(no subject)
When I was still little... One day, riding the green back I always used to ride, I thought... "How far can I go without turning back?" I wonder what exactly I was trying to do at that time...
A six-tatami room with no bath, ten minute walk from the college. Built twenty-five years ago, rent 38,000 yen. The walls are thin and hardly sound-proof. All residents are students. The morning sun is bright since it faces east. I arrived in Tokyo last year after getting into an art college here. I was surprised to see the campus surrounded by fields... By the terrible taste of my cooking... By the high price of the public baths... And by the huge amount of homework. But now it's all just a part of my everyday life.
Yuta: I'm in...quite a shock. I entered college thinking I wanted to accomplish something, but I haven't decided what I want to do in the future. I haven't thought about anything like that... So, watching Hagu-chan made me fret a bit. Well, it's kind of like how Morita-senpai looks like he's doing whatever he wants, but he's actually doing something incredible somewhere.
Mayama: I'm not quite sure about that guy.
Yuta: But Mayama-senpai, after graduation you're also goign to work at that store design office you're part-timing at, right?
Mayama: At Rika-san's place, huh? Well, I'm not too sure just yet. Oba-chan, another kakiage, please. --Here. You're still a sophmore, Takemoto. Don't fret and try something. Just try out everything that interests you. There's a lot of things you can learn easily once you give it a go.
Yuta: Got it, senpai.
Senpai, Hagu-chan seemed really happy, didn't she? I'm sure she'll forgive you for putting her on your site. She's got to. Those sandals really looked nice on her. And she was... really... happy. --Ah! Huh? Why am I... It kind of... Hurts. But why... Is my stomach hurting? Did I eat something bad? Or maybe... I'm hungry?
I've never heard her voice over the phone before. It feels like my ears keep tingling...
She's got long eyelashes. They're casting a shadow on her cheeks. I think I'm really having fun right now. It's one thing for a grown-up man to be playing dolls with a girl, but when I think about how she can make such splendid clay statues that even men can't make... It amazes me that she makes such small doll clothes with those same hands. I guess she is quite feminine, after all.
I wonder if the moon that I see is different from the one that Hagu-chan sees.
If there is the May Sickness, then I guess I have the December Sickness. I don't know why, but I feel anxious... The colorful illumination and the sound of bells... "Are you happy right now? Is there a place for you?" It feels as if they're asking those questions. Oh, no. I need to get ahold of myself. I'm not a kid anymore. But...
Hagu:Christmas...isn't fun for you?
Yuta: No, it's not like that. I'm sorry, I spaced out. --Well, yeah... To be honest, I don't really like. I lived with my mom, and she was a nurse. So, every year, I attended the Christmas party in the pediatric at the hospital. But even though everyone was acting cheerful, Christmas at the hospital had its unique atmosphere. I don't know... So, during Christmas, I automatically smell the scent of disinfectants. No.. That pungent odor is probably...Could it be she's trying to cheer me up?
My father passed away from illness when I was still in elementary school. He had a weak body . He was tall and skinny. He had big hands. And he had a gentle smile. On his last day in the hospital... With his large yet slender hands, he grasped mine with unbelievable strength. Please take care of your mother for me. I could never forget the strength and warmth that passed through his hands. "I have to help Mom." "We have to be happy together. "I have to study hard and find a job close to home, so I can buy a house where we'll live together one day."
But around the end of my second year of high school. . . The man my mother brought with her was the complete opposite of my father. And when I shook his calloused hand, I absentmindedly thought, "Ah, so Mom picked a strong person this time." You don't have to worry only about me anymore. You can start thinking about yourself now. Hearing that, for the first time in my life, I realized I was empty. Up until that point, I was blindfolding myself to many things because I had to "take care of my mother." But now that I was suddenly free to do whatever I wanted... I had to face the fact that I couldn't really do anything. I didn't know a single thing I was good at... But I was able to convince myself that I liked making things with my hands. Relying on that alone, I left home.
She was right on the dot. I'm a little uncomfortable with him. I take that back. I'm really uncomfortable with him! I also don't like this side of him. I'm uncomfortable with him. I always choose my words carefully and often just keep quiet. But no matter how clumsy or uncool this person is with his words, he's been able to get his feelings across with driving effort and sweep my mother off her feet. And so...
She didn't say anything more and just kept holding on to my hand. What should I do? Even though I promised him...
I'm uncomfortable with him, just a little bit. He's always so straight-forward and honest with his words, and a little rude. But kind at the same time. And so bright that I don't think I'm a match for him. But... Someday... Definitely...
Is he going to keep fooling with me even when I'm a third year? In a way, this is hell. The endless torture and eternal pain...
It's no good... What she needs to hear now isn't on the level of "What's wrong?" or "I'll listen to your problems." Those words won't reach her. She's currently in a battle. God... Is it more painful to cry when you can't do something you want, or when you can't find what you want to do? There's only one thing that I do know. That even if I put everything I have into that task... I can't stop her tears.
Dear, God... What does "something I want to do" mean? Why do I need to do to find that? Will I become stronger if I can find that? Even from her, who is crying so hard... What I felt was an infinite... Strength.
