Telling Tales - 2/2 (HP; Natalie Dennis Blaise; ~14K words; G)
[ Part One | Part Two | Read on DW ]
"That sounds incredibly dangerous," Burny said. "I don't think I can help with that."
"That sounds incredibly illegal," Cole said. "I don't think I can help with that.
Princess Floppy sighed. This was going to be harder than she'd thought. Fortunately, as well as being a princess and clever, she was also a witch! And she knew she would never be able to get the diadem herself, even with her sneaky insider knowledge, so she decided she had to get the knight of mystery and the squire of enigma to come and help her. So she used her magic to make a super-special amulet that came in interlocking parts, and then first she went to Cole.
"Breaking into my distant Uncle's super secret cave is a little bit illegal," she admitted, "but it is in the name of justice, so, really, it's all cool. Also, if you help me, I will go on a date with you. Look, you can have half of my super-special amulet and people will see that it fits together perfectly with the other half and know, except you have to hide it and not tell anyone until after the cave thing."
And Cole thought about this for a bit, and it seemed only fair, and also she was ever so pretty and wise and kind, so he said, "Okay! May I have a kiss too?"
"Maybe later," Princess Floppy said, and off she went to find Burny.
"Breaking into my distant Uncle's super secret cave is a little bit risky," she admitted, "but it's less risky than all out war between goblins and wizards, and also more profitable. Also, if you help me, I will go on a date with you. Look, you can have half of my super-special amulet and people will see that it fits together perfectly with the other half and know, except you have to hide it and not tell anyone until after the cave thing."
And Burny thought about this for a bit, and it seemed only fair, and also she was beautiful and clever and cunning, so he said, "Very well; I shall aid you in your quest. Might I perchance have a kiss too?"
"Maybe later," Princess Floppy said.
Now that she had them both on side, they got down to figuring out how to break into the Great Underbed, as his mystical cavern was known. First, Cole came up with a way for them to see Princess Floppy's memories of the time her Uncle Donald had shown her and her parents around once, years ago so they could see what security they would have to bypass. Next, Burney brought them some special brooms for stealthy flying, full of lots of useful charms. Finally, Princess Floppy came up with a plan to get around the guards and shut down all the security long enough for them to get into the vaults.
"Uncle Donald is throwing a party," she explained. "I will go in as a guest and then, at an opportune moment, I will swoon, dramatically. You, Burny, will come in when they send for a healer, and make them let us have a private room, whereupon we will sneak up the roof where you, Cole, will have already sneaked in with the brooms under the cover of the distraction of Burny entering. Then we'll fly into the vaults, swap the diadem for a copy, and you'll fly back out, while I'll distract people by returning to party. Simple and easy!"
And it certainly started out that way. Princess Floppy easily got herself invited to the party, and she had carefully practiced her swooning, so that it was very dramatic and convincing. Burny, dressed as a healer, easily convinced Donald that they should be given a room for Princess Floppy to rest in and, with the help of a convenient window, they quickly joined Cole on the brooms and flew around to the vaults.
There were big doors, but Burny quickly picked the locks to get inside, where Cole used chocolate frogs to distract the guard crups while Princess Floppy tied them up with some conjured rope. Keeping on their brooms, so they wouldn't leave any incriminating footprints or step on the hidden pits, they worked their way down the corridors, past ancient heirlooms like the Sapphire Slippers and the Long Lost Jigsaw Puzzle Piece and the Great Dusty Book, until Princess Floppy suddenly stopped them.
"Oh no!" she cried. "These great crates weren't here before, and they're marked Hungry Hippos, so we probably shouldn't open them."
"Can we go around them?" Burny asked.
"No," said Princess Floppy. "They're too wide."
"Can we go under them?" Cole asked.
"No," said Princess Floppy. "They're too heavy. Perhaps we can go over them."
She flew up to the slatted roof of the Underbed and there she could see a very narrow gap.
"We'll have to go one at a time," she told them, "and since I am the princess, I shall go first."
So Princess Floppy carefully wriggled her way through the tiny gap. It was slow going and, while she was doing it, Cole and Burny were left there behind with nothing much to do.
"What are you smiling about?" Burny asked Cole.
"Princess Floppy said she would go out with me afterwards," Cole told him.
"Princess Floppy said she would go out with me afterwards," Burny said. "You must have gotten the wrong idea."
"Nuh-uh," said Cole. "She gave me half of her super-special amulet to prove it."
"Nonsense," said Burny. "She gave me half of her super-special amulet to prove it." And he pulled out his half of the amulet to show Cole.
"But, but, but," Cole said, pulling his own half of the amulet out. "I have half too. And look, it fits together with yours."
"Huh," said Burny. "That's kind of cool. No, wait, that means we both have half and Princess Floppy doesn't have any."
"She tricked us!" Cole agreed.
Princess Floppy had just reached the other side of the crates, so she turned back and said, "You can come through now."
But Burny said, "You tricked us, so I don't want to."
"I don't want to either," Cole said, "until you say for sure which one of us you want to go out with."
"I didn't really trick you," Princess Floppy said. "I didn't say I wouldn't go out with the other one of you when I said I'd go out with you." They both gave her a Look. "I'm very sorry, but can't we discuss this, say, after we have stolen the diadem and prevented an all out war?"
"Um, no," said Cole.
"I don't think so, no," said Burny.
"Boys!" huffed Princess Floppy. "Fine! I'm a witch and a princess and everything. I'll just go and steal the diadem by myself then!"
"Fine!" said Cole.
"You do that!" said Burny.
And off they flew.
Now Princess Floppy felt very bad about tricking them, but the safety of the kingdom was at stake so, straightening her robes and readying her wand, she flew on into the vaults. There were lots of tunnels, and she had to use her wand to guide her through the maze, but soon she found herself at the very centre, where the diadem had been put out on a special pedestal.
"What's the point of having treasure no one can see?" Princess Floppy asked and luckily there was no answer, because otherwise she would not have been alone in the vault, which would have been bad given she was going to rob it, even if she was stealing in the name of justice, which made it a bit better. Quickly she cast a spell to duplicate the diadem and then, as fast she could, she pulled the real diadem off the pedestal and dropped the copy in its place. "There! Now to get out of here!"
But the moment she turned around, she realised that she hadn't swapped the diadems fast enough or carefully enough, for coming out of the tunnels were the giant Hungry Hippos the crates had warned of! She dodged this way! She dodged that way! She flew upside down! She span around! Hippos went that way and this way and downside up and spinning, crashing into each other and the walls and the great four pillars of the Underbed, and for a moment it seemed like Princess Floppy was going to escape, but she still had the crates to get past and, as she tried to get through the tiny gap, a Hungry Hippo caught her.
"Oh no!" she cried. "A Hungry Hippo has caught me and, as everybody knows, Hungry Hippos are immune to magic! Whatever shall I do?"
But then, suddenly, there were Burny and Cole! And they threw giant pearls down into the vaults, which the Hungry Hippos quickly rushed to eat, forgetting about Princess Floppy, who managed to escape through the gap and hug Burny and Cole.
"You came back!" she said.
"Of course we did," Cole said.
"We don't want there to be a war," Burny said, and Cole elbowed him, and he said, "also, we forgive you for tricking us, because it was very clever and actually a bit funny now we've thought about it."
And Cole nodded his head to show he agreed, making his cow bell ring, which is how you know he meant it.
Suddenly the Hippos roared from behind them and, up ahead, the guard crups began to bark.
"Oh no," said Cole. "We're out of pearls!"
"And the rope charms must have worn off," Burny added.
