Fic: Put the Heartbeat Back Inside (Part Three)
“Jensen, hey.”
Jensen blinks awake to the sound of Jared’s voice. This time he doesn’t startle.
Jared’s voice is already familiar and it’s gentle as it gets his attention and drags him from the depths of sleep.
“Thought you might want to know. We’re just getting into Austin,” Jared smiles at him from the driver’s side.
The passenger seat of the Fiesta is decidedly less comfortable than last night’s bed, but he managed to apparently sleep all the way through. He was more tired than he realized.
He stretches awkwardly in the small space, tilting his head and unfolding his arms, pressing his feet hard against the footwell to straighten his legs as best he can.
“Thanks, Jared,” he croaks out. “Sorry I keep passing out on you. I’m not very good company.”
Jared looks at him a moment like he’s about to say something and then his cheeks turn a little pink as he looks away again, reconsidering. It makes Jensen’s chest ache to see how obviously Jared is interested in him. Jensen wants so badly to give in - he wants to give Jared whatever it is that he wants, anything to make him smile, anything to be the cause of those dimples - but Jared deserves so much more than the inevitable disaster that is Jensen’s life right now. Resisting is so much more difficult than he ever considered when he first saw Jared standing outside the Embassy.
“It’s okay,” Jared finally says. “I’m really glad that you’re getting some sleep. Do you know where we’re going once we’re in town?”
Jensen is warmed by how genuinely Jared seems to care for him and he tries not to dwell. He does know where they’re going. He checked the address listed on his lease on a map when he was out that morning in Monterrey and his memory - while shit for anything to do with him - is solid for everything else.
“Yeah, keep going for now, Jared. I’ll let you know which exit.”
Fifteen minutes later Jensen is looking through his window and can see what is supposedly his apartment building coming up on the right. He motions for Jared to keep going.
“Don’t stop here. We’ll park a block over,” he explains.
“Okay,” is all Jared says. Jensen looks over his shoulder at him and that feeling is back, the one from earlier at the border while they were having lunch. Jared is so withdrawn and Jensen knows what he’s doing because he’s doing it, too; he’s trying to get ready to say goodbye.
They pull off the road and Jared puts them in park. Jensen doesn’t think about it, just gets out of the car and grabs his duffel bag from the back seat. He’s thankful when he looks up to see that Jared is out of the car, too, his keys in his hand. He shuffles self-consciously where he stands and looks down. The tilt makes his hair fall in front of his face and it’s almost painful for Jensen to keep his hands to himself instead of reaching out to tuck it back for him.
Jared clears his throat and opens his mouth around an um but Jensen talks over him.
“You could come up,” he says quickly. Jared’s eyes flash up to his, bright and full of hope.
“Really?” He asks and it’s tentative, but the smile spreading on his face is anything but.
“Yeah,” Jensen replies, relieved. This - this can’t be it. Not yet. “I, um. I have no idea what might be waiting for me up there and… I’d feel better if - if you were with me.”
Jared beams at him, threatening to outshine the Texas sun that’s still high in the sky behind him.
“Of course, yeah. Lead the way, Jensen.”
The smile Jensen gives Jared then is more bashful than he could have ever meant it, but he quickly turns away, towards his building, and sets off with Jared following just a step behind.
They get inside the main door and there’s an intercom panel between it and the next, locked doorway. Jensen looks at it a minute before scrolling through the directory.
“You don’t have a key, do you?” Jared asks but it’s more of a statement. He knows what few personal belongings Jensen has on him.
“Nope. I’m going to look for - ah ha! Buzzing the landlord now,” Jensen finds the listing and punches in the number.
“Be right there!” The response is muffled through the device but it’s the one he was going for so Jensen lets himself look smug when Jared looks reassured. Jared laughs at him a little and Jensen counts it as a win. Not a full minute goes by when a middle aged black woman is coming towards them through the foyer. When she sees Jensen she smiles and appears relieved.
“Mr. Ackles!” She greets him as she opens the door and waves them in. “I was beginning to worry about you.”
“Oh, I’m doing just fine, thanks,” Jensen says easily. “I’ve just been away and I managed to lose my keys!”
“Of course you have,” she returns, giving him an unsurprised, maternal glare. “Come on up, I’ll let you in.”
Jared and Jensen share a look and Jensen winks at him behind her back just to watch Jared roll his eyes as they follow her to the elevator. She takes them to the third floor, apartment 325, and she’d look stern as she unlocks the door except for the small quirk at the corner of her mouth.
“Now Mr. Ackles, you let me know if there’s anything else you need from me. Glad you’re back.”
