Episode 94
Summary: Re-watching Season 5 brought this little gem to life. Grif's real reaction to his sister naked!
"Oh hey, look! She's not dead, she's just naked!"
"PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON! What's the one thing I told you?? Don't embarrass the family!"
"I don't think she's embarrassing -whoa, why is she doing splits?"
What bothered him most about having three men drooling over the lithe, naked form of his little sister - that was currently bending in ways that just should not be possible - wasn't exactly that she was naked.
Oh, he was outraged at that. I mean, seriously... Doc? Well, it could have been worse, it could have been Tucker! But come on, did she really need to do that trick with her leg?
It wasn't that his sister had somehow managed to find herself naked within 12 hours of landing, despite his insistence that she not embarrass the family! He knew she worked fast, and he was actually a little surprised that she was only naked and that they hadn't caught her on her way to her seventh abortion. (He quietly died a little inside, knowing how many times he had failed to get to be an uncle.)
What bothered him most was not even the very nauseating concept of Sarge that suddenly entered his mind. Sarge!? And his sister? There were few things he could have conjured up that could have made him feel more instantly disgusted. And he did not even want to begin to have to imagine that Sarge was turned on by this, or what that implied. He shuddered mentally and pushed the thought out as quickly as he possibly could.
No. What bothered him most about this predicament, though he'd never admit it to anyone, was that his sister's naked body was making his boyfriend stiff as a post.
Oh he didn't have to see Simmons to know that. He knew it by the way he was standing, by the tone of his voice, by the way the maroon soldier couldn't drag his eyes away from the screen before them and kept trying to cram dollar bills into various drives. It wasn't even that it was because of his sister, though that did add a whole new realm of bizarre to the moment. It was that Simmons was so clearly getting off on someone else.
Lately they had fallen into routine. Oh sure, it was comfortable and nice and all, but it wasn't really hot or passionate anymore. The sex was good, but seriously, when was sex ever really bad? So maybe it was the fear that Simmons was only gay for lack of options? Maybe he was only with Grif because there wasn't anyone else to be with. Maybe...
Maybe Grif was feeling just a bit insecure.
"Come on, that's my sister! And you're looking at her naked!" But what Grif really wanted to scream was, 'why don't you do that for me? Why doesn't my body turn you on like that?'
"So? She's not our sister!"
"Stop looking at her!" he cried ineffectually. Stop looking, dammit, you cockbite! Stop making me jealous over my little sister! That's just weird! Stop making me feel insecure! Stop getting so turned on by a girl! How can you expect me to compete with this?
Ok, so Grif did have to admit if it had been any other woman there, he probably would have been licking the screen himself. But it wasn't any other woman, it was his baby sister. And Simmons wasn't any other guy drooling over her, it was his boyfriend for fuck sake!
"Ohhh, look, she's puttin' her armor back on. Uh, I mean, oh look, she is putting her armor back on. Good work Soldier!"
Grif sighed. "Don't patronize me."
He wanted to slap Simmons. He really did. Slap some sense into his irritatingly thick Dutch-Irish skull.
He didn't say anything. He stood off to the side as the other three moved on so some new, boring topic that he had no interest in listening to. He made a few token comments, scoffed at their new plan to take Blue Base, and generally was moody and sullen the entire time. Except for the brief glimmer of delight he had in imagining throttling his little sister. That would be fun.
But no one was at Blue Base. They were all at their base now! Wait, so they had just captured one another's bases? Stupid, fucking war. They had better not touch his stuff.
Leaving the others on top to watch as the Blues got their asses handed to them by another Freelancer, Grif went to explore inside. Blue Base did offer a change of scenery at least. Or at least, a bit of a nice walk down memory lane with light hints of nostalgia tinged with longing sighs.
He rifled through Tucker's underwear drawer. Thongs, mostly. A few tiger striped bikinis. Ooh silk boxers! That might be a nice change. He stuffed them down in his pocket. Oddly, going through Tucker's room felt a little too close to Donut's room. Oh they decorated different. That is to say, Donut decorated. But their items were eerily similar. Body lotions, massage oils, smelly stuff that Grif couldn't identify... Definitely nothing pink in here, though.
The beer wasn't his brand, but it'd do. He kicked the Blue's fridge closed, then snitched a bag of Fritos and some half-burnt cookies as well. Meh, better than nothing. He sat on the edge of the hole and thought about the time he and Simmons had spent here. Church's bed had been amazingly comfortable. Way better than their own. That sucked. He wanted to crawl into it again. Only he didn't want to be alone, he wanted Simmons there. He wanted Simmons to want him.
Grif sighed. He wanted Simmons to get as hot and horny for him as he had for his sister.
