It's even dismal in my dreams.

[noise_fiend]

I started crying today. It's the first time I've really let myself cry in awhile, if I had let myself cry, I would have felt things too much. But today I just let go, I'm still crying actually, I don't really know what about though. Everything really I suppose, it's all coming out in a flood as if the tears could wash the cruelty of life away. I

Comments

[jolisoiree]

Okay well since you rambled in your journal, i get to ramble in yours too.
I was really depressed one day last week, and i started crying.
And then i just let go, and i cried and cried and cried.
And i wanted to "cleanse my body." you know, let go, let it all out.
But it never finished.
The more i cried the more pain i felt entering my body, not leaving.
The harder i cried the more i realized i wasn't getting the desired effect, but i couldn't cry harder if i tried.
Did you feel cleansed after?
Like a weight had been lifted?
Because i felt no different. I just felt full.
Which was the exact opposite of what i wanted, i couldn't let anything escape me, it's only water, just tears. Not emotions.
...Wow i suggest you screen this.

[noise_fiend]

I know what you mean, I've had that kind of thing happen before too. This was more of an "I know I need to cry, I've had alot to cry about and I simply haven't let myself, so here's your chance, take it while the window is open, because it will soon be closed again, who knows for how long" kind of thing...if that made any sense at all.

[hyperchic3164]

Courtney I miss you like crazy too. I have to get to boston next year...

But I'll be home in 10 days. And then we can spend so much time together it will make us sick. I promise.

So when i hear about this whole jordan thing i kinda flipped. I'm happy your seeing it differently and seem to be taking my view on it. Stay with chris, he's so amazing. Yield not to temptation!

I love you so much. I can't wait to see you.

Love
Troy

[noise_fiend]

yeah, Jordan told me that you flipped out on him and stuff. But it wasn't like I wasn't aware of what was going on, I more decided to just veiw it as friends and not allow myself to see his side of it. Chris is pretty good, yes, and no, Jordan wouldn't be able to tempt me out of that relationship, promise *pinkie swear*

yeah, please come home and keep that promise! :-) p.s. are you going to try to get a job while you're home? if so where?
(oh yeah, and starbucks just shot me down because my training period would like, just be ending when I leave for college...)

[hyperchic3164]

thank you, this makes me feel much better.

So im actually not sure what I'll be doing this summer. But I applied to the BU summer program, kinda what you did at RISD i think. I'll find out about that soon. The downside is that I wont be home for 6 weeks, the upside, you can come visit me in boston.

Love you still

[noise_fiend]

that sounds awesome, you'll have alot of fun.
Oh, you mean visit you like you promised to visit me right? hmm?
Totally holding the last 2 summers against you for ever p.s. :-P
love you!

[stolencleridae]

mmm comfortably numb...most excellent song

I know what you mean in regards to just sort of breaking down for no particular reason. Its the extreme emotional stress that comes hand in hand with our graduation and having to stop doing the things that we've been doing since we can remember.

We've all got it and I think that we're all gonna be fine too

love

[noise_fiend]

I hope so, I guess that is the word for it really, just overwhelmed.

[transmogrify_it]

I'm looking forward to Boston, too. But I'm afraid everyone there is going to suck! I know they won't, but still. I'm already comfortable here. Oh well.

[noise_fiend]

I promise I won't suck.
We can find some trendy coffee bar and sip chai tea and read Nitzche and revel in the knowledge that we're better than them, because we are of course, indeed better than them. Hows that sound?

Honestly though, i know what you mean. It also sucks because I usually kinda hve to grow on people, most of the sort of people I like to associate with don't tend to warm up to me very fast, so I'm thinking I might be goinging for a couple of rather lonely months before I really pick up any good friends :-/

p.s. You intoduce me to hot art school guys and I'll introduce you to elitist womens college chicks.

[transmogrify_it]

Well, I know my friend Jacky is going to the same school as me. So I'll have two friends in Boston at least.

And maaaayybe. I've got a sweet little honey bee right now, but I don't know how long distance will work out. We'll see.

[noise_fiend]

yeah, I'm taken right now too, but I don't think it'll last after I leave CT.