Someone You Use - Part 5
Title: Someone You Use - Part 5
Pairing: Jack/Liz
Spoilers: Takes place at the end of Season 4 (Pre-Carol)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine. Everything belongs to Tina (as it should). Title is from a Vonda Shepard song featured on the Alley McBeal soundtrack. Comments and feedback = smiles times!
“I just don’t understand why you need me to help you with networking. Even though I’m a solid 10, Jack is better at talking to ugly people in suits.”
Liz rolled her eyes at Jenna while they entered the ballroom where Glamor’s Woman of the Year luncheon was being held. “Jenna, we’ve been over this. Jack isn’t my boss anymore. Asking him to help me out with stuff like this is creepy and weird.”
“Not really. Out of all the creepy and weird things that happened in your relationship, asking him to help you find a new job is the least inappropriate. And I should know, because I’ve been sexually harassed by Rupert Murdoch and Richard Branson. So I know a weird boss/employee relationship when I see one and you and Jack are…cute.”
“Were, Jenna. Past tense.” Liz said after she settled in her seat and picked up the menu and hoped to God Jenna will just drop the subject. Ever since Liz quit NBC in its entirety six months ago, Jenna would not stop interrogating her regarding the motives behind her departure. It was the most interest Jenna has ever taken in another person and Liz found the whole thing pretty disconcerting.
“So you’re admitting that you two used to be cute? That’s progress!” Jenna smiled knowingly.
“Ugh, will you please shut it!? There never was and never will be any cuteness between me and Jack Donaghy!” Liz yells and then, as if on cue, Liz sees Avery’s perfect silhouette saunter toward her and Jenna.
“Well, I should hope not.” Avery says smoothly as she takes her place next to Liz.
“Avery, hi! What are you doing here?” Liz says, doing her best to ignore the fact that Avery probably overheard their entire conversation.
“I was invited, Liz. After all, this is an event celebrating the accomplishments of women in the media. I think the more reasonable question to ask is - why are you here?”
“Well, to be fair, I was about to be the first female head writer for The Tonight Show….so…” Liz says, in an effort to defend herself, but she’s cut off by Avery’s razor sharp tongue.
“Yes, because every impressive resume is a run-down of all the jobs you could have done.“
“All I’m saying is that I have just as much reason to be here as you.” Liz says standing her ground but is distracted when Avery uses her perfectly manicured fingers to lift the water glass to her mouth and large glistening diamond on her left hand captures Liz’s attention.
Avery, never one to miss anything, quickly picks up on what has stopped Liz’s rant before it even begins. With a lift of an eyebrow she says calmly, “Impressive rock, huh? Jack always had good taste when it comes to jewelry.”
“I didn’t know you got married. Congrats.” Liz replies, trying to hold back the tears that she knows are dying to come out.
“It was a very small ceremony in France two weeks ago. I thought it would be best to have the wedding before I start showing.” Avery says nonchalantly.
During the entire exchange, Jenna is silent but at this she feels the need to intervene. “You’re pregnant? Well, I guess my mother was right - there are worse mothers out there. And this is coming from a woman who made me go bungee jumping with her in order to impress her boyfriend at the time….I was 10.” Jenna explains after Liz and Avery stare at her blankly.
Just then the lights in the ballroom dim and Reese Witherspoon walks on stage to begin the ceremony. The interruption is beyond welcomed - Liz has never been more grateful to hear an overpaid blonde talk about breast cancer in her life.
-----
The next day, Jack gets a distressed phone call from Pete. Apparently Jenna is acting up more than usual and the new head writer, Beth, is not equipped to handle this level of irrational actor freak-outs. Jack decides to summon Jenna to his office. He’s never handled these “actor emergencies” without Liz’s assistance and he’s not sure how he’ll fare. He’s hoping he can talk some sense into Jenna. It’s possible; after all, stranger things have happened.
“You wanted to see me?” Jenna asks tersely as she walks into his office. Her tense disposition has caught Jack off-guard; Jenna is usually very chipper and upbeat around him and this cold attitude is unsettling.
“I did. Jenna, we’re all going through some growing pains now that Liz has left...but I’m asking you, as a friend, can we please keep the crazy in check until Beth gets her bearings? Specifically, with regard to these vaginal muscle enhancement drugs you insist on getting covered by our insurance policy...?”
“I’ll have you know, Vagistrength is huge in Cambodia and Thailand, all the sex workers use them. And…we are not friends. I can’t be friends with anybody who thinks it’s okay to be mean to Liz.”
“What in God’s name are you talking about, Jenna?” Jack asks, completely at a loss as to what Jenna is referring to.
“Avery was a big bully to Liz yesterday. Like Bill O’Rielly but in a miniskirt.”
“Jenna, I’m a very busy man. Please just explain what happened, because I’m clearly in the dark.” Jack says gesturing for Jenna to sit.
