you don't want to feel the phantom punch
i have been meaning to write here...i was just reading a bit of the last update i wrote...sound like a weirdo. bleh.
the trainer thing, yeah...it was a good experience. hurt my knee during the first session, and it still aches in the morning and stuff like that, i was pissed about that...and great things happen when you exercise with a trainer...you butt looks and feel different (ewwthing to know, i know, im sorry)and i got some new body curves that werent there before. but ultimately i didnt feel comfortable enough with MHNT. i want to try to work with different trainers, but i guess thats a taboo or something. ive been trying to work out on my own, and with dan, tho for me it is difficult; after like 10 or 15 planks or whatever, i get bored. i need someone there with me, counting, pushing me, encouraging me. on the plus side, i can do things now that i couldnt do before physically, on the negative side, its slow going for me and i cant do pull ups without some assistance. blargh.
what else? i guess awhile back, way awhile back, i was going to lots of job interviews, for things that interested me and one job that really interested me was being a 'graphic arts' (a term that isn't what they think or mean it to mean) instructor for down on their luck kids-and those interviewing me really liked me! i tried so hard, but again, ultimately it didnt work out. i noticed how disorganized they were, professional-wise (which was driving me up a wall). i hated the hours they offered and some other things-but it wouldve been a great new thing to do.
now i am just sort of hanging out in my own job, reveling in its good points. i am doing pretty well there at work, i guess, as good as the economy will let me be. all my clients love me like whoa. i am sure there are some good stories in there, like uh...that one guy who kept grabbing my hands to look at their structure and guess what ethnicity i am.
i HATE that EQX is such a corporation, with its bullshit and its tendency for all its workers to be expendable-the turnover rate is a little terrifying to me. i try to keep my head down because there is also some unfairness going on, but one time i spoke up and they sort of took me aside to talk about how we all worked as a 'team'. Well, duh, but if something is unfair to one of the team, its going to affect others too. i cant stand bullshit, and i cant stand miscommunication and poor leading by managers, i am sorry.
i cant believe i have been living with these guys for eight months. that blows my mind.
dont get me wrong, i am still a neat person, but i have also adapted and relaxed if thats the right word, some.
i understand that these guys are messy and unreliable and cant clean or put things back or away to save their own lives. common sense is not in their vocabulary. i like them very well as the interesting adorable wonderful individuals they are, but as roommates i. well, i just shouldnt ever have roommates. i hate the word 'flake' that some jerk introduced me to some years back, but i see that most people, and companies, too, are that. i understand that i have to take the ball alot, but whatever, i can still bitch about it, i have the right as someone who has to do that which others will not. i do not really feel so bitter about it now, is all. annoyed but not bitter.
i think i would walk through many fires and messes to be with my love, who is, as always, amazing.
while working in our garden, as soon as he hears the ice cream truck tinkle, he grabs me an italian ice cup. when i had my eyes examined and dilated so much that i couldnt almost make it home, he came home from work with an ice cream cone and sunglasses for me. he brings me roses and before they died, we crystalised the petals with sugar and put them in smoothies and on top of brownies. he makes me smoothies. he always serves me dinner, he listens to me. i think he understands me more than anyone ever has before. he knows stuff about me that is embarrassing to me. he dances, he sings. i can do anything in front of him and its okay. he does things everyday to make sure i know he cares for and loves me. there are so many things i know i am leaving out. its not just the things he brings me, its him. its when even the thought of a person can calm your anxious heartbeat, or on a sad day, you think of him or see his huge smile and there is no sadness in the world. its when your body is hurt and aching from sickness or physical tiredness but when you hug him, you feel just. better, somehow. magically.
one time, he was sick, so i stayed home with home, maybe i said this already. i stayed home with him and attended on him. i started to feel sick myself, so close to him i was and wanted to be. i wanted to take it away you know?
i hung out with pixy. we worry about Ari and her mysterious situation. i am going to start volunteering at an animal shelter. i wonder about going back to school, volunteering this summer abroad, and money. when can i start not worrying about the recession? when will it be over? i want to do stuff with my money. i think i may go back to school but if its gonna recession forever, i want to know about it. i think i am beginning to be a better person in some ways (haha in other ways not so!) and i really like...me. or at least, i understand me better. i wonder about everyone, so many people i dont talk to. i just. i hate using the phone so i dont. i need face to face contact more. i want to get back into my projects. i cant believe its effing spring! i saw sakura in central park! and a pair of cardinals!
