Day One
Maine stretched out on the bed and closed his eyes, a smile playing over his lips as he thought about last night. That was... a miracle! No doubt about it, it was a fucking miracle. That Wash had even stayed in his quarters after the kiss was more than Maine had expected, but that he had stayed the night was more than he could ever have hoped for.
He inhaled and smiled broader. His pillow smelled like Wash. A little hum of satisfaction passed his lips and nothing could drag him down from the cloud he was floating on right at this moment. Not even the daunting task he knew lay before him.
It was one thing to have gotten Wash here under... perhaps less than entirely honest pretenses. It was purely good luck that had played on Maine's side that kept him here last night. But now he had the incredibly awkward task of figuring out how Wash was going to fit into his life, and more importantly, how he was going to fit into Wash's.
They couldn't do what York and Carolina did, steel quick kisses after missions or hold hands across the mess tables. They couldn't joke with their friends about how the other's snoring kept them up last night, or insist that the other left far too much stuff in their quarters.
In fact, thinking about all the things that York and Carolina were practically famous for that Maine could never do with Wash was starting to cause a little black cloud to hover over his otherwise floaty bliss. 'Can't' was overlaying his thoughts more and more as he imagined the future.
"Dammit."
He rolled to his side, getting a fresh scent of Wash and felt a little ache inside. Last night had been like a dream, having, arguably, the most handsome man in the project in his bed, in his arms! Those kisses had been some of the best Maine could ever remember having with anyone. For all he was nervous, Wash could kiss like no one else!
But now... now what? Wash was off at some scheduled task or other, and Maine was brooding over whether he'd ever see Wash inside his quarters again. He wasn't entirely sure where Wash was, and he wasn't entirely sure when he'd see him again, and he was almost positive that a day away was going to irrevocably turn Wash's mind - and good senses - against him.
Okay, so he had been wrong. He had very much been dragged off his wonderful floaty cloud and sent crashing into the jagged rocks of reality.
"Dammit."
Pushing himself off the bed, he rubbed his face and looked around the room as if it held some secret answer to his problem. He poured himself a shot and downed it quickly, gritting his teeth for a moment until the burn passed, then he began pacing.
He wondered if Wash was going to change his mind now. He was a little afraid that he had spooked him beyond what could be salvaged. He probably shouldn't have kissed him so soon. Maybe he should have let him go back to his own quarters last night. Definitely he shouldn't have tried to make a move on him once they had been in bed.
"Dammit, dammit, dammit."
Maine hated feeling helpless, but he also was worried that if he tried to hunt Wash down too soon, he'd frighten him away entirely. No, better to let Wash move at his own pace. Better to let Wash come to him when he was ready, and then just be ready to be there for him, no pressure, no expectations. Just... just be there.
Maine sighed. "Dammit to hell."
***
Wash sat on the edge of his bed, holding his head between his hands and staring at the floor between his feet. That morning had been... surreal was still a vast understatement.
Once he had finally gotten out of bed - which, admittedly, had been hard to force himself to do - he had felt three shades of awkward. Standing up, being out of Maine's bed, out of his arms... suddenly reality was present again, and the realization that he had just spent the night in the bed of another man was disconcerting.
He had found it hard to look him in the eye, and had endured more than enjoyed the kiss goodbye that Maine had given him. Without much explanation for where he needed to be or if Maine would see him again, he left and went straight to the showers.
Standing under the warm spray of water had been strange. It reminded him of the warmth he had felt, that had wrapped him up and held him so safe. It also felt like the night before was finally and firmly over and it was time to move on.
He had gone to the one meeting he had on his schedule, then went back to his quarters, only to find himself sitting staring at the floor and wondering what the hell he was supposed to do now.
Once again, he found himself wondering if he actually felt anything for Maine himself, or if it was just the only option available to him, the only possibility in a world where such things were a terrifying prospect. He hadn't even gotten so far as to question what would happen if they didn't work out, because he was still trying to figure out if they were even a 'they'.
What would that even mean? They. What did he even know about Maine? Okay, well, he knew he was bi. That was one point in favor of them being together. He kissed amazing. Well, Wash thought he did, anyway, but seeing as he had nothing to really compare it to... well I guess technically that would mean Maine was the best kisser Wash had ever... uh.. kissed.
But what else? He had a horrible reputation as a playboy, liked to drink, was cocky as all hell, had an amazingly well-muscled chest, a voice that soothed away all his- no wait, this was supposed to be the negative list! Focus.
He knew nothing about Maine's personality outside of brief observations, had never had much chance to see him interact with anyone else, and was somewhat uncomfortable with how easily he had lured him back to his quarters yesterday. Though true, that last one was more Wash's fault than Maine's. Still, this was the "negative things about Maine" list, not the "negative things about me." He'd deal with himself later.
Maine. Hell, he didn't even know what the man's real name was. Of course, that worked both ways at the moment.
Alright, alright. Positive things about Maine.
He... Wash had to admit, he was a good listener. He had been both understanding and remarkably insightful when they had been talking about Wash's self revelation and everything that had meant for him. He had understood what he was going through, and yet had just enough of an outside view to offer some good advice. And he was accepting. He hadn't once ridiculed him or teased him in any way for who and what he was. That was definitely a major point in his favor.
Maine was nice to look at. That definitely could have been worse. An image of Wyoming flashed through his mind and he shuddered, quickly pushing it out again. Oh yes, many a worse Freelancer might have been the one to find him out and try to do something about it. As far as pure physical appeal was concerned, Maine was definitely one of the better choices in the project.
