How distracted can I keep myself?
1) My uncle: is a child molesting redneck.
2) Never in my life: did I think I'd find out I'm Jewish.
3) When I was five: my parents separated.
4) High School was: an easy ride.
5) I will never forget: Biscuit Battle, Novemeber 5, 2004.
6) I once met: the most beautiful black boy in a bus station.
7) There’s this girl I know who: if you saw her, you'd swear she was Jewish.
8) Once, at a bar: I found Jesus. No, really, this guy looked exactly like Jesus.
9) By noon I’m usually: waiting for math class to end.
10) Last night: slept really fitfully.
11) If I only had: enough jizmoglobin, I could attain perfection.
12) Next time I go to church, I: will be claiming sanctuary because other than that I have no reason to be in a church.
13) Terry Schiavo: She was the coma case, right? They let her die, I thought.
14) What worries me most: is uncertainty. Yeah, I copped out, bitches.
15) When I turn my head left, I see: my window, my plants, my bedside table, and the top of my bed because the bottom is out of view directly behind me.
16) When I turn my head right, I see: My door, my long red coat, a Danger Hard Hat Area sign, stuff I still haven't gotten around to unpacking and the various clutter on top my dresser.
17) You know I’m lying when: if I told you, then you'd know, and we can't have that, can we?
18) What I miss most about the eighties: the three years I lost somewhere back there.
19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be: Guildenstern because he had a kickass role in Tom Stoppard's "Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead."
20) By this time next year: I'll be doing a survey asking me what I was doing this time last year.
22) I have a hard time understanding: logic. Who needs it.
23) If I ever go back to school I’ll: WHY IN THE NAME OF ANYTHING HOLY WOULD YOU EVEN MENTION THAT??
24) You know I like you if: I do.
25) If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: the name at the top of the list I'd compiled in advance because otherwise I'd have the lamest acceptance speech ever.
26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: all have better names than you.
27) Take my advice, never: listen to me.
28) My ideal breakfast is: served at noon.
29) A song I love, but do not have is: "Beloved" by VNV Nation
30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: you visit the harbor and Fells Point.
33) If you spend the night at my house, don’t: hog the blankets.
34) I’d stop my wedding for: ...I don't know. Something awfully convincing.
35) The world could do without: emo kids.
36) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: do math homework.
37) My favorite blonde is: a secret! Bwahahahaha! ... Yeah, I know you don't really want to know. Shut up.
38) Paper clips are more useful than: a superhero with Meat Vision.
39) If I do anything well, it’s: procrastinating.
40) And by the way: if anyone asks, I had nothing to with it.
41) The last time I was drunk, I: almost died.
42) I have always wanted to: tell my mother what I really think of her.