"Fly for it!" cried Princess Floppy, and they did, all together, as fast as they can. They flew right over the crups who couldn't jump high enough to get them and were so annoyed by this that they attacked the Hippos, so they didn't follow either.
Unfortunately, all the noise had drawn everybody from the party out into the hallways, so they all saw Princess Floppy, Burny and Cole flying.
"She's got my diadem," cried Donald. "After her!"
And they all rushed after Princess Floppy! So great was the commotion that all the goblins came out to see what was going on, and when Donald cried "She's got my diadem," they cried, "She's got our diadem!" and they all rushed after them too.
"Back to Cushion Castle," cried Princess Floppy.
So Cole threw some chocolate frogs down to distract people, and Burny puffed out lots of smoke, and Princess Floppy sprinkled sparkles everywhere and, in all the confusion, they managed to escape to Cushion Castle, although it was only a few minutes before Donald and the goblins came pounding on the door.
"I need to examine the diadem," Princess Floppy said.
"We'll distract them some more," Burny said, and he and Cole went to the doors where the rabble were.
"There's no one here," Cole yelled.
"Then who said that?" asked Donald.
"No one said that," said Burny.
"Then who is holding the doors shut?" asked the goblins.
"No one is holding the doors shut," Cole replied.
"Ah hah!" cried Donald, and quickly pushed the doors open.
"Blast!" said Cole, and he and Burny rushed back to the princess with Donald and his wizards and the goblins on their heels.
As soon as they all saw the diadem, they all began to loudly argue, and soon wands and swords were being drawn all over the cushion.
"See?" cried Donald. "It's ours!"
"See?" cried the goblins. "It's ours!"
"No it isn't!" cried Donald. "It's ours!"
"No it isn't!" cried the goblins. "It's ours!"
"Actually," said Princess Floppy, not loudly, but cutting through the rabble all the same, "you're all wrong."
"Exactly," said Cole. "Wait, what?"
"This diadem was made for Lady Bloodfang," said Princess Floppy, "but it isn't the one she wore herself. I know all about that one, because it was retrieved by my parents--"
"Like I said," said Uncle Donald.
"--and returned to the goblins years ago," Princess Floppy finished, giving him a pointed look.
Burny coughed something that might have been a laugh.
"Doesn't that mean it belongs to the goblins, then?" Cole said, and all the goblins nodded.
"No," said Princess Floppy, "because Lady Bloodfang had it made for the Empress of Auruk, her dearest and most beloved companion."
"Oh!" Cole beamed. "Made for true love!"
"It never has to be returned," Burny agreed, and all the goblins nodded solemnly.
"But if it doesn't belong to them," Donald said, pointing at the goblins.
"And it doesn't belong to them," Sockmonkey said, pointing at the wizards.
"Who does it belong to?" they both asked.
"That's a very good question," said Princess Floppy.
"You could make more copies," Cole suggested. "Then everyone could have one."
There were muttered complaints at this. Cole frowned at people to no avail.
"You could cut it into pieces," Burny suggested. "Then everyone could have a part."
There were quite loud complaints at this. Burny gave them all disdainful looks, idly breathing out a tongue of flame, which made them all look at the floor and scuff their feet.
"There's only one thing to do," said Princess Floppy firmly. "We'll have it put in a museum. That way, no-one really owns it, but everybody who wants to can come and see it whenever they like, which will also be educational and instructive to young children."
"That's very true," said the wizards.
"That's very wise," said the goblins.
"Three cheers for Princess Floppy," Cole said. "Hip-hip-hooray!"
"Hip-hip-hooray!" cried Burny.
"Hip-hip-hooray!" cried the wizards and the goblins.
And Princess Floppy smiled at them all and blushed modestly and prettily.
So the goblins and the wizards went away to put the diadem in the museum, and everybody was happy, and soon there was only Burny and Cole and Princess Floppy left in Cushion Castle.
"Right then," said Burny. "So which of us do you really like?"
"Yes," said Cole. "We discussed it, and we think you should tell us, please, if you want to, although you shouldn't feel pressured into it, or anything."
"Because we both really like you and we want you to be happy," said Burny, "although I think you'll find you'd be very happy with me."
"Or with me," added Cole.
"Hmm," said Princess Floppy. "Well, there's only one thing to do." She came and stood between them, one on either side. "Both of you, stand up straight."
They stood up straight.
"Both of you, close your eyes, and don't peek."
They closed their eyes, and they didn't peek.
"Right then," said Princess Floppy, kissed Cole on one cheek, turned and kissed Burny on the other, and then, while they both still had their eyes closed, made a break for the palace gardens, giggling all the way.
"She kissed me," Cole and Burny both said.
"No, she kissed me," Burny and Cole both said.
They looked at each other and then, both nodding, they turned right around to face the gardens and, arm in arm, they chased after her together...
Burny, Princess Floppy and Cole
"...and they all lived happily ever after; the end," Dennis finished. He made all the toys bow before they collapsed in a heap.
"And then they god married?" Nicodemus asked.
"I don't know," said Dennis, smiling at Natalie. "What do you think?"
"Close enough," Natalie said.
"Pretty much," Dennis said to Nicodemus.
"Thad was a good sdory," Nicodemus decided, wriggling a bit to get comfortable, trying and failing to hide a yawn.
"Enough stories for now, I think, kiddo," Natalie said. "Why don't you try to sleep for a bit?"
"'m nod sleepy," Nicodemus said, even though his eyes were drifting closed.
"You could just close your eyes for a bit," Dennis suggested. "That's not really sleeping." He picked the floppy doll up and made it wave its arm at Nicodemus, putting on a squeaky voice. "Night-night, Nicky!"
"No," Nicodemus said obstinately. "When father geds home."
Natalie sighed. "Put those away, would you, please?" Dennis nodded, casting the animation charms again and making them walk to the chest, which hadn't been quite what Natalie had meant but was still better than nothing, so she let it go.
"I don't know when your dad will get back," she said to Nicodemus. "He has lots of important work to do and--" She could see that was the wrong track to take. "How about if you sleep for a bit now, and we'll wake you up when he comes home? Then it'll be no time at all."
"Thad'll be ages," Nicodemus whined. "Ages and ages and ages!"
Natalie looked helplessly at Dennis.
"Um, we could, oh! We could play a game," Dennis said. "We could all close our eyes, right, and then we could see who can count the most cows, jumping over a fence." Nicodemus gave Dennis a withering look. "Blimey! You look just like Blaise when you do that."
"Cows don' jump over fences," Nicodemus said grumpily.
"I don't know," Dennis said thoughtfully. "Sheep seem to manage it, at least apocryphally -- that means people tell stories where they do," he corrected when Nicodemus looked confused. "And cows are bigger than sheep, so they have less far to go to get to fence height. But they're probably heavier and they have different shaped legs. I bet if we went to the farm--"
"You could ask your dad," Natalie quickly put in.
"Oh." Dennis considered, then shrugged. "That probably would be easier, yes."
"Cows are all girls," Nicodemus announced. "They have lods of bellies." He frowned. "Do they get sig? Being sig with lods of bellies would be super-yucky." He pulled a face.
"I don't think they get sick like that," Natalie said, giving Dennis a warning look.
"Not really like that, no," he readily agreed. "And they give us milk! Would you like some? I'll warm it up and put honey in it and everything, just the way you like."
"No," said Nicodemus. "Id dase bad."
"I could put a chocolate frog in it?" Dennis suggested and then yelped when Natalie smacked his arm. "What?"
"We don't need jumping melting frogs all over the place when I'm trying to get him to sleep," she whispered at him, but not quietly enough.
