thank you for the venom
So. I need to take a math exam to get my high-school diploma and get into university. I contacted my old math teacher who's kind of a friend, too. We had our first class today and had a chat and dinner when it ended.
During the class I remembered some things he used to do in class which bothered me, and decided to get another teacher. Sometimes he misses something or when I solve something he's checking his phone and not 100% with me, so if I ask if I'm doing it right he answers without actually listening to me so I end up struggling with something that ends up wrong because he didn't listen to my question when I thought my way of solution might be wrong. Other times he says I missed a detail he didn't explain, when I tell him he didn't explain he says he did even though he didn't.
So after the class we chatted. He talked about a date he was on with a girl (he usually does). She's 23, my age, (he's 32) and he won't see her again because she's not pretty enough. I asked if dating girls this young is smart, since while they may have hobbies or whatever in common, they're in different places in their life and their experience is different which might be a big gap. He said it's no problem.
I asked if the girl has to be 10/10, he said no, but she does have to be eye candy. I was...actually, I was angry that he says 'eye candy' seriously (it's not really a thing I say, but when I say it I don't say it seriously, like that's all the person IS). I debated my opinion, that I can date someone I'm attracted to, but they don't have to be gorgeous, it's enough that they're aesthetic and their character, humor and intelligence will do the rest for them to appear attractive in my eye.
He said that yeah, maybe, but then obviously he'll keep wondering if maybe he can do better, get someone better looking.
I put how horrified I was aside and tried to suggest that maybe he'll have more in common with someone his age, because if he dates pretty young girls, it won't be enough and of course he'll focus on their looks because he doesn't choose them for their character. If he picks someone his age, someone he has more in common with, the looks won't be as important and he can have a serious relationship, as it is what he's looking for.
Furthermore, it makes sense that people date people on level with them. If one person is beautiful, it will be easier if the other person is beautiful, too, just the way it makes sense for an intelligent person to date someone intelligent, etc,.
He ignored that and said he doesn't date girls his age because they're jaded and cynical. They reached that age alone, probably for a reason, and likely they have major issues because they dated and were hurt time and time again.
I barely contained my anger and asked him if he's jaded, cynical and hurt, has major issues and reminded him he reached the same age alone, too, and when a person reaches a certain age partner less, there can be a hundred reasons for that - a focus on career or school, being abroad, even bad luck. Also, he has issues, too, so maybe he shouldn't judge, because EVERYONE has issues.
He said he's not jaded and cynical because he's flexible, and most people aren't.
I said he's not as flexible as he thinks he is because the fact is, he won't settle for someone who doesn't hang off of his arm for everyone to see what a stud he is for getting a beautiful girl (issue: insecure, hi) and if he IS flexible, he's probably not the only person in the world who is, because let's face it, must people are not super special snowflakes.
Then he explained to me that women are not as strong as men, because they get attached emotionally, and get hurt.
I told him that it might not be as likely as he thinks it is for a woman to trust easily if she always knows the man in front of her is stronger than her, and before she gets to know him she has to keep in mind somewhere to watch out in case he might be a serial rapist or something. Woman have to take into account that they're always vulnerable, that society views them as less than men and treats them so, they have to work twice as hard as men do to get acknowledged, and on top of minding their career they're almost always the ones to care for the house and the children, too, so in fact they work at least thrice as hard as their husband does, usually.
So maybe we're not as weak as he thinks we are because, unlike what he thinks, we don't work to pretty ourselves up and then the world gives us a man to take care of everything else for us. And trusting? Maybe not as much as he thinks so. Not when woman are more likely to be the victims of slants, sexual, physical and verbal assault.
He didn't take me seriously, accused me of being cynical and jaded and proving his point, and kept making cracks. I told him he's not hearing me out and keeps interrupting, and that he's using humor as a way to avoid facing the issue and taking it seriously, because it might be uncomfortable for him to hear a different opinion and to contemplate it.
Then he told me I'm escaping to 'feminist rage'; I told him he's being chauvinistic, and that in no way being a feminist is an insult to me, because I AM a feminist, I believe that woman deserve the same rights men get, and I don't see anything wrong with that line of thought.
Pretty quick he escaped to the bus.
I heard him make homophobic, racist and chauvinistic cracks before, but I assumed he was joking. Maybe I wasn't looking hard enough to make sure he was. Next time, I'll look hard enough.
So, no more teacher of mine, no more friend of mine.
I was really angry but now that I wrote it down I feel better. He's an idiot, he's wrong. I AM strong, and I think I'm stronger than he is, because at least I'm strong enough to keep my mind open and listen to opinions different from mine, even if they make me uncomfortable, even, and especially if it makes me think and take a long hard look at myself and consider that I might be wrong.
So fuck him. (I had to end at an immature note, huh? I'm fine with that.)
I'm keeping this entry open for the world to see, because I did good today and I'm really proud of myself for the way I handled it - I was harsh on him because I was angry, but not harsh enough that he'd shut down and get defensive and won't hear a word I'm saying. He didn't listen, but it might stay with him, hopefully, and that's not the point - the point is that I didn't yell at him the way I wanted to, I knew what to answer and how to answer and DID.
