The Revelation
Pairing: Baekhyun/Suho, Kyungsoo/Suho | PG-13, drama, broken, fluff | Length: 5484 words | Part 3 of 3
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot. Much love to the EXO babies! ^_____^
First-shot | Second-shot | Third-shot
Baekhyun wakes up with a throbbing pain in his head. What time is it? He reaches for his phone and sees it's already noon. I feel sick. He did not get much sleep the night before. The night he dreamed of kissing Suho. He had always admired their leader but this... this feels entirely different.
Last night, when the leader's hands touched his, a shiver went down Baekhyun's spine. When Suho complimented his hands, he did not understand how he can feel so good yet so ridden with anxiety at the same time. He felt the most intimate with the leader when Suho was talking about his life before he went into training. Since he's been in training the longest, Suho had always kept to himself the part of his life before it. Maybe it's to preserve his image, to remain the strong and steady rock to which we all lean on. He endured so many hardships and yet he stayed strong. He's the only person I draw my strength from. A smile slowly creeps in.
Thank goodness today's a free day, he thinks to himself. I can hole myself in the bath. He does not want to face or talk to anyone, especially Suho. The way Suho's eyes crinkle and twinkle when he smiles melts Baekhyun's heart and he is afraid that seeing the former will push him to do what he had done in his dream.
However, as he lowers himself into the bath he has prepared, he remembers how last night ended.
"This is almost done!" remarked Suho while he was stirring the broth and savoring its aroma.
"Hyung, excuse me but I just have to use the restroom for a minute." Suho nodded in acknowledgement.
As Baekhyun made his way back to the kitchen, he heard Suho talking to someone else.
"Hey you're just in time!" said the leader.
Suho sounded really happy, euphoric even. Baekhyun felt a sudden pang in his chest. Kyungsoo.
He didn't want to return to the kitchen. He didn't want to see how bright Suho's face is when Kyungsoo is with him. He didn't want to have any of that. But as he turned his back on the kitchen door, he heard Suho tell Kyungsoo, "You must immediately get well and stay strong for our team... and for me." For me. For me. For me. Baekhyun winced at the sound of these words and with a defeated spirit, he trudged towards his bedroom.
Feeling the same defeat he felt last night, Baekhyun holds his breath and submerges himself in the bath, pretending that the water surrounding him was Suho's embrace.
Suho is wondering why Baekhyun was not having brunch with them.
"Where's Baekhyun?" Suho looks at Chanyeol
"He's probably still asleep, hyung. I think he went to bed at around midnight."
"Oh he probably got tired of helping me prepare this." Suho points at the samgyetan What was left of it at least.
"This really made me feel better, Suho hyung." Kyungsoo interjects with much enthusiasm.
Suho feels his cheeks go warm as he smiles and nods to his dongsaeng. "You should thank Baekhyun too. He was a big help." Suho smiles, recalling the surprised expression on Baekhyun's face when he admitted to having a freakish fear of putting his hands inside poultry. Oh yeah, I haven't thanked him yet too.
After brunch, the members go into the den to play video games. Suho, on the other hand, walks purposefully towards Baekhyun and Chanyeol's room, plate in hand. He wants to wake up Baekhyun with a slice of chocolate cake as a token for all his help last night. Kyungsoo really liked my cooking, Suho beams. He is bursting with so much happiness that he wants to share it with his helper.
He was too frantic with excitement to tell Baekhyun about Kyungsoo. The way Baekhyun listened and understood him when he was sharing stories about his childhood and his family, it made him feel safe and not alone. He felt he could trust Baekhyun with this secret too.
He knocks on the door. There is no answer. Could he still be sleeping? He turns the doorknob and pushes the door as quietly as he could. Empty beds greet him.
He puts down the plate on Baekhyun's desk and proceeds to knock on the bathroom door. As his knuckles are about to achieve contact, the door flies open and his hand almost hits Baekhyun's nose. Startled Suho steps backward and loses his balance as the rug he is stepping on slips. A mini-heart attack pierces through his chest but then he suddenly feels a strong yet soft hand on the arch of his back pulling him up towards something warm and a bit wet. Suho opens his eyes. He is staring dead straight into the eyes of a freshly-bathed, half-naked Baekhyun.
