introductory kisses.
the awakening? not in sight. blinded with a wish of seeing the flight to human life. Maybe I just don't have the might to win all my battles.
Alright. just to make things easier for me next time to find all the poems I have. I'm making a list up here. (some are gay I'll admit. but deal w/ it.)
Untitled #1 (Winter 2002)
So graceful with all your fumbling steps,
falling into that nothing that you can never name.
So charming in all your disguises of purity,
But I know what u truly are.
Down here in the middle of nowhere
theres no sound (of you) but only the echoes of my memories.
I cannot be seen
nor do I see
the light that resides within humans
(the light that burns in you)
All there is here for my nameless flaming heart
is to grow accustomed to this vast desert.
Now I've fallen like you.
Untitled #2 (Winter 2004)
I’m in love with a man
Who remains as anonymous as the world below me
I don’t see his face, nor do I feel his touch
I only hear his voice in the distance
But he stays here within me, high off the ground away from everyone’s tainted mind
Corruption my lovely will never reach you
All you see is beauty and war
Justice and freedom
You know the purpose of your life
And you don’t care for the blame of the blamers
Untitled #3 (?) --- I’m quite unsure whether this is mine or not. Cause for one it’s not in the format which I would write. And secondly I can’t remember the circumstance in which I wrote it in. But then again it could be mine. Cause I would name the reference for it… oh well.
someday we will all discover
how much we loved eachother
all along..
..no exceptions.
"You want to speak like angels but you can't" (Spring 2002)
My social saviors have abandoned me.
Left me to rot among the common earth dwellers.
I sit here in flith and slime
thats shots out of these people's mouths.
Do these princes who left me in such a hurry
not know that i will die
if i am to be left alone.
Does age really determine one's size in this world
i'm afriad it does
the world is full of disappointment and betrayals.
They have left me hurt and helpless.
Devious flirtations. (Goodness if any of you knew who this was written for, you'd all so hate me. gosh. I can't believe who I was back then, years ago.) (2002)
I want to be wrapped around in you
In your darkness and sadness
I embrace all your flaws
I take in all your pain
I want nothing in return
only your love
The aftermath of Isolation (2001)
helplessely lost
in a world that becames worse each day
a place where no innocence remains.
She counts the hundreds of flaws she sees
the imperfect human beings around her
Unaware to the fact that that is her
in some distant place they were family
they were one ultimate reality
now in a world of flaws shes the only one
who counts the flaws in herself
Immature Jealously (Early 2002)
a coffee brought in for me
by my dear friend paid
is drinkin to the core by emily
and now given to me
i take the last sip
of the blackish poison
it's cold and bitter
i've slowly fading away
and now i can not be seen.
Untitled#4 (2003?)
my love always falls into nothing
and goes ablaze
and everything else in my life has
you are beauty
and the light
that i hold deep within my heart
for no one to ever see
you are the one soul
that has proved me worthy of his existence...
Hatred (Summer 2004)
I write this with no remorse, with no guilt and no shame. It's like a brilliant but simple truth on an obvious day. It's clear and apparent, overly flagrant. But still you don't understand that it’s time for you to shut your mouth and go away. You persist to be an annoyance to yourself and everyone else. Beating up your inner self for squandering all your hard earned money in narcotic ways. Have you not realized, humanity is in no need of you? Grotesque. Dull and uninspired. Singing sad songs stolen from old dead misers. your hurt and your damage takes the front stage in your daily show and all the charades. Presented to the world….
No matter what situation you always seem to go into a panic. you're worthless and worth less than any depressive manic, can't be saved by the acoustic message written by your Latino rock stars who you've never met. singing songs that you felt were made to aid you in your black death. but your weak and your lame with only 5 feet written to your name. How are you gonna make your way in this world? Your definitely not a pure beautiful pearl. you make me sick with this shit that you mix up with reality. wake up and accept all the banality. stop whining and moaning, you’re small but you're a grown man. Suck up all ur fears and tears and try to leer into the face of actuality.
My secrets. (Fall 2004)
I am not like the rest of you. I don't cry for love and I don't crave matieral possessions. Pain does not affect me and threats don't discourage me. I live only to see that my loved ones are happy and safe. I live for no benefit of my own. This life is tiresome and I'm ready to go home.
