I'll Pull You From The Dark (9/10)
Title: I'll Pull You From The Dark (9/10)
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers (if any): None
Warnings (if any): AU, possible triggering for attacks/violence, fluff and angst, warblers (what the heck, I'll warn for them)
Word Count: 4,174
Summary: My name is Kurt Hummel, and this is my statement. On the night of November 14th, I was attacked. My attacker was a man named Dave Karofsky. Tthe police asked how I even survived. I told them: I was saved. I was saved by a boy whom back then, I’d never even met before. His name is Blaine Anderson, and he’s been saving me ever since.
A/N: So this is the last chapter before the end, I think. Now with the revelation at the end of this chapter, there's only one thing that can happen. The next chapter is where it all ends, and the story will come full circle. I'm thinking of doing an epilogue however, to show what happens after . . . The last chapter is wrote, I just need to re-read it and make some final changes.
Thank you to all of you for sticking with this fic and your unending support- I cannot tell you how grateful I am, and how much your encouragement has meant to me. Thank you, and I hope you've enjoyed it so far.
The dialogue used in the second part is directly from Original Song. I obviously don't own that- thank you to the creators of Glee for supplying such beautiful words and letting me play with it.
The news that Karofsky had been suspended played on Kurt's mind daily. He was torn between the decision of going back or staying at Dalton. He wasn't about to up and leave, he wouldn't do that-Regionals was only a week and a half away and he couldn't leave the Warblers. He was happy at Dalton. He couldn't be sure that going back would mean he would be safe, or even happy. Just because Karofsky had gone didn't mean that it was all over.
It had been almost six months since the attack; half a year, and Kurt Hummel had changed inside and out. He'd become a new person almost, or like he'd grown a new skin. It was like putting on a new coat-it was still him underneath, but now in a brand spanking new package.
He was still unsettled though. Constantly he asked himself, why hadn't Karofsky come back for him? Karofsky had not even bothered to say anything at all to Kurt for six months. Kurt wondered whether it really was over, or whether Karofsky had given up. Kurt was out of the way now at Dalton and couldn't exactly tell anyone Karofsky was in the closet- so why would Karofsky have any problem with him now? As far as Kurt was concerned, the problem was as good as gone.
At least, that was what he hoped. He hoped it really was all over-but things like that never truly are.
Kurt sat in the common room, his textbooks littered around him as he tried to study. It was proving rather hard, however, due to the heap of boys on top of him.
"Kurt. . ." Adam groaned, poking Kurt in the ribs. Kurt rolled his eyes at the Warbler. Adam was raven-haired and the smallest of the Warblers, so he had clambered onto Kurt easily. "Kurt, please . . ."
"I swear, if you all do not get off me right now I will castrate each and every one of you."
"Come on, just one game Kurt?" Jeff pleaded, eyes going wide as he gazed at Kurt, "Just one?"
"I knew I should never have shown you my video games . . ." Kurt grumbled, shifting under the weight of the boys on top of him.
Blaine walked into the common room at that moment and promptly stopped in his tracks when he saw the huddle sitting on top of Kurt. The group stared at him and Blaine stared back, puzzled, before he rolled his eyes and said wearily, "Guys, get off Kurt. He's studying-as always-and won't play with you. Get off him."
"Yes, Blaine," they chorused glumly. They scrambled off of their hostage. Kurt sighed and stretched his back out like a cat, trying to get rid of the ache they'd put there.
"I swear it's like dealing with kids." Blaine mutteret.
"Or animals. Namely monkeys." Kurt rolled his eyes and went back to studying, scooting a little closer to Blaine as he sat beside Kurt. "How are you?"
He felt Blaine shift next to him; Kurt looked up, sensing Blaine's discomfort. Blaine glanced at him, smiling through the nervous frown on his face. He tried to speak for a second but then closed his mouth again. He repeated this for a few more seconds before Kurt said exasperatedly,
"Come on, Blaine, spit it out."
"I want to do a duet with you. For Regionals." Blaine babbled, the words coming out in a rush.
Kurt's eyes widened. He gaped for second, then squeaked, "What?"
Blaine blew a breath out and stared at Kurt, "I . . . I want to do a duet with you. For Regionals. The Warblers have all agreed to it. I asked them if I could do one. With you. They all think it's a great idea."
Kurt gaped, his stomach flipping and gambolling in his stomach suddenly. A duet. With Blaine. At Regionals. It was his dream to sing lead at a proper competition, and now it was finally happening . . . With Blaine of all people . . .
"Will you do it?" Blaine prompted, hands clasping nervously in his lap.
Kurt spluttered for a minute then said breathlessly. "Yes. Yes, I'll do it. I'd love too."
Blaine's face broke into a grin, his eyes lighting up happily. "Excellent." He stood up suddenly and Kurt gasped as Blaine called out to the room, "Guys he said yes!"
"Woo!" The Warblers started cheering and catcalling, much to Kurt's utter embarrassment. He blushed and ducked his head, while Blaine rocked back smugly, his grin stretching even wider as he clapped along with the rest of the boys.
