons, make guacamole"
Thats a random thing I heard while walking on lexington uptown towards that bar, which was on the west side, dummy.
ugh, theyre arguing theology. not that I dislike that, i am just tired. ive been going to sleep after 2 a.m. but getting up for work at 730 a.m. Theyre just too energetic, ive been falling asleep while watching slings and arrows. whats that? its a canadian tv show about theatre, which is wonderfully true to life but also ridiculous and funny. it is well done. i is jus' tiard.
so i havent applied to FIT. i went to their open house and technically i do have the 800 bucks lying about that is needed for taking just two classes but i dunno. what with the economy and all, i feel wary. so i thought id just apply as an intern to fashion houses and get experience that way. i ended up creating a portfolio in a handful of days (kinda) for one interview, which was perfect for me but didn't go well, and I don't understand why it didn't. i know all the software needed, i know how to sketch and i know how to source materials. its cake. i had another interview, but i didnt like the designer's work so didn't go. maybe i should just get a design job or an office job and do the FIT thing later, when i feel less scared of the job and money world. which is never going to happen. you never know whats going to happen.
taking stuff back to the library, soraya grabbed me! i always get freaked out when i think i see someone i know in manhattan. its like seeing someone from a past life. i know that i am not the same. but i was so glad to see her! a bunch of us will get together, dunno when. that will be very nice.
i also saw brian! i walked right past the bar he invited me to in a sudden burst of nervousness, but then marched myself back and went into that place to see him and his friends, who i didnt know.
GUESS. WHAT. dan's ex was there, i have never met her, but as soon as i saw her, i just knew. when i told dan, he seemed angry...but anyway, brian and i talked for like an hour and then i left. he told me that a massage school was looking for instructors, but its in mt. kisco! it would be sooooo amazing to teach there but i don't know how i would travel there....he said seeing me, his "heart soars". i have a hard time understanding him a lot of the time. but at the same time, i feel like i get him. and he is such a kind, warm, person, a genuine one. we caught up. and he said something he remembered when we first met, about how. oh i remember. he asked if i ever finished school at Purchase. which, i did, i said i would and i did. he said that i had amazing strength, to do that. to leave, even though i felt it was maybe seen as not the Right Thing To Do, to go to massage school, and go back and finish. its always cool to hear how others see you and your actions. i didn't think i was strong at all. i felt like. i wanted to die. it was very hard. it destroyed many things about me, and for me, to do that.
but massage school helped me very much, and because of it, i can survive monetarily, here. and it led me to where i am now and who i am now, so i think it was the right thing for me.
my neck hurts.
i forget what else there is.
i would really like to see ari dan and jay in LA this summer. i feel nervous because. well, i havent seen her in years, literally! i feel like she will assume that i like things and do things and think things that i just don't anymore. and of course i don't want to be mean or rude or. what if she doesn't like me cuz i'm not the same? is she different now too? living in LA must change a person.
i can't remember anything that i wanted to write about.
ive been really bad about not exercising. it bothers me. too cold to run. and even tho i can do many crunches and sit ups and pushups, theyre. well, i hate them. i only do them cuz dan is doing them with me and encourages me and because sometimes i want to exercise. plus, im happy with how i look. but i always want to be able to run really far and stuff.
i just feel really tired and hungry and sleepy most of the time. im sure that i have that seasonal disorder thing going on. its really really annoying. i just want to sleep and eat and not move.
i worry about work. i worry just because the satisfaction i get isnt the same as getting, say, a good salary. i wonder if im getting too materialistic sometimes, or that i want to be more materialistic. that is, make more money so that i can buy more things. im hoping its just like uhm. that im dissatisfied about work or something and so want to fill that void with things that i like but dont (or cant or wont) buy cuz i dont have that amazing office job.
does it mean that i dont have good healthy goals? i worry that im not going anywhere, i worry that im too worried and am trying to go for things too high too quickly that i cant do... i just feel like i am clamoring for a more creative sort of expression, work. i want to learn new things. i want to learn jewelry design, i want to learn more about fashion design, heck, i am even curious about marketing and public relations work. you know what would be cool? learning how to make shoes. i always have wondered how to do that. you can't always see the construction, like in clothing. i miss acting too. slings and arrows is to blame for that. ah, rambling. i just want a different sort of work also. mmm.
maybe i will just...start temp work? just to remind myself of how much office work can bore a person?
i was telling brian about how people have to have something to complain about. i have it pretty good, i should stop my bitching.
do you ever wonder if there are signs, that guide you and tell you what to do?
at work, embarrassingly, my stomach rumbled so lengthily and loudly with a regular client that i wondered if i should run to the mcdonald's right after work, or go straight home to eat. i decided to go home instead of wasting money for fast food. at the station, i met a co-worker who basically lived right near me, which is rare. most people at work are from brooklyn. i thought, if i had gone to mcd's, i wouldn't gotten to chat with her the whole ride home. i think about signs alot. i think its interesting. what happens if you do one thing, or not something else. i think about what my life could be like if i hadn't done certain things, or if i had done others.
apparently there is a ransom theory concerning jesus god and the devil. it doesn't quite make sense to me.
the guys are practicing picking handcuff locks.
ian just came out to bludgeon me with a katana.
i crave snacks! mmm snacks. dan is. so. great. i've never experienced anything like it. i think i'm hungry again. goodness. rambling. tiiyerd.
i just remembered that i found a beer i like. well, rosie and roger got it for me, for catsitting. its ummm raspberry beer ale? god was it good.