Baekhyun is still thinking of Suho and Kyungsoo when he gets out of the bathtub. Suho is our leader and he takes care of everyone. He takes care of me the way a hyung takes care of his dongsaeng. But with Kyungsoo, there was something akin to a fiery passion in Suho's eyes and his voice. He can clearly feel the sense of urgency that envelopes Suho when Kyungsoo needs to be taken care of. A heavy feeling is forming at the pit of his stomach. His throat suddenly feels dry. Is this how jealousy feels like? He towels off, wishing these thoughts and feelings would be removed together with the moisture on his tanned torso. He puts his towel around his waist, opens the door and is shocked to see Suho losing balance and falling backwards. Instinctively, Baekhyun reaches out to catch him. Suho has his eyes closed, bracing himself for impact with the floor. Instead he collides with Baekhyun's body as he catches and pulls him to safety.
Their bodies are now parallel with each other. Baekhyun is staring at the leader's porcelain skin and pink lips. How can I shrug off these feelings when his angelic face is right in front of me like this?. His body tingles all over. The warmth of Suho's body on his is too much too handle. This is not helping. He feels his heart double its rhythm.
Suho opens his eyes. Their moment their eyes met, it was as if time was made to stand still. Despite his heart pounding wildly, Baekhyun's mind is clear. He knows what he wants to do. Maybe it is adrenaline or the nearness of Suho, either way he feels a wave of courage wash over him. Instead of letting Suho go, Baekhyun holds him tighter; closer and closer his body. Suho lets out a yelp of surprise. "Baekhyun, is something wrong?" Baekhyun cups Suho's face in response. Before Suho realizes what was happening, Baekhyun's lips are already pressing on his. Suho wanted to resist Baekhyun but melts into the latter's arms instead. Baekhyun is floating in a cloud of giddiness as the kiss goes on longer and deeper. Your lips feel so tender. My dream cannot compare to this moment right here with you, hyung.
Suho feels his consience tug on his mind. His eyes pop open. Kyungsoo! Suho holds Baekhyun's shoulders, pushing the other gently away from him. Baekhyun's eyes reflect the pain he felt as the leader's mood suddenly changed.
"Baekhyun, I'm sorry. I can't do this."
"Why not? You were so into me a moment ago."
"It's...it's.." Suho fumbles, not knowing whether he should tell Baekhyun the truth after all these.
"It's Kyungsoo, isn't it?" Baekhyun's voice cracks.
Suho nods with his head held low, not wanting to see Baekhyun's beautiful face in anguish.
"Why Kyungsoo, hyung? Can't it be me instead? I would do anything and everything for you." Baekhyun blinks back the tears as he implores to Suho.
[Flashback]
A year before he got accepted into SME, Joonmyun was at a crossroad. He was not yet certain about what he wanted to do with his life but people expected so much from him. He was always responsible. He was trusted by his teachers and looked upon as a role model by school mates, younger and older alike. He was an obedient son and brother. This time, however, he cannot obey the wishes of his father.
His father was a lawyer. Since his hyung wanted to become a doctor and took up medicine instead of law, his father took it upon Joonmyun to continue the practice. But Joonmyun did not want that. His heart was somewhere else. Somewhere that made him happy, blissful even. His soul yearned to sing, his body craved to dance. The performing arts were his refuge, a planet where he felt safe from harm.
However, his father did not understand that. The objection of his father to him pursuing the arts came to a point wherein he would get beaten up because he went to rehearse production numbers with friends. In order to preserve himself, Joonmyun had to leave. He had to run away.
He was still going to school but now he was living with his hyung. His hyung and umma were helping him out but Joonmyun was not the type of person who sits idly by, letting others do all the work. He really wanted to pursue performing and to get there he knew he must persevere. One day after school, he walked around town looking for job vacancies.
Taekwondo instructor?
Umm, no thanks. If that was golf I would go for it.
Butcher’s assistant?
The thought of his hands inside a Cornish hen contorted his face and he let out a gag.
Baby-sitter?
Hmm. Babies seem to like my face. And I can practice entertaining them. This is promising.
He tapped lightly on the door of the agency’s office and let himself in when a noona signaled for him to come in.
“How may I help you?” the noona smiled brightly at Joonmyun.
“Umm… I wanted to apply for a baby-sitter position.”