“Well, Liz asked to come with me to the Glamor Women of the Year luncheon so she can network with some female executives and hopefully find someone to buy this screenplay she wrote. I told her to go to you first, but she flat-out refused saying it would be ‘weird.’ Anyway, Avery sits with us at the NBC table and totally made fun of Liz and the fact that she has no job. And that her footwear was from Easy Spirit.” Jenna stops talking when she sees that Jack seems pained by this news. Clearly he was completely unaware of Liz’s current state of unemployment and Avery’s interaction with Liz from the night before.
“I’m sorry, Jenna. This is all news to me.”
“Don’t apologize to me, Jack.” Jenna shrugs. “Liz is the one who deserves an apology.”
“I’ll fix this. Lemon needs a job. Liz without work is like a crack whore without welfare. It’s unnatural.” Jack rises and escorts Jenna out of his office. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will handle it. And call Dr. Spaceman about the Vagistrength pills and have him charge whatever they cost to my card.”
“Thank you, Jack! Paul, my vagina and I are very pleased.” Jack allows himself to give Jenna an awkward and forced smile before he shuts the door to his office and shudders at the mental visual of Jenna engaging in any sort of sex act. He pours himself a generous glass of scotch and lets out a miserable sigh. With Liz gone managing TGS has been an unbearable burden. Actually, now that he thinks of it, almost every aspect of his work has become dull, his work uninspired and he can’t help but think it is because he can no longer look to Liz for comic relief and companionship. He has a gorgeous, accomplished, worldly blond at home, but he misses Liz Lemon- a fact irritates him to no end.
-----
Jack waits until the evening to confront Avery regarding her spat with Liz. Both of them are known for their short tempers, so Jack thinks its best for him to calm down and speak to Avery after she returns from her yoga class. He is sitting in the den when she enters the room and kisses him gently on the cheek while she checks her blackberry. He takes a moment to give her a once over as she goes over her emails. While being three months pregnant, she’s worked a 14-hour day, wrapped up an intense yoga session and not a hair is out of place. Avery’s ability to look camera ready at all times impressed Jack when they first started dating. Now, he finds that after a year, this aspect of her personality has begun to lose its luster.
“Did you see my interview with Paul Krugman this evening? God, it felt so good to wipe the floor with that liberal incoherent windbag. In fact…it made me pretty hot, Jack. What do you say? Ready for me to rock your world and do things to you that are still illegal in most states?” Avery smirks as she tosses her blackberry aside and slowly straddles his lap.
She leans down and begins kissing him, but Jack interrupts her. “Why didn’t you tell me you saw Liz Lemon yesterday?”
“I didn’t think it was relevant.” Avery replies, leaning back and annoyed that Jack is interrupting foreplay to talk about Liz Lemon of all people.
“You didn’t think humiliating a former employee and friend of mine in public was relevant?”
“You don’t have friends, Jack. You had a weird relationship with a subordinate that is thankfully over.” Avery slowly and seductively runs her fingers over his chest and continues, “Someone had to put an end to this school-girl crush she had on you. Hopefully she can move on with her life and find someone more…appropriate.”
“Please, don’t try to pretend like you had magnanimous intentions. You felt threatened, so you went on the attack.”
“You can’t be serious. Threatened?” She scoffs. “Women who use tape to hold their bra strap together and eat bulk amounts of junk food from the developing world don’t phase me, Jack. I was better than all of those girls in high school and I am better than them now.
“It must eat you up inside.” Jack rises from the couch in order to establish some physical distance between him and Avery. “I am not angry, Avery. I understand feeling a bit unhinged when you feel like you’re about to lose ground to an unworthy opponent.” Jack says evenly, recalling the unsettling feelings he experienced when he thought he could lose Liz to Dennis Duffy and then Conan O’Brien. “But that doesn’t justify your actions. I want you to call Liz and apologize.”
“If you think I’m apologizing to that woman - and I’m using that term very loosely here- you have another thing coming.”
“Very well. Then I’ll speak her myself. And I will make it a priority to assist her in finding a job.” Jack practically spits out as walks to the door and angrily puts on his jacket.
“Like hell you will.” Avery says, the fiery determination in her eyes clearly indicating that she means every word. She walks right up to Jack and places her hand on the door to block him from leaving. “In fact, I forbid you from seeing her.”
At this Jack lets out a sharp, nasty laugh. “I have never taken orders from a woman and I refuse to start now. You messed up, Avery. You’re too damn proud to make it right, so I will. Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to speak with Lemon and I’ll do us both a favor and pretend this incident never happened. ” He gently, but forcibly removes her hand from the door so he can let himself out. Avery simply stands still and is completely speechless. A man has never out right defied her to her face. In lieu of a witty retort, she opts for slamming the door in Jack’s face. As far as fights go, it is not the worst she ever had, however, it is by far the most confusing.