Poem written for scholarship bullshit. (Late 2004)
The desire for annihilation free flowing from her like a fierce liquid fire
From an eruption of her once innocent heart. Pandora’s box could never compare
To the testaments, declarations and elegies that lay hidden deeply inside of her.
Before they thrashed away at her like a razorblade imprisoned in her grief-stricken mind,
Cleaving asunder any sanity she could franticly hold onto. Now loose to contaminant
All the young jewels that wandered the land. Destruction, she felt, should be wrecked
Upon all of humanity, not just on her virgin self, like earthquakes on a solemn day.
Merriment had been guillotined, only destruction now touch the once pure holy soil,
With a wave of disease that drowned countless of helpless sorrowful ones.
When the sky remained a blatantly blood red, she crowned herself the High Empress.
A beautifully cloaked tyrant, she could have anything but her sad blue eyes only wanted
Him. She, the Queen of the New World Order, had come to love a vagrant commoner.
Her love was unheard of and unparallel, the Mistress of the Night and a nameless lowlife.
But she sought him out in the barren wasteland, despite his affiliation and
As her luminous silhouette burned in the twilight of the night, she asked him,
“Your heavenly haven haft havoc ridden in thy land…Nameless one,
Will such a blinding creature live in the midst of chaos, or will thee take my hand…
and walk away from this all? Walk straight into an unseen land called paradise?”
He looked into her dark piercing eyes, and caught a glimmer of hope and sacrifice.
He firmly replied, “High Empress, I would be honored to accompany you into Paradise.”
The fading warmth of his kiss (Summer 2003)
By the time it gets dark
The children will come running home
Sweating and giggling after their days play
Their fathers would enter the door
Exhausted from their work
Their mothers finishing up dinner
And greeting her family with tender kisses
But for me, by the time it’s get dark
You’ll still be out
In some unknown land that is far away from me.
Realization. (2002)
remember this exact moment
when everything seems to flies up
there are no downs
nothing to cry about
things are better
like she told me it would be
and i dont need to worry
about my life or future
i dont need to feel
anything but this
the day when everything goes right
and you can't touch me here
I'll forever be here for all of you. (Late Winter 2005)
This is the time where I should be crying
where saying goodbye to the lovely cold walls
that surrounded me where I learned should hurt me.
But I'm not hurt. and I don't cry.
The things which plague me are not in saying goodbye
to this place or this life.
The things which truly strike me within my heart,
are your tears, my loneilness and in the unknown.
It's in her doubts and his confessions.
It's within the things and the sorrows
that I cannot control and cannot mend.
It's when I can't make your heart stop aching.
But I promise I can always dry tears
and offer big bone crushing hugs of warmth.
Give me your love (April 22, 2005)
theres a beautiful bleakness in your eyes that just wont die. and i cant look inside. cause you hide and try to dodge everyones lies. avoid the pain. try to make sure no one leaves a stain. on a heart thats been drained and refrained the act of love......to make sure that you'll be loved.... to make sure it won't be painful love........painful love..... to avoid painful love you close up your world. don't let anyone see. the majesty of your reality. beauty thats so unseen and so undreamed even by the most serene. lovers.poets. fighters. all live and feel with this genuine heartfelt quality. but you. your more. you're something better. theres something else. and I wanna see it. I wanna feel it. and i wanna taste it. and i just want you to fall with me. fall with me in the darkness and spin into the very same void that you tried to avoid. for me.........i want you to do this. all for me. because youre a blessing in disguise. and i'd die if i didn't get the chance to just sleep beside.... you.......... and those beautiful eyes.
(An old survey thing from a long time ago. Never made it public. Basically it's questions, which ur supposed to answer with lyrics. Did this in like 2002.)
1.Are you male or female?:
-Pretty girl is suffering(sugarcult)
-Created in the image of mankind/ in the form of....a woman(sigur ros)
2. Describe yourself:
-running everywhere with dirty feet and messy hair (secret stars)
-I wish I was special/ you're so fucking special/ but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo/ what the hell am I doing here?/ I don't belong here.(radiohead)
3. How do others feel about you?
-Who can know the thoughts of Mary Jane/ why she flies/ or goes out in the rain /where she's been/ and who she's seen/ In her journey to the stars.(nick drake)
-And the head said that you always were a queer one from the start/ for careers you say you went to be remembered for your art/ your obsessions get you known throughout the school for being strange. (belle and sebastian)