“You do look like the type who takes care of kids well. What’s your name? How old are you?”
“My name is Kim Joonmyun. I’m 14 years old.”
“Oh. You are awfully young. You still go to school, right? Are you sure you can handle kids?”
“Um… yes.” He nods politely.
“I have lots of kid cousins and I take care of them when they’re in town.”
“Well, since we really need a baby-sitter right now I guess we can try you out. But you have to be trained by a senior baby-sitter for a week before we let you do it on your own. Tomorrow, bring your class schedule and a written consent from your parents that they are letting you work part-time, okay?” says the noona with warmth that actually comforted Joonmyun.
“Will do. Kamsanghamnida, noona.”
He waved goodbye and left the agency feeling accomplished.
He passed the training with flying colors and now Joonmyun was on his way to his first ever baby-sitter assignment. He was puzzled as to why a 12-year old kid needed someone to take care of him overnight but he did not raise any questions in the agency. I just need to do my best in taking care of this kid. He nodded to himself as if etching this mantra onto his mind.
He arrived at the front door, knocked tentatively and waited.
A beautiful lady opened the door.
“Hello! I am Dr. Do.” The lady looked surprised, her eyes round like saucers.
Was I not expected? Joonmyun returned the greeting with a curt nod, mumbled, “Good afternoon.”
“Aren’t you just precious? Come inside. You are Joonmyun, right?” Her voice was soothing. She probably sings.
“Yes, I am Joonmyun.”
“You take a seat. I’m really thankful that the agency sent someone. My schedule in the hospital got all mixed up and I really need to be there tonight. My son is upstairs, I’ll get him.” She went up the stairs very gracefully.
Joonmyun took a seat on the plush white couch. He looked around the cozy living room. The walls were light blue, the furniture a mixture of luxurious white and beautiful hardwood accents. There was the right amount of personal memorabilia that made it homey but not cluttered. As he was about to stand up and take a closer look at the family photos, he heard footsteps going downstairs. He immediately sat back down and arranged the hem of his shirt.
As the kid stared at Joonmyun, his eyes widened, like how his mom’s eyes did when she first saw Joonmyun. Wow, how does it look adorable yet makes me feel a wee bit uncomfortable? Joonmyun thought.
“Umm… annyeong, I’m your hyung, Joonmyun.”
“Annyeong. My name is Kyungsoo.” The kid was looking at the floor awkwardly. Joonmyun resisted a smile.
“So Joonmyun, I wrote all the emergency numbers on that pad near the phone. Kyungsoo doesn’t have allergies so you don’t have to worry about what he eats. Here’s some money for emergency. Don’t worry, that won’t be deducted from your salary.” Kyungsoo’s mother smiled. Joonmyun was reminded of his own caring mother.
“You two boys get along, now. Call me if you need anything.”
Joonmyun nodded, “Take care, Dr. Do.”
Joonmyun closed and secured the doors, turned to the kid and gave a feeble smile.
“So, Kyungsoo, what would you want to have for dinner?” Joonmyun asked cheerfully.
“Don’t you think it’s a bit too early to have dinner?” Kyungsoo responded, pointing at the digital clock saying 5:00 PM.
“Oh. Okay. So what do you want to do in the meantime? Do you like to play board games?”
“Hmm. Not really. Can we just watch cartoons instead?”
“Okay.”
They were watching the television in silence. Ten minutes. Twenty minutes. Thirty minutes have passed. Joonmyun kept looking at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo kept staring at the television, eyes wide as if he was constantly surprised. Finally, Kyungsoo let out a sigh.
“Is there something that’s bothering you, Kyungsoo?”
“Umm… I feel hungry now.” He responded, looking at his feet while he said it.
“Oh. So what would you like to eat?” Joonmyun said gently.
Kyungsoo looked directly at him, for the first time since he arrived. “Can we order some pizza? And buffalo wings too?”
“Of course we can.” Joonmyun nodded matter-of-factly. Kyungsoo grinned.
Joonmyun observed Kyungsoo while they were eating. The kid looked more and more relaxed as he wolfed down slice after slice of pizza, buffalo wing after buffalo wing. When Kyungsoo finally took a break and drank some juice, Joonmyun started conversation.
“Kyungsoo, you’re in the 7th grade right?”
