(Untitled)

[noitall_herm]

lack of self love = lack of others loving you
lack of identity= lack of others identifying with you

(self)-(self love)-(identity)= misery

misery= self - (others loving you)-( others identifying with you)

what equals self love and identity?

I wish I knew.

Comments

[raven_feathers]

boot straps + pulling yourself up by - not looking outside yourself for love, approval, or peace = self love + identity x 2

[noitall_herm]

Thank you for responding. I needed that. I'm just so worried and sometimes the most random things can set me off on a self-hate binge. I had the worst stomach ache after work :(

Finding that acceptance is the hard part; the self-defeating tendancies of having low self-esteem are so hard to break. Its like fighting against an unseen enemy, who knows all your weaknesses and exploits them with no regard for the cost to themselves. :( Its so hard to be proud of who you are when you can't distinguish whether it's really what you want, or if its just another session of how can I screw up my life so I can point to it and say how screwed up I am. :(

[raven_feathers]

i hear you. it's all hard work, too, and full-on battle at times because the only way to raise your self-esteem is to go one on one with yourself and learn to love the person that you are, unconditionally. until you reach that threshold of self-acceptance, you're sending everyone else the message that you're not worth their accepting. it's a vicious cycle, really. and i didn't start to get there until i was 30-ish, just to give you something to look forward to. ;) i'm still not all the way there yet, but i'm lots closer. there are days when i feel so worthless, i want to just stay in bed and wallow. then it's back to the bootstraps.

you might look into putting some serious time or resources into charity work. there's nothing like worrying and caring for someone else to both make you realize how self-absorbed you can be and to give you a reason to stop being so. small children and animals are the best reality checks for me.