Kurt had still not forgotten about not wanting to let his feelings show for Blaine. He was still adamant that Blaine would not reciprocate his feelings-so far, Blaine hadn't shown any inclination of anything other than platonic feelings for Kurt. There were the flirty duets and the coffee 'dates' and all the times they'd gone out to see a movie, but Kurt questioned every single one each time. He told himself firmly, it wasn't a date. He told himself not to let his heart run away from him again and to not get wrapped up in foolish fantasies. He'd been told no so many times that he'd begun to accept it-it was what made him so careful with Blaine now. Before-like the time with Finn or Sam-he'd worn his heart on his sleeve, and had been almost embarrassing, he would admit it. But he'd at least been open about how he felt. He hadn't been afraid to show someone he liked them-yet where had that gotten him? Scorned, beaten down and even called a fag by someone he trusted.
Kurt had accepted that it was better to shove all of those feelings for Blaine away. It would be better to live with such feelings than living without Blaine altogether because he'd ruined it with any unwanted advances.
Kurt sat in one of Dalton's many rooms, the decor around him the usual finely polished dark wood and mossy green fabrics. He sat at a small round table toward the back of the room and was looking through sheet music, trying to find a song for his duet with Blaine.
The double doors opened and he glanced up to see Blaine in the doorway, smiling at him. Kurt put down the sheets in his hand. "Hey."
"What are you doing?" Blaine asked, strolling towards him.
Kurt looked Blaine over quickly, noticing the nervous gait of Blaine's steps. Deciding not to question it, Kurt shuffled the papers and said, "Sheet music-I'm trying to find a song for us to sing . . ."
Blaine leant against the table. "Well put those away-I've found one."
Kurt raised his eyebrows, surprised. "Oh? And . . .?"
"Candles. By Hey Monday." Blaine stated. He let out a breath and sat next to Kurt, fidgeting on the edge of the seat. "I wanted something more . . . Emotional?"
Kurt tilted his head, looking at Blaine. He fiddled with the paper in front of him for a minute before turning back to Blaine and asking, "OK, can I ask? Why did you ask me to do a duet with you? And why that song?"
Blaine stared at him for second, and Kurt could see Blaine was trying to say something; Blaine opened his mouth, but then seemed to change his mind at the last second and instead said, his eyes never leaving Kurt's, "Have you ever wondered why I never left you all that time you were in the hospital?" he said, his words coming out slowly as though he were choosing everyone with care. "I couldn't leave you. I tried. It seemed so strange to you I bet. I was just some stranger who couldn't seem to leave you alone. But . . . Kurt, there is a moment when you say to yourself, oh there you are. I've been looking for you forever."
Kurt kept the polite smile on his face while Blaine talked, bracing himself. Whatever Blaine was going to say, Kurt wanted to be ready. He watched Blaine breathe shakily, his own apprehension pooling in his stomach.
Blaine moved forward and took Kurt's hand. "Since the day I met you I can't . . . I've never been able to let you go. Seeing your strength, watching you every day . . . That was the moment for me. About you."
Kurt's smile trembled minutely, and he felt his eyes widen. He was frozen, Blaine's words registering in his head only a second late. Disbelief, happiness, confusion-Kurt felt all of it in that moment. He felt a beam bubble up behind his tight smile but he couldn't let it show-he couldn't let himself believe it yet. Blaine still had to deliver his punch line-he could still say yeah I like you, but this isn't going to work. Kurt couldn't let himself be happy, not right now. He still feared it could turn bad at any second.
"You move me Kurt. You've changed my life, and doing this duet with you," Blaine gave a embarrassed sigh, " it would just be an excuse to spend more time with you."
You move me. Kurt eyebrows had risen in shock, and he felt like all the breath had left him. A grin broke through the tight smile, exhilarated and wide enough to hurt his face.
He couldn't process what was happening, but Blaine looked at him, almost like he was asking for permission, and then moved forward-Kurt's head screamed at him to do something, but all Kurt felt was shock. He didn't think this would happen- he didn't that Blaine would happen-and now Blaine sat across from him and had just told Kurt . . . He'd told Kurt he moved him.
Blaine leaned forward until he was a hairs-breadth from Kurt-Kurt stiffened, his body still rigid with shock, eyes still blown wide with disbelief.
A boy, an actual boy-and not just any boy, but Blaine-liked him. Blaine was going to kiss him, and all Kurt could think was oh my God he likes me too, what's happening?
What felt like after an agonisingly slow time, Blaine's lips touched Kurt's. Kurt's heart stuttered and clenched in his chest, his mind going blank as he felt Blaine's hand cup his jaw. Kurt breathed deeply, his body finally catching up with what had happened-his hand flew to Blaine's cheek and he held it there, his lips rolling into Blaine, his breath coming out in a gasp and his mouth flying open.
After a few seconds Blaine moved back. His body had been pressed against Kurt's,and as he moved back Kurt moved with him. Kurt's hand thudded to the desk and he stared at Blaine, his mouth still gaping in shock.
Blaine had just kissed him-Blaine liked him. What Kurt had feared all along was that Blaine would reject Kurt like all the rest, or would tell him no and yell at him for his advances, and make Kurt feel like a freak and feel ashamed for simply loving someone.
What Karofsky had hammered into Kurt's brain had stayed there-the feelings of worthlessness still stayed with Kurt, and had seeped and trickled like water into other aspects of him too. He felt he could never be worth loving-told daily that loving who he did was so wrong, Kurt began to believe it.
No one had ever told him what Blaine had. He'd never think anyone would-there was a reason he was so careful with Blaine in the beginning. Kurt knew whenever he liked a boy inevitably, he would get his heart broken and trodden on, even if it was sometimes unintentional. Kurt had come to accept it now.