“Yes. You’re a level ahead of me right, hyung?”
“Ah yes. Why don’t I see you around school?”
“Umm… I don’t have that many friends there.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I say it because it’s true. My classmates don’t like me. They think I look funny.”
Joonmyun looked at Kyungsoo. His forehead seems okay. His hair is forgivable. He’s actually a handsome kid, though not as handsome as me. Joonmyun chuckled. Kyungsoo shot him a hurt look.
“No I wasn’t laughing at you, dongsaeng! I just find the fact that your classmates don’t like you because they think you look funny really ridiculous. Anyway, I will be your friend, here and in school.” He offered his hand to Kyungsoo and the other shook it in return, a grateful look directed at Joonmyun.
As bedtime was approaching, Joonmyun told Kyungsoo to wash up and get ready to sleep. They went out of the dining room together. Joonmyun was walking towards the living room while Kyungsoo was ascending the stairs. When Kyungsoo felt that Joonmyun wasn’t with him, he went down the stairs and peeked into the living room.
“Aren’t you coming upstairs, hyung?”
“Oh?”
“Oh. Did umma forget to tell you? All my baby-sitters sleep in my room.” Kyungsoo stated timidly, not looking directly at Joonmyun.
“Ohh. Arasseo. Let’s go up together then.” He smiled brightly to Kyungsoo, even though he was confused as to why they were having this set-up.
After he read a bedtime story, Joonmyun tucked Kyungsoo into bed. He switched on the bedside lamp, switched off the brighter, fluorescent light, and went to the bathroom to wash up before going to bed.
In front of the bathroom mirror, Joonmyun stared at himself and took a deep breath. Today went well, right? He nodded to his reflection. Okay, tomorrow’s another day. Hwaiting!
The night was broken by gut-wrenching crying and screaming. Joonmyun thought he was having a nightmare. The crying got louder, the screaming more frequent. He snapped up from his bed and realized what he was hearing was real. It was coming right from the single bed adjacent to his.
“Appa!!! Andwae!!! Andwae!!!” Kyungsoo was shouting at the top of his lungs, in between broken sobs.
Joonmyun rushed to Kyungsoo’s side. He shook Kyungsoo gently in an attempt to wake him up but to no avail.
“Appa!! Appa! Wake up!!”
Joonmyun took Kyungsoo in his arms. Kyungsoo was awakened by his hyung’s pull and he grabbed onto his baby-sitter. He hugged tightly while saying “Appa. Appa.” Over and over he said this in a hushed voice, in between bouts of hyperventilation. At that moment, Joonmyun felt compelled to take the pain away from Kyungsoo, whatever the cause was.
They slept on the same bed, Kyungsoo resting his head on Joonmyun’s shoulders, Joonmyun softly caressing Kyungsoo’s forehead while humming his favorite lullaby.
The following day, Dr. Do was scheduled to get back home at noon, so that morning they went to school together. Kyungsoo was certainly more comfortable with Joonmyun’s presence now. As they were crossing the street, he even grabbed Joonmyun’s hand. “Umma says it’s safer to walk when you’re holding hands with who you are with!” He flashed that wide grin of his that made Joonmyun one happy hyung.
They had to separate after they entered school grounds since students were arranged according to their year levels. Kyungsoo did not want to let go yet but Joonmyun assured him that they will see each other again very soon. Kyungsoo grinned again, “Of course, hyung! I will tell umma you’re my favorite baby-sitter!”
Joonmyun’s class has just ended and all he wanted to do was to go home to the apartment he shared with his hyung. He was a bit tired from his baby-sitting stint the night before but that didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy it. However, he felt more worried than happy at the moment because of what happened last night. Was that the reason why his baby-sitters sleep in his room with him? Does that always happen? Where is his father anyway?
His trail of thought was interrupted by voices coming from the small alley in between the school gymnasium and cafeteria.
“Do you know why your mom did not pick you up from school today again?”
Joonmyun saw the resident 7th grade bully (who in retrospect resembles Kai) looming over a slumped body leaning against the building wall.
“That’s because she didn’t want to. You know why?”
“She hates you! She hates the fact that you’re alive and your dad is not! You killed your father!!”
The bully was still screaming at the poor kid when Joonmyun heard the unmistakable violent sobbing. The kid being bullied is Kyungsoo!