And that was just fuckin' sad.
"Oh hey, look! She's not dead, she's just naked!"
"PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON! What's the one thing I told you?? Don't embarrass the family!"
"I don't think she's embarrassing -whoa, why is she doing splits?"
What bothered him most about having three men drooling over the lithe, naked form of his little sister - that was currently bending in ways that just should not be possible - wasn't exactly that she was naked.
Oh, he was outraged at that. I mean, seriously... Doc? Well, it could have been worse, it could have been Tucker! But come on, did she really need to do that trick with her leg?
It wasn't that his sister had somehow managed to find herself naked within 12 hours of landing, despite his insistence that she not embarrass the family! He knew she worked fast, and he was actually a little surprised that she was only naked and that they hadn't caught her on her way to her seventh abortion. (He quietly died a little inside, knowing how many times he had failed to get to be an uncle.)
What bothered him most was not even the very nauseating concept of Sarge that suddenly entered his mind. Sarge!? And his sister? There were few things he could have conjured up that could have made him feel more instantly disgusted. And he did not even want to begin to have to imagine that Sarge was turned on by this, or what that implied. He shuddered mentally and pushed the thought out as quickly as he possibly could.
No. What bothered him most about this predicament, though he'd never admit it to anyone, was that his sister's naked body was making his boyfriend stiff as a post.
Oh he didn't have to see Simmons to know that. He knew it by the way he was standing, by the tone of his voice, by the way the maroon soldier couldn't drag his eyes away from the screen before them and kept trying to cram dollar bills into various drives. It wasn't even that it was because of his sister, though that did add a whole new realm of bizarre to the moment. It was that Simmons was so clearly getting off on someone else.
Lately they had fallen into routine. Oh sure, it was comfortable and nice and all, but it wasn't really hot or passionate anymore. The sex was good, but seriously, when was sex ever really bad? So maybe it was the fear that Simmons was only gay for lack of options? Maybe he was only with Grif because there wasn't anyone else to be with. Maybe...
Maybe Grif was feeling just a bit insecure.
"Come on, that's my sister! And you're looking at her naked!" But what Grif really wanted to scream was, 'why don't you do that for me? Why doesn't my body turn you on like that?'
"So? She's not our sister!"
"Stop looking at her!" he cried ineffectually. Stop looking, dammit, you cockbite! Stop making me jealous over my little sister! That's just weird! Stop making me feel insecure! Stop getting so turned on by a girl! How can you expect me to compete with this?
Ok, so Grif did have to admit if it had been any other woman there, he probably would have been licking the screen himself. But it wasn't any other woman, it was his baby sister. And Simmons wasn't any other guy drooling over her, it was his boyfriend for fuck sake!
"Ohhh, look, she's puttin' her armor back on. Uh, I mean, oh look, she is putting her armor back on. Good work Soldier!"
Grif sighed. "Don't patronize me."
He wanted to slap Simmons. He really did. Slap some sense into his irritatingly thick Dutch-Irish skull.
He didn't say anything. He stood off to the side as the other three moved on so some new, boring topic that he had no interest in listening to. He made a few token comments, scoffed at their new plan to take Blue Base, and generally was moody and sullen the entire time. Except for the brief glimmer of delight he had in imagining throttling his little sister. That would be fun.
But no one was at Blue Base. They were all at their base now! Wait, so they had just captured one another's bases? Stupid, fucking war. They had better not touch his stuff.
Leaving the others on top to watch as the Blues got their asses handed to them by another Freelancer, Grif went to explore inside. Blue Base did offer a change of scenery at least. Or at least, a bit of a nice walk down memory lane with light hints of nostalgia tinged with longing sighs.
He rifled through Tucker's underwear drawer. Thongs, mostly. A few tiger striped bikinis. Ooh silk boxers! That might be a nice change. He stuffed them down in his pocket. Oddly, going through Tucker's room felt a little too close to Donut's room. Oh they decorated different. That is to say, Donut decorated. But their items were eerily similar. Body lotions, massage oils, smelly stuff that Grif couldn't identify... Definitely nothing pink in here, though.
The beer wasn't his brand, but it'd do. He kicked the Blue's fridge closed, then snitched a bag of Fritos and some half-burnt cookies as well. Meh, better than nothing. He sat on the edge of the hole and thought about the time he and Simmons had spent here. Church's bed had been amazingly comfortable. Way better than their own. That sucked. He wanted to crawl into it again. Only he didn't want to be alone, he wanted Simmons there. He wanted Simmons to want him.
Grif sighed. He wanted Simmons to get as hot and horny for him as he had for his sister.
And that was just fuckin' sad.