Blaine had broken all of the inevitabilities however; when Kurt had thought it inevitable he would never escape Karofsky, Blaine had saved him. When Kurt had thought it inevitable he'd never meet another person as open about being gay as him, Blaine had come along.
He thought it was inevitable that he'd lose Blaine if he ever admitted he liked him, but now Blaine had seen to that too.
Blaine rested his elbow on the table and looked away, smiling giddily, his face flushed pleasantly. Kurt gazed at him, breathing heavily and still smiling exuberantly.
"I'm so glad I finally did that." Blaine murmured. He brushed a hand over his eyes, sounding slightly embarrassed about admitting it.
"So am I. You kept me waiting a long time . . ." Kurt teased.
Blaine looked at him, and grinned. He moved a few inches closer. Kurt's breath caught again and his heart thudded painfully in his chest. "Then let me apologise . . ." Blaine whispered. He kissed Kurt again, and this time Kurt wasn't going to let Blaine move away.
Kurt found Dalton even more enjoyable with Blaine as his boyfriend, even though nothing had changed. They still went out for coffee every day and studied together at night, but the subtle changes-like how Kurt could reach out and twine their hands together whenever he wanted too, or how he could enjoy Blaine kissing him goodnight when Kurt went home-was what made their friendship, and now relationship, all the more sweeter for Kurt. For a few weeks he stayed in a tranquil, hazy bliss; whenever he was with Blaine he would unfold like a bird and soar. The freedom he had, the chance to do whatever he wanted-touch Blaine, stare at Blaine, kiss Blaine-made Kurt happier than he'd ever been.
Regionals was fast approaching; with one member of the Warblers now gone (Derek had been expelled for good, much to Kurt's utter relief) it meant they had to hold auditions for someone to fill in and take Derek's place.
Kurt walked into the Warblers' meeting room where the auditions were taking place to find the Warblers in an uproar.
"No way, Wes! He's not going back there, you can't do that-!"
Blaine was standing in the middle of the room, his whole body tense and rigid with anger. Kurt knew Blaine was only angry when he was still-Blaine was composed, yes, but never still. He faced Wes, who was looking at the junior Warbler helplessly.
"Blaine, we cannot refuse this. The council has a chance to see what we're up against-" Wes began, but Blaine cut him off.
"I don't give a damn about the council right now, he's not going back! I think you're forgetting that he tried to kill Kurt!"
"That was six months ago, Blaine!" Wes argued hotly, "He hasn't even seen him in six months, I think he's gotten over it by now!"
"Blaine? Wes?" Kurt stepped fully into the room, holding his bag close to him as he stared at them both. "What's going on?"
Wes looked round at Kurt in surprise. He glanced at Blaine, who shook his head.
Wes sighed and ignored Blaine, telling Kurt, "The New Directions have invited us to their school for a little showcase-it's a way for them to show us what they're bringing to Regionals."
"They're trying to scare us, basically." Jeff supplied.
Kurt looked back between Blaine and Wes, still confused. "But I don't understand, what's the problem then?"
"You're not going back there, Kurt." Blaine said quietly. His tone had an edge to it.
"Oh, I'm not?" Kurt raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry Blaine, but you don't really have a say in where I can and cannot go."
Blaine shook his head exasperatedly and half rolled his eyes, "I'm not saying that! You know I don't give a crap where you go-go to China for all I care, but you're not going to that school!"
"Why not?" Kurt demanded, "Its safe isn't it? No one will hurt me there Blaine, especially not with Karofsky gone. I'll be with all of you."
Blaine's lips drew back, his eyes distant and his face falling a little. Kurt knew that look-Blaine knew something and he wasn't saying. Something bad.
"What?" Kurt asked quietly. Blaine looked away but Kurt walked forward, eyes hard. "What is it?"
Blaine sighed and rolled his head back towards Kurt, an angry furrow to his eyebrows. "Karofsky's back at McKinley. They let him back there."
Kurt was silent for a minute, his face blank. "How do you know?" Kurt inquired blandly.
Blaine bit his lip, something Blaine hardly did.
"Blaine . . .?" Kurt warned, stepping closer to the boy. A knot twisted in his stomach-there was more, and whatever it was it wasn't good.
"Rachel told me." Blaine confessed, staring at Kurt imploringly. "She didn't know whether to tell you, she didn't want to worry you. But . . . there's more."
Kurt nodded, "Go on . . ."
"When Karofsky got back . . . Apparently he was saying some stuff- and Finn? Finn was trying to defend you, and they got in a fight and . . . Finn's OK, and Karofsky. It was just what he was saying." Blaine's whole face had dropped now into a worried, angry frown. "He said he was gonna try and finish the job. He said he's still going to try and hurt you." Blaine suddenly gripped Kurt's shoulders and stared at him fiercely. Kurt looked back at him blankly, too overwhelmed to even speak. "But I swear Kurt, I'm not going to let that happen, OK? It's not happening-you're not going back to that school, and I'm not going to let Karofsky within a mile radius of you, OK?"
Kurt just shook his head, blinking back tears. Disappointment so bitter that he could taste it on his tongue welled up inside him. "It doesn't matter what you do Blaine, he'll still hurt me. Maybe not physically but . . . I told you, I'm sick of not being able to live my life. I'll still be living in fear."
Like a hole had opened up in his stomach, every happy feeling he'd had the past few days was suddenly swallowed whole, only to be replaced by that churning, awful feeling in his stomach again. Karofsky was coming for him. Kurt had known he would-maybe not to "finish the job", but along with everything else Kurt had learnt, he knew that he couldn't have run from Karofsky forever.