4. How do you feel about yourself?
-too frumpy for the teenage population of her time(belle and sebastian)
-Say it anyways if you want too, cause I dont care anymore if they hear you.(res)
5. Describe your object of affection?:
-I can hear the soft breathing/ of the girl that I love,/ as she lies here beside me/ asleep with the night/ and her hair, in a fine mist/ floats on my pillow,/ reflecting the glow/ of the winter moonlight. (simon and garfunkel)
-We slept on leaves on my drive all night/ and you gave me no restime/ nothing in this life for me tonight/But nothing ever seemed so bright (badly drawn boy)
-Drunk on ego, truly thought I could make it right if I/ kissed you one more time to help you face the nightmare but you're/ far too poisoned for me, such a fool to think that I could/ wake you from your slumber, that I could actually heal you (apc)
6. What would you rather be doing?
-This town don’t feel mine /I'm fast to get away/Far! (deftones)
-Chasing darkened skies above me /Looking like the spring /Like the winter /And the morning (belle and Sebastian)
-i jumped in the river/black-eyed angels swimming with me /a moon full of stars and astral cars (radiohead)
7. Describe where you live:
-It’s a lovely summer's day and I can almost see a skyline through a thickening shroud of egos. Is this the city of angels or demons? I can't see why you'd want to live here. You can't swim in a town this shallow; you will most assuredly drown tomorrow. (Death cab for a cutie)
-the space in this room /has turned on me /and all my fears have cornered me here /me and my TV screen (john Mayer)
-I never liked this apple much /It always seemed too big to touch…From the battery /To the gallery /It's the kind of thing /you only see /In scented /glossy magazines (john Mayer)
-The future's looking colorful /It's the color of blood, /chaos and corruption of a happy soul (belle and sebastian)
8. Describe how you love:
- I can float here forever/ in this room /we can't touch the floor in here (deftones)
-Whenever you are next to me /center of gravity /can't feel both feet on the ground.( yo la tengo)
-I feel you/Your precious soul/I'm a whole/Where angels sing/And spread their wings/Our love's on high(placebo)
9. Share a few words of wisdom:
-I just found out there's /no such thing as the real world/Just a lie /you got to rise above (john mayer)
-But The Best Thing God Has Created/Is A New Day(sigur ros)
-there nothing to fear and nothing to doubt(radiohead)
Alright. just to make things easier for me next time to find all the poems I have. I'm making a list up here. (some are gay I'll admit. but deal w/ it.)
Untitled #1 (Winter 2002)
So graceful with all your fumbling steps,
falling into that nothing that you can never name.
So charming in all your disguises of purity,
But I know what u truly are.
Down here in the middle of nowhere
theres no sound (of you) but only the echoes of my memories.
I cannot be seen
nor do I see
the light that resides within humans
(the light that burns in you)
All there is here for my nameless flaming heart
is to grow accustomed to this vast desert.
Now I've fallen like you.
Untitled #2 (Winter 2004)
I’m in love with a man
Who remains as anonymous as the world below me
I don’t see his face, nor do I feel his touch
I only hear his voice in the distance
But he stays here within me, high off the ground away from everyone’s tainted mind
Corruption my lovely will never reach you
All you see is beauty and war
Justice and freedom
You know the purpose of your life
And you don’t care for the blame of the blamers
Untitled #3 (?) --- I’m quite unsure whether this is mine or not. Cause for one it’s not in the format which I would write. And secondly I can’t remember the circumstance in which I wrote it in. But then again it could be mine. Cause I would name the reference for it… oh well.
someday we will all discover
how much we loved eachother
all along..
..no exceptions.
"You want to speak like angels but you can't" (Spring 2002)
My social saviors have abandoned me.
Left me to rot among the common earth dwellers.
I sit here in flith and slime
thats shots out of these people's mouths.
Do these princes who left me in such a hurry
not know that i will die
if i am to be left alone.
Does age really determine one's size in this world
i'm afriad it does
the world is full of disappointment and betrayals.
They have left me hurt and helpless.
Devious flirtations. (Goodness if any of you knew who this was written for, you'd all so hate me. gosh. I can't believe who I was back then, years ago.) (2002)
I want to be wrapped around in you
In your darkness and sadness
I embrace all your flaws
I take in all your pain
I want nothing in return
only your love
The aftermath of Isolation (2001)
helplessely lost
in a world that becames worse each day
a place where no innocence remains.
