One Doomed Timeline [Phone/Action]

[nolongeralpha]

[Phone]

[The phone turns on to the sound of flapping wings and the scrabbling of claws... it also sounds like the receiver is lying on a counter top (hint: it is) with something trying to stand on it (hint: there is) and then there's this tapping noise...]Fuck, alright, is this thing on? Jeegus, it's almost like they didn't design these things for

Comments

phone;

[hotfrombehind]

Jesus fucking Christ, how the fucking hell does a bird manage to talk on a fucking phone? Wouldn't even have fucking hands to pick the damn thing up!

phone;

[nolongeralpha]

I am just that fucking awesome.

Besides, crows are like "fuck your mammalian nerve structures and opposable thumbs, we'll just be the 3rd best toolmakers on the planet anyway". This shit is like taking candy from a baby who wasn't trained to be a crazy roof ninja by his brother.

phone;

[hotfrombehind]

So what, you kinda just picked the thing up and now you're talking into it?

Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with this place-- first giant rabbits, then fucking rainbow ponies, now birds on phones? Holy shit, how would the ponies use the phone, they stand on four legs--

phone;

[nolongeralpha]

Yeah, pretty much. [Well, no, more like, he knocked it onto the kitchen counter and is standing on top of the damn thing]

I don't know man, maybe they're magic ponies.

action.

[spiraldoll]

[[that

is the prettiest bird. she's just gonna watch it with wide eyes. and possibly follow it, if it flies anywhere. creepin' on birds.]]

action.

[nolongeralpha]

[Holy shit that kid looks way too happy and does she have flowers in her eyes??

Guess he'll just. Fly on down and perch on a branch in a nearby tree]

Caw caw. Sup?

[spiraldoll]

Oh! You talk! [[she's not so much surprised as she is "oh okay this bird can talk". well, now she knows she can have a conversation with it.]]

Hello, mister bird! How are you?

[nolongeralpha]

No, I'm not talking this is you imagining I can talk because you just assume every goddamn orange crow knows how to speak I mean geeze, talk about racist.

[Staaaaaare....]

I'm doing pretty swell, besides suddenly waking up in Pleasantville in new, poultry-form.

action;

[ironicjournal]

[ whoa what an incredibly cool looking orange crow that is.

Bro mostly wonders where someone got the spray paint to tag that motherfucker, though. Dude, could he seriously have had access to it somehow this whole time? And he's just been walking around bored shitless, waiting on Lil Cal and trying to pilfer sewing stuff from his wife.

Gonna have to kick Dave's ass for not sharing this with him now.

Just another day in the life. ]

action;

[nolongeralpha]

[oh hey it's that guy he couldn't find for like 4 months CONGRATS ON NOT BEING DEAD.

Welp. Guess he'll just drop on by and play it cool. HE AIN'T EVEN MAD.]

Sup. [fuck, crows sure can't hover, gonna just land in a nearby tree] So have you figured out what this place is yet or should I just go ahead with pretending to be your spirit guide to the afterlife and you can play along ironically?

action;

[ironicjournal]

[ GLAD U AIN'T MAD BRO.

....

oh it's just

orange

feathery asshole Dave. Apparently. Arching one eyebrow behind his not-as-cool round shades. ]

Welcome to Mayfield; the fuck happened to you?

action;

[nolongeralpha]

[Haha sucker lost your ironic anime shades oh wait Davesprite doesn't even have shades because he's just a goddamn crow. He'll have to go through regains before these icons stop being highly inaccurate.]

Can't you tell? I ascended to Caw-Tier.

action;

[frogst]

[ chasing him. chasing him forever. ]

action;

[nolongeralpha]

[Oh hey, last time I saw you, you were a furry. Only that wasn't really you... maybe???]

Oh, god damn, do you just chase after every animal that looks like it's been irradiated in a Crayola factory as if that's a totally bright idea? Wait, what am I talking about, your best friend is a glowing hellbeast, of course you do.

1/???

[frogst]

[ what. ]

[frogst]

[ what. ]

[chastesaw]

Oh. You are another of the human children? Only, you are a cawbeast rather than a human child..

[nolongeralpha]

Oh god damn it did I not just say "no trolls"?

Which one are you?

[chastesaw]

That is a question with very little meaning given that many of the descriptors we use would be unknown to you or would make little sense.

I am the one who often speaks with Rose.

[nolongeralpha]

Oh so you're the one with the extra capitalization that wields sarcasm like a blind ninja with a warhammer. Got it.

I guess I can make an exception on account of you not being a batshit raging douchebag.