"No, no, no!" Nicodemus said, tears beginning to form in his eyes. "I wan my--"
"Pepper-up potion," said Blaise firmly from the entrance, the bottle in question steaming in his hand.
"Father!" said Nicodemus happily. "Nadalie's gonna ged me a pirad had!"
"Is she now?" Blaise favoured her with an amused look and then nudged Dennis with his boot until Dennis got the hint and gave Blaise space to sit on the bed. "Here, drink this -- no, no complaining. You're far too grown up to be throwing temper tantrums, young man."
"Id dase bad," Nicodemus complained.
"Yes, they do taste terrible," Blaise said patiently. "That's how you know they're effective. Take a big breath and drink it all down in one go; sooner started, sooner finished."
He helped Nicodemus sit up straight and held the small bottle to his lips. Nicodemus pulled a face, making a small smile curl Blaise's lips. "Deep breath."
They all took one, Blaise and Dennis and Natalie and Nicodemus, and then Nicodemus drank, Blaise helping him hold the bottle, and drank and drank until it was all gone, whereupon he let his breath back out explosively.
"Gah!" He sniffed, steaming coming out of his ears. "That's horrible!"
"It will make you feel better," Blaise said, and Nicodemus nodded as if both Natalie and Dennis hadn't ever said this before. He took his boots off, setting them neatly by the end, before stretching out next to Nicodemus, managing to look comfortable even though the boy's bed was really too small for his own long frame. Nicodemus promptly curled up next to him, closing his eyes when Blaise started gently stroking his hair. "Now, what's this about a pirate hat?"
"Natalie told me a story about a pirate treasure under Saterne," Nicodemus explained, not opening his eyes. "And Dennis told a story about pirates and goblins and a princess."
"Was the princess beautiful and brave?" Blaise asked, smiling at Dennis.
"Extremely," said Dennis, shifting around to lean against the bed, and holding his arms out so Natalie could lean against him.
"And a witch," Nicodemus said, although the word was mostly swallowed by a yawn. "Like the pirate. She was a witch too. The bestest pirate witch that ever lived."
"Cassiopeia Nigellus," Blaise mused, "who they called Lady Bloodfang."
Nicodemus lifted his head to blink up at Blaise. Steam was still drifting from his ears a little. "You know her too?"
"Of course," said Blaise, waiting for him to settle again. He lifted his wand, making soft lights dance and swirl until they became a face, the beautiful Bloodfang herself. "It was a great mystery of the age, what happened to Lady Bloodfang." He sent the lights dancing, shifting from image to image as he spoke, now pirates with swords, now great sail ships on an ocean of stars. "For years and years she had moved throughout the Mediterranean and beyond, taking down evil men and monsters alike, roaming the trade lines of Europe, Africa and Asia at her leisure, bringing unprecedented peace and prosperity to the region--"
"So long as you paid her price," Dennis said, and "Omph!" when Natalie elbowed him.
Blaise just smiled his little smile. "So long as you paid. All the pirates in the land feared and worshipped her and she commanded men and magic with fearless ease until the years grew grey and all had long since fallen under her spell."
The lights moved, forming a court room, a throne.
"It was the thirty-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-ninth day..."
Lady Bloodfang, friend to giants, slayer of dragons and queen of the pirates
It was the thirty-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-ninth day of the reign of Cassiopeia Nigellus, known to her subjects as the Lady Bloodfang, friend to giants, slayer of dragons and queen of the pirates. In the pirate court, a great hall fashioned from the timbers of scuttled British Tea Company ships and bedecked with the souvenirs of more than a century of looting and pillaging, Cassiopeia sat stiffly on her carved bone throne in her golden diadem and splendid purple robes, emeralds and diamonds sparkling around the fingers she was tapping on the arm rest.
The court was in session that day, just the same as the day before, and the day before that, and on to the limits of living memory. Two pirates stood before her, each puffed up in his pomp and finery, spittle flying from their mouths and landing in each others beards as they screamed and yelled with barely a hair's breadth between them. Were it not for the law that in the court only Cassiopeia would have her wand and sword to hand, no doubt they would have been cursing each other with more than mere words; yet, for all their fury, the dispute was over no more territory than a single mile, and that of barren sea. It served no purpose but politics and Cassiopeia, required by her position to mediate, listened to the two men go back and forth for interminable hours, growing stiffer and stiffer in her seat until finally she screamed.
"ENOUGH! Enough of this prattle!" She rose to her feet and the torches burned suddenly brighter and colder, casting eldritch shadows across the now cowering pirate lords. "You call yourselves pirates? You dare?"
No one was brave enough to speak. Heavy silence rolled through the court like the tide. Courtiers, servants and supplicants alike all looked up at her with wide eyes and trembling hands.
"Enough," she cried again. "Enough of the lot of you! Leave us!" One or two began to edge out backwards, bowing as they went. This was far too slow for Cassiopeia and, lifting her wand to magnify her voice so it fell on them with greater thunder than even the most wild of crashing surfs, she ordered, "ALL OF YOU! LEAVE!"
They ran, each and every one, pushing and clawing at each other in their haste to leave, the courtiers to cower in their wings, the supplicants to their boats, and the servants to the under-halls and the relative safety of the kitchens. Those who fell at the front of the crush were dragged up at the rear and pulled on so that, within barely two dozen breaths, the hall was empty. Cups and cutlery lay scattered on the ground and strewn across the table, here and there joined by a fallen dagger or a dropped money-purse, doubloons gleaming murkily in the dusty air.
"Enough," Cassiopeia repeated to herself, slumping back on to her throne, and even her whisper was loud in that new quiet.
The torches slowly burned down as the sun slipped away overhead, first peeking through this window, then that, and Cassiopeia sat, staring at nothing, until finally, hesitantly, the court steward - a dusty, bald, gnarled thing of a man, barely distinguishable from the House Elves he commanded - cautiously approached the throne.
"My lady," he tried.
"Is this all we have come to, Steward?" she asked hollowly. He ducked his head in confusion, but she had not expected, nor needed a response. "We who shook the pillars of heaven and breached the very gates of hell? Is this all there is left?" She waved a hand at the mess of the room, at the chair, at herself. "Is this all there is left? Sat here on the bones of my long vanquished enemy, while my subjects argue trivialities?"
The Steward, who concerned himself only with the practical matters of running a court, with the feeding and the bedding of pirates, be they Lords of be they crew, did not know how to answer. Still, it was the Steward's duty to answer the questions of the queen and so, voice creaking, he tried. "My lady? You are the queen of the pirates, and this is your court; a place for all, and all in their place. What else is there?"
Cassiopeia removed her diadem and turned it over and over between her fingers, considering it from every angle, tracing the delicate knot-work that had been made by the greatest of the Goblin craftsmen. "What else?" she murmured. "What else, indeed?"
The Steward opened his mouth to answer but whatever he had been about to say was lost to surprise when Cassiopeia suddenly rose to her feet, tossing the crown away.
"I think I shall go and see," she announced, striding decisively through the room, kicking gold and daggers aside. She snapped her fingers, and a House Elf popped in to view, bowing obsequiously. "You there! Send a runner to the docks. Tell them to ready my ship."
The House Elf vanished as quickly as it had come and, though it had not spoken a word, Cassiopeia knew her will would be obeyed. She paused nonetheless in the doorway to look back. The Steward, looking very small, was still hovering by the thrown, throwing concerned glances at the diadem and at her. She smiled thinly.
"Take care of your kingdom, Steward."
And with his whimpers in her ears, Cassiopeia took her leave.