She counts the hundreds of flaws she sees
the imperfect human beings around her
Unaware to the fact that that is her
in some distant place they were family
they were one ultimate reality
now in a world of flaws shes the only one
who counts the flaws in herself
Immature Jealously (Early 2002)
a coffee brought in for me
by my dear friend paid
is drinkin to the core by emily
and now given to me
i take the last sip
of the blackish poison
it's cold and bitter
i've slowly fading away
and now i can not be seen.
Untitled#4 (2003?)
my love always falls into nothing
and goes ablaze
and everything else in my life has
you are beauty
and the light
that i hold deep within my heart
for no one to ever see
you are the one soul
that has proved me worthy of his existence...
Hatred (Summer 2004)
I write this with no remorse, with no guilt and no shame. It's like a brilliant but simple truth on an obvious day. It's clear and apparent, overly flagrant. But still you don't understand that it’s time for you to shut your mouth and go away. You persist to be an annoyance to yourself and everyone else. Beating up your inner self for squandering all your hard earned money in narcotic ways. Have you not realized, humanity is in no need of you? Grotesque. Dull and uninspired. Singing sad songs stolen from old dead misers. your hurt and your damage takes the front stage in your daily show and all the charades. Presented to the world….
No matter what situation you always seem to go into a panic. you're worthless and worth less than any depressive manic, can't be saved by the acoustic message written by your Latino rock stars who you've never met. singing songs that you felt were made to aid you in your black death. but your weak and your lame with only 5 feet written to your name. How are you gonna make your way in this world? Your definitely not a pure beautiful pearl. you make me sick with this shit that you mix up with reality. wake up and accept all the banality. stop whining and moaning, you’re small but you're a grown man. Suck up all ur fears and tears and try to leer into the face of actuality.
My secrets. (Fall 2004)
I am not like the rest of you. I don't cry for love and I don't crave matieral possessions. Pain does not affect me and threats don't discourage me. I live only to see that my loved ones are happy and safe. I live for no benefit of my own. This life is tiresome and I'm ready to go home.
Poem written for scholarship bullshit. (Late 2004)
The desire for annihilation free flowing from her like a fierce liquid fire
From an eruption of her once innocent heart. Pandora’s box could never compare
To the testaments, declarations and elegies that lay hidden deeply inside of her.
Before they thrashed away at her like a razorblade imprisoned in her grief-stricken mind,
Cleaving asunder any sanity she could franticly hold onto. Now loose to contaminant
All the young jewels that wandered the land. Destruction, she felt, should be wrecked
Upon all of humanity, not just on her virgin self, like earthquakes on a solemn day.
Merriment had been guillotined, only destruction now touch the once pure holy soil,
With a wave of disease that drowned countless of helpless sorrowful ones.
When the sky remained a blatantly blood red, she crowned herself the High Empress.
A beautifully cloaked tyrant, she could have anything but her sad blue eyes only wanted
Him. She, the Queen of the New World Order, had come to love a vagrant commoner.
Her love was unheard of and unparallel, the Mistress of the Night and a nameless lowlife.
But she sought him out in the barren wasteland, despite his affiliation and
As her luminous silhouette burned in the twilight of the night, she asked him,
“Your heavenly haven haft havoc ridden in thy land…Nameless one,
Will such a blinding creature live in the midst of chaos, or will thee take my hand…
and walk away from this all? Walk straight into an unseen land called paradise?”
He looked into her dark piercing eyes, and caught a glimmer of hope and sacrifice.
He firmly replied, “High Empress, I would be honored to accompany you into Paradise.”
The fading warmth of his kiss (Summer 2003)
By the time it gets dark
The children will come running home
Sweating and giggling after their days play
Their fathers would enter the door
Exhausted from their work
Their mothers finishing up dinner
And greeting her family with tender kisses
But for me, by the time it’s get dark
You’ll still be out
In some unknown land that is far away from me.
Realization. (2002)
remember this exact moment
when everything seems to flies up
there are no downs
nothing to cry about
things are better
like she told me it would be
and i dont need to worry
about my life or future
i dont need to feel
anything but this
the day when everything goes right
and you can't touch me here
I'll forever be here for all of you. (Late Winter 2005)
This is the time where I should be crying
where saying goodbye to the lovely cold walls
that surrounded me where I learned should hurt me.
But I'm not hurt. and I don't cry.
The things which plague me are not in saying goodbye
to this place or this life.