“Thanks very much. That’s everything for now,” Jensen waves as she walks away and he shuts the apartment door behind them.
He’s been pouring over every detail of everything they’ve passed since they parked, desperately hoping something will look familiar, but so far nothing has. The same goes for the inside of the apartment.
He and Jared split up, wandering through the rooms slowly, taking it all in. There is nothing personal or revealing about anything inside. Everything is clean, white, and sparse. There are no family photographs on any shelves or on the wall, only a few pieces of generic looking art. A bad feeling starts to grow in the pit of his stomach and Jensen is on edge. He doesn’t like that Jared isn’t somewhere he can see him.
“Jared?” He calls out while checking the fridge. It’s empty.
“In your office, Jensen,” he calls back and Jensen follows the sound of his voice. There isn’t a computer on the desk, but there’s a space for a laptop. Like the other rooms in the apartment, the office is mostly bare with the exception of some non-descript books on a shelf and a phone on the desk.
“Does any of it look familiar?” Jared ventures hopefully. Jensen shakes his head and reaches for the phone, punching the redial button and listening as it rings. Jared looks a little anxious - definitely uneasy - but starts to wander out of the room. Just as Jensen opens his mouth to ask him to stay close, a woman picks up on the other end of the line.
“ Good afternoon! You’ve reached the Hotel Beaux Arts Miami. My name is Erica. How can I be of service ?”
“Erica, hi! Yeah, I’m trying to track down a friend of mine. I think they’re staying at your hotel. Could you check for me?”
“ Absolutely, sir. What is the name? ”
“Jensen Ackles,” he answers and in the pause that follows he can hear her typing away.
“ Hm ,” she hums and it doesn’t sound positive. “ I don’t have any guests by that name. So sorry, sir. ”
Jensen frowns and thinks a moment. The other names on all the other passports come to mind and he decides he’s got nothing to lose, so…
“That’s okay, Erica. There’s actually a group of us and I’m not sure who the reservation is under. Could you try another name for me? How about Dean Winchester…”
There’s more typing and then -
“ Oh, I do have record for that name, actually. But - ”
There’s a sudden loud crash - glass shattering - from the other room and the sound of a body dropping, the air whumped out of it.
“Jensen!” Jared yells out and his voice is strangled, panicked - scared.
Jensen had dropped the phone the second he heard the crash but now he’s moving quickly with silent, deliberate purpose toward the sound of the crash and where Jared’s struggling, panted breaths are like a beacon. Jensen’s whole body is lit up, riding the edge and primed like a hair trigger; he turns the corner into the living room and doesn’t think twice, only moves.
Jared is on the ground, surrounded by broken glass where the asshole who currently has him pinned down broke the big bay window to gain access and get the jump on him. Jared isn’t exactly small and he’s giving it all he’s got trying to keep the guy’s arm from crushing his windpipe but he’s never been in a fight before - that much is clear - and the guy on top of him knows what he’s doing.
Jensen’s hands fist in the back of the guy’s shirt and wrench him off. Jensen doesn’t wait, he just kicks out, striking the centre of the guy’s back, and he winds up face first on the hardwood floor.
“Jared, stay back,” Jensen barks, never taking his eyes off his mark, who scrambles up and is back on his feet and facing Jensen in the span of a blink. Jensen has never seen the guy’s face before but he swears for a moment before he moves, there’s recognition on the stranger’s part. He knows me .
Jensen doesn’t have time to consider it further before there’s a fist coming for his face and Jensen is moving to evade it. The guy’s knuckles clip Jensen’s ear. Jensen drops, landing two punches hard to the guy’s gut. He staggers back and catches his footing quickly, moving to reengage Jensen just as fast.
He keeps Jensen on his toes. This guy is trained, much like Jensen. They’re well matched - not like the guards or cops Jensen was outrunning two days earlier - and Jensen prays Jared stays where he is, on his feet again but backed up against the wall in the farthest corner and out of harm’s way.
They exchange blows as Jensen forces the guy back. Jensen gets an elbow to the temple but his attacker starts to bleed from the right eye. He ducks left and kicks low, striking the inside of the guy’s knee and he goes down hard onto the other. Jensen goes to kick him in the face but the guy grabs his leg and twists; Jensen goes down. He gets his hands under him so he’s in control but the other guy has the advantage. Jensen gets to his knees but then the guy is on him with an arm around his neck, putting him into a headlock and tugging up. He’s pushing hard against Jensen’s throat and Jensen can’t get nearly enough air but he brings his elbow back and strikes the guy in between a couple ribs. He falters for just a fraction of a second but it’s all Jensen needs. He pulls the guy down and kicks up a knee, slamming him hard in the forehead. The guy startles and shakes from the force of it; letting Jensen go, he drops and rolls out to the side, out of reach, before getting up back to his feet facing his opponent.