During the class I remembered some things he used to do in class which bothered me, and decided to get another teacher. Sometimes he misses something or when I solve something he's checking his phone and not 100% with me, so if I ask if I'm doing it right he answers without actually listening to me so I end up struggling with something that ends up wrong because he didn't listen to my question when I thought my way of solution might be wrong. Other times he says I missed a detail he didn't explain, when I tell him he didn't explain he says he did even though he didn't.
So after the class we chatted. He talked about a date he was on with a girl (he usually does). She's 23, my age, (he's 32) and he won't see her again because she's not pretty enough. I asked if dating girls this young is smart, since while they may have hobbies or whatever in common, they're in different places in their life and their experience is different which might be a big gap. He said it's no problem.
I asked if the girl has to be 10/10, he said no, but she does have to be eye candy. I was...actually, I was angry that he says 'eye candy' seriously (it's not really a thing I say, but when I say it I don't say it seriously, like that's all the person IS). I debated my opinion, that I can date someone I'm attracted to, but they don't have to be gorgeous, it's enough that they're aesthetic and their character, humor and intelligence will do the rest for them to appear attractive in my eye.
He said that yeah, maybe, but then obviously he'll keep wondering if maybe he can do better, get someone better looking.
I put how horrified I was aside and tried to suggest that maybe he'll have more in common with someone his age, because if he dates pretty young girls, it won't be enough and of course he'll focus on their looks because he doesn't choose them for their character. If he picks someone his age, someone he has more in common with, the looks won't be as important and he can have a serious relationship, as it is what he's looking for.
Furthermore, it makes sense that people date people on level with them. If one person is beautiful, it will be easier if the other person is beautiful, too, just the way it makes sense for an intelligent person to date someone intelligent, etc,.
He ignored that and said he doesn't date girls his age because they're jaded and cynical. They reached that age alone, probably for a reason, and likely they have major issues because they dated and were hurt time and time again.
I barely contained my anger and asked him if he's jaded, cynical and hurt, has major issues and reminded him he reached the same age alone, too, and when a person reaches a certain age partner less, there can be a hundred reasons for that - a focus on career or school, being abroad, even bad luck. Also, he has issues, too, so maybe he shouldn't judge, because EVERYONE has issues.
He said he's not jaded and cynical because he's flexible, and most people aren't.
I said he's not as flexible as he thinks he is because the fact is, he won't settle for someone who doesn't hang off of his arm for everyone to see what a stud he is for getting a beautiful girl (issue: insecure, hi) and if he IS flexible, he's probably not the only person in the world who is, because let's face it, must people are not super special snowflakes.
Then he explained to me that women are not as strong as men, because they get attached emotionally, and get hurt.
I told him that it might not be as likely as he thinks it is for a woman to trust easily if she always knows the man in front of her is stronger than her, and before she gets to know him she has to keep in mind somewhere to watch out in case he might be a serial rapist or something. Woman have to take into account that they're always vulnerable, that society views them as less than men and treats them so, they have to work twice as hard as men do to get acknowledged, and on top of minding their career they're almost always the ones to care for the house and the children, too, so in fact they work at least thrice as hard as their husband does, usually.
So maybe we're not as weak as he thinks we are because, unlike what he thinks, we don't work to pretty ourselves up and then the world gives us a man to take care of everything else for us. And trusting? Maybe not as much as he thinks so. Not when woman are more likely to be the victims of slants, sexual, physical and verbal assault.
He didn't take me seriously, accused me of being cynical and jaded and proving his point, and kept making cracks. I told him he's not hearing me out and keeps interrupting, and that he's using humor as a way to avoid facing the issue and taking it seriously, because it might be uncomfortable for him to hear a different opinion and to contemplate it.
Then he told me I'm escaping to 'feminist rage'; I told him he's being chauvinistic, and that in no way being a feminist is an insult to me, because I AM a feminist, I believe that woman deserve the same rights men get, and I don't see anything wrong with that line of thought.
Pretty quick he escaped to the bus.
I heard him make homophobic, racist and chauvinistic cracks before, but I assumed he was joking. Maybe I wasn't looking hard enough to make sure he was. Next time, I'll look hard enough.
So, no more teacher of mine, no more friend of mine.
I was really angry but now that I wrote it down I feel better. He's an idiot, he's wrong. I AM strong, and I think I'm stronger than he is, because at least I'm strong enough to keep my mind open and listen to opinions different from mine, even if they make me uncomfortable, even, and especially if it makes me think and take a long hard look at myself and consider that I might be wrong.
So fuck him. (I had to end at an immature note, huh? I'm fine with that.)
I'm keeping this entry open for the world to see, because I did good today and I'm really proud of myself for the way I handled it - I was harsh on him because I was angry, but not harsh enough that he'd shut down and get defensive and won't hear a word I'm saying. He didn't listen, but it might stay with him, hopefully, and that's not the point - the point is that I didn't yell at him the way I wanted to, I knew what to answer and how to answer and DID.