He threw his backpack on the ground, ran towards, and got to Kyungsoo just as the bully was about to slap Kyungsoo. Joonmyun took the hit. Unfazed, he stood between the bully and Kyungsoo.
“STOP IT! HOW DARE YOU HURT ANOTHER PERSON LIKE THIS! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!”
Both bully and Kyungsoo were shocked with Joonmyun’s outburst which was not typical of him.
“Don’t…” He took a deep breath.
“Don’t ever do this again or else you’ll have me to answer to.”
Staring directly at the eyes of the bully, Joonmyun’s steely gaze was matched by his firm voice dripping with disgust. The bully’s eyes widened with fear, especially when he knows that he was up against a respected sunbaenim. He ran away, repeatedly mumbling mianhamnida as he went.
Kyungsoo was a bit shaken. Joonmyun sat beside and put his arm around him.
“It’s going to be okay. Hyung is here with you now. Be strong.”
“But I can’t. I’m not strong. He’s right. My mother hates me because I’m the reason why my father died. No one loves me, not anymore. I… I’m worthless.”
“Kyungsoo, don’t say that. Your mother loves you very much! Being a doctor is a very difficult thing. Those long and late hours at the hospital take their toll on her too. I know she hates being away from you but there’s no way around it. She has to work to provide for you. Do you hear me?”
“Do you really think that? Do you believe my mother loves me?”
“Of course she does. You’re a good kid.” Joonmyun softly tousles Kyungsoo’s hair.
Kyungsoo laughs, “Stop it, hyung, I spent a good 30 minutes on my hair.”
As they were about to leave the alley, Kyungsoo received an apologetic call from his mom saying that there were food poisoning victims brought into the hospital just as she was about to leave. There were too many patients and her help was badly needed.
Kyungsoo said he understood and meant it.
“I’ll see you at home later, umma. I love you.”
“Thank you, baby. I love you very much.”
Joonmyun offered to walk him home and he gladly accepted the offer. Kyungsoo was actually getting lonely, being alone most of the time. He was nervous about making friends but he really wanted to. Joonmyun hyung is very kind. He’s my first real friend since…since the accident.
Kyungsoo let out a deep sigh.
“Is something wrong?” Joonmyun’s eyes were brimming with concern.
“Hyung… thank you for taking care of me last night, for holding me and staying with me.”
“Oh you’re wel…”
“You know, that always happens.” Kyungsoo cut Joonmyun off, his eyes a bit glazed, his mind floating off into the past.
“It happened six months ago. My dad and I were going home from a fishing trip. Night already fell but my dad knew the place like the back of his hand. He started bringing me there since I was 4 years old so I was used to it too.”
“We were at an intersection then. The light turned green so my father stepped on the accelerator. What we didn’t know then was that a pick-up truck was bearing down on us from our left. Then everything went blurry. All I remember now was holding on to my appa, crying and shouting for help then waking up in the hospital 3 days after. Umma was holding my hand, her eyes had dark circles under them, and her cheeks were stained with tears.”
They were now standing across Kyungsoo’s front door.
“I scream the same words everytime. Appa. Andwae. Appa. Andwae. They say in time I’ll feel better, that I’ll accept my loss but every time that nightmare comes, the fear I felt of losing appa becomes stronger and more real for me. I fear this will never go away.”
Kyungsoo looked at Joonmyun, his pleading soul reflected in his eyes.
Joonmyun embraced him.
“Hyung will never leave you. We will make the fear go away, together.”
Ten months have passed since they first met. The two had become inseparable. People would mistake them for real brothers and they had a good laugh about it. Even Joonmyun’s own hyung jokingly tells him that he feels jealous because Joonmyun doesn’t spend as much time with him as he does with Kyungsoo. As for Kyungsoo, he made new friends in Joonmyun’s performer friends. He would hang out with them while they rehearsed singing and dancing. Sometimes, Joonmyun convinces him to come join them. To his surprise, Kyungsoo had a really wonderful voice, although it was shaky at first when he sang a duet with Joonmyun’s friend. He must have gotten that from his mom, Joonmyun thought, while watching Kyungsoo jam with his friends. Hearing his angelic voice set Joonmyun’s heart aflutter.