The guy looks a little worse for wear, especially with the blood still coming down the side of his face from the gash above his eye. They stand opposite each other a moment, sizing each other up, and then the enemy is moving towards him again, but Jensen is ready. He fakes him out with a hook before going in low and coming up with an open-palm to the guy’s chin. In the moment he’s incapacitated, Jensen grabs his arm and moves fast; he kicks hard at the same knee he already hit and hears it snap as the leg breaks at the same time he yanks the guy’s arm straight and out, popping his shoulder. Jensen can hear Jared’s shocked intake of breath and sees him flinch at the sounds in his periphery. His attacker is definitely done now and Jensen lets him fall to the ground, his arm and leg at unnatural angles as he shudders, stunned and likely trying to block out the pain.
As he lies there, Jensen finally looks him over, checking for everything, anything. He’s got to be just a shade younger than Jensen, light stubble on a face of undistinguished features, short brown hair, blue eyes. He’s got a small messenger bag worn tight to his body, though the strap has come loose and the bag is askew after their scuffle. Jensen unclips it and tugs it off.
Jared is standing, bracing himself against the wall and staring down at the bloodied, broken person on the floor with obvious horror.
“Jared, check it. Tell me what’s inside.” He tosses the bag in Jared’s direction and, busy as he is, he still notices how awfully Jared’s hands shake when he fumbles to catch it.
Jensen puts his knee in the centre of the guy’s chest and puts his weight behind it.
“Who are you?” He demands.
The guy just stares past him. Jensen’s anger flares and he grabs the guy by a hand tight in his hair and slams his head back against the floor.
“Who are you?” He asks again. “Who do you work for? Tell me! Who are you?”
He slams his head down again when he remains silent. Internally, Jensen sighs. He doesn’t have the time or patience for this man’s resolve.
In the wake of more stubborn silence, Jensen lets his eyes flash left to check on Jared but he has to do a double take.
The bag is empty on the floor at Jared’s feet, its contents strewn about it, except for some papers that Jared is holding with hands that still tremble violently. He’s staring at them with almost comically wide eyes and his face has gone so pale that Jensen suddenly understands why people use the expression ‘white as a sheet.’ It’s so stark and unsettling that Jensen shifts his focus.
“Jared?” He prompts, trying to get him to snap out of it. “Jared!”
Jensen’s weight is still heavy on the man underneath him and his grip on his hair hasn’t lessened, but as Jared blinks, startled, and looks up at him with his mouth opening and closing slowly on soundless words, Jensen has all of his attention on Jared.
Jared appears stuck, his gaze shifting between the papers and their assailant. He’s starting to sway and looks more unsteady with every second and every rapid breath. Jensen knows what’s happening.
“Shit,” he mutters under his breath and stands up.
“Jensen - Jensen, he - he has - how do they have…” Jared can barely make the words, his voice raspy as he tries to speak. He trails off as he crumples. Jensen is right there and Jared is still conscious but everything has gone out of him. His body is dead weight and Jensen holds on to him with an arm around his back and a hand clutching his arm as he catches and helps ease Jared down to sit on the floor.
“Jared, you gotta take a deep breath, okay? Deep breaths. Please, it’s going to be okay. Just breathe.”
Jared’s legs are sprawled out in front of him and he blinks slowly like he’s in a daze.
There’s noise behind and Jensen whips around to see the man has managed to get up on his good leg. He shares a look with Jensen for a moment that Jensen can’t read and then he turns and hop-runs for the broken window, taking a headfirst dive down three stories to the ground below.
Jared flinches with the sound of every hobbled step and - Jensen didn’t even think it was possible - looks even more horrified that the man just chose a brutal death over answering Jensen’s questions.
“Jared, baby, please. You have to breathe. In and out, okay? Just breathe,” Jensen is desperate to centre Jared and fast. They can’t stay here.
Jared is looking up at him, nodding dumbly, mouthing a word that looks like ‘baby,’ and Jensen grabs the paper from his hand to find out what it is. It’s an APB - for both of them. It has Jensen’s picture - the one from his passport - and two more taken from security cameras at the Embassy in Mexico City. Jensen is described as armed and extremely dangerous. Jared is there, too, with pictures from his passport and at the Embassy. Jensen frowns. They hadn’t hooked up yet at that point. How did they know to look for Jared there? Jensen’s growing sense of dread worsens. He doesn’t know who these people are, but whatever is going on is bigger and more dangerous than he dared imagine. He’s put Jared in so much danger already.