When I was young, I used to wonder how far could I ride without looking back? What is this sound? It's stuck in my head. Oh, that's right. This is... The sound of emptiness.
A six-tatami room with no bath, ten minute walk from the college. Built twenty-five years ago, rent 38,000 yen. The walls are thin and hardly sound-proof. All residents are students. The morning sun is bright since it faces east. I arrived in Tokyo last year after getting into an art college here. I was surprised to see the campus surrounded by fields... By the terrible taste of my cooking... By the high price of the public baths... And by the huge amount of homework. But now it's all just a part of my everyday life.
Yuta: I'm in...quite a shock. I entered college thinking I wanted to accomplish something, but I haven't decided what I want to do in the future. I haven't thought about anything like that... So, watching Hagu-chan made me fret a bit. Well, it's kind of like how Morita-senpai looks like he's doing whatever he wants, but he's actually doing something incredible somewhere.
Mayama: I'm not quite sure about that guy.
Yuta: But Mayama-senpai, after graduation you're also goign to work at that store design office you're part-timing at, right?
Mayama: At Rika-san's place, huh? Well, I'm not too sure just yet. Oba-chan, another kakiage, please. --Here. You're still a sophmore, Takemoto. Don't fret and try something. Just try out everything that interests you. There's a lot of things you can learn easily once you give it a go.
Yuta: Got it, senpai.
Senpai, Hagu-chan seemed really happy, didn't she? I'm sure she'll forgive you for putting her on your site. She's got to. Those sandals really looked nice on her. And she was... really... happy. --Ah! Huh? Why am I... It kind of... Hurts. But why... Is my stomach hurting? Did I eat something bad? Or maybe... I'm hungry?
I've never heard her voice over the phone before. It feels like my ears keep tingling...
She's got long eyelashes. They're casting a shadow on her cheeks. I think I'm really having fun right now. It's one thing for a grown-up man to be playing dolls with a girl, but when I think about how she can make such splendid clay statues that even men can't make... It amazes me that she makes such small doll clothes with those same hands. I guess she is quite feminine, after all.
I wonder if the moon that I see is different from the one that Hagu-chan sees.
If there is the May Sickness, then I guess I have the December Sickness. I don't know why, but I feel anxious... The colorful illumination and the sound of bells... "Are you happy right now? Is there a place for you?" It feels as if they're asking those questions. Oh, no. I need to get ahold of myself. I'm not a kid anymore. But...
Hagu:Christmas...isn't fun for you?
Yuta: No, it's not like that. I'm sorry, I spaced out. --Well, yeah... To be honest, I don't really like. I lived with my mom, and she was a nurse. So, every year, I attended the Christmas party in the pediatric at the hospital. But even though everyone was acting cheerful, Christmas at the hospital had its unique atmosphere. I don't know... So, during Christmas, I automatically smell the scent of disinfectants. No.. That pungent odor is probably...Could it be she's trying to cheer me up?
My father passed away from illness when I was still in elementary school. He had a weak body . He was tall and skinny. He had big hands. And he had a gentle smile. On his last day in the hospital... With his large yet slender hands, he grasped mine with unbelievable strength. Please take care of your mother for me. I could never forget the strength and warmth that passed through his hands. "I have to help Mom." "We have to be happy together. "I have to study hard and find a job close to home, so I can buy a house where we'll live together one day."
But around the end of my second year of high school. . . The man my mother brought with her was the complete opposite of my father. And when I shook his calloused hand, I absentmindedly thought, "Ah, so Mom picked a strong person this time." You don't have to worry only about me anymore. You can start thinking about yourself now. Hearing that, for the first time in my life, I realized I was empty. Up until that point, I was blindfolding myself to many things because I had to "take care of my mother." But now that I was suddenly free to do whatever I wanted... I had to face the fact that I couldn't really do anything. I didn't know a single thing I was good at... But I was able to convince myself that I liked making things with my hands. Relying on that alone, I left home.
She was right on the dot. I'm a little uncomfortable with him. I take that back. I'm really uncomfortable with him! I also don't like this side of him. I'm uncomfortable with him. I always choose my words carefully and often just keep quiet. But no matter how clumsy or uncool this person is with his words, he's been able to get his feelings across with driving effort and sweep my mother off her feet. And so...
She didn't say anything more and just kept holding on to my hand. What should I do? Even though I promised him...
I'm uncomfortable with him, just a little bit. He's always so straight-forward and honest with his words, and a little rude. But kind at the same time. And so bright that I don't think I'm a match for him. But... Someday... Definitely...
Is he going to keep fooling with me even when I'm a third year? In a way, this is hell. The endless torture and eternal pain...
It's no good... What she needs to hear now isn't on the level of "What's wrong?" or "I'll listen to your problems." Those words won't reach her. She's currently in a battle. God... Is it more painful to cry when you can't do something you want, or when you can't find what you want to do? There's only one thing that I do know. That even if I put everything I have into that task... I can't stop her tears.
Dear, God... What does "something I want to do" mean? Why do I need to do to find that? Will I become stronger if I can find that? Even from her, who is crying so hard... What I felt was an infinite... Strength.
When I was young, I used to wonder how far could I ride without looking back? What is this sound? It's stuck in my head. Oh, that's right. This is... The sound of emptiness.