LJ Idol: topic 4
I'm an identical twin, and I think that may have quite a bit to do with the idea that I don’t tend to see myself as much of a narcissist, the way I generally understand the term. Sure I have moments where I can behave like one (who of us can’t?), but I think sharing your very existence since inception makes it a bit harder to think or see things primarily in just “me”terms.
I didn’t instantly have my parents’ undivided attention because there were always two of us to nurture and look after. The idea of twins holds a degree of fascination for people, so family members, friends, and acquaintances were busily squeeing over the novelty of identical little girls as much as with the customary “oohs” and “ahhs” that a new baby can bring to the family circle. Additionally, every “first” occasion and milestone was shared with my sister as we grew up - even if we didn’t develop at exactly the same rate, it was usually close enough that as soon as one of us did something, our parents were looking expectantly between the two of us to see when the other would follow. Of course for a very long time, we shared every birthday too - that never felt bad or unfair to me because we never knew any other way, and it often felt like twice the fun to celebrate not only on your own behalf but on behalf of the person you knew as well as you could know anybody else in the world.
A favorite story of mine that demonstrates how intertwined our identities were early on -
we were at a pizza parlor when we were under 2, and my mom took one of us to the bathroom with her (she couldn't recall which one for sure). She went into a stall to pee and very soon heard her child talking to somebody, so she finished, in her words, "in a fucking flash" and hustled out of the stall to find her daughter engrossed in a conversation with herself in the full length mirror, chattering away as though the reflection were her very own sister. My mom said it was a good thing she'd just emptied her bladder or she might have pissed herself laughing.
As a twin, I’ve also had a lifelong friend and companion built in from the get go. I pretty much always had someone to listen to and commiserate with me and who often understood in minimal words what I was going through. In the interest of frankness, we also fought like the proverbial cats and dogs too many times to remember and over some of the silliest stuff, but we could always count on one another when it most mattered, for support and even sharing each other’s pains and burdens. When my sister split her lip open and the doctor told my mom to only feed her soft foods like jello, soups, and mashed potatoes, she went merrily on eating fried chicken, hamburgers, and apples while I ate the soft diet on her behalf. When you have a symbiotic other half, it’s apparently damn hard to act on just your own behalf. ;p
This effect could be amplified by our awareness that we pretty much always shared the focus in certain environs. We knew people who would casually or willfully call us by either of our names, and they fully expected we should answer to whichever one they used. Also, we had some probably well-meaning but overly nosy relatives would tell us we best not try to outshine the other, or feelings could get hurt and we might incur unspeakably horrendous damage to our tender psyches. They couldn’t (wouldn’t?) name or describe the dire consequences they foresaw; nevertheless, they somehow knew such damages were lurking, waiting to strike.
As adults, we still share news of all our major (and lots of minor) events, incidents, and changes. It’s almost as if it isn’t quite fully real until we tell each other and get the other’s reaction - it can be a singularly odd feeling to wait on another person’s response to confirm that Event X did in fact happen and determine how to proceed forward. :o
It may not yet be within my grasp to describe with total accuracy the distinctness and particulars that having an identical twin encompasses. I can say with reasonable certainty that being part a twin pair means that I gained a form of empathy very early, and I’ve been glad to have that. When people ask the question, “what’s it like to be a twin?”, it feels virtually impossible to give a comprehensive answer because I can’t say what it’s like to not be a twin, and for that I will always be grateful as well.
this is my fourth entry for Season 8 of lj idol. stay tuned for a later update for where you can vote for this and other submissions after the due date for entries passes.
I didn’t instantly have my parents’ undivided attention because there were always two of us to nurture and look after. The idea of twins holds a degree of fascination for people, so family members, friends, and acquaintances were busily squeeing over the novelty of identical little girls as much as with the customary “oohs” and “ahhs” that a new baby can bring to the family circle. Additionally, every “first” occasion and milestone was shared with my sister as we grew up - even if we didn’t develop at exactly the same rate, it was usually close enough that as soon as one of us did something, our parents were looking expectantly between the two of us to see when the other would follow. Of course for a very long time, we shared every birthday too - that never felt bad or unfair to me because we never knew any other way, and it often felt like twice the fun to celebrate not only on your own behalf but on behalf of the person you knew as well as you could know anybody else in the world.
A favorite story of mine that demonstrates how intertwined our identities were early on -
we were at a pizza parlor when we were under 2, and my mom took one of us to the bathroom with her (she couldn't recall which one for sure). She went into a stall to pee and very soon heard her child talking to somebody, so she finished, in her words, "in a fucking flash" and hustled out of the stall to find her daughter engrossed in a conversation with herself in the full length mirror, chattering away as though the reflection were her very own sister. My mom said it was a good thing she'd just emptied her bladder or she might have pissed herself laughing.
As a twin, I’ve also had a lifelong friend and companion built in from the get go. I pretty much always had someone to listen to and commiserate with me and who often understood in minimal words what I was going through. In the interest of frankness, we also fought like the proverbial cats and dogs too many times to remember and over some of the silliest stuff, but we could always count on one another when it most mattered, for support and even sharing each other’s pains and burdens. When my sister split her lip open and the doctor told my mom to only feed her soft foods like jello, soups, and mashed potatoes, she went merrily on eating fried chicken, hamburgers, and apples while I ate the soft diet on her behalf. When you have a symbiotic other half, it’s apparently damn hard to act on just your own behalf. ;p
This effect could be amplified by our awareness that we pretty much always shared the focus in certain environs. We knew people who would casually or willfully call us by either of our names, and they fully expected we should answer to whichever one they used. Also, we had some probably well-meaning but overly nosy relatives would tell us we best not try to outshine the other, or feelings could get hurt and we might incur unspeakably horrendous damage to our tender psyches. They couldn’t (wouldn’t?) name or describe the dire consequences they foresaw; nevertheless, they somehow knew such damages were lurking, waiting to strike.
As adults, we still share news of all our major (and lots of minor) events, incidents, and changes. It’s almost as if it isn’t quite fully real until we tell each other and get the other’s reaction - it can be a singularly odd feeling to wait on another person’s response to confirm that Event X did in fact happen and determine how to proceed forward. :o
It may not yet be within my grasp to describe with total accuracy the distinctness and particulars that having an identical twin encompasses. I can say with reasonable certainty that being part a twin pair means that I gained a form of empathy very early, and I’ve been glad to have that. When people ask the question, “what’s it like to be a twin?”, it feels virtually impossible to give a comprehensive answer because I can’t say what it’s like to not be a twin, and for that I will always be grateful as well.
this is my fourth entry for Season 8 of lj idol. stay tuned for a later update for where you can vote for this and other submissions after the due date for entries passes.