“J-Jensen,” Jared stutters out. “That guy he - he - why would he do that?”
“Doesn’t matter. Jared, we have to go. We can’t stay here. It’s not safe. We have to go. You have to get on your feet. That’s it.” Jensen tucks the paper in his back pocket and gets a firm grip on Jared’s biceps. He helps get Jared back up and then glances down to take a quick inventory of the stuff spilled from the guy’s bag. It looks a lot like the contents of Jensen’s safe deposit box, including a gun and a few ammo clips, which Jensen stoops to pick up and tuck in the back waistband of his pants and pockets.
“W-what do you n-need that for?” Jared nearly whispers and it sounds so scared that it makes Jensen’s heart clench.
“To make sure you stay safe, okay? We have to go. We have to go, come on, Jared. Just keep breathing, let me get you out of here,” Jensen speaks gently, trying to help ground Jared as he steers him out of the apartment, one hand on his hip and the other at his elbow.
They take the elevator down to the main floor without any trouble, Jared leaning back against Jensen’s chest and Jensen white-knuckling his hold on him just to make sure he stays upright. They turn the corner to the lobby and Jensen’s landlady is on the ground inside the secure doors with a bullet in her forehead and a pool of dark blood on the floor behind her.
“Oh, god.” Jared’s whole body convulses and Jensen digs his fingers in as he doubles over and throws up on the tile.
“Jared,” Jensen pleads. He’s sympathetic, he is, but they can’t stop. Police or worse could be showing up any moment. Every second counts. He keeps moving forward, and when Jared gets himself mostly upright he’s wiping his mouth on the back of a shaky arm, finally supporting some of his weight with his own feet.
Jensen manages to get them back to the car and as he folds Jared into the passenger seat he can hear the sirens closing in.
“I’m going to drive, okay? Where are the keys?” Jensen asks as he buckles Jared in.
“Keys?” Jared echoes, like he hears but doesn’t understand.
“Yes, the keys, Jared. Please,” Jensen begs, a hand reaching out to cup Jared’s face. He strokes his thumb over Jared’s cheek and looks at him expectantly.
“Uh - um,” Jared mumbles, his head getting heavy in Jensen’s palm. He’s in such shock Jensen really isn’t sure he does understand him right now.
“God, Jared, I’m so sorry,” Jensen exhales and goes for Jared’s jean pockets with both hands. Jared just sits there while Jensen digs around and finally pulls out the car key.
Jensen closes the car door after making sure Jared is all the way tucked in and then he’s climbing in the driver’s seat in the next moment. He puts on his seat belt, turns the key in the ignition, and takes one last moment to look over at Jared, who is staring out the front window still looking rattled and ashen.
“We’re going to find a place to ditch the car and then a place to lay low, okay? I gotta get you out of here and then… I’m going to get you out of this. Just - keep breathing, Jared. Deep breaths.”
Jensen bites his lip and reaches for Jared’s hand where it’s palm-up and lax in his lap. He gives it a shake and Jared looks down at their hands before looking back up at Jensen, still just as stunned.
“Deep breaths,” Jensen repeats and forces himself to tear his eyes away when Jared starts nodding again. He keeps Jared’s hand in his as he puts the car in drive and takes off in search of somewhere safe.
---
Jared cannot stop shaking. It’s like something at his core is fractured and it just radiates out across his whole body. They’re in Austin and the sun is up but he’s cold and feels it deep in his bones. They drive for a while - how long exactly Jared isn’t sure - until Jensen parks them in the farthest corner of an underground lot.
Jared is aware of Jensen working in and around the car, knows Jensen is talking to him and it sounds soothing - the tone of his voice is gentle and reassuring - but Jared isn’t really hearing him. Something about the license plate, personal belongings, wiping their prints… he wants to help, knows he should be helping, but his brain and his body don’t feel like they’re talking to each other right now. Everything Jensen is doing is background to the million things going through Jared’s mind. He can’t stop seeing Jensen breaking that guy’s leg, putting him down like that, the blood on his face, the way he limped before he… then all of a sudden the guy is on him again, crushing his throat and Jared can’t breathe, he feels dizzy like he’s back in that moment. He squeezes his eyes shut and forces it away, tries to convince himself it’s not real, it’s over, it’s just him and Jensen now.
There’s a hand resting on his knee, warm and gentle. He blinks his eyes open and Jensen is there, crouched down in the space between Jared and the open car door with his bag over his shoulder and the cloth he’s using to clean the car of their prints in his other hand. He’s giving Jared a small smile but Jared can tell he’s worried.
“Hey,” Jensen starts when Jared meets his gaze. “How’re you holding up?”
