Wicked long babble about love
So, love huh? What a bizarre thing it is.
You can look at all of the definitions and explanations of what it is, emotional, chemical, Merriam-Webster and still not really 'know' what it is. In fact, you might be able to feel it, be in it and still not really get it.
But, one interesting thing that I feel like I have realized is that at it's core, it is a pretty one-sided, selfish thing. And before anyone gets too on my case about selfishness (although what I am about to say might only create more negative responses), I don't actually think being selfish is inherently a bad thing: all Ayn Rand fans can cheer for a moment.
Attraction, affection, concern, whatever of one person to another in a very simplistic view. But its not a two-way street. The other person could very well care less, hate the other person or not even know they exist and that would not invalidate one person being in love with, or loving the other.
Some might say that it doesn't matter. True love is unselfish, and doesn't require the other person's awareness, appreciation or even desire to be loved for it to matter, and in fact some might say that only makes it more valid because the person who loves the other doesn't expect anything back in return. But I argue, is that really true: does the 'love-r' really not expect anything in return or to get anything out of loving the object of their affection?
This is how I view the selfish aspect coming into play. But that's another conversation. To circle back to my original motivation for this post, the love that I care about and want in this world does not exist in a vacuum. I think and want, any love that I am involved with and feel for someone else to be a mutual love (since I am not traditionally religious, please do not bring and Christian references into this discussion-that's not what I was aiming for). Perhaps I am drawing a blank, but I feel there should be a word, a term, a way to articulate with a term of reference, that signifies this feeling, emotion and desire.
So much of my life has been a one-sided love, which I will label infatuation for this dissertation. And the worst part about it is how utterly unsatisfying it is because there is very little that you can get out of it. Sure it makes for great poetry (if not a little whiny sounding at times), but it certainly doesn't do much to fill the heart. That is why I feel and want love to be more, or redefined into something more expansive that simply means two people sharing the same desire, affection and breathe-taking need to have someone that takes their breathe away and makes them smile each and every time you think of the other person. Wow, talk about a tall order eh? Yes, of course its a bit idealistic and perhaps unrealistic. Life is hard and by its nature causes stress that most certainly affects how we interact with others. And being that close to someone only increases the instances in which one person can royally piss off the other and do something completely bone-headed or stupid. But we're not perfect and if there is a strong enough bond and connection, these bumps in the road can be left in the past with nary a thought.
So, to arrive at the real point, I wonder if that's what I have, or if that is where I am headed. I know that I feel very strongly about one particular person, to the point where I can't stop myself from saying cheesy over the top things like, "I am hopelessly crazy about you" and other things that 1000's of people will tell me are cardinally dumb things to do. But if it were right, and if the other person really felt the same way and was as equally 'crazy' for me, then why wouldn't it be just the right thing to say? To answer my own question in this specific case, I think the answer is that it is questionable because I don't know if the other person feels the same way about me or not. I wish there were some way to know more definitely, but then again I wish I were a couple inches taller; tough sh-t though. Wanting doesn't make something so.
Why am I rambling so uncensoredly about this in a relatively public forum? Because I guess I am venting mostly. Sort of like why do I say such crazy outlandish things like I'm crazy about someone; because holding them in just creates pressure that releases at all of the wrong times. Saying of this now, doesn't make me feel it any less, it just delays my need to say something completely over the top to the wrong person at the wrong time. Doing that I think would be akin to asking someone to have your children and marry them on date #2. Every relationship takes time to grow and some take a reaaaally long time. In short enough of a time, I'll either find out if this is really the right person for me or not and even with the time put into this now, I don't think it will be too late later to re-assess and say whether its quitting time or not.
But that's what time is for to grow, to learn and discover. I just would like to do it with the right person in my life.
You can look at all of the definitions and explanations of what it is, emotional, chemical, Merriam-Webster and still not really 'know' what it is. In fact, you might be able to feel it, be in it and still not really get it.
But, one interesting thing that I feel like I have realized is that at it's core, it is a pretty one-sided, selfish thing. And before anyone gets too on my case about selfishness (although what I am about to say might only create more negative responses), I don't actually think being selfish is inherently a bad thing: all Ayn Rand fans can cheer for a moment.
Attraction, affection, concern, whatever of one person to another in a very simplistic view. But its not a two-way street. The other person could very well care less, hate the other person or not even know they exist and that would not invalidate one person being in love with, or loving the other.
Some might say that it doesn't matter. True love is unselfish, and doesn't require the other person's awareness, appreciation or even desire to be loved for it to matter, and in fact some might say that only makes it more valid because the person who loves the other doesn't expect anything back in return. But I argue, is that really true: does the 'love-r' really not expect anything in return or to get anything out of loving the object of their affection?
This is how I view the selfish aspect coming into play. But that's another conversation. To circle back to my original motivation for this post, the love that I care about and want in this world does not exist in a vacuum. I think and want, any love that I am involved with and feel for someone else to be a mutual love (since I am not traditionally religious, please do not bring and Christian references into this discussion-that's not what I was aiming for). Perhaps I am drawing a blank, but I feel there should be a word, a term, a way to articulate with a term of reference, that signifies this feeling, emotion and desire.
So much of my life has been a one-sided love, which I will label infatuation for this dissertation. And the worst part about it is how utterly unsatisfying it is because there is very little that you can get out of it. Sure it makes for great poetry (if not a little whiny sounding at times), but it certainly doesn't do much to fill the heart. That is why I feel and want love to be more, or redefined into something more expansive that simply means two people sharing the same desire, affection and breathe-taking need to have someone that takes their breathe away and makes them smile each and every time you think of the other person. Wow, talk about a tall order eh? Yes, of course its a bit idealistic and perhaps unrealistic. Life is hard and by its nature causes stress that most certainly affects how we interact with others. And being that close to someone only increases the instances in which one person can royally piss off the other and do something completely bone-headed or stupid. But we're not perfect and if there is a strong enough bond and connection, these bumps in the road can be left in the past with nary a thought.
So, to arrive at the real point, I wonder if that's what I have, or if that is where I am headed. I know that I feel very strongly about one particular person, to the point where I can't stop myself from saying cheesy over the top things like, "I am hopelessly crazy about you" and other things that 1000's of people will tell me are cardinally dumb things to do. But if it were right, and if the other person really felt the same way and was as equally 'crazy' for me, then why wouldn't it be just the right thing to say? To answer my own question in this specific case, I think the answer is that it is questionable because I don't know if the other person feels the same way about me or not. I wish there were some way to know more definitely, but then again I wish I were a couple inches taller; tough sh-t though. Wanting doesn't make something so.
Why am I rambling so uncensoredly about this in a relatively public forum? Because I guess I am venting mostly. Sort of like why do I say such crazy outlandish things like I'm crazy about someone; because holding them in just creates pressure that releases at all of the wrong times. Saying of this now, doesn't make me feel it any less, it just delays my need to say something completely over the top to the wrong person at the wrong time. Doing that I think would be akin to asking someone to have your children and marry them on date #2. Every relationship takes time to grow and some take a reaaaally long time. In short enough of a time, I'll either find out if this is really the right person for me or not and even with the time put into this now, I don't think it will be too late later to re-assess and say whether its quitting time or not.
But that's what time is for to grow, to learn and discover. I just would like to do it with the right person in my life.