"We'll have to invite them here instead. We can't let Kurt be in danger, but we can't just refuse too." David said. His words were met with silence and furtive glances, but there seemed no other choice.
Kurt looked down, too ashamed and grateful to say anything. It wasn't fair to the Warblers-twice now his own problems had gotten in the way of the competition. He caused so much trouble for them. It just wasn't fair.
When would it be over? When would Karofsky give up and just move on? When he'd finally made sure Kurt wouldn't say anything? When Kurt was finally too broken to even feel anymore? Karofsky would never give up- and until he did, Kurt could never be happy.
After a sleepless night, Kurt emerged got to Dalton the next morning twenty minutes late for his first lesson. Deciding there and then today would not be a good one; he went to the common room to study instead. He stayed there, the hours passing peacefully in the empty room until a familiar voice found him.
"Hey."
Kurt looked up to see Blaine standing in the doorway. He walked in, almost hesitantly. Kurt shuffled over on the couch he was studying on to let Blaine sit beside him.
The common room was quiet again, the two of them sitting in silence. Everyone had gone to lunch or gone outside. The summer sun trickled in through the windows, the dust dancing through the sunbeams that slanted horizontally across Kurt's textbooks.
"How are you?" Blaine asked, his hand folding over Kurt's immediately.
"I'm fi-" Kurt stopped after the look Blaine gave him. He smiled wearily and said instead, "I'm alright, I suppose. Rachel called-there's been no new news about Karofsky. He hasn't said anything else. We're just starting to think they were empty threats now, but . . ." Kurt looked at Blaine, smiling emptily. "We can't be sure."
Blaine nodded. "We can't be sure."
Silence unfolded between them again: it was comfortable, both of them hearing the things that had been unsaid. Instinctively, Kurt moved closer to Blaine.
They were pressed together, their hands clasped between them, and that was all Kurt needed.
"Are you looking forward to tonight?" Blaine asked quietly, not disturbing the peacefulness around them.
Kurt smiled despite the hollowness in his chest. "Yes, I am. I'm looking forward to seeing them all again."
Blaine was quiet for a moment, and then he whispered, "I wish . . . I wish Karofsky wasn't there. I know how much you want to go back . . . I know how much you miss them." He turned his head until his nose was brushing softly against Kurt's cheek. He pressed a kiss there, the touch feather light.
"That's not true . . ." Kurt began but Blaine shushed him.
"It is," Blaine murmured, pressing another kiss to Kurt's cheek. He softly brushed his lips down towards Kurt's jaw, all the while keeping each kiss sweet and light. "I just wish it wasn't. I want you here, with me . . ."
Kurt smiled and squeezed Blaine's hand. "I'm not going anywhere."
Blaine pulled back, one eyebrow cocked and looking like he didn't believe Kurt.
Suddenly Jeff walked into the common room-he stopped when he saw them both together closely on the couch. He rolled his eyes and groaned, "Oh God, did I just miss you both kissing?"
Kurt pulled a face and said, "No Jeff, don't worry. It was very PG, you're OK."
"Kurt," Jeff whined, sitting opposite them, "now Blaine'll be grouchy because he didn't get his make-out on!"
"Kurt, if something very unfortunate happens to Jeff tonight involving a hammer and a body bag please inform his mother that he loves him."
Kurt laughed shortly and then untangled his hand from Blaine's as he got up. "Funny, really."
Blaine looked up at him curiously, "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to get some lunch," Kurt said, rolling his eyes. "Is that OK with you? I've been studying all day, mother."
Blaine smirked and made a shooing gesture. Kurt laughed again; he picked up his bag and walked out, saying:
"Thank you ever so much for your permission to eat, mother, I do like not starving. . ."
"Shut up!" Blaine called, a tell tale grin in his voice.
"Not unless you make me!" Kurt sang, already disappearing into the corridor.
The hallways were mostly empty as Kurt walked: it was nearing the end of the year, though they still had a few more months to go. Regionals weighed heavily on Kurt's mind, but what occupied Kurt's thoughts the most was Karofsky.
Going to the police had solved nothing. The school board had done nothing. No one seemed to give a damn-the crushing, aching weight of being let down by the cops still pressed heavily on Kurt's heart. The only thing that had really eased it had been Blaine. Kurt had been happy. And then suddenly the world had been knocked from under his feet, again, and Kurt was falling, falling, down into the churning darkness and worry and fear, all of which were being caused by Karofsky.
Maybe the only way to deal with it and to really put an end to it all was to confront Karofsky himself.
Kurt had been wondering that if maybe he could just get through to Karofsky, it would be OK. Although Karofsky had seemed pretty hell-bent when he'd attacked Kurt, Kurt could understand where all the rage was coming from. Hadn't he had his own anger to deal with not long ago? Karofsky was lashing out at Kurt because of the unfairness of it all-hadn't that been what had made Kurt lash out too?
Maybe if he could just talk to him he could get Karofsky to understand. Of course, getting Karofsky to listen- or to even stay in the same room as Kurt without him trying to kill him again-would be hard. Kurt didn't even want to go near Karofsky, let alone try and talk to him. But he knew deep down he'd have to face Karofsky soon, and he'd rather do it under his own terms than Karofsky getting him alone again.