i definitely drank two glasses of that stuff. that whole bottle lasted about an hour between three of us.
ugh, theyre arguing theology. not that I dislike that, i am just tired. ive been going to sleep after 2 a.m. but getting up for work at 730 a.m. Theyre just too energetic, ive been falling asleep while watching slings and arrows. whats that? its a canadian tv show about theatre, which is wonderfully true to life but also ridiculous and funny. it is well done. i is jus' tiard.
so i havent applied to FIT. i went to their open house and technically i do have the 800 bucks lying about that is needed for taking just two classes but i dunno. what with the economy and all, i feel wary. so i thought id just apply as an intern to fashion houses and get experience that way. i ended up creating a portfolio in a handful of days (kinda) for one interview, which was perfect for me but didn't go well, and I don't understand why it didn't. i know all the software needed, i know how to sketch and i know how to source materials. its cake. i had another interview, but i didnt like the designer's work so didn't go. maybe i should just get a design job or an office job and do the FIT thing later, when i feel less scared of the job and money world. which is never going to happen. you never know whats going to happen.
taking stuff back to the library, soraya grabbed me! i always get freaked out when i think i see someone i know in manhattan. its like seeing someone from a past life. i know that i am not the same. but i was so glad to see her! a bunch of us will get together, dunno when. that will be very nice.
i also saw brian! i walked right past the bar he invited me to in a sudden burst of nervousness, but then marched myself back and went into that place to see him and his friends, who i didnt know.
GUESS. WHAT. dan's ex was there, i have never met her, but as soon as i saw her, i just knew. when i told dan, he seemed angry...but anyway, brian and i talked for like an hour and then i left. he told me that a massage school was looking for instructors, but its in mt. kisco! it would be sooooo amazing to teach there but i don't know how i would travel there....he said seeing me, his "heart soars". i have a hard time understanding him a lot of the time. but at the same time, i feel like i get him. and he is such a kind, warm, person, a genuine one. we caught up. and he said something he remembered when we first met, about how. oh i remember. he asked if i ever finished school at Purchase. which, i did, i said i would and i did. he said that i had amazing strength, to do that. to leave, even though i felt it was maybe seen as not the Right Thing To Do, to go to massage school, and go back and finish. its always cool to hear how others see you and your actions. i didn't think i was strong at all. i felt like. i wanted to die. it was very hard. it destroyed many things about me, and for me, to do that.
but massage school helped me very much, and because of it, i can survive monetarily, here. and it led me to where i am now and who i am now, so i think it was the right thing for me.
my neck hurts.
i forget what else there is.
i would really like to see ari dan and jay in LA this summer. i feel nervous because. well, i havent seen her in years, literally! i feel like she will assume that i like things and do things and think things that i just don't anymore. and of course i don't want to be mean or rude or. what if she doesn't like me cuz i'm not the same? is she different now too? living in LA must change a person.
i can't remember anything that i wanted to write about.
ive been really bad about not exercising. it bothers me. too cold to run. and even tho i can do many crunches and sit ups and pushups, theyre. well, i hate them. i only do them cuz dan is doing them with me and encourages me and because sometimes i want to exercise. plus, im happy with how i look. but i always want to be able to run really far and stuff.
i just feel really tired and hungry and sleepy most of the time. im sure that i have that seasonal disorder thing going on. its really really annoying. i just want to sleep and eat and not move.
i worry about work. i worry just because the satisfaction i get isnt the same as getting, say, a good salary. i wonder if im getting too materialistic sometimes, or that i want to be more materialistic. that is, make more money so that i can buy more things. im hoping its just like uhm. that im dissatisfied about work or something and so want to fill that void with things that i like but dont (or cant or wont) buy cuz i dont have that amazing office job.
does it mean that i dont have good healthy goals? i worry that im not going anywhere, i worry that im too worried and am trying to go for things too high too quickly that i cant do... i just feel like i am clamoring for a more creative sort of expression, work. i want to learn new things. i want to learn jewelry design, i want to learn more about fashion design, heck, i am even curious about marketing and public relations work. you know what would be cool? learning how to make shoes. i always have wondered how to do that. you can't always see the construction, like in clothing. i miss acting too. slings and arrows is to blame for that. ah, rambling. i just want a different sort of work also. mmm.
maybe i will just...start temp work? just to remind myself of how much office work can bore a person?
i was telling brian about how people have to have something to complain about. i have it pretty good, i should stop my bitching.
do you ever wonder if there are signs, that guide you and tell you what to do?
at work, embarrassingly, my stomach rumbled so lengthily and loudly with a regular client that i wondered if i should run to the mcdonald's right after work, or go straight home to eat. i decided to go home instead of wasting money for fast food. at the station, i met a co-worker who basically lived right near me, which is rare. most people at work are from brooklyn. i thought, if i had gone to mcd's, i wouldn't gotten to chat with her the whole ride home. i think about signs alot. i think its interesting. what happens if you do one thing, or not something else. i think about what my life could be like if i hadn't done certain things, or if i had done others.
apparently there is a ransom theory concerning jesus god and the devil. it doesn't quite make sense to me.
the guys are practicing picking handcuff locks.
ian just came out to bludgeon me with a katana.
i crave snacks! mmm snacks. dan is. so. great. i've never experienced anything like it. i think i'm hungry again. goodness. rambling. tiiyerd.
i just remembered that i found a beer i like. well, rosie and roger got it for me, for catsitting. its ummm raspberry beer ale? god was it good.
i definitely drank two glasses of that stuff. that whole bottle lasted about an hour between three of us.