i dunno what else to say, isnt this enough?
the trainer thing, yeah...it was a good experience. hurt my knee during the first session, and it still aches in the morning and stuff like that, i was pissed about that...and great things happen when you exercise with a trainer...you butt looks and feel different (ewwthing to know, i know, im sorry)and i got some new body curves that werent there before. but ultimately i didnt feel comfortable enough with MHNT. i want to try to work with different trainers, but i guess thats a taboo or something. ive been trying to work out on my own, and with dan, tho for me it is difficult; after like 10 or 15 planks or whatever, i get bored. i need someone there with me, counting, pushing me, encouraging me. on the plus side, i can do things now that i couldnt do before physically, on the negative side, its slow going for me and i cant do pull ups without some assistance. blargh.
what else? i guess awhile back, way awhile back, i was going to lots of job interviews, for things that interested me and one job that really interested me was being a 'graphic arts' (a term that isn't what they think or mean it to mean) instructor for down on their luck kids-and those interviewing me really liked me! i tried so hard, but again, ultimately it didnt work out. i noticed how disorganized they were, professional-wise (which was driving me up a wall). i hated the hours they offered and some other things-but it wouldve been a great new thing to do.
now i am just sort of hanging out in my own job, reveling in its good points. i am doing pretty well there at work, i guess, as good as the economy will let me be. all my clients love me like whoa. i am sure there are some good stories in there, like uh...that one guy who kept grabbing my hands to look at their structure and guess what ethnicity i am.
i HATE that EQX is such a corporation, with its bullshit and its tendency for all its workers to be expendable-the turnover rate is a little terrifying to me. i try to keep my head down because there is also some unfairness going on, but one time i spoke up and they sort of took me aside to talk about how we all worked as a 'team'. Well, duh, but if something is unfair to one of the team, its going to affect others too. i cant stand bullshit, and i cant stand miscommunication and poor leading by managers, i am sorry.
i cant believe i have been living with these guys for eight months. that blows my mind.
dont get me wrong, i am still a neat person, but i have also adapted and relaxed if thats the right word, some.
i understand that these guys are messy and unreliable and cant clean or put things back or away to save their own lives. common sense is not in their vocabulary. i like them very well as the interesting adorable wonderful individuals they are, but as roommates i. well, i just shouldnt ever have roommates. i hate the word 'flake' that some jerk introduced me to some years back, but i see that most people, and companies, too, are that. i understand that i have to take the ball alot, but whatever, i can still bitch about it, i have the right as someone who has to do that which others will not. i do not really feel so bitter about it now, is all. annoyed but not bitter.
i think i would walk through many fires and messes to be with my love, who is, as always, amazing.
while working in our garden, as soon as he hears the ice cream truck tinkle, he grabs me an italian ice cup. when i had my eyes examined and dilated so much that i couldnt almost make it home, he came home from work with an ice cream cone and sunglasses for me. he brings me roses and before they died, we crystalised the petals with sugar and put them in smoothies and on top of brownies. he makes me smoothies. he always serves me dinner, he listens to me. i think he understands me more than anyone ever has before. he knows stuff about me that is embarrassing to me. he dances, he sings. i can do anything in front of him and its okay. he does things everyday to make sure i know he cares for and loves me. there are so many things i know i am leaving out. its not just the things he brings me, its him. its when even the thought of a person can calm your anxious heartbeat, or on a sad day, you think of him or see his huge smile and there is no sadness in the world. its when your body is hurt and aching from sickness or physical tiredness but when you hug him, you feel just. better, somehow. magically.
one time, he was sick, so i stayed home with home, maybe i said this already. i stayed home with him and attended on him. i started to feel sick myself, so close to him i was and wanted to be. i wanted to take it away you know?
i hung out with pixy. we worry about Ari and her mysterious situation. i am going to start volunteering at an animal shelter. i wonder about going back to school, volunteering this summer abroad, and money. when can i start not worrying about the recession? when will it be over? i want to do stuff with my money. i think i may go back to school but if its gonna recession forever, i want to know about it. i think i am beginning to be a better person in some ways (haha in other ways not so!) and i really like...me. or at least, i understand me better. i wonder about everyone, so many people i dont talk to. i just. i hate using the phone so i dont. i need face to face contact more. i want to get back into my projects. i cant believe its effing spring! i saw sakura in central park! and a pair of cardinals!
i dunno what else to say, isnt this enough?