After their jam session, the two decided to have snacks at the park. Kyungsoo was eating his second slice of watermelon when he asked, “Hyung, are you close and Lucy close?”
“Um… I guess so? We’ve been classmates since 1st grade so we go way back. Why do you ask?
“I… I think I like her.” Kyungsoo stopped eating and was now staring at the picnic table.
“Oh.” Joonmyun did not understand why he felt a knot in his stomach.
“Can hyung help me be better friends with her?”
“Sure. Sure.” He was nodding absentmindedly, as if convincing himself that it was really fine with him.
“Hey. Kyungsoo! Lucy’s birthday is on Monday. Do you want to give her a gift?”
Joonmyun caught up to him in the hallway.
Should I give her a gift though? Kyungsoo bit his lip, thinking things over. I’m not even sure if I like LIKE her but Joonmyung hyung seems to be smitten by her, especially when they sang together.
“Is something wrong?”
Kyungsoo was startled. “She didn’t tell me her birthday was coming up!”
This made Joonmyun laugh. “No worries, dongsaeng. I’ll help you.”
That weekend, they went to the shopping mall to look for a gift.
“Lucy likes stuffed toys.” Joonmyun pointed at a display window full of cute, fluffy, animals.
“Oh then I’ll get her that.” Kyungsoo pointed at an alligator.
“Haha. No, that is not cute. That’ll frighten her!” Kyungsoo’s cluelessness always made Joonmyun laugh.
“Aish! Why are you like that, hyung? You know I haven’t done this before.”
“Come on, we’ll find a better one.” Joonmyun grabbed his arm and they went further inside the store.”
There were stuffed toy hammers and various cartoon characters. Kyungsoo took one of the hammers and playfully attacked Joonmyun with it. Joonmyun ran away as far as he could from Kyungsoo.
I think I lost him! Joonmyun was panting hard because of the laughing and running. He leaned on a display case and a stuffed toy fell on his head. He took it in his hands. It was a penguin. This is cute. He grinned as he was replacing it on the shelf.
“Hyung! Where have you been? I picked one already!”
“What did you choose?”
“This!” Kyungsoo was holding three stuffed toy roses in his hand.
“Wow, so classy.” Joonmyun said mockingly. He stuck his tongue out and guffawed. Seriously, he was loud.
“Aish, why are you like that!” Kyungsoo shoved him aside and went straight to the cashier.
Before going their separate ways, they decided to eat at an Italian restaurant for lunch.
“I like how I can just slurp the spaghetti!” Kyungsoo exclaimed.
“Ah you really are a glutton.”
“Aniya! I just appreciate food!”
Joonmyun is amazed at how much Kyungsoo can eat. Every time they eat together, ¾ of their order is for Kyungsoo and he never fails to tease the other about it.
“How can you be so disgusting? Look there’s so much sauce on your face.” He reached out and wiped the sauce stuck on the corners of Kyungsoo’s lips with his thumb.
Kyungsoo’s cheeks turned a light shade of red. It got redder as he realized that Joonmyun was gazing at his face.
“I know what you’re thinking.”
“What??” Kyungsoo’s shock registered in his eyes.
“Come on. Let’s go get ice cream after this.” Joonmyun winked at him and Kyungsoo swore he saw a twinkle in his hyung’s eyes.
The day of Lucy’s birthday, they all gathered at the school cafeteria during lunch hour.
“Are you ready?” Joonmyun asked Kyungsoo.
“I’ll pass it onto her. No big deal.” Kyungsoo’s hands said otherwise. They were pale and shaking.
Joonmyun grasped his hands, “Relax.”
“Lucy,” Kyungsoo mumbled, “here’s…here’s our gift to you.” He looked at Joonmyun. Joonmyun’s eyes widened and his eyebrows furrowed into a look of inquiry.
“Hyung and I enjoy singing with you very much so here’s something to show that we appreciate that.”
“Aww Kyungsoo, you shouldn’t have. Such a kind dongsaeng!” Lucy hugged him tightly and gave him a peck on the cheek. Kyungsoo smiled shyly and immediately sat back beside Joonmyun.
As they were walking towards Kyungsoo’s house, Joonmyun asked him. “Why did you say it was from us? It was your gift to her? Did you chicken out? Hahahaha. Mehrong!!!”
