Parting is such sweet sorrow.
Warning: tissues recommended.
"Church?" The call echoed through the base. "Chuuuuuuurrch?"
"Go away," he mumbled to himself, knowing there was no way the rookie could hear him.
"Church!"
Church had never quite figured out how Caboose could be on the other side of the base one second and at his door the next. "Go Away!"
"But, Church, I have something to show you!"
Church rubbed his head. He had a headache. It was amazing how Caboose could instantly cause one just by appearing. He had been fine just moments before, but now his head was throbbing.
He turned around to see the rookie (was it really fair to call him that anymore?) holding out a scribbled drawing in blue and found he suddenly could not swallow past the lump in his throat. Biting his lip to prevent any appearance of emotion, he took the offered picture and stared at it. The drawing was awful, exactly what a proud mother would display on the refrigerator door and pointedly show to everyone who visited, and no one was ever quite rude enough to ask what the picture was of. But Church knew what it was. The colors gave it away.
"I did not want you to forget me," Caboose explained. "So I made you this."
Church nodded.
"You are leaving now?"
Church nodded again, afraid that speaking would betray just how close he was to shedding tears.
"Okay. I hope you have a lot of fun at your new base! Aren't you glad that Tucker won't be there? But maybe you can have your own room finally and you can hang that on the wall and always remember Blood Gulch."
Church didn't say that Sidewinder would melt before he missed this place. He didn't say a lot of things.
"Can I kiss you?"
Church's head snapped up. He did not just hear that. "What? Why the hell would you kiss me?!"
"That is what best friends do when they say goodbye!" Caboose offered, a cheery grin on his face.
"Where did you get that idea?" Church said, his voice a few octaves higher than he had intended.
"Well, my mom always said that my dad was her best friend and every time they said goodbye to one another they would kiss."
Church's heart was racing. "Yes, but, they were married!"
"Do you want to marry me?" Caboose asked.
Church was almost terrified by the hopeful tone in the rookie's voice. "What? NO!"
"Yeah." He nodded as if he possessed some sage understanding. "You are going to be so far away. That is no way to make a marriage work."
Church's head started to throb even harder.
"But you are still my bestest friend ever, and you always will be. So I should kiss you before you go, so you'll never forget."
Church wet his lips slightly. This... there was no way this could end well. At all. But he didn't resist as Caboose walked up and put his arms around his neck. He didn't pull away as the rookie leaned in, his eyes closing. He didn't fight as soft, warm lips found his own.
He swallowed back a sob and returned the kiss.
In that moment, Church's head exploded with a million thoughts of what ifs and if onlys. It wasn't fair. Nothing in this whole goddamn canyon had ever been fair, but this was the cruelest of all. He pulled Caboose tight against him, knowing this was the first, last and only time he would ever do this.
He felt the other's arms tighten around him, heard the little moan form in the other's throat. Why? Why couldn't he have what he wanted, just this once? Why was he doomed forever to lose the only people he ever cared about?
Church pulled back, breaking the kiss and turning out of Caboose's arms. He couldn't. He knew he couldn't, why he never could. He squeezed his eyes shut.
"That was a nice kiss, Church," Caboose said.
Church nodded.
"Don't forget me, okay?"
Church shook his head. How the hell could he ever forget?
Caboose turned him back to face him. "Ok, now I say 'Have a good time, honey,' and you say 'I'll call you when I get there,' and then I say 'Travel safe,' and then you-"
Church silenced him with another kiss. This was the only time he was ever going to do this, so he was going to make it count, dammit! He pushed Caboose up against the wall, wondering if he could ever get the taste of muffins out of his mind. Caboose's kiss had been soft, but his was hot. Caboose's kiss had been tender but his burned with years of denied passion.
He knew Caboose would do whatever he asked him right now. He knew Caboose would do anything with him and never give it a second thought of whether it was wrong or not. But Church would. He would agonize over it every day if he really went as far as he wished he could.
Breaking the kiss again, he turned around, then grabbed his bag. "I have to go," he breathed, not trusting his voice at all.
Caboose was still pressed up against the wall, looking half-stunned over what had just happened. Just as Church walked out the door he heard him call out again. "Wait! Church! You forgot!"
Turning around, Caboose was holding out the picture again. Church took it and this time there was no fighting the tears.
"Have a good time, honey," Caboose said.
Church wiped at his face, and then brushed his thumb over Caboose's tears as well. "I'll call you when I get there," he mumbled.
"Travel safe," Caboose said as Church turned away and walked out of the base to where the transport ship was waiting. "I love you, Church!" he hollered from the front door just as the engines were firing up. Just like his mom had always done for his dad. Caboose kept watching until long after the ship had disappeared from view.
"Don't hide too well, Church," he murmured, his fingers playing across his lips. "I might not be able to find you again."
***
Church was dropped off at his new base. He was told they were awaiting a new squad but there had been a delay in the transfer so he might be on his own for a few days. Church insisted that was fine.
When he got in, there wasn't much to see. He found a room that seemed feasible enough and dropped his bag on the floor. Pulling the picture out of his pocket, he pinned it up beside his bed. The image of the blue and cobalt soldiers standing hand in hand with the big red heart over their heads smiled back at him.