And he did seem to care. He wasn't sure why, exactly. Maine must know as little about him as he knew of Maine, but he had a sort of irreverent genuineness to him that was at once both contradictory and yet seemed to perfectly summarize the man. He did seem to truly care about him.
Wash closed his eyes and couldn't help but smile as Maine's image flashed through his mind. He was definitely nice to look at. And for all Wash questioned his sanity and sensibilities at staying with him last night, he was kind of glad he had stayed. It had worried him when Maine tried to go further, but he was grateful that the other had stopped when it was clear he wasn't at all ready. That counted for a lot, actually.
Now he was sitting alone. Familiar. So familiar. But it wasn't a good kind of familiar. He had been alone for so much of his life that it now lay in sharp, painful contrast to the brief, beautiful moment of togetherness he had experienced. For all it frightened him, for all he mulled over the worst possible outcomes, for all he questioned the sanity of such a course, he didn't want to be alone anymore. Maybe that more than anything drove his decision.
He stood up and walked to his door, determined to know for sure what was possible now. He hesitated a moment, knowing that once he left his quarters he would have set himself on a path he might not be able to alter. He might be putting into motion forces that could destroy him, his career, even his freedom.
Taking a deep breath, he opened the door. Maine froze half way to a knock.
Maine looked almost afraid. Wash was too shocked to react at first.
Maine mentally kicked himself. Dammit, he thought, I knew this was a bad idea! I knew it! Now look at him, he looks terrified! "I'm sorry, I didn't - I mean, I'm not trying to be pushy or.. I just wanted to-"
"I was just on my way to see you," Wash interrupted, bringing Maine's tumble of excuses to a halt.
"Really?"
Wash nodded, then smiled just barely. Maine smiled then, also.
"So, what did you want to see me about?"
Wash shrugged. "I... I missed you. Already." He let out a brief, humourless laugh and half expected Maine to laugh back at him, but he didn't. "Pretty pathetic, huh?"
Maine shook his head. "Not a bit."
They stood in awkward silence for a few moments before Maine finally came to his sense enough to step into the room, careful to observe whether Wash had any sort of negative reaction to this move, then shut the door behind him.
"So how.. how does this work?" Wash asked. He recalled trying to come up with some caution earlier that morning, and decided now would be a good time to express it. "I do need to tell you that I... I don't know if I'm ready for anything. I don't even know if I'm really attracted to you or... or just the idea of finally being with somebody."
Maine flinched just slightly, but nodded and stayed silent. He had kind of picked up on that anyway.
"I just don't want..." he trailed off a little, suddenly seeing as totally insignificant all the things he thought were so important a moment ago. Raising his eyes at last to look Maine in the face, he felt an entirely new desire grow inside him. "I want to try, though. I do want to at least try. Maybe... maybe we don't work out. But-"
He stopped when Maine took hold of one of his hands and just held it. The feelings that one simple act caused to spark through his system told him he had little choice but to accept that this was what he wanted.
"We make our own rules, Wash," Maine said, finally feeling like it was his turn to speak. "Nothing dictates what we do or how fast we go but us. And I am more than willing to walk as slow as you need, because this is where I want to be," he said, moving in a little closer. "Right beside you."
Wash felt all sorts of upside down once again, his insides spinning and tossing and making him feel at once high as a kite and sick as a dog. He was not entirely convinced he wasn't going to throw up at some point in the near future.
Maine brought one hand up to his face and just gently caressed his cheek for a moment. Wash felt that steady him and took a deep breath. "So, what do we do?"
"Well," Maine said, having thought this part through and more than a little relieved he had lasted long enough to make it here. "I thought we could play a game."
Wash felt almost suspicious of the suggestion. "What kind of game?"
"Battleship?"
Wash stared at him. Blinked. Then laughed. "Are you - you're serious, aren't you?"
Maine grinned and nodded. "You bet. I figure... what better way to break the ice than with some good old fashioned fun?"
"Old fashioned is right," Wash agreed, though wasn't so sure he agreed on the 'fun' part. But Maine looked so hopeful and... and god, his face was just glowing with joy! Wash was almost startled by just how much the younger man's countenance brightened and... well after all, it could be argued to be a battle simulation, right? Which, arguably, was a perfectly acceptable diversionary activity. Nothing suspect about it. Two Agents engaging in a mock battle simulation. "That sounds nice," he nodded at last.
Maine edged just a little closer. "I'm glad." Then he kissed him ever so gently before pulling back and looking at him with eyes that positively glittered with excitement and mirth.
For all that Wash would never in a million years have thought to play an actual game, he couldn't help but recognize just how perfect a suggestion it was. They were able to relax, it did end up being quite fun, and it let them be more themselves with one another. Anything less might have ended up being awkward and uncomfortable, but this simple thing disarmed all his reservations and let him just be without feeling like he needed to do anything else but just enjoy Maine's company. Any fears that Wash had of Maine being after a quick conquest were banished entirely. More than that, Wash was beginning to accept that he might really be attracted to Maine himself.
"Maine?"
"Yeah?"
"...what's your name?"
Maine cocked his head to one side and gave him an odd little smile before brushing some stray hairs out of his eyes. "Michael."
Wash smiled. "I like that name." Then he leaned across the table, and kissed him slowly, tentatively, as if trying it on for size. Oh yes, he decided. He was willing to give this a try.