Her ship, the Nimbus, resplendent with emerald sails and silver trim, had been brought to task with alacrity and admirable efficiency. It cut through the waves and the winds with equal ease, sliding gracefully between the mess of her peoples' ships and swiftly leaving them in its wake, shrinking and shrinking until the whole of the island was reduced to the barest line of green at the horizon. The sails billowed and the masts creaked as they went, the night rolling over head, dawn rising at their back, and the days passed and still they sailed, lunging west, always west, racing the morning, chasing the evening.
In her great cloak, wand slung at her side, Cassiopeia stood at the wheel, one bejewelled hand holding it as fast as her eyes held the horizon, her thoughts drifting back and forth with the tides. Onwards they went, onwards at her command, buoyed west by wand and will when the wind dropped, onwards, always onwards. Here, she remembered, they had fought the Spanish fleet. There, Algerian pirates had fallen first to her charms, then to her cannon. Now, the waters were calm and clear; the currents had long since spread the debris of those battles, scattered them into homes for fish, shelves for coral.
West, then and in the calm waters of Rack's Deep she saw no sign of that mighty whirlpool which had once consumed ships by the score; for she'd long since sealed it with the head of the dragon of the western waters. West, and they sailed through the devil's straits whose cursed cliffs had once crushed all before them and saw not a tremor, the walls long since stilled by the giant Barnegat, himself lost a score or more years before. West, always west, and everywhere they went she saw only her own history, bringing ease to a hundred thousand miseries but leaving nothing for her to pursue. West.
Night consumed them once more and with it came the cool winds, their fingers slipping unheeded across the dusk of her skin, running through hair that age had turned to thin silver. Cassiopeia watched the moon rise and the stars shift until their meagre light was washed out in the glow of a lantern. One of the cabin girls, a young witch in a dozen times handed-me-down robes and shivering in the cold, held the bowl in which glittering bluebells of fire danced without heat for even on a ship surrounded by water, fire that burned was still a dangerous thing.
"My lady," the cabin girl asked. "Will you not sleep? The night is mighty cold."
Cassiopeia shook her head. "I do not sleep as I once did. But, here--" She took her cloak from her shoulders and, bidding the girl to hang the lantern, wrapped the cloak around the girl's shoulders. "Watch with me a while, girl."
Pulling the cloak in tight with a pleased smile at the soft and warmth of it, the girl sat at Cassiopeia's side and watched the wind tug at her captain to no avail. The wheel held steady and the ship, turning and turning into the wind, held steady, west and west, and so they sat as the moon sailed past; sat until the sun breached the horizon behind them and before them its first rosy fingers caressed the sheer stone faces of Aurak, city on the edge of the world.
The mountain rose from the sea, becoming city with such subtle ease that it was impossible to tell where rock ended and wall began. Cassiopeia guided the Nimbus in to the natural dock, a sheltered deep pool that protected ships from the ocean crash but left them both exposed to the arrow slits of the hills and requiring a short trek by row-boat to reach the shore proper. The cabin girl volunteered and Cassiopeia waved the others back, preferring to travel this leg in small company alone. She taught the girl the holding charms on the way and applauded her performance of them at the jetty, before striding up the steep hill with a vigour that belied her age. When they came upon the first troll, the cabin girl gasped and shrunk back, but Cassiopeia showed her it was stone, it and the dozens of others they passed on the way up to the giant stone walls and the two large, wide open gates.
"Come, girl!" she ordered, even as the cabin girl edged with trepidation around a great mouth frozen in the middle of a pained roar. "The palace of Auruk awaits us and, with it, my companion of the old, the great Delphinia, with whom we ousted the trolls into sunlight and stone and seized Serafina from the mad king Barabbas."
They passed through the gates, colossal portals of solid hewed stone, undecorated but no less magnificent for it. There was no one on the walls, no guards in the square, no servants waiting on the steps that rose to the main palace rooms beyond. Shadows slept between the columns. Dust filled the gaps on the friezes.
"My lady," the cabin girl called, hurrying after Cassiopeia as she strode inside. "Should the gates be open?"
"No doubt the watchtowers saw our flag miles ago, girl," Cassiopeia said distractedly, feeling her heart begin to beat faster in anticipation of the meeting to come. "From the top of the east tower, on a clear day, you can see clear to Dragon's Reef, where Rarlith fell and from whose bones were carved the twin thrones of Cassiopeia and Delphinia."
"Still, my lord," the girl said, fear of the place around her greater than her fear of causing offence. "The city is oddly silent, almost sleeping. Perhaps backup--"
Cassiopeia laughed at the idea. "Come now! We have our wands, do we--" They stepped out together into the great hall, and the deep silence all but swallowed her final word. "--not?"
There were no tables, no revelry, no laughing greeting from old friends. All life had been stripped from that place. No wood, no tapestries, no torches waiting to be lit, not even a few spiders to drape the place in cobwebs. Only bone and stone remained. On the dais, the bone chair sat empty. Before it, a great marble sarcophagus now occupied the room, cold and immobile. On it, carved rather into it, a timeless reflection of the more mortal body beneath, was an image of Delphinia, her eyes closed, her arms crossed over her chest. Even this figure could not pretend at mere sleep.
"Oh, my dearest friend," Cassiopeia whispered, pressing a hand to the stone. Her rings scratched against the marble, and she pulled them off with sudden disgust, forcing them on the cabin girl. "Girl, show my rings to the Nimbus's first mate and tell her to set sail for home."
"But--" The cabin girl fumbled at the rings and then, when Cassiopeia drew her wand, straightened her spine and, holding them fast, faced Cassiopeia bravely. "My lady--"
"Go," said Cassiopeia softly, and loudly, "Go! Now!" and the wand took her words and made a command of them, so that the girl suddenly broke away and went running off down the mountain as if all the trolls had once more become sensate and were after her to fend off decades of stone-clad hunger. Cassiopeia stared at her wand before turning and walking slowly back to the sarcophagus. When her legs threatened to give way, she clung to the stone, dropping her wand on the image of her friend.
"And here she is," she whispered. "The rowan wand, with which I slew the roc, with which you slew the blind god Caravaggio; forged by the deep makers of the black forests from the most ancient tree, the swiftest, brightest phoenix, never breaking, always true..."
Cassiopeia left the wand behind when she left. Never had she felt her years so clearly as in this moment. The weight of them pressed her on, pressed her down through the catacombs and out to the secret river beyond. There amongst the wrecks she found enough to salvage something of a sailboat, and she set her back to the world. West, then. Always west. Everything fell behind. Auruk, the mountain, the Nimbus, the soft world, safe as she had made it, it all fell away, until there was only she and the sea.
Black clouds began to boil up from the horizon, higher and higher, thicker and thicker, until they filled the whole sky. The cold winds returned, no longer soft fingers but clawing hands, pulling and beating at her. The rain come with them, harder and harder, until she could no longer tell sky from sea, until the thunder bellowed below her feet and lightning came from everywhere to sear the storm apart and melt it back together. Cassiopeia had thought, when the time came, she would just give herself to it, but she could not. Her hands moved of their own accord, to pull ropes and tie sales. Her feet, now bare, moved again and again to keep her in the boat as the storm and the sky and sea took it to pieces around her until, finally, when they came down, they came down on nothing.
The swell closed out the noise. It was silent and slow down here. Her robes sucked in the sea, became as heavy as her years. It was quiet and dark and all she had to do was breathe out, just one last time, and it would be done. She closed her eyes. Something moved through the water. Cassiopeia's eyes burst open. She tore at her robes, slipping and kicking free. They clung to her legs for a moment and were gone, falling, fading. She pushed, up and up, through the swells, surfacing nakedly into wet air that burnt and froze her lungs all at once. Wet, but drying air. The clouds above were charcoal, then purple-grey, becoming ragged. The sea flattened. She found some wood and clung to it, pulling herself up, naked now, out of the sea.
