I know you asked for advice, but all I can think of to say is, "Wow." That was a very emotional piece, very meaningful and very deep. I can see putting in a bit more description of some things, but there really isn't anything I would change or take out. And, I'll admit this--I cried at the end. :D;; Lovely work. <3
Thanks much for reading and for the vote of confidence, grin. I wasn't sure if I was being overly dramatic and maudlin with the piece (seems like emotional blackmail). If you don't mind my asking, where would you see putting a bit more description?
Hmm, good question, and probably not a good one for me to answer at 6:30 am. XD Oh well, I'll do my best.
Reading it over again, I honestly can't remember what I was thinking in particular when I wrote that comment. I'm...not a whole lot of help, I think. :D
but one very tiny nit-pick would be that the colour of nita's dress kinda threw me off.... i always figured it would be black for a church funeral(sorry, am stupidly anal that way) -- then again, perhaps your nita marches to her own tune and she'd wear what her brother liked? ^^;;;
Comments 8
Reply
Muchos gracias!
Reply
Reading it over again, I honestly can't remember what I was thinking in particular when I wrote that comment. I'm...not a whole lot of help, I think. :D
Reply
Beautiful job!
Reply
I'll submit this. I think. After a few more tweaks.
Reply
but one very tiny nit-pick would be that the colour of nita's dress kinda threw me off.... i always figured it would be black for a church funeral(sorry, am stupidly anal that way) -- then again, perhaps your nita marches to her own tune and she'd wear what her brother liked? ^^;;;
Reply
White or black for church funeral actually, and I needed a colour that does not give away that it is a funeral immediately :P
Reply
looks like you're having fun with this course! XDDDDD
Reply
Leave a comment