Sam/Mallory Picspam
I'm rewatching The West Wing from the start at the moment and it reminded me how much I've loved Mallory and Sam when I first watched it.
PILOT
SAM: Wait a minute. Wait. Please. Could you do me favor? Could you tell me which one of those kids is Leo McGarry's daughter?
MALLORY: Why?
SAM: Well, if I could make eye contact with her, make her laugh, you know, just see that she has a good time, it might go a long way toward making my life easier.
MALLORY: These children worked hard. All of them. And I’m not inclined at this moment to make your life easier.
SAM: Ms. O'Brian, I understand your feelings, but please believe me when I tell you that I'm a nice guy having a bad day. I just found out the Times is publishing a poll that says a considerable portion of Americans feel that the White House has lost energy and focus. A perception that's not likely to be altered by the video footage of the President riding his bicycle into a tree. As we speak, the Coast Guard are fishing Cubans out of the Atlantic Ocean while the Governor of Florida wants to blockade the Port of Miami. A good friend of mine's about to get fired for going on television and making sense, and it turns out I accidentally slept with a prostitute last night. Now. Would you please, in the name of compassion, tell me which one of those kids is my boss's daughter.
MALLORY: That would be me.
SAM: You.
MALLORY: Yes.
SAM: Leo's daughter's fourth grade class.
MALLORY: Yes.
SAM: [pause] Well, this is bad on so many levels.
MR. WILLIS OF OHIO
MALLORY: Take us with you, Josh. Take us with you.
JOSH: Nope.
ZOEY: Why?
JOSH: These are plans among men.
MALLORY: We don't care if you flirt with the coeds.
JOSH: There's gonna be grad students there, can we keep that in mind?
ZOEY: Sounded kinda like an order Josh?
JOSH: Fine.
MALLORY: Bring Sam Seaborn.
JOSH: Sam's got enough going on in his life right now without you making a booty call.
MALLORY: I'm not making a booty call. We had an interesting conversation that got interrupted, and I'd like to finish it with him.
JOSH: Whatever.
ZOEY: This is gonna be fun.
[Mallory and Zoey leave when Josh reaches his office.]
JOSH: The President's daughter, Chief of Staff's daughter, a Georgetown bar and Sam. What could possibly go wrong
MALLORY: [to Sam] So, your friend couldn't come tonight?
SAM: My friend, of course you're talking about...?
MALLORY: Your special friend.
JOSH: Sam does she know...?
SAM: My special friend.
C.J.: What special friend?
JOSH: [to C.J.] His special friend that Zoey can't know about.
ZOEY: The hooker!
SAM: [pause] Okay...She's not a hooker. She’s a call girl. And how do you know about this?
ZOEY: Mallory told me.
C.J.: How does Mallory know about that?
SAM: I told her.
C.J.: You told our boss' daughter that you slept with a call girl?
SAM: I didn't know she was Leo's daughter at the time. I thought she was a schoolteacher who came in with her class.
JOSH: So you thought you were telling a complete stranger that you slept with a call girl?
SAM: Accidentally slept with a call girl. Mallory, does your father know?
MALLORY: No.
SAM: Zoey, does your father know?
ZOEY: Not yet.
SAM: So this is gonna be a thing!
ENEMIES
MALLORY: Here's the thing.
SAM: Yes.
MALLORY: Do you by any chance like opera?
SAM: The opera?
MALLORY: Yes.
SAM: You mean to go and watch and listen to?
MALLORY: Yes, Sam.
SAM: Why do you ask?
MALLORY: Because, as it happens, I have two tickets to the Beijing Opera this evening at the Kennedy Center. My father's seats.
SAM: Beijing opera?
MALLORY: Yes.
SAM: You're asking me out on a date.
MALLORY: No.
SAM: No?
MALLORY: No, I'm asking you if you'd like to go together with me to see an internationally renowned opera company perform a work indigenous to its culture.
SAM: Right, and in what way will it distinguish itself from a date?
MALLORY: There will be, under no circumstances, sex for you at the end of the evening.
SAM: Okay.
MALLORY: So what do you say?
SAM: Well, uh... like most people, I'm an absolute nut for Chinese opera. The Chinese being known the world over for their soaring and romantic melodies, and what with your guarantee that there won't be sex, I don't see how I could say no.
MALLORY: Good, then. I'll come by and get you in about 7:30.
SAM: Yeah. Hey, you know what's good about this? If you hadn't come along with your offer of Chinese opera and no sex, all I'd be doing later is watching Monday night football, so this works out great for me.
MALLORY: 7:30.
SAM: Yes, indeed.
MALLORY: The Assistant Secretary of Transportation?
SAM: Yes.
MALLORY: Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions?
SAM: Sure.
MALLORY: During the campaign, you crafted a significant portion of the President's stump speech. Did you not?
SAM: Yes.
MALLORY: The acceptance speech at the convention...
SAM: Yes.
MALLORY: Inaugural...
SAM: Yes.
MALLORY: State of the Union.
SAM: Yes.
MALLORY: And now the President's asking you to write a birthday card?
SAM: Yes.
MALLORY: For the Secretary of Transportation?
SAM: Actually it's the Assistant Secretary of Transportation.
MALLORY: Oh, the Assistant Secretary of Transportation.
SAM: Yes, one of them.
MALLORY: Sam, if you didn't want to go with me you should have said so, and if you started to chicken out, you should have called me.
SAM: I didn't chicken out.
MALLORY: I'm all dressed up, Sam.
SAM: My shoes are shined.
MALLORY: Shut up.
SAM: This is something that came up, Mallory.
MALLORY: It's his 50th birthday. They couldn't have seen this coming for like the last fifty years?
SAM: Fair point.
MALLORY: I'm going home.
SAM: Don't go home. Stay here. Give me a half hour and I'll come up with a new draft.
MALLORY: [stops and looks] A new draft?
SAM: Yes.
MALLORY: You've already done a draft?
SAM: Yes.
MALLORY: You need to write more than one draft for a birthday card?
SAM: A birthday message, Mallory.
MALLORY: Sam...
SAM: Half hour. We'll get there by intermission. There'll be plenty of death and shrieking in the second act.
MALLORY: Go.
SAM: You look fantas...
MALLORY: Go!
HE SHALL FROM TIME TO TIME
ABBEY: Ah-ah-ah-ah!
MALLORY: Abbey?
ABBEY: You've got an itch for Sam Seaborn.
MALLORY: I do not have an itch.
ABBEY: A little itch.
MALLORY: Abbey? You...
ABBEY: Want a nickel worth of free advice?
MALLORY: Sure.
ABBEY: Don't go for the geniuses. They never want to sleep.
SAM: You know, C.J., it can be pretty confusing sometimes. I mean I'm at this place with Mallory, where I don't know if she likes me. I don't know if she doesn't like me. I don't know if she's indifferent altogether. I just wish she'd take the bull by the horns and get past it so we can move on.
MALLORY: Sam! Did you write this statement defending my father?
SAM: Uh, yes.
[Mallory walks over to Sam and kisses him. She pulls back then kisses him again, this time longer than the first. Josh and C.J. just stare at them. Mallory walks away after the kiss.]
SAM: Well, now I'm even more confused.
JOSH: Yes.
SAM: Though, I gotta say, I'm enjoying being a writer.
SIX MEETINGS BEFORE LUNCH
MALLORY: Sam.
SAM: [spins around] It's my day of jubilee.
MALLORY: I despise you and everything you stand for.
SAM: All right, the day was a little bit better a few seconds ago, but that's all right.
MALLORY: How could you write that position paper?
SAM: Which position paper?
MALLORY: Don't play dumb with me.
SAM: No, honestly I am dumb. Most of the time I'm playing smart.
MALLORY: Sam, the position paper...