It came too, that movement, so like the sea in its colouring that it was easy to believe it was water, this vast snake of a thing bursting up through the surface to tower above her. Salt-spray foamed off seemingly endless green scales that twisted up to a head larger than her body, to an eye larger than her head and a slash of scars where another should be. She was naked and unarmed, but she was Cassiopeia and she would stand. Even now, by god, she would stand.
"Well?" she cried.
The sea serpent hissed at her. It was something of a roar, something of a laugh. "Have you come back to finish me off, little pirate?"
The force of its breath pushed her back. She pressed forward against it as best she could on her little raft of wood, and raised her own voice, stead and strong. "Serpent! Do I know thee?"
The storm, abated, departed; even its dregs gone from above them, where the darkness of the sky now signified nothing more pressing than the coming of the night. The serpent undulated as it looked her over.
"Has age so dimmed your memory?" it asked. "Aye, ye know me of old, Cassiopeia Nigellus, who cost me my eye and my treasures; but I am the last of my kind, old and weary, and revenge holds little for me now, so rest your fears."
Cassiopeia bowed her head. The moon shone down upon them, a silvery trail of light.
"And what of you?" the serpent asked. "Have you too come here to the edge of the world to die?"
"I had thought so," Cassiopeia admitted. "Now I am not so sure." She pointed west. "I want to keep going."
"It is the edge of the world, little pirate," the serpent said. "What else is there?"
Cassiopeia laughed at that. "What else indeed! I do not know, mighty serpent, and it brings me joy to know that there are still mysteries in the world. What else is there? I do not know -- but I would like to!"
"Then come!" The serpent gave a mighty roar of a laugh and ducked back under the water in a great splash only to rise again a moment later, smashing through Cassiopeia's wood and dragging her along. "Hold on to me, little pirate, and we shall see what we shall see -- for there is always time for one last ride before the sea reclaims us!"
Cassiopeia clinging to its neck, the serpent went dancing through the swells, down the trail of moonlight as the stars began to burn before them; and so they went, the witch and the serpent, onwards and outwards, chasing the moon beyond the horizon, out beyond the darkness, beyond space and time, out until there was nothing left...
Blaise lifted his wand, making soft lights dance and swirl.
"...but memory and starlight," Blaise finished quietly.
Nicodemus was curled up against him, snoring softly. One of Blaise's hands moved gently still against his hair; the other conducted the images on the wall, the witch and the serpent, making them rise to the ceiling where they became glittering constellations, Cassiopeia and Draco. Natalie raised her wand, and Dennis too, and they filled others in until the whole night sky danced above them.
Blaise carefully settled Nicodemus in to his bed, pulling the covers up and tucking them in around them. Natalie cast watch-wards on the bed in case Nicodemus woke in the night, while Dennis retrieved the empty Pepper-Up Potion bottle and then, one by one, they crept from the room as quietly as they could so that Nicodemus wouldn't wake, and stood at the bottom of the stairs, listening. There were no coughs or cries or stirrings. All was well.
"My story was way more upbeat than your story," Dennis said.
Blaise scoffed. "Mine was completely upbeat. It had a very positive message, good for nurturing the young minds of today."
"And my story had goblins and adventure and kissing--"
"I don't think you should be telling my son stories with kissing in," Blaise said, though he didn't quite hide his smile.
"It's not a real story without kissing in," Dennis complained.
"Boys," Natalie sighed. "You'll wake Nicky." They both looked contrite. "Besides, all three stories had witches in, and that's the sign of the best stories of all: witches."
"And pirates," Dennis and Blaise both said.
"And love," Natalie agreed, kissing Dennis on one cheek and Blaise on the other. "But, mostly, witches."
Giggling, she ran off towards the kitchen with Dennis and Blaise in cheerful pursuit.
"And they all lived happily ever after," Nicodemus murmured, wrapping his arms around the dragon, the cow, and the floppy princess. While tiny stars wheeled about his bedroom ceiling, he closed his eyes and slept.
[ Part One | Part Two | Read on DW ]
"That sounds incredibly dangerous," Burny said. "I don't think I can help with that."
"That sounds incredibly illegal," Cole said. "I don't think I can help with that.
Princess Floppy sighed. This was going to be harder than she'd thought. Fortunately, as well as being a princess and clever, she was also a witch! And she knew she would never be able to get the diadem herself, even with her sneaky insider knowledge, so she decided she had to get the knight of mystery and the squire of enigma to come and help her. So she used her magic to make a super-special amulet that came in interlocking parts, and then first she went to Cole.
"Breaking into my distant Uncle's super secret cave is a little bit illegal," she admitted, "but it is in the name of justice, so, really, it's all cool. Also, if you help me, I will go on a date with you. Look, you can have half of my super-special amulet and people will see that it fits together perfectly with the other half and know, except you have to hide it and not tell anyone until after the cave thing."
And Cole thought about this for a bit, and it seemed only fair, and also she was ever so pretty and wise and kind, so he said, "Okay! May I have a kiss too?"
"Maybe later," Princess Floppy said, and off she went to find Burny.
"Breaking into my distant Uncle's super secret cave is a little bit risky," she admitted, "but it's less risky than all out war between goblins and wizards, and also more profitable. Also, if you help me, I will go on a date with you. Look, you can have half of my super-special amulet and people will see that it fits together perfectly with the other half and know, except you have to hide it and not tell anyone until after the cave thing."
And Burny thought about this for a bit, and it seemed only fair, and also she was beautiful and clever and cunning, so he said, "Very well; I shall aid you in your quest. Might I perchance have a kiss too?"
"Maybe later," Princess Floppy said.
Now that she had them both on side, they got down to figuring out how to break into the Great Underbed, as his mystical cavern was known. First, Cole came up with a way for them to see Princess Floppy's memories of the time her Uncle Donald had shown her and her parents around once, years ago so they could see what security they would have to bypass. Next, Burney brought them some special brooms for stealthy flying, full of lots of useful charms. Finally, Princess Floppy came up with a plan to get around the guards and shut down all the security long enough for them to get into the vaults.
"Uncle Donald is throwing a party," she explained. "I will go in as a guest and then, at an opportune moment, I will swoon, dramatically. You, Burny, will come in when they send for a healer, and make them let us have a private room, whereupon we will sneak up the roof where you, Cole, will have already sneaked in with the brooms under the cover of the distraction of Burny entering. Then we'll fly into the vaults, swap the diadem for a copy, and you'll fly back out, while I'll distract people by returning to party. Simple and easy!"
And it certainly started out that way. Princess Floppy easily got herself invited to the party, and she had carefully practiced her swooning, so that it was very dramatic and convincing. Burny, dressed as a healer, easily convinced Donald that they should be given a room for Princess Floppy to rest in and, with the help of a convenient window, they quickly joined Cole on the brooms and flew around to the vaults.
There were big doors, but Burny quickly picked the locks to get inside, where Cole used chocolate frogs to distract the guard crups while Princess Floppy tied them up with some conjured rope. Keeping on their brooms, so they wouldn't leave any incriminating footprints or step on the hidden pits, they worked their way down the corridors, past ancient heirlooms like the Sapphire Slippers and the Long Lost Jigsaw Puzzle Piece and the Great Dusty Book, until Princess Floppy suddenly stopped them.
"Oh no!" she cried. "These great crates weren't here before, and they're marked Hungry Hippos, so we probably shouldn't open them."