Church buried his head in the pillow and cried himself to sleep.
"Church?" The call echoed through the base. "Chuuuuuuurrch?"
"Go away," he mumbled to himself, knowing there was no way the rookie could hear him.
"Church!"
Church had never quite figured out how Caboose could be on the other side of the base one second and at his door the next. "Go Away!"
"But, Church, I have something to show you!"
Church rubbed his head. He had a headache. It was amazing how Caboose could instantly cause one just by appearing. He had been fine just moments before, but now his head was throbbing.
He turned around to see the rookie (was it really fair to call him that anymore?) holding out a scribbled drawing in blue and found he suddenly could not swallow past the lump in his throat. Biting his lip to prevent any appearance of emotion, he took the offered picture and stared at it. The drawing was awful, exactly what a proud mother would display on the refrigerator door and pointedly show to everyone who visited, and no one was ever quite rude enough to ask what the picture was of. But Church knew what it was. The colors gave it away.
"I did not want you to forget me," Caboose explained. "So I made you this."
Church nodded.
"You are leaving now?"
Church nodded again, afraid that speaking would betray just how close he was to shedding tears.
"Okay. I hope you have a lot of fun at your new base! Aren't you glad that Tucker won't be there? But maybe you can have your own room finally and you can hang that on the wall and always remember Blood Gulch."
Church didn't say that Sidewinder would melt before he missed this place. He didn't say a lot of things.
"Can I kiss you?"
Church's head snapped up. He did not just hear that. "What? Why the hell would you kiss me?!"
"That is what best friends do when they say goodbye!" Caboose offered, a cheery grin on his face.
"Where did you get that idea?" Church said, his voice a few octaves higher than he had intended.
"Well, my mom always said that my dad was her best friend and every time they said goodbye to one another they would kiss."
Church's heart was racing. "Yes, but, they were married!"
"Do you want to marry me?" Caboose asked.
Church was almost terrified by the hopeful tone in the rookie's voice. "What? NO!"
"Yeah." He nodded as if he possessed some sage understanding. "You are going to be so far away. That is no way to make a marriage work."
Church's head started to throb even harder.
"But you are still my bestest friend ever, and you always will be. So I should kiss you before you go, so you'll never forget."
Church wet his lips slightly. This... there was no way this could end well. At all. But he didn't resist as Caboose walked up and put his arms around his neck. He didn't pull away as the rookie leaned in, his eyes closing. He didn't fight as soft, warm lips found his own.
He swallowed back a sob and returned the kiss.
In that moment, Church's head exploded with a million thoughts of what ifs and if onlys. It wasn't fair. Nothing in this whole goddamn canyon had ever been fair, but this was the cruelest of all. He pulled Caboose tight against him, knowing this was the first, last and only time he would ever do this.
He felt the other's arms tighten around him, heard the little moan form in the other's throat. Why? Why couldn't he have what he wanted, just this once? Why was he doomed forever to lose the only people he ever cared about?
Church pulled back, breaking the kiss and turning out of Caboose's arms. He couldn't. He knew he couldn't, why he never could. He squeezed his eyes shut.
"That was a nice kiss, Church," Caboose said.
Church nodded.
"Don't forget me, okay?"
Church shook his head. How the hell could he ever forget?
Caboose turned him back to face him. "Ok, now I say 'Have a good time, honey,' and you say 'I'll call you when I get there,' and then I say 'Travel safe,' and then you-"
Church silenced him with another kiss. This was the only time he was ever going to do this, so he was going to make it count, dammit! He pushed Caboose up against the wall, wondering if he could ever get the taste of muffins out of his mind. Caboose's kiss had been soft, but his was hot. Caboose's kiss had been tender but his burned with years of denied passion.
He knew Caboose would do whatever he asked him right now. He knew Caboose would do anything with him and never give it a second thought of whether it was wrong or not. But Church would. He would agonize over it every day if he really went as far as he wished he could.
Breaking the kiss again, he turned around, then grabbed his bag. "I have to go," he breathed, not trusting his voice at all.
Caboose was still pressed up against the wall, looking half-stunned over what had just happened. Just as Church walked out the door he heard him call out again. "Wait! Church! You forgot!"
Turning around, Caboose was holding out the picture again. Church took it and this time there was no fighting the tears.
"Have a good time, honey," Caboose said.
Church wiped at his face, and then brushed his thumb over Caboose's tears as well. "I'll call you when I get there," he mumbled.
"Travel safe," Caboose said as Church turned away and walked out of the base to where the transport ship was waiting. "I love you, Church!" he hollered from the front door just as the engines were firing up. Just like his mom had always done for his dad. Caboose kept watching until long after the ship had disappeared from view.
"Don't hide too well, Church," he murmured, his fingers playing across his lips. "I might not be able to find you again."
***
Church was dropped off at his new base. He was told they were awaiting a new squad but there had been a delay in the transfer so he might be on his own for a few days. Church insisted that was fine.
When he got in, there wasn't much to see. He found a room that seemed feasible enough and dropped his bag on the floor. Pulling the picture out of his pocket, he pinned it up beside his bed. The image of the blue and cobalt soldiers standing hand in hand with the big red heart over their heads smiled back at him.
Church buried his head in the pillow and cried himself to sleep.