SAM: Mallory, you can't be thinking about ruining my day of jubilee by yelling at me about school vouchers.
MALLORY: I was strongly considering it, yes.
SAM: Mallory...
[...]
MALLORY: I thought we had something going on, Sam.
SAM: We do.
MALLORY: And yet you haven't told me that you favor school vouchers?
SAM: I... first of all, hang on. We haven't been on a date yet.
MALLORY: I'm saying...
SAM: And what kind of dates have you had that you're amazed this hasn't come up?
MALLORY: I'm a public school teacher.
SAM: Seriously. The other guys. They order drinks and they say, "Before we go any further, I'd like you to know my position on school vouchers?"
MALLORY: Are you going to have a serious discussion with me about this?
SAM: No.
MALLORY: No?
SAM: No. Because you know why? Because I am off duty. Toby and I have spent the last three months putting a guy on the bench. The sun has set and I have earned my government salary and then some. I'm done working. And we haven't been out on a date and that's supposed to be tonight. Now we’re going to go in there and watch C.J. do "The Jackal." And believe me, if you haven't seen C.J. do "The Jackal," then you haven't seen Shakespeare the way it was meant to be done. We're going to watch C.J. do "The Jackal" and then we're going to get a late dinner, after which I may or may not kiss you good night. ‘Cause there is something going on between us, Mallory. But frankly, I don't think you're doing a very good job on your part, so I've decided to take over.
MALLORY: You're taking over?
SAM: Yes. Let's go.
MALLORY: Not much chance.
SAM: I didn't think so, but you got to give me credit for trying.
MALLORY: Good night there, Skipper. [leaves]
SAM: Apparently you don't have to give me credit for trying.
SAM: What do you mean I've got Mallory?
CATHY: Your appointment with Mallory.
SAM: What appointment with Mallory?
MALLORY: I decided to see you during your business hours.
SAM: Mallory.
MALLORY: Hello.
SAM: Why aren't you in school?
MALLORY: No school today.
SAM: You made an appointment?
MALLORY: I didn't want to take advantage of the fact that we're dating.
SAM: We're not dating.
MALLORY: That's kinda sad for you, isn't it?
SAM: You made an appointment?
MALLORY: All nice and business like.
SAM: Well, isn't that adorable? Come in.
[...]
SAM: Public education has been a public policy disaster for 40 years. Having spent around four trillion dollars on public schools since 1965, the result has been a steady and inexorable decline in every measurable standard of student performance, to say nothing of health and safety. But don't worry about it, because the U.S. House of Representatives is on the case. I feel better already.
MALLORY: Wow.
SAM: What?
MALLORY: For a guy who's trying to date me, that was pretty snotty.
SAM: Well, hang on. These are office hours. If I'd know I was working on that I would have had a whole different attitude.
MALLORY: Hey, Dad.
LEO: Yeah. [into phone] Hold on, please.
MALLORY: [barrels on anyway] Dad, I'm sorry, but Sam's asked me to have lunch with him and I need your permission.
[Leo tells his call to hang on and puts the phone down.]
LEO: What do you need my permission to have lunch for?
MALLORY: Sam?
SAM: She says she always asks her father's permission before she has lunch with fascists.
LEO: Oh. Yeah, okay.
MALLORY: He's in favor of school vouchers, Dad.
LEO: No, Mallory. He's really not.
MALLORY: Yes, he is.
LEO: No, he's not.
MALLORY: I read the position paper.
LEO: It's opposition prep.
MALLORY: Opposition prep?
LEO: When we're gearing up for a debate, we have the smart guys take the other side.
MALLORY: [to Sam] You stood there and argued with me.
SAM: Yes.
MALLORY: Why?
SAM: You made an appointment.
MALLORY: Sam...
LEO: Would the two of you take it outside?
SAM: I thought you were trying to drive a wedge between us.
LEO: Yeah, but now you're just boring the crap out of me.
MALLORY: Hey...