Jared opens his mouth to answer but his throat feels tight and dry. When he closes his mouth again, he sees how Jensen falters, sees his concern. Jared reaches for Jensen’s hand, the one on his knee, his own still trembling. Jensen lets him thread their fingers together, and when Jensen gives his hand a squeeze Jared thinks he just might be able to get warm again after all.
“Jared,” Jensen looks down and takes a deep breath. “I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am. I had no idea - someone wants me dead, okay? I didn’t mean to drag you into this. I didn’t know it was this bad. We have to leave the car and… you need to go. You need - ”
“ Go? ” Jared sputters out, blinking. Jensen sighs and it sounds sad.
“Yeah, Jared. It’s your best option right now. You take this APB and go to the police, tell them what happened. Get out before you get in any more trouble, in any more danger. God, Jared, he - he could’ve killed you. You could’ve died and - and it’s my fault.”
Jensen is squeezing his hand hard now, Jared isn’t sure he even realizes, but he can see that Jensen’s eyes are glistening even though Jensen won’t look at him. He is just as scared as Jared; and, sure, he's scared for himself, but he's obviously scared for Jared, too. Why else would he possibly be asking him to go, after all they've already been through together?
Jared is lightheaded. What just happened - it was the scariest thing he’s ever experienced, hands down. He really doesn’t want to go through anything like it again, but… any thought he had of turning his back on this, turning his back on Jensen , and walking away doesn’t stand a chance, not when Jensen is holding his hand like this - like he can’t bear to let him go - and it’s so clear that he cares about Jared, too. Jared’s not sure he’s ever felt this way about anyone before and he barely knows Jensen - is terrified of the dangerous unknown attached to him - but the fear is not enough. Jared knows his choice - if there ever even was one.
“Jensen,” he starts, his teeth chattering for the way he shakes. “D-don’t. J-just don’t, please. You couldn’t have known.”
Jensen still won’t look at him. Jared watches him swallow hard.
Jared takes his other shaky hand and reaches for Jensen’s face. He can feel Jensen tense when he touches him but he doesn’t stop, pressing his palm to Jensen’s cheek.
“I’m not leaving you,” Jared whispers.
Jensen finally looks at him, pained. He drops the cloth and reaches for Jared’s wrist as if to pull it away, even as he seems to lean into the touch, clearly conflicted.
“Jared, please… you have to. You don’t deserve this mess.” Jensen sounds desperate. He sounds how Jared feels, and finally, the broken look on Jensen’s face is enough to snap Jared out of it.
"No,” he asserts, his voice firm and resolved. Jensen looks a little surprised and opens his mouth to argue but Jared continues before he gets the chance.
“No. You don't get to sit there and tell me to leave, that I need to save myself or whatever you’re thinking, not when it's clear that you need saving, too. I may not speak half a dozen languages, or have secret fucking ninja moves hardwired in my subconscious, but... the danger you're in? We're in it together now, whether we like it or not. I'm not gonna turn you in just to save my own ass. It’s not gonna happen. Whatever this mess is that you're in, I'm staying in it, too. With you."
Jensen gets to stare at him, wide-eyed and stunned, for only the span of a heartbeat while Jared musters the last of his courage and takes the leap. He leans down, tilts Jensen’s face up with the hand at his jaw, and captures Jensen’s mouth in a desperate kiss to convey the depth of his sincerity, push aside his fear, and fan the flames of this thing he knows is between them. Jensen doesn’t react for just long enough that Jared’s resolve is about to run out, his nerve lost, but then Jensen makes this sound , small and almost hurt, in the back of his throat, and he’s suddenly kissing Jared back. He lets go of Jared’s wrist and reaches for Jared’s face, threading his fingers in Jared’s hair as he drops to his knee and straightens up into the kiss. Jared may have started it but Jensen is taking it over.
Jensen is on the lower ground but Jared feels like he somehow has him pinned to the seat. Jared’s stomach flutters when Jensen uses his grip in Jared’s hair to change the angle. Jensen’s tongue nudges at the seam of his lips and Jared opens for him immediately. A tiny whine escapes him at the first taste of Jensen and Jared would be ashamed but Jensen only deepens the kiss. Jared is still shaking but now it’s for a completely different reason and he lets go of Jensen’s hand on his knee and reaches out instead, fisting his hand in the front of Jensen’s shirt. Jensen is licking into his mouth and Jared feels like he’s melting under his hands, against his lips; he’s dizzy because he’s not getting enough air but he can’t bring himself to stop, never wants to stop; he would happily succumb to Jensen’s kiss right now and - that’s when Jensen starts to pull back.