Unfortunately though, Kurt didn't get the chance to do it on his own terms. He had to face Karofsky unwillingly, and it took every ounce of his new found strength to do it.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers (if any): None
Warnings (if any): AU, possible triggering for attacks/violence, fluff and angst, warblers (what the heck, I'll warn for them)
Word Count: 4,174
Summary: My name is Kurt Hummel, and this is my statement. On the night of November 14th, I was attacked. My attacker was a man named Dave Karofsky. Tthe police asked how I even survived. I told them: I was saved. I was saved by a boy whom back then, I’d never even met before. His name is Blaine Anderson, and he’s been saving me ever since.
A/N: So this is the last chapter before the end, I think. Now with the revelation at the end of this chapter, there's only one thing that can happen. The next chapter is where it all ends, and the story will come full circle. I'm thinking of doing an epilogue however, to show what happens after . . . The last chapter is wrote, I just need to re-read it and make some final changes.
Thank you to all of you for sticking with this fic and your unending support- I cannot tell you how grateful I am, and how much your encouragement has meant to me. Thank you, and I hope you've enjoyed it so far.
The dialogue used in the second part is directly from Original Song. I obviously don't own that- thank you to the creators of Glee for supplying such beautiful words and letting me play with it.
The news that Karofsky had been suspended played on Kurt's mind daily. He was torn between the decision of going back or staying at Dalton. He wasn't about to up and leave, he wouldn't do that-Regionals was only a week and a half away and he couldn't leave the Warblers. He was happy at Dalton. He couldn't be sure that going back would mean he would be safe, or even happy. Just because Karofsky had gone didn't mean that it was all over.
It had been almost six months since the attack; half a year, and Kurt Hummel had changed inside and out. He'd become a new person almost, or like he'd grown a new skin. It was like putting on a new coat-it was still him underneath, but now in a brand spanking new package.
He was still unsettled though. Constantly he asked himself, why hadn't Karofsky come back for him? Karofsky had not even bothered to say anything at all to Kurt for six months. Kurt wondered whether it really was over, or whether Karofsky had given up. Kurt was out of the way now at Dalton and couldn't exactly tell anyone Karofsky was in the closet- so why would Karofsky have any problem with him now? As far as Kurt was concerned, the problem was as good as gone.
At least, that was what he hoped. He hoped it really was all over-but things like that never truly are.
Kurt sat in the common room, his textbooks littered around him as he tried to study. It was proving rather hard, however, due to the heap of boys on top of him.
"Kurt. . ." Adam groaned, poking Kurt in the ribs. Kurt rolled his eyes at the Warbler. Adam was raven-haired and the smallest of the Warblers, so he had clambered onto Kurt easily. "Kurt, please . . ."
"I swear, if you all do not get off me right now I will castrate each and every one of you."
"Come on, just one game Kurt?" Jeff pleaded, eyes going wide as he gazed at Kurt, "Just one?"
"I knew I should never have shown you my video games . . ." Kurt grumbled, shifting under the weight of the boys on top of him.
Blaine walked into the common room at that moment and promptly stopped in his tracks when he saw the huddle sitting on top of Kurt. The group stared at him and Blaine stared back, puzzled, before he rolled his eyes and said wearily, "Guys, get off Kurt. He's studying-as always-and won't play with you. Get off him."
"Yes, Blaine," they chorused glumly. They scrambled off of their hostage. Kurt sighed and stretched his back out like a cat, trying to get rid of the ache they'd put there.
"I swear it's like dealing with kids." Blaine mutteret.
"Or animals. Namely monkeys." Kurt rolled his eyes and went back to studying, scooting a little closer to Blaine as he sat beside Kurt. "How are you?"
He felt Blaine shift next to him; Kurt looked up, sensing Blaine's discomfort. Blaine glanced at him, smiling through the nervous frown on his face. He tried to speak for a second but then closed his mouth again. He repeated this for a few more seconds before Kurt said exasperatedly,
"Come on, Blaine, spit it out."
"I want to do a duet with you. For Regionals." Blaine babbled, the words coming out in a rush.
Kurt's eyes widened. He gaped for second, then squeaked, "What?"
Blaine blew a breath out and stared at Kurt, "I . . . I want to do a duet with you. For Regionals. The Warblers have all agreed to it. I asked them if I could do one. With you. They all think it's a great idea."
Kurt gaped, his stomach flipping and gambolling in his stomach suddenly. A duet. With Blaine. At Regionals. It was his dream to sing lead at a proper competition, and now it was finally happening . . . With Blaine of all people . . .
"Will you do it?" Blaine prompted, hands clasping nervously in his lap.
Kurt spluttered for a minute then said breathlessly. "Yes. Yes, I'll do it. I'd love too."
Blaine's face broke into a grin, his eyes lighting up happily. "Excellent." He stood up suddenly and Kurt gasped as Blaine called out to the room, "Guys he said yes!"
"Woo!" The Warblers started cheering and catcalling, much to Kurt's utter embarrassment. He blushed and ducked his head, while Blaine rocked back smugly, his grin stretching even wider as he clapped along with the rest of the boys.
Kurt had still not forgotten about not wanting to let his feelings show for Blaine. He was still adamant that Blaine would not reciprocate his feelings-so far, Blaine hadn't shown any inclination of anything other than platonic feelings for Kurt. There were the flirty duets and the coffee 'dates' and all the times they'd gone out to see a movie, but Kurt questioned every single one each time. He told himself firmly, it wasn't a date. He told himself not to let his heart run away from him again and to not get wrapped up in foolish fantasies. He'd been told no so many times that he'd begun to accept it-it was what made him so careful with Blaine now. Before-like the time with Finn or Sam-he'd worn his heart on his sleeve, and had been almost embarrassing, he would admit it. But he'd at least been open about how he felt. He hadn't been afraid to show someone he liked them-yet where had that gotten him? Scorned, beaten down and even called a fag by someone he trusted.