SAM: Mallory, education is the silver bullet. Education is everything. We don't need little changes. We need gigantic monumental changes. Schools should be palaces. The competition for the best teachers should be fierce. They should be making six-figure salaries. School should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge to its citizens, just like national defense. That's my position. I just haven't figured out how to do it yet.
MALLORY: You stood there and argued with me.
SAM: And we can continue the argument. But it's lunchtime now. We're going to have lunch.
MALLORY: You're taking over?
SAM: I'm taking over.
MALLORY: Dad?
LEO: Yes, you may go have lunch with the fascist.
MALLORY: Come along, Sam.
GALILEO
SAM: Excellent. Can I just say that I was the one who was in trouble? I was the one under siege. It was my picture in the paper. And, I don't know why I need to call you and explain myself.
MALLORY: It was a picture of you and a call girl.
SAM: Oh, like there aren't any pictures of you and a call girl.
MALLORY: No, there aren't any pictures of me and a call girl.
SAM: Well, that's a crime.
MALLORY: You know, if you had just picked up the phone...
SAM: Yeah. Yeah. Who's your boyfriend?
MALLORY: I don't think...
SAM: What's his name?
MALLORY: His name is Richard Andrewchuk.
SAM: There's a hockey player named Richard Andrewchuk.
MALLORY: Well, unless there's two of them...
SAM: You're dating Richard Andrewchuk?
MALLORY: Yes and we're having quite a lot of sex.
SAM: I think you'd almost have to.
MALLORY: What does that mean?
SAM: What do you and Richard Andrewchuk have to talk about?
MALLORY: He happens to be a terribly bright guy.
SAM: Well good, because he's a really bad hockey player.
MALLORY: He's had injury problems this season.
SAM: From falling down.
20 HOURS IN AMERICA, PART II
MALLORY: Schmutsy pants.
SAM: I know that voice. [turns around]
MALLORY: I was at the dinner.
SAM: I didn't see you.
MALLORY: Nice job on the speech.
SAM: What makes you think I wrote it?
MALLORY: "We did not seek nor did we provoke..." "We did not expect nor did we invite..."
SAM: A little thing called cadence.
MALLORY: It works for you.
SAM: How's New York?
MALLORY: Richard got traded to the Blackhawks.
SAM: For a Zanboni battery?
MALLORY: And Garnier and a first round draft pick.
SAM: So you're moving to Chicago.
MALLORY: Richard and I split.
SAM: That is terrible. That is... the worst thing. I am so sorry. I liked him, too-- his broding stare in the penalty box. If there is anything I can do.
MALLORY: Shut up.
SAM: Okay.
MALLORY: I came by to say hi. I came by to tell you I liked the speech.
SAM: Thank you very much.
MALLORY: My dad said you staffed the President today.
SAM: Yes.
MALLORY: How was it?
SAM: You know anything about choas theory?
MALLORY: I know it has to do with fractal geometry.
SAM: That's about all I know too. But it has to do with there being order and even... great beauty, in what looks like total chaos. And if we look closely enough at the randomness around us, patterns will start to emerge. I love Josh like a brother and he's a world-class political mind but until today, I didn't know he was smarter then I was. I've worked here three years and eight months and until you sit in the room all day, you can't comprehend the chaos of the Oval Office. I had one good moment talking about the global ripple effect of budget defict, but that was it. The rest of the day was just keeping up. And this was a pretty light day.
MALLORY: One good moment is good.
SAM: Oh, I'm not complaining. I'm saying one good moment is great. It's a golf shot. I've got to get back in there. That's where it's happening. You came by just to tell me you liked the speech?
MALLORY: "This is a time for American heroes and we reach for the stars."? I'm weak.
SAM: Yeah. I think I stole that from Camelot.
MALLORY: Let me get you home. I don't think you're going to make it.
SAM: Yeah. I don't think I'm going to make it, either.
MALLORY: Camelot?
SAM: Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal from them outright.
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