Jared hears the whimper he makes as Jensen’s tongue disappears, can feel how hotly his cheeks flush, but he can’t help how his fingers close a little more tightly in Jensen’s shirt. Jensen finally breaks the kiss but he keeps his hand in Jared’s hair and rests their foreheads together. Their noses are brushing and Jared can still feel - and taste - the sweet, warm huffs of Jensen’s breath as they both pant, more than a little breathless, and when Jared dares to look at Jensen through his lashes, Jensen is flushed, too, starry eyed, smiling, and looking right back at him.
The upturned curve of Jensen’s mouth helps Jared relax as he catches his breath, and he finally uncurls his fingers from Jensen’s shirt.
“I guess that means I’m stuck with you,” Jensen rasps out, his voice rough. There’s a kind, playful look in his eye and Jared laughs a little, relieved.
“You’re damn right you are,” Jared jokes back, his nerves finally settling, and Jensen kisses him again quick, just a warm press of lips.
“Okay,” Jensen says against his mouth before moving back and standing up. “We really have to go though. I’ve cleaned out the car and wiped our prints. Everything’s in my bag. We’re gonna keep off the main streets and walk to a hostel, try to get some sleep. We’ll set out early tomorrow.”
“Set out? Where?” Jared asks, looking up at him from the passenger seat.
“I’ve got a lead in Miami. It’s going to be a lot more driving but with the two of us, if we take turns, maybe we can drive straight through.”
Jared’s eyes go wide - Miami is even further than Mexico City - but he nods. Whatever Jensen needs.
“Okay,” he agrees, and reaches for Jensen’s shoulder to brace himself as he goes to stand.
“You good, Jay?” Jensen asks gently, reaching for his waist to help hold him as he gets up.
Jared looks down at the way Jensen’s arm wraps around him to keep him steady and his heart warms at the nickname.
“Yeah, actually. Or, I will be,” Jared answers, smiling shyly and leaning into Jensen just because he can. “Lead the way.”
Jensen keeps his arm around Jared as they walk away from his car and Jared can’t bring himself to be sad about leaving it behind. Jensen’s body is warm and comforting along his side and, as he slides his arm around Jensen’s waist, too, Jared already knows he’ll follow Jensen come whatever.
---
They’re on the far side of the city from Jensen’s apartment and find a quiet little hostel with a café on the ground floor where they grab a quick bite to eat. Jensen watches - worries - over Jared the whole while; they choose a corner table and Jared pulls his chair close before he sits, but really only picks at his food. Jensen doesn’t blame him, of course. He’s gone through some pretty traumatic stuff today and Jensen is willing to wager his throat aches at least a little when he tries to swallow.
He closes his eyes and can clearly see the intruder choking the life out of Jared with his arm like a steel rod across his neck. He has to breathe deeply to force the image away but he still feels wracked by guilt that it ever happened - that it happened because of him.
“Jen, you okay?” Jared’s voice breaks through his thoughts and Jensen opens his eyes, looks back at him where Jared is pushing around the barely touched pile of french fries on his plate.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good,” he reassures him. “You think you can stomach a little more of that before we turn in?”
Jensen nods at Jared’s food and Jared looks a little sheepish as he shakes his head. He hesitates a moment and then folds forward, dropping his forehead to Jensen’s shoulder. It makes Jensen’s heart stutter in his chest; Jared is relying on him so much, trusts him even though he has no reason to, and Jensen is overwhelmed by how much it means to him. He’d been holding back, forcing himself to keep his distance from Jared, for his own safety, and it’d been all for nothing. Jared had still gotten hurt, is still in danger, but Jared only wants to be closer still and Jensen can admit he’s more grateful for that than he can possibly say.
He leans down and plants a quick kiss to the top of Jared’s head, his thumb smoothing along the back of his neck.
“C’mon then. You’ll feel better in the morning. Let's call it a night.”
Jensen feels it against his chest when Jared nods, agreeing with him. Jensen knows he’s beat. To be fair, Jensen is pretty wiped, too. It’s been a long, tiring day, and with two days of driving ahead of them they need to get some good sleep tonight.
He tosses some bills down on the table as they stand up together. Jensen takes Jared’s hand in his and they quietly make their way to their room.
They stand side by side in the shared bathroom as they brush their teeth and Jensen is extra thankful he thought to get them some toiletries while he was out now that this adventure will be longer than either of them anticipated. Jared looks sleepy even as he stands there, eyes at half mast, and Jensen bumps him with his hip just to see him grin, foamy, around his toothbrush and catch his eyes in the mirror.
Jared stumbles back to their room and Jensen sticks around to shower. He still doesn’t let his thoughts linger on Jared, even though he can’t get the taste of him or the feel of his lips out of his mind. He’s a little torn up inside because last time they roomed, Jensen didn’t sleep well. His headache flared back at his apartment but was okay the rest of the day and he worries it’ll worsen again as soon as he lies down. He wants to curl up around Jared, keep him safe, feel safe with him, but Jared’s been through a lot - Jensen has put him through a lot - and Jensen isn’t sure how to go about this. If he’s ever dated or been with anyone before - it’s all new to him now. Given his current situation, Jared’s kiss is the only one he knows and he wants to know it so much better but he’s already made enough of a mess of Jared’s life; he has to let Jared take the lead here.
He pads back to the room in a pair of boxers while drying his hair with his towel, trying not to think too hard about being in such close quarters, about their beds being right next to each other; he tries not to think about how undressed Jared might be right now or how difficult it might be to make small talk as they get ready to sleep when he doesn’t want the night to end. He just wants to keep Jared close. And kiss him again, really kiss him, like he did back at the car when he never wanted to stop. He pauses with his hand on the doorknob and takes a deep breath. Get a grip .
He enters the room and huffs out a quiet laugh, shutting the door silently behind him.
Jared is passed out already, sprawled half on his stomach with his face smushed into his pillow but turned towards Jensen’s bed.
Well, that makes it easy, he thinks, smiling, and tosses his damp towel into the corner. He stands between their beds a moment, taking in the peaceful, comforting sight of Jared sleeping, and this time he doesn’t hesitate when he reaches out to tuck back some of Jared’s hair and leans to place a kiss at Jared’s temple. He turns off the light and folds himself into bed, turning on his side to face Jared. He sighs again, tries to let go of the near-disaster that was today, and hopes sleep comes quickly.
---
Jared startles awake. The moment his eyes open it’s gone, but it’s not a stretch for him to guess what was plaguing his dreams. His hand comes up and rubs absentmindedly at his throat as his breathing evens out. He blinks into the darkness and figures it still has to be in the dead of night. His eyes are adjusted quickly and he looks over across the room to where Jensen is sleeping.
Except that Jensen is awake. He’s lying on his back, his arms crossed over his chest, and Jared can see the whites of his eyes in the dark. He can see him wincing, too, and Jared sits up immediately.
“Jensen? Are you okay?” He whispers even though it’s just them in the room.
“Yeah, Jay. Go back to sleep, alright?” Jensen answers just as quietly, without looking at him. Jared is having none of that.
He swings his legs out from under the covers and crosses the distance between them, settling on the edge of Jensen’s bed, by which time Jensen is looking up at him dejectedly.
“You should really try to go back to sleep,” Jensen persists. Jared thinks that’s rich coming from him, since he’s the one who struggles with the shuteye, so he keeps talking like Jensen didn’t even say it.
“It’s your head, isn’t it.” It’s not a question because Jared can tell the answer. Jensen’s face is tight with pain, crinkles at his eyes that aren’t from a smile.
“It’s nothing I’m not used to, Jay,” Jensen admits faintly.
Jared worries his bottom lip between his teeth. He felt braver before, from his own bed, but now, sitting on the edge of Jensen’s with Jensen looking up at him like he does, he gets nervous.
“You said - before you said…” Jared starts and trails off, his hands fidgeting in his lap.
“What, Jay?” Jensen gives him a minute before prompting him, resting a hand on top of his to make them still.
Jared is nervous but he wants this - for himself, and for Jensen, too - especially if there’s even a small chance it will help, but he’s nervous. It’s been a long time since the last time - Jared is shy, he has his best friend and his work, and he’s happy to hide in his academics for the most part - and everything with Jensen feels so big. He takes a deep breath and goes for it.
He stands back up.
“Jared, what - ?” Jensen starts to ask but then Jared is lifting up his blankets and Jensen gets with it right away, moving back in the bed to make room for him.
Jared tucks himself along Jensen’s side, his head pillowed on Jensen’s shoulder and his arm around Jensen’s waist, one leg hitched over his thigh. Jensen feels tense under him again, like the first few seconds of their kiss in the car, but Jared just holds onto him more tightly, burrowing his face into Jensen’s chest.
Finally, Jensen breathes out, relaxing, and Jared can breathe easily again, too. Jensen tilts his head so his chin is against the top of Jared’s head. He covers the arm Jared has across his stomach with his own and the arm under Jared’s neck bends back so Jensen’s hand is in his hair. He starts to comb through it with his fingers and Jared hums, smiling against Jensen’s skin.