But Kyungsoo was serious. “No hyung. I did not chicken out.”
“Oh.” Joonmyun was taken aback by Kyungsoo’s monotone voice. “What is it then?”
They were now standing across Kyungsoo’s front door.
“Wait here.”
Joonmyun was not used to Kyungsoo being secretive and serious. What is happening with this kid?
Kyungsoo returned. He was holding a large plastic bag. The bag was from the toy store they went to that weekend.
“This is for you, hyung.”
“What is this?” He opened it. There was a stuffed toy seal.
“Ahahaha this is so adorable! What is this for?” Joonmyun’s emotions were mixed up. He was confused yet happy, scared yet excited.
“You always take care of me, hyung. That seal will take care of you! Look! His eyes disappear when he smiles too, just like you!”
Joonmyun wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo in a tight embrace, holding on as tightly to his new guardian.
“You, you kid, you.” His eyes went misty.
One day, all of Joonmyun’s hard work paid off. He received a letter from SME. His future was clearer than it was a year ago. Now he knows what he really wants to be. He was going to do the things he loved the most. He is going to be a performer. His refuge, his sanctuary, they were all a step closer to him now.
That night, Dr. Do scheduled him to babysit Kyungsoo again. They were hanging out on the couch, staring mindlessly at the commercial on the television. That’s when he broke the great news.
“Guess what?”
“What?”
“I told you to guess.”
“What?”
“Aish there is no talking to you!” Joonmyun chuckled. “Here.” He nearly shoved the envelope in Kyungsoo’s face.
“Yah! Hyung, you’re so mean! What is this?”
“Take a look.” Joonmyun was grinning.
“OHHWOW YOU GOT ACCEPTED HYUNG THAT IS SO…” Kyungsoo grabbed hold of Joonmyun.
“Kyungsoo, I can’t… I can’t breeeaa…”
Joonmyun heard sobbing. Then he felt his shoulder get wet.
“Hey. Hey. Why are you crying?”
“You… you’re going to leave now. I won’t see you anymore!”
“No no no.” Kyungsoo’s chin was now resting on his shoulders and he was stroking Kyungsoo’s head.
“Kyungsoo, look at me. Look at me.” He cupped Kyungsoo’s face.
“I am not going to leave you. I won’t ever leave you. Do you hear?”
Kyungsoo nods.
“Here, have this.” It was Joonmyun’s turn to give something.
“What is this?”
“You really ask a lot of questions. Just look.”
Kyungsoo peeked into the bag. Big eyes were staring at him.
“If my eyes disappear when I smile, yours grow bigger, just like this penguin’s.”
“Hyung, can we exchange stuffed toys instead? Since I am the penguin, you should have it so I will always be with you. Then I can have the seal, so you’ll always be with me too.”
“You’re a clever kid. That’s why I like you.” He tousles Kyungsoo’s hair once more.
[Present]
Suho is kneeling in front of Baekhyun who is sitting on his bed, his head buried in his hands, slender fingers wiping away the tears before they even drop.
“I didn’t know that you two have so much history. You told me about how your dad did not understand what you wanted. How he would insist you become a lawyer. But you never said anything about you and Kyungsoo.” He tried his best to keep voice his steady but the anguish was audible.
“You must understand, Baek. I cannot tell anyone here. We are here to train, to get better, to perform, to be the idols that fans will adore! Kyungsoo and I have to sacrifice what we had. Right before I left for training, Kyungsoo promised me he’d do his best to get in too. We were so happy when he did but… things are different here. I sometimes feel that we’re more miserable together like this than if we just stayed apart.”
Baekhyun stays silent.
“I’m so sorry, Baekhyun. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m really sorry.” Suho reaches out, stroking Baekhyun’s back in an attempt to comfort him. Baekhyun embraces him instead, tears now flowing freely, his words separated by short stabs of hyperventilation.
“It’s okay, hyung. I know you didn’t. I know.”
While performing at the showcase, Baekhyun looks to his left. He sees Suho and Kyungsoo looking at each other while singing Angel. He is surprised to find himself smiling. Someday, I will feel the same way too.
This moment feels like I was born as a child who knew nothing
I closed my eyes again in case it would be a dream
You were standing in front of my desperate self and praying
Just once, I want to walk side by side with you