Pairing: Jack/Liz
Spoilers: Takes place at the end of Season 4 (Pre-Carol)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine. Everything belongs to Tina (as it should). Title is from a Vonda Shepard song featured on the Alley McBeal soundtrack. Comments and feedback = smiles times!
“I just don’t understand why you need me to help you with networking. Even though I’m a solid 10, Jack is better at talking to ugly people in suits.”
Liz rolled her eyes at Jenna while they entered the ballroom where Glamor’s Woman of the Year luncheon was being held. “Jenna, we’ve been over this. Jack isn’t my boss anymore. Asking him to help me out with stuff like this is creepy and weird.”
“Not really. Out of all the creepy and weird things that happened in your relationship, asking him to help you find a new job is the least inappropriate. And I should know, because I’ve been sexually harassed by Rupert Murdoch and Richard Branson. So I know a weird boss/employee relationship when I see one and you and Jack are…cute.”
“Were, Jenna. Past tense.” Liz said after she settled in her seat and picked up the menu and hoped to God Jenna will just drop the subject. Ever since Liz quit NBC in its entirety six months ago, Jenna would not stop interrogating her regarding the motives behind her departure. It was the most interest Jenna has ever taken in another person and Liz found the whole thing pretty disconcerting.
“So you’re admitting that you two used to be cute? That’s progress!” Jenna smiled knowingly.
“Ugh, will you please shut it!? There never was and never will be any cuteness between me and Jack Donaghy!” Liz yells and then, as if on cue, Liz sees Avery’s perfect silhouette saunter toward her and Jenna.
“Well, I should hope not.” Avery says smoothly as she takes her place next to Liz.
“Avery, hi! What are you doing here?” Liz says, doing her best to ignore the fact that Avery probably overheard their entire conversation.
“I was invited, Liz. After all, this is an event celebrating the accomplishments of women in the media. I think the more reasonable question to ask is - why are you here?”
“Well, to be fair, I was about to be the first female head writer for The Tonight Show….so…” Liz says, in an effort to defend herself, but she’s cut off by Avery’s razor sharp tongue.
“Yes, because every impressive resume is a run-down of all the jobs you could have done.“
“All I’m saying is that I have just as much reason to be here as you.” Liz says standing her ground but is distracted when Avery uses her perfectly manicured fingers to lift the water glass to her mouth and large glistening diamond on her left hand captures Liz’s attention.
Avery, never one to miss anything, quickly picks up on what has stopped Liz’s rant before it even begins. With a lift of an eyebrow she says calmly, “Impressive rock, huh? Jack always had good taste when it comes to jewelry.”
“I didn’t know you got married. Congrats.” Liz replies, trying to hold back the tears that she knows are dying to come out.
“It was a very small ceremony in France two weeks ago. I thought it would be best to have the wedding before I start showing.” Avery says nonchalantly.
During the entire exchange, Jenna is silent but at this she feels the need to intervene. “You’re pregnant? Well, I guess my mother was right - there are worse mothers out there. And this is coming from a woman who made me go bungee jumping with her in order to impress her boyfriend at the time….I was 10.” Jenna explains after Liz and Avery stare at her blankly.
Just then the lights in the ballroom dim and Reese Witherspoon walks on stage to begin the ceremony. The interruption is beyond welcomed - Liz has never been more grateful to hear an overpaid blonde talk about breast cancer in her life.
-----
The next day, Jack gets a distressed phone call from Pete. Apparently Jenna is acting up more than usual and the new head writer, Beth, is not equipped to handle this level of irrational actor freak-outs. Jack decides to summon Jenna to his office. He’s never handled these “actor emergencies” without Liz’s assistance and he’s not sure how he’ll fare. He’s hoping he can talk some sense into Jenna. It’s possible; after all, stranger things have happened.
“You wanted to see me?” Jenna asks tersely as she walks into his office. Her tense disposition has caught Jack off-guard; Jenna is usually very chipper and upbeat around him and this cold attitude is unsettling.
“I did. Jenna, we’re all going through some growing pains now that Liz has left...but I’m asking you, as a friend, can we please keep the crazy in check until Beth gets her bearings? Specifically, with regard to these vaginal muscle enhancement drugs you insist on getting covered by our insurance policy...?”
“I’ll have you know, Vagistrength is huge in Cambodia and Thailand, all the sex workers use them. And…we are not friends. I can’t be friends with anybody who thinks it’s okay to be mean to Liz.”
“What in God’s name are you talking about, Jenna?” Jack asks, completely at a loss as to what Jenna is referring to.
“Avery was a big bully to Liz yesterday. Like Bill O’Rielly but in a miniskirt.”
“Jenna, I’m a very busy man. Please just explain what happened, because I’m clearly in the dark.” Jack says gesturing for Jenna to sit.
“Well, Liz asked to come with me to the Glamor Women of the Year luncheon so she can network with some female executives and hopefully find someone to buy this screenplay she wrote. I told her to go to you first, but she flat-out refused saying it would be ‘weird.’ Anyway, Avery sits with us at the NBC table and totally made fun of Liz and the fact that she has no job. And that her footwear was from Easy Spirit.” Jenna stops talking when she sees that Jack seems pained by this news. Clearly he was completely unaware of Liz’s current state of unemployment and Avery’s interaction with Liz from the night before.
“I’m sorry, Jenna. This is all news to me.”
“Don’t apologize to me, Jack.” Jenna shrugs. “Liz is the one who deserves an apology.”
“I’ll fix this. Lemon needs a job. Liz without work is like a crack whore without welfare. It’s unnatural.” Jack rises and escorts Jenna out of his office. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will handle it. And call Dr. Spaceman about the Vagistrength pills and have him charge whatever they cost to my card.”
“Thank you, Jack! Paul, my vagina and I are very pleased.” Jack allows himself to give Jenna an awkward and forced smile before he shuts the door to his office and shudders at the mental visual of Jenna engaging in any sort of sex act. He pours himself a generous glass of scotch and lets out a miserable sigh. With Liz gone managing TGS has been an unbearable burden. Actually, now that he thinks of it, almost every aspect of his work has become dull, his work uninspired and he can’t help but think it is because he can no longer look to Liz for comic relief and companionship. He has a gorgeous, accomplished, worldly blond at home, but he misses Liz Lemon- a fact irritates him to no end.
-----
Jack waits until the evening to confront Avery regarding her spat with Liz. Both of them are known for their short tempers, so Jack thinks its best for him to calm down and speak to Avery after she returns from her yoga class. He is sitting in the den when she enters the room and kisses him gently on the cheek while she checks her blackberry. He takes a moment to give her a once over as she goes over her emails. While being three months pregnant, she’s worked a 14-hour day, wrapped up an intense yoga session and not a hair is out of place. Avery’s ability to look camera ready at all times impressed Jack when they first started dating. Now, he finds that after a year, this aspect of her personality has begun to lose its luster.
“Did you see my interview with Paul Krugman this evening? God, it felt so good to wipe the floor with that liberal incoherent windbag. In fact…it made me pretty hot, Jack. What do you say? Ready for me to rock your world and do things to you that are still illegal in most states?” Avery smirks as she tosses her blackberry aside and slowly straddles his lap.
She leans down and begins kissing him, but Jack interrupts her. “Why didn’t you tell me you saw Liz Lemon yesterday?”
“I didn’t think it was relevant.” Avery replies, leaning back and annoyed that Jack is interrupting foreplay to talk about Liz Lemon of all people.
“You didn’t think humiliating a former employee and friend of mine in public was relevant?”
“You don’t have friends, Jack. You had a weird relationship with a subordinate that is thankfully over.” Avery slowly and seductively runs her fingers over his chest and continues, “Someone had to put an end to this school-girl crush she had on you. Hopefully she can move on with her life and find someone more…appropriate.”
“Please, don’t try to pretend like you had magnanimous intentions. You felt threatened, so you went on the attack.”
“You can’t be serious. Threatened?” She scoffs. “Women who use tape to hold their bra strap together and eat bulk amounts of junk food from the developing world don’t phase me, Jack. I was better than all of those girls in high school and I am better than them now.
“It must eat you up inside.” Jack rises from the couch in order to establish some physical distance between him and Avery. “I am not angry, Avery. I understand feeling a bit unhinged when you feel like you’re about to lose ground to an unworthy opponent.” Jack says evenly, recalling the unsettling feelings he experienced when he thought he could lose Liz to Dennis Duffy and then Conan O’Brien. “But that doesn’t justify your actions. I want you to call Liz and apologize.”
“If you think I’m apologizing to that woman - and I’m using that term very loosely here- you have another thing coming.”
“Very well. Then I’ll speak her myself. And I will make it a priority to assist her in finding a job.” Jack practically spits out as walks to the door and angrily puts on his jacket.
“Like hell you will.” Avery says, the fiery determination in her eyes clearly indicating that she means every word. She walks right up to Jack and places her hand on the door to block him from leaving. “In fact, I forbid you from seeing her.”
At this Jack lets out a sharp, nasty laugh. “I have never taken orders from a woman and I refuse to start now. You messed up, Avery. You’re too damn proud to make it right, so I will. Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to speak with Lemon and I’ll do us both a favor and pretend this incident never happened. ” He gently, but forcibly removes her hand from the door so he can let himself out. Avery simply stands still and is completely speechless. A man has never out right defied her to her face. In lieu of a witty retort, she opts for slamming the door in Jack’s face. As far as fights go, it is not the worst she ever had, however, it is by far the most confusing.