Kurt had accepted that it was better to shove all of those feelings for Blaine away. It would be better to live with such feelings than living without Blaine altogether because he'd ruined it with any unwanted advances.
Kurt sat in one of Dalton's many rooms, the decor around him the usual finely polished dark wood and mossy green fabrics. He sat at a small round table toward the back of the room and was looking through sheet music, trying to find a song for his duet with Blaine.
The double doors opened and he glanced up to see Blaine in the doorway, smiling at him. Kurt put down the sheets in his hand. "Hey."
"What are you doing?" Blaine asked, strolling towards him.
Kurt looked Blaine over quickly, noticing the nervous gait of Blaine's steps. Deciding not to question it, Kurt shuffled the papers and said, "Sheet music-I'm trying to find a song for us to sing . . ."
Blaine leant against the table. "Well put those away-I've found one."
Kurt raised his eyebrows, surprised. "Oh? And . . .?"
"Candles. By Hey Monday." Blaine stated. He let out a breath and sat next to Kurt, fidgeting on the edge of the seat. "I wanted something more . . . Emotional?"
Kurt tilted his head, looking at Blaine. He fiddled with the paper in front of him for a minute before turning back to Blaine and asking, "OK, can I ask? Why did you ask me to do a duet with you? And why that song?"
Blaine stared at him for second, and Kurt could see Blaine was trying to say something; Blaine opened his mouth, but then seemed to change his mind at the last second and instead said, his eyes never leaving Kurt's, "Have you ever wondered why I never left you all that time you were in the hospital?" he said, his words coming out slowly as though he were choosing everyone with care. "I couldn't leave you. I tried. It seemed so strange to you I bet. I was just some stranger who couldn't seem to leave you alone. But . . . Kurt, there is a moment when you say to yourself, oh there you are. I've been looking for you forever."
Kurt kept the polite smile on his face while Blaine talked, bracing himself. Whatever Blaine was going to say, Kurt wanted to be ready. He watched Blaine breathe shakily, his own apprehension pooling in his stomach.
Blaine moved forward and took Kurt's hand. "Since the day I met you I can't . . . I've never been able to let you go. Seeing your strength, watching you every day . . . That was the moment for me. About you."
Kurt's smile trembled minutely, and he felt his eyes widen. He was frozen, Blaine's words registering in his head only a second late. Disbelief, happiness, confusion-Kurt felt all of it in that moment. He felt a beam bubble up behind his tight smile but he couldn't let it show-he couldn't let himself believe it yet. Blaine still had to deliver his punch line-he could still say yeah I like you, but this isn't going to work. Kurt couldn't let himself be happy, not right now. He still feared it could turn bad at any second.
"You move me Kurt. You've changed my life, and doing this duet with you," Blaine gave a embarrassed sigh, " it would just be an excuse to spend more time with you."
You move me. Kurt eyebrows had risen in shock, and he felt like all the breath had left him. A grin broke through the tight smile, exhilarated and wide enough to hurt his face.
He couldn't process what was happening, but Blaine looked at him, almost like he was asking for permission, and then moved forward-Kurt's head screamed at him to do something, but all Kurt felt was shock. He didn't think this would happen- he didn't that Blaine would happen-and now Blaine sat across from him and had just told Kurt . . . He'd told Kurt he moved him.
Blaine leaned forward until he was a hairs-breadth from Kurt-Kurt stiffened, his body still rigid with shock, eyes still blown wide with disbelief.
A boy, an actual boy-and not just any boy, but Blaine-liked him. Blaine was going to kiss him, and all Kurt could think was oh my God he likes me too, what's happening?
What felt like after an agonisingly slow time, Blaine's lips touched Kurt's. Kurt's heart stuttered and clenched in his chest, his mind going blank as he felt Blaine's hand cup his jaw. Kurt breathed deeply, his body finally catching up with what had happened-his hand flew to Blaine's cheek and he held it there, his lips rolling into Blaine, his breath coming out in a gasp and his mouth flying open.
After a few seconds Blaine moved back. His body had been pressed against Kurt's,and as he moved back Kurt moved with him. Kurt's hand thudded to the desk and he stared at Blaine, his mouth still gaping in shock.
Blaine had just kissed him-Blaine liked him. What Kurt had feared all along was that Blaine would reject Kurt like all the rest, or would tell him no and yell at him for his advances, and make Kurt feel like a freak and feel ashamed for simply loving someone.
What Karofsky had hammered into Kurt's brain had stayed there-the feelings of worthlessness still stayed with Kurt, and had seeped and trickled like water into other aspects of him too. He felt he could never be worth loving-told daily that loving who he did was so wrong, Kurt began to believe it.
No one had ever told him what Blaine had. He'd never think anyone would-there was a reason he was so careful with Blaine in the beginning. Kurt knew whenever he liked a boy inevitably, he would get his heart broken and trodden on, even if it was sometimes unintentional. Kurt had come to accept it now.
Blaine had broken all of the inevitabilities however; when Kurt had thought it inevitable he would never escape Karofsky, Blaine had saved him. When Kurt had thought it inevitable he'd never meet another person as open about being gay as him, Blaine had come along.