Jensen’s other hand is tracing lines back and forth along Jared’s arm and it’s soothing, making it all too easy for Jared to get sleepy again. Jensen hasn’t said anything - has simply let Jared take up the space in his too-small-for-two bed - but he’s got to be sure before he passes out half on top of him.
“Is this okay?” Jared asks, his voice muffled by their closeness. Jensen gives his arm a squeeze.
“Yeah, Jay. It’s okay,” he murmurs.
Jared happily settles where he is, letting his body get heavy and slack as sleep creeps back in. He listens to the steady rhythm of Jensen’s heart next to his ear, his head rising and falling minutely with the in and out of Jensen’s breathing; he can’t be sure but Jensen’s hands have stilled on his body and in his hair, and Jared is glad to think that, just maybe, Jensen is sleeping now, too.
---
Jensen is surprised by how bright it is in their room when he wakes up. He apparently slept solidly after Jared crawled into his arms last night - possibly the first real, full night of sleep he’s managed since he found himself on a random fishing boat in the middle of the Mexican Gulf.
Jared is a warm, heavy weight along his side, his face is still turned in against his chest and Jensen can feel the huffs of his open-mouthed breaths on his skin. Waking up this way is gentle and easily one of the most pleasant things he’s experienced since losing his memory - apart from the taste of Jared’s mouth and the feel of his lips when they’d kissed - and not for the first time he wonders about how many mornings he had like this before, and with whom. He knows it’s kind of sappy and maybe dangerous to think it, but memory or no he can’t imagine anyone else feeling as good or as right lying next to him as Jared does.
He sighs and gives himself a minute to enjoy it even though he really does have to get them moving. Jared will want to shower and Jensen has to acquire them a new vehicle for the drive to Miami. He trails his hand up and down Jared’s exposed back - his skin is so soft and smooth - and marvels at how the giant man somehow manages to look small where he’s curled around him, his long long legs folded up and under Jensen’s, his arm a comforting heaviness across his waist. He looks so much better than he did the night before, all the warm, sunny colour back in his face and none of that pallor or tension that had been there following the disaster at Jensen’s apartment.
Jensen doesn’t let himself dwell on those events, desperate to avoid the tight, sinking feeling in his stomach when he thinks about the danger and now death that seems to be following him - following them . Instead, he increases the pressure of his hand where it still moves, open, across Jared’s back and tilts his head down to kiss the top of Jared’s head, nuzzling his nose into Jared’s messy morning hair and feeling comforted by the smell of him.
Jared stirs, makes a small sound in his throat, and then seems only to tuck himself more tightly into Jensen’s body.
“‘Morning, sunshine,” Jensen says softly, smiling as he tries to look down at Jared’s face.
“Mmm,” Jared hums and Jensen feels his lips press against his side in a lazy kiss.
“Did you sleep okay?” Jensen asks, and Jared finally squirms and looks up at him.
“Yeah. Did you ?” Jared fixes him with a pointed gaze and Jensen has to laugh a little; here he is, this mysteriously trained fighter and his uncoordinated, academic escort is always looking after him. It’s incredibly endearing and warms Jensen’s heart.
“Yeah, Jay,” he answers, smiling softly. “After you joined me.”
Jared looks like he tries to stifle his full smile for a moment but he fails beautifully, beaming bashfully up at Jensen with those damned dimples of his denting his flushed cheeks, clearly pleased, and Jensen has to bite his lip looking back down at him. He’d give his right hand to never see that smile leave Jared’s face.
Jensen brings his hand to Jared’s chin and tilts it up, leaning down to meet Jared’s lips.
“You take your time, shower, grab breakfast and whatever you need to do, okay? I’m gonna get dressed and get us a car. We can head out when I get back,” Jensen says around small kisses.
Jared pulls back to look at him.
“Get us a car,” he repeats with a raised eyebrow. “I don’t want to know how you plan on doing that, do I?”
Jensen tries to look innocent when he shrugs his shoulders and gives Jared a toothy grin. To his credit, Jared just laughs, breathy, and shakes his head.
“Well alright then,” is what he says, and finally he starts to untangle their limbs and roll back so that Jensen can get out of the bed.
Jared immediately flops onto his stomach in the warm spot left by Jensen’s absence, and from under the disheveled curtain of his hair he watches Jensen dig a new shirt out of his bag. Jensen’s smile is sly as he gets dressed, watching Jared watch him, watching that pretty colour creep up into his cheeks again.
“Be back soon,” he says with a wink as he leaves, pulling the door closed behind him. He grabs breakfast from the cafe on his way out, and then he wanders off to find a parking garage and a car to hotwire.
| Part Two | Masterpost | Part Four |