sitting here

alone.

it seems like

there is a shadow over everything.

to tired for motivation.

4 weeks.

i could probably count them forever.

the world is neither fair nor unfair ( Read more... )

i wish this all were some sort of cruel wretched joke. then maybe you would come back. i'd give anything ( Read more... )

Panda, Me, and Matthew...this was long before we were ever together..i hadnt veiwed my files on my hardrive in like 2 years or something..anyway..even though we were not together in this picture..we had NO idea what the future held....i am just really excited i found this.


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is this supposed to get easier??? i feel like stone. i feel like i am NOT supposed to wake up. i hate that its beautiful outside...every flower i've seen , sometimes i just want to stomp it because Matthew cant be here to appreciate it. Today was my first day back at work and i stayed till 12 and then i left...normally i'd come home..and i'd see ( Read more... )

i remember sitting on my front porch with you in c-ville the day you came to help me paint...and we were talking about music...and you asked me if I like theatre of tragedy..and i was like FUCK YEAH i do...cause at one point I was really into them a few years ago. I remember getting really excited because I didnt know anyone else who liked them... ( Read more... )

I cant really express it enough. I am angry and I want to run around and reak havoc on the world because my world was torn up. Most people have the person they love to go home with and to lean on and to be there. And mine is gone...Matthew is gone. To all who has been there for me...you all have done so much..and I greatly appreciate it..and this ( Read more... )

torment.

i am losing my mind.

i am tryin to get through a day where i dont completely freak out..and want to smash the world around me.

but you still try and flicker lights. which comforts me.

i wake up ( Read more... )