The things which truly strike me within my heart,
are your tears, my loneilness and in the unknown.
It's in her doubts and his confessions.
It's within the things and the sorrows
that I cannot control and cannot mend.
It's when I can't make your heart stop aching.
But I promise I can always dry tears
and offer big bone crushing hugs of warmth.
Give me your love (April 22, 2005)
theres a beautiful bleakness in your eyes that just wont die. and i cant look inside. cause you hide and try to dodge everyones lies. avoid the pain. try to make sure no one leaves a stain. on a heart thats been drained and refrained the act of love......to make sure that you'll be loved.... to make sure it won't be painful love........painful love..... to avoid painful love you close up your world. don't let anyone see. the majesty of your reality. beauty thats so unseen and so undreamed even by the most serene. lovers.poets. fighters. all live and feel with this genuine heartfelt quality. but you. your more. you're something better. theres something else. and I wanna see it. I wanna feel it. and i wanna taste it. and i just want you to fall with me. fall with me in the darkness and spin into the very same void that you tried to avoid. for me.........i want you to do this. all for me. because youre a blessing in disguise. and i'd die if i didn't get the chance to just sleep beside.... you.......... and those beautiful eyes.
(An old survey thing from a long time ago. Never made it public. Basically it's questions, which ur supposed to answer with lyrics. Did this in like 2002.)
1.Are you male or female?:
-Pretty girl is suffering(sugarcult)
-Created in the image of mankind/ in the form of....a woman(sigur ros)
2. Describe yourself:
-running everywhere with dirty feet and messy hair (secret stars)
-I wish I was special/ you're so fucking special/ but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo/ what the hell am I doing here?/ I don't belong here.(radiohead)
3. How do others feel about you?
-Who can know the thoughts of Mary Jane/ why she flies/ or goes out in the rain /where she's been/ and who she's seen/ In her journey to the stars.(nick drake)
-And the head said that you always were a queer one from the start/ for careers you say you went to be remembered for your art/ your obsessions get you known throughout the school for being strange. (belle and sebastian)
4. How do you feel about yourself?
-too frumpy for the teenage population of her time(belle and sebastian)
-Say it anyways if you want too, cause I dont care anymore if they hear you.(res)
5. Describe your object of affection?:
-I can hear the soft breathing/ of the girl that I love,/ as she lies here beside me/ asleep with the night/ and her hair, in a fine mist/ floats on my pillow,/ reflecting the glow/ of the winter moonlight. (simon and garfunkel)
-We slept on leaves on my drive all night/ and you gave me no restime/ nothing in this life for me tonight/But nothing ever seemed so bright (badly drawn boy)
-Drunk on ego, truly thought I could make it right if I/ kissed you one more time to help you face the nightmare but you're/ far too poisoned for me, such a fool to think that I could/ wake you from your slumber, that I could actually heal you (apc)
6. What would you rather be doing?
-This town don’t feel mine /I'm fast to get away/Far! (deftones)
-Chasing darkened skies above me /Looking like the spring /Like the winter /And the morning (belle and Sebastian)
-i jumped in the river/black-eyed angels swimming with me /a moon full of stars and astral cars (radiohead)
7. Describe where you live:
-It’s a lovely summer's day and I can almost see a skyline through a thickening shroud of egos. Is this the city of angels or demons? I can't see why you'd want to live here. You can't swim in a town this shallow; you will most assuredly drown tomorrow. (Death cab for a cutie)
-the space in this room /has turned on me /and all my fears have cornered me here /me and my TV screen (john Mayer)
-I never liked this apple much /It always seemed too big to touch…From the battery /To the gallery /It's the kind of thing /you only see /In scented /glossy magazines (john Mayer)
-The future's looking colorful /It's the color of blood, /chaos and corruption of a happy soul (belle and sebastian)
8. Describe how you love:
- I can float here forever/ in this room /we can't touch the floor in here (deftones)
-Whenever you are next to me /center of gravity /can't feel both feet on the ground.( yo la tengo)
-I feel you/Your precious soul/I'm a whole/Where angels sing/And spread their wings/Our love's on high(placebo)
9. Share a few words of wisdom:
-I just found out there's /no such thing as the real world/Just a lie /you got to rise above (john mayer)
-But The Best Thing God Has Created/Is A New Day(sigur ros)
-there nothing to fear and nothing to doubt(radiohead)