He thought it was inevitable that he'd lose Blaine if he ever admitted he liked him, but now Blaine had seen to that too.
Blaine rested his elbow on the table and looked away, smiling giddily, his face flushed pleasantly. Kurt gazed at him, breathing heavily and still smiling exuberantly.
"I'm so glad I finally did that." Blaine murmured. He brushed a hand over his eyes, sounding slightly embarrassed about admitting it.
"So am I. You kept me waiting a long time . . ." Kurt teased.
Blaine looked at him, and grinned. He moved a few inches closer. Kurt's breath caught again and his heart thudded painfully in his chest. "Then let me apologise . . ." Blaine whispered. He kissed Kurt again, and this time Kurt wasn't going to let Blaine move away.
Kurt found Dalton even more enjoyable with Blaine as his boyfriend, even though nothing had changed. They still went out for coffee every day and studied together at night, but the subtle changes-like how Kurt could reach out and twine their hands together whenever he wanted too, or how he could enjoy Blaine kissing him goodnight when Kurt went home-was what made their friendship, and now relationship, all the more sweeter for Kurt. For a few weeks he stayed in a tranquil, hazy bliss; whenever he was with Blaine he would unfold like a bird and soar. The freedom he had, the chance to do whatever he wanted-touch Blaine, stare at Blaine, kiss Blaine-made Kurt happier than he'd ever been.
Regionals was fast approaching; with one member of the Warblers now gone (Derek had been expelled for good, much to Kurt's utter relief) it meant they had to hold auditions for someone to fill in and take Derek's place.
Kurt walked into the Warblers' meeting room where the auditions were taking place to find the Warblers in an uproar.
"No way, Wes! He's not going back there, you can't do that-!"
Blaine was standing in the middle of the room, his whole body tense and rigid with anger. Kurt knew Blaine was only angry when he was still-Blaine was composed, yes, but never still. He faced Wes, who was looking at the junior Warbler helplessly.
"Blaine, we cannot refuse this. The council has a chance to see what we're up against-" Wes began, but Blaine cut him off.
"I don't give a damn about the council right now, he's not going back! I think you're forgetting that he tried to kill Kurt!"
"That was six months ago, Blaine!" Wes argued hotly, "He hasn't even seen him in six months, I think he's gotten over it by now!"
"Blaine? Wes?" Kurt stepped fully into the room, holding his bag close to him as he stared at them both. "What's going on?"
Wes looked round at Kurt in surprise. He glanced at Blaine, who shook his head.
Wes sighed and ignored Blaine, telling Kurt, "The New Directions have invited us to their school for a little showcase-it's a way for them to show us what they're bringing to Regionals."
"They're trying to scare us, basically." Jeff supplied.
Kurt looked back between Blaine and Wes, still confused. "But I don't understand, what's the problem then?"
"You're not going back there, Kurt." Blaine said quietly. His tone had an edge to it.
"Oh, I'm not?" Kurt raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry Blaine, but you don't really have a say in where I can and cannot go."
Blaine shook his head exasperatedly and half rolled his eyes, "I'm not saying that! You know I don't give a crap where you go-go to China for all I care, but you're not going to that school!"
"Why not?" Kurt demanded, "Its safe isn't it? No one will hurt me there Blaine, especially not with Karofsky gone. I'll be with all of you."
Blaine's lips drew back, his eyes distant and his face falling a little. Kurt knew that look-Blaine knew something and he wasn't saying. Something bad.
"What?" Kurt asked quietly. Blaine looked away but Kurt walked forward, eyes hard. "What is it?"
Blaine sighed and rolled his head back towards Kurt, an angry furrow to his eyebrows. "Karofsky's back at McKinley. They let him back there."
Kurt was silent for a minute, his face blank. "How do you know?" Kurt inquired blandly.
Blaine bit his lip, something Blaine hardly did.
"Blaine . . .?" Kurt warned, stepping closer to the boy. A knot twisted in his stomach-there was more, and whatever it was it wasn't good.
"Rachel told me." Blaine confessed, staring at Kurt imploringly. "She didn't know whether to tell you, she didn't want to worry you. But . . . there's more."
Kurt nodded, "Go on . . ."
"When Karofsky got back . . . Apparently he was saying some stuff- and Finn? Finn was trying to defend you, and they got in a fight and . . . Finn's OK, and Karofsky. It was just what he was saying." Blaine's whole face had dropped now into a worried, angry frown. "He said he was gonna try and finish the job. He said he's still going to try and hurt you." Blaine suddenly gripped Kurt's shoulders and stared at him fiercely. Kurt looked back at him blankly, too overwhelmed to even speak. "But I swear Kurt, I'm not going to let that happen, OK? It's not happening-you're not going back to that school, and I'm not going to let Karofsky within a mile radius of you, OK?"
Kurt just shook his head, blinking back tears. Disappointment so bitter that he could taste it on his tongue welled up inside him. "It doesn't matter what you do Blaine, he'll still hurt me. Maybe not physically but . . . I told you, I'm sick of not being able to live my life. I'll still be living in fear."
Like a hole had opened up in his stomach, every happy feeling he'd had the past few days was suddenly swallowed whole, only to be replaced by that churning, awful feeling in his stomach again. Karofsky was coming for him. Kurt had known he would-maybe not to "finish the job", but along with everything else Kurt had learnt, he knew that he couldn't have run from Karofsky forever.
"We'll have to invite them here instead. We can't let Kurt be in danger, but we can't just refuse too." David said. His words were met with silence and furtive glances, but there seemed no other choice.
Kurt looked down, too ashamed and grateful to say anything. It wasn't fair to the Warblers-twice now his own problems had gotten in the way of the competition. He caused so much trouble for them. It just wasn't fair.
When would it be over? When would Karofsky give up and just move on? When he'd finally made sure Kurt wouldn't say anything? When Kurt was finally too broken to even feel anymore? Karofsky would never give up- and until he did, Kurt could never be happy.
After a sleepless night, Kurt emerged got to Dalton the next morning twenty minutes late for his first lesson. Deciding there and then today would not be a good one; he went to the common room to study instead. He stayed there, the hours passing peacefully in the empty room until a familiar voice found him.
"Hey."
Kurt looked up to see Blaine standing in the doorway. He walked in, almost hesitantly. Kurt shuffled over on the couch he was studying on to let Blaine sit beside him.
The common room was quiet again, the two of them sitting in silence. Everyone had gone to lunch or gone outside. The summer sun trickled in through the windows, the dust dancing through the sunbeams that slanted horizontally across Kurt's textbooks.
"How are you?" Blaine asked, his hand folding over Kurt's immediately.
"I'm fi-" Kurt stopped after the look Blaine gave him. He smiled wearily and said instead, "I'm alright, I suppose. Rachel called-there's been no new news about Karofsky. He hasn't said anything else. We're just starting to think they were empty threats now, but . . ." Kurt looked at Blaine, smiling emptily. "We can't be sure."
Blaine nodded. "We can't be sure."
Silence unfolded between them again: it was comfortable, both of them hearing the things that had been unsaid. Instinctively, Kurt moved closer to Blaine.
They were pressed together, their hands clasped between them, and that was all Kurt needed.
"Are you looking forward to tonight?" Blaine asked quietly, not disturbing the peacefulness around them.
Kurt smiled despite the hollowness in his chest. "Yes, I am. I'm looking forward to seeing them all again."
Blaine was quiet for a moment, and then he whispered, "I wish . . . I wish Karofsky wasn't there. I know how much you want to go back . . . I know how much you miss them." He turned his head until his nose was brushing softly against Kurt's cheek. He pressed a kiss there, the touch feather light.
"That's not true . . ." Kurt began but Blaine shushed him.
"It is," Blaine murmured, pressing another kiss to Kurt's cheek. He softly brushed his lips down towards Kurt's jaw, all the while keeping each kiss sweet and light. "I just wish it wasn't. I want you here, with me . . ."
Kurt smiled and squeezed Blaine's hand. "I'm not going anywhere."
Blaine pulled back, one eyebrow cocked and looking like he didn't believe Kurt.
Suddenly Jeff walked into the common room-he stopped when he saw them both together closely on the couch. He rolled his eyes and groaned, "Oh God, did I just miss you both kissing?"
Kurt pulled a face and said, "No Jeff, don't worry. It was very PG, you're OK."
"Kurt," Jeff whined, sitting opposite them, "now Blaine'll be grouchy because he didn't get his make-out on!"
"Kurt, if something very unfortunate happens to Jeff tonight involving a hammer and a body bag please inform his mother that he loves him."
Kurt laughed shortly and then untangled his hand from Blaine's as he got up. "Funny, really."
Blaine looked up at him curiously, "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to get some lunch," Kurt said, rolling his eyes. "Is that OK with you? I've been studying all day, mother."
Blaine smirked and made a shooing gesture. Kurt laughed again; he picked up his bag and walked out, saying:
"Thank you ever so much for your permission to eat, mother, I do like not starving. . ."
"Shut up!" Blaine called, a tell tale grin in his voice.
"Not unless you make me!" Kurt sang, already disappearing into the corridor.
The hallways were mostly empty as Kurt walked: it was nearing the end of the year, though they still had a few more months to go. Regionals weighed heavily on Kurt's mind, but what occupied Kurt's thoughts the most was Karofsky.
Going to the police had solved nothing. The school board had done nothing. No one seemed to give a damn-the crushing, aching weight of being let down by the cops still pressed heavily on Kurt's heart. The only thing that had really eased it had been Blaine. Kurt had been happy. And then suddenly the world had been knocked from under his feet, again, and Kurt was falling, falling, down into the churning darkness and worry and fear, all of which were being caused by Karofsky.
Maybe the only way to deal with it and to really put an end to it all was to confront Karofsky himself.
Kurt had been wondering that if maybe he could just get through to Karofsky, it would be OK. Although Karofsky had seemed pretty hell-bent when he'd attacked Kurt, Kurt could understand where all the rage was coming from. Hadn't he had his own anger to deal with not long ago? Karofsky was lashing out at Kurt because of the unfairness of it all-hadn't that been what had made Kurt lash out too?
Maybe if he could just talk to him he could get Karofsky to understand. Of course, getting Karofsky to listen- or to even stay in the same room as Kurt without him trying to kill him again-would be hard. Kurt didn't even want to go near Karofsky, let alone try and talk to him. But he knew deep down he'd have to face Karofsky soon, and he'd rather do it under his own terms than Karofsky getting him alone again.
Unfortunately though, Kurt didn't get the chance to do it on his own terms. He had to face Karofsky unwillingly, and it took every ounce of his new found strength to do it.