"Can we go around them?" Burny asked.
"No," said Princess Floppy. "They're too wide."
"Can we go under them?" Cole asked.
"No," said Princess Floppy. "They're too heavy. Perhaps we can go over them."
She flew up to the slatted roof of the Underbed and there she could see a very narrow gap.
"We'll have to go one at a time," she told them, "and since I am the princess, I shall go first."
So Princess Floppy carefully wriggled her way through the tiny gap. It was slow going and, while she was doing it, Cole and Burny were left there behind with nothing much to do.
"What are you smiling about?" Burny asked Cole.
"Princess Floppy said she would go out with me afterwards," Cole told him.
"Princess Floppy said she would go out with me afterwards," Burny said. "You must have gotten the wrong idea."
"Nuh-uh," said Cole. "She gave me half of her super-special amulet to prove it."
"Nonsense," said Burny. "She gave me half of her super-special amulet to prove it." And he pulled out his half of the amulet to show Cole.
"But, but, but," Cole said, pulling his own half of the amulet out. "I have half too. And look, it fits together with yours."
"Huh," said Burny. "That's kind of cool. No, wait, that means we both have half and Princess Floppy doesn't have any."
"She tricked us!" Cole agreed.
Princess Floppy had just reached the other side of the crates, so she turned back and said, "You can come through now."
But Burny said, "You tricked us, so I don't want to."
"I don't want to either," Cole said, "until you say for sure which one of us you want to go out with."
"I didn't really trick you," Princess Floppy said. "I didn't say I wouldn't go out with the other one of you when I said I'd go out with you." They both gave her a Look. "I'm very sorry, but can't we discuss this, say, after we have stolen the diadem and prevented an all out war?"
"Um, no," said Cole.
"I don't think so, no," said Burny.
"Boys!" huffed Princess Floppy. "Fine! I'm a witch and a princess and everything. I'll just go and steal the diadem by myself then!"
"Fine!" said Cole.
"You do that!" said Burny.
And off they flew.
Now Princess Floppy felt very bad about tricking them, but the safety of the kingdom was at stake so, straightening her robes and readying her wand, she flew on into the vaults. There were lots of tunnels, and she had to use her wand to guide her through the maze, but soon she found herself at the very centre, where the diadem had been put out on a special pedestal.
"What's the point of having treasure no one can see?" Princess Floppy asked and luckily there was no answer, because otherwise she would not have been alone in the vault, which would have been bad given she was going to rob it, even if she was stealing in the name of justice, which made it a bit better. Quickly she cast a spell to duplicate the diadem and then, as fast she could, she pulled the real diadem off the pedestal and dropped the copy in its place. "There! Now to get out of here!"
But the moment she turned around, she realised that she hadn't swapped the diadems fast enough or carefully enough, for coming out of the tunnels were the giant Hungry Hippos the crates had warned of! She dodged this way! She dodged that way! She flew upside down! She span around! Hippos went that way and this way and downside up and spinning, crashing into each other and the walls and the great four pillars of the Underbed, and for a moment it seemed like Princess Floppy was going to escape, but she still had the crates to get past and, as she tried to get through the tiny gap, a Hungry Hippo caught her.
"Oh no!" she cried. "A Hungry Hippo has caught me and, as everybody knows, Hungry Hippos are immune to magic! Whatever shall I do?"
But then, suddenly, there were Burny and Cole! And they threw giant pearls down into the vaults, which the Hungry Hippos quickly rushed to eat, forgetting about Princess Floppy, who managed to escape through the gap and hug Burny and Cole.
"You came back!" she said.
"Of course we did," Cole said.
"We don't want there to be a war," Burny said, and Cole elbowed him, and he said, "also, we forgive you for tricking us, because it was very clever and actually a bit funny now we've thought about it."
And Cole nodded his head to show he agreed, making his cow bell ring, which is how you know he meant it.
Suddenly the Hippos roared from behind them and, up ahead, the guard crups began to bark.
"Oh no," said Cole. "We're out of pearls!"
"And the rope charms must have worn off," Burny added.
"Fly for it!" cried Princess Floppy, and they did, all together, as fast as they can. They flew right over the crups who couldn't jump high enough to get them and were so annoyed by this that they attacked the Hippos, so they didn't follow either.
Unfortunately, all the noise had drawn everybody from the party out into the hallways, so they all saw Princess Floppy, Burny and Cole flying.
"She's got my diadem," cried Donald. "After her!"
And they all rushed after Princess Floppy! So great was the commotion that all the goblins came out to see what was going on, and when Donald cried "She's got my diadem," they cried, "She's got our diadem!" and they all rushed after them too.
"Back to Cushion Castle," cried Princess Floppy.
So Cole threw some chocolate frogs down to distract people, and Burny puffed out lots of smoke, and Princess Floppy sprinkled sparkles everywhere and, in all the confusion, they managed to escape to Cushion Castle, although it was only a few minutes before Donald and the goblins came pounding on the door.
"I need to examine the diadem," Princess Floppy said.
"We'll distract them some more," Burny said, and he and Cole went to the doors where the rabble were.
"There's no one here," Cole yelled.
"Then who said that?" asked Donald.
"No one said that," said Burny.
"Then who is holding the doors shut?" asked the goblins.
"No one is holding the doors shut," Cole replied.
"Ah hah!" cried Donald, and quickly pushed the doors open.
"Blast!" said Cole, and he and Burny rushed back to the princess with Donald and his wizards and the goblins on their heels.
As soon as they all saw the diadem, they all began to loudly argue, and soon wands and swords were being drawn all over the cushion.
"See?" cried Donald. "It's ours!"
"See?" cried the goblins. "It's ours!"
"No it isn't!" cried Donald. "It's ours!"
"No it isn't!" cried the goblins. "It's ours!"
"Actually," said Princess Floppy, not loudly, but cutting through the rabble all the same, "you're all wrong."
"Exactly," said Cole. "Wait, what?"
"This diadem was made for Lady Bloodfang," said Princess Floppy, "but it isn't the one she wore herself. I know all about that one, because it was retrieved by my parents--"
"Like I said," said Uncle Donald.
"--and returned to the goblins years ago," Princess Floppy finished, giving him a pointed look.
Burny coughed something that might have been a laugh.
"Doesn't that mean it belongs to the goblins, then?" Cole said, and all the goblins nodded.
"No," said Princess Floppy, "because Lady Bloodfang had it made for the Empress of Auruk, her dearest and most beloved companion."
"Oh!" Cole beamed. "Made for true love!"
"It never has to be returned," Burny agreed, and all the goblins nodded solemnly.
"But if it doesn't belong to them," Donald said, pointing at the goblins.
"And it doesn't belong to them," Sockmonkey said, pointing at the wizards.
"Who does it belong to?" they both asked.
"That's a very good question," said Princess Floppy.
"You could make more copies," Cole suggested. "Then everyone could have one."
There were muttered complaints at this. Cole frowned at people to no avail.
"You could cut it into pieces," Burny suggested. "Then everyone could have a part."
There were quite loud complaints at this. Burny gave them all disdainful looks, idly breathing out a tongue of flame, which made them all look at the floor and scuff their feet.
"There's only one thing to do," said Princess Floppy firmly. "We'll have it put in a museum. That way, no-one really owns it, but everybody who wants to can come and see it whenever they like, which will also be educational and instructive to young children."
"That's very true," said the wizards.
"That's very wise," said the goblins.
"Three cheers for Princess Floppy," Cole said. "Hip-hip-hooray!"
"Hip-hip-hooray!" cried Burny.
"Hip-hip-hooray!" cried the wizards and the goblins.
And Princess Floppy smiled at them all and blushed modestly and prettily.
So the goblins and the wizards went away to put the diadem in the museum, and everybody was happy, and soon there was only Burny and Cole and Princess Floppy left in Cushion Castle.
"Right then," said Burny. "So which of us do you really like?"
"Yes," said Cole. "We discussed it, and we think you should tell us, please, if you want to, although you shouldn't feel pressured into it, or anything."
"Because we both really like you and we want you to be happy," said Burny, "although I think you'll find you'd be very happy with me."
"Or with me," added Cole.
"Hmm," said Princess Floppy. "Well, there's only one thing to do." She came and stood between them, one on either side. "Both of you, stand up straight."
They stood up straight.
"Both of you, close your eyes, and don't peek."
They closed their eyes, and they didn't peek.
"Right then," said Princess Floppy, kissed Cole on one cheek, turned and kissed Burny on the other, and then, while they both still had their eyes closed, made a break for the palace gardens, giggling all the way.
"She kissed me," Cole and Burny both said.
"No, she kissed me," Burny and Cole both said.
They looked at each other and then, both nodding, they turned right around to face the gardens and, arm in arm, they chased after her together...
Burny, Princess Floppy and Cole
"...and they all lived happily ever after; the end," Dennis finished. He made all the toys bow before they collapsed in a heap.
"And then they god married?" Nicodemus asked.
"I don't know," said Dennis, smiling at Natalie. "What do you think?"
"Close enough," Natalie said.
"Pretty much," Dennis said to Nicodemus.
"Thad was a good sdory," Nicodemus decided, wriggling a bit to get comfortable, trying and failing to hide a yawn.
"Enough stories for now, I think, kiddo," Natalie said. "Why don't you try to sleep for a bit?"
"'m nod sleepy," Nicodemus said, even though his eyes were drifting closed.
"You could just close your eyes for a bit," Dennis suggested. "That's not really sleeping." He picked the floppy doll up and made it wave its arm at Nicodemus, putting on a squeaky voice. "Night-night, Nicky!"
"No," Nicodemus said obstinately. "When father geds home."
Natalie sighed. "Put those away, would you, please?" Dennis nodded, casting the animation charms again and making them walk to the chest, which hadn't been quite what Natalie had meant but was still better than nothing, so she let it go.
"I don't know when your dad will get back," she said to Nicodemus. "He has lots of important work to do and--" She could see that was the wrong track to take. "How about if you sleep for a bit now, and we'll wake you up when he comes home? Then it'll be no time at all."
"Thad'll be ages," Nicodemus whined. "Ages and ages and ages!"
Natalie looked helplessly at Dennis.
"Um, we could, oh! We could play a game," Dennis said. "We could all close our eyes, right, and then we could see who can count the most cows, jumping over a fence." Nicodemus gave Dennis a withering look. "Blimey! You look just like Blaise when you do that."
"Cows don' jump over fences," Nicodemus said grumpily.
"I don't know," Dennis said thoughtfully. "Sheep seem to manage it, at least apocryphally -- that means people tell stories where they do," he corrected when Nicodemus looked confused. "And cows are bigger than sheep, so they have less far to go to get to fence height. But they're probably heavier and they have different shaped legs. I bet if we went to the farm--"
"You could ask your dad," Natalie quickly put in.
"Oh." Dennis considered, then shrugged. "That probably would be easier, yes."
"Cows are all girls," Nicodemus announced. "They have lods of bellies." He frowned. "Do they get sig? Being sig with lods of bellies would be super-yucky." He pulled a face.
"I don't think they get sick like that," Natalie said, giving Dennis a warning look.
"Not really like that, no," he readily agreed. "And they give us milk! Would you like some? I'll warm it up and put honey in it and everything, just the way you like."
"No," said Nicodemus. "Id dase bad."
"I could put a chocolate frog in it?" Dennis suggested and then yelped when Natalie smacked his arm. "What?"
"We don't need jumping melting frogs all over the place when I'm trying to get him to sleep," she whispered at him, but not quietly enough.
"No, no, no!" Nicodemus said, tears beginning to form in his eyes. "I wan my--"
"Pepper-up potion," said Blaise firmly from the entrance, the bottle in question steaming in his hand.
"Father!" said Nicodemus happily. "Nadalie's gonna ged me a pirad had!"
"Is she now?" Blaise favoured her with an amused look and then nudged Dennis with his boot until Dennis got the hint and gave Blaise space to sit on the bed. "Here, drink this -- no, no complaining. You're far too grown up to be throwing temper tantrums, young man."
"Id dase bad," Nicodemus complained.
"Yes, they do taste terrible," Blaise said patiently. "That's how you know they're effective. Take a big breath and drink it all down in one go; sooner started, sooner finished."
He helped Nicodemus sit up straight and held the small bottle to his lips. Nicodemus pulled a face, making a small smile curl Blaise's lips. "Deep breath."
They all took one, Blaise and Dennis and Natalie and Nicodemus, and then Nicodemus drank, Blaise helping him hold the bottle, and drank and drank until it was all gone, whereupon he let his breath back out explosively.
"Gah!" He sniffed, steaming coming out of his ears. "That's horrible!"
"It will make you feel better," Blaise said, and Nicodemus nodded as if both Natalie and Dennis hadn't ever said this before. He took his boots off, setting them neatly by the end, before stretching out next to Nicodemus, managing to look comfortable even though the boy's bed was really too small for his own long frame. Nicodemus promptly curled up next to him, closing his eyes when Blaise started gently stroking his hair. "Now, what's this about a pirate hat?"
"Natalie told me a story about a pirate treasure under Saterne," Nicodemus explained, not opening his eyes. "And Dennis told a story about pirates and goblins and a princess."
"Was the princess beautiful and brave?" Blaise asked, smiling at Dennis.
"Extremely," said Dennis, shifting around to lean against the bed, and holding his arms out so Natalie could lean against him.
"And a witch," Nicodemus said, although the word was mostly swallowed by a yawn. "Like the pirate. She was a witch too. The bestest pirate witch that ever lived."
"Cassiopeia Nigellus," Blaise mused, "who they called Lady Bloodfang."
Nicodemus lifted his head to blink up at Blaise. Steam was still drifting from his ears a little. "You know her too?"
"Of course," said Blaise, waiting for him to settle again. He lifted his wand, making soft lights dance and swirl until they became a face, the beautiful Bloodfang herself. "It was a great mystery of the age, what happened to Lady Bloodfang." He sent the lights dancing, shifting from image to image as he spoke, now pirates with swords, now great sail ships on an ocean of stars. "For years and years she had moved throughout the Mediterranean and beyond, taking down evil men and monsters alike, roaming the trade lines of Europe, Africa and Asia at her leisure, bringing unprecedented peace and prosperity to the region--"
"So long as you paid her price," Dennis said, and "Omph!" when Natalie elbowed him.
Blaise just smiled his little smile. "So long as you paid. All the pirates in the land feared and worshipped her and she commanded men and magic with fearless ease until the years grew grey and all had long since fallen under her spell."
The lights moved, forming a court room, a throne.
"It was the thirty-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-ninth day..."
Lady Bloodfang, friend to giants, slayer of dragons and queen of the pirates
It was the thirty-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-ninth day of the reign of Cassiopeia Nigellus, known to her subjects as the Lady Bloodfang, friend to giants, slayer of dragons and queen of the pirates. In the pirate court, a great hall fashioned from the timbers of scuttled British Tea Company ships and bedecked with the souvenirs of more than a century of looting and pillaging, Cassiopeia sat stiffly on her carved bone throne in her golden diadem and splendid purple robes, emeralds and diamonds sparkling around the fingers she was tapping on the arm rest.
The court was in session that day, just the same as the day before, and the day before that, and on to the limits of living memory. Two pirates stood before her, each puffed up in his pomp and finery, spittle flying from their mouths and landing in each others beards as they screamed and yelled with barely a hair's breadth between them. Were it not for the law that in the court only Cassiopeia would have her wand and sword to hand, no doubt they would have been cursing each other with more than mere words; yet, for all their fury, the dispute was over no more territory than a single mile, and that of barren sea. It served no purpose but politics and Cassiopeia, required by her position to mediate, listened to the two men go back and forth for interminable hours, growing stiffer and stiffer in her seat until finally she screamed.
"ENOUGH! Enough of this prattle!" She rose to her feet and the torches burned suddenly brighter and colder, casting eldritch shadows across the now cowering pirate lords. "You call yourselves pirates? You dare?"
No one was brave enough to speak. Heavy silence rolled through the court like the tide. Courtiers, servants and supplicants alike all looked up at her with wide eyes and trembling hands.
"Enough," she cried again. "Enough of the lot of you! Leave us!" One or two began to edge out backwards, bowing as they went. This was far too slow for Cassiopeia and, lifting her wand to magnify her voice so it fell on them with greater thunder than even the most wild of crashing surfs, she ordered, "ALL OF YOU! LEAVE!"
They ran, each and every one, pushing and clawing at each other in their haste to leave, the courtiers to cower in their wings, the supplicants to their boats, and the servants to the under-halls and the relative safety of the kitchens. Those who fell at the front of the crush were dragged up at the rear and pulled on so that, within barely two dozen breaths, the hall was empty. Cups and cutlery lay scattered on the ground and strewn across the table, here and there joined by a fallen dagger or a dropped money-purse, doubloons gleaming murkily in the dusty air.
"Enough," Cassiopeia repeated to herself, slumping back on to her throne, and even her whisper was loud in that new quiet.
The torches slowly burned down as the sun slipped away overhead, first peeking through this window, then that, and Cassiopeia sat, staring at nothing, until finally, hesitantly, the court steward - a dusty, bald, gnarled thing of a man, barely distinguishable from the House Elves he commanded - cautiously approached the throne.
"My lady," he tried.
"Is this all we have come to, Steward?" she asked hollowly. He ducked his head in confusion, but she had not expected, nor needed a response. "We who shook the pillars of heaven and breached the very gates of hell? Is this all there is left?" She waved a hand at the mess of the room, at the chair, at herself. "Is this all there is left? Sat here on the bones of my long vanquished enemy, while my subjects argue trivialities?"
The Steward, who concerned himself only with the practical matters of running a court, with the feeding and the bedding of pirates, be they Lords of be they crew, did not know how to answer. Still, it was the Steward's duty to answer the questions of the queen and so, voice creaking, he tried. "My lady? You are the queen of the pirates, and this is your court; a place for all, and all in their place. What else is there?"
Cassiopeia removed her diadem and turned it over and over between her fingers, considering it from every angle, tracing the delicate knot-work that had been made by the greatest of the Goblin craftsmen. "What else?" she murmured. "What else, indeed?"
The Steward opened his mouth to answer but whatever he had been about to say was lost to surprise when Cassiopeia suddenly rose to her feet, tossing the crown away.
"I think I shall go and see," she announced, striding decisively through the room, kicking gold and daggers aside. She snapped her fingers, and a House Elf popped in to view, bowing obsequiously. "You there! Send a runner to the docks. Tell them to ready my ship."
The House Elf vanished as quickly as it had come and, though it had not spoken a word, Cassiopeia knew her will would be obeyed. She paused nonetheless in the doorway to look back. The Steward, looking very small, was still hovering by the thrown, throwing concerned glances at the diadem and at her. She smiled thinly.
"Take care of your kingdom, Steward."
And with his whimpers in her ears, Cassiopeia took her leave.
Her ship, the Nimbus, resplendent with emerald sails and silver trim, had been brought to task with alacrity and admirable efficiency. It cut through the waves and the winds with equal ease, sliding gracefully between the mess of her peoples' ships and swiftly leaving them in its wake, shrinking and shrinking until the whole of the island was reduced to the barest line of green at the horizon. The sails billowed and the masts creaked as they went, the night rolling over head, dawn rising at their back, and the days passed and still they sailed, lunging west, always west, racing the morning, chasing the evening.
In her great cloak, wand slung at her side, Cassiopeia stood at the wheel, one bejewelled hand holding it as fast as her eyes held the horizon, her thoughts drifting back and forth with the tides. Onwards they went, onwards at her command, buoyed west by wand and will when the wind dropped, onwards, always onwards. Here, she remembered, they had fought the Spanish fleet. There, Algerian pirates had fallen first to her charms, then to her cannon. Now, the waters were calm and clear; the currents had long since spread the debris of those battles, scattered them into homes for fish, shelves for coral.
West, then and in the calm waters of Rack's Deep she saw no sign of that mighty whirlpool which had once consumed ships by the score; for she'd long since sealed it with the head of the dragon of the western waters. West, and they sailed through the devil's straits whose cursed cliffs had once crushed all before them and saw not a tremor, the walls long since stilled by the giant Barnegat, himself lost a score or more years before. West, always west, and everywhere they went she saw only her own history, bringing ease to a hundred thousand miseries but leaving nothing for her to pursue. West.
Night consumed them once more and with it came the cool winds, their fingers slipping unheeded across the dusk of her skin, running through hair that age had turned to thin silver. Cassiopeia watched the moon rise and the stars shift until their meagre light was washed out in the glow of a lantern. One of the cabin girls, a young witch in a dozen times handed-me-down robes and shivering in the cold, held the bowl in which glittering bluebells of fire danced without heat for even on a ship surrounded by water, fire that burned was still a dangerous thing.
"My lady," the cabin girl asked. "Will you not sleep? The night is mighty cold."
Cassiopeia shook her head. "I do not sleep as I once did. But, here--" She took her cloak from her shoulders and, bidding the girl to hang the lantern, wrapped the cloak around the girl's shoulders. "Watch with me a while, girl."
Pulling the cloak in tight with a pleased smile at the soft and warmth of it, the girl sat at Cassiopeia's side and watched the wind tug at her captain to no avail. The wheel held steady and the ship, turning and turning into the wind, held steady, west and west, and so they sat as the moon sailed past; sat until the sun breached the horizon behind them and before them its first rosy fingers caressed the sheer stone faces of Aurak, city on the edge of the world.
The mountain rose from the sea, becoming city with such subtle ease that it was impossible to tell where rock ended and wall began. Cassiopeia guided the Nimbus in to the natural dock, a sheltered deep pool that protected ships from the ocean crash but left them both exposed to the arrow slits of the hills and requiring a short trek by row-boat to reach the shore proper. The cabin girl volunteered and Cassiopeia waved the others back, preferring to travel this leg in small company alone. She taught the girl the holding charms on the way and applauded her performance of them at the jetty, before striding up the steep hill with a vigour that belied her age. When they came upon the first troll, the cabin girl gasped and shrunk back, but Cassiopeia showed her it was stone, it and the dozens of others they passed on the way up to the giant stone walls and the two large, wide open gates.
"Come, girl!" she ordered, even as the cabin girl edged with trepidation around a great mouth frozen in the middle of a pained roar. "The palace of Auruk awaits us and, with it, my companion of the old, the great Delphinia, with whom we ousted the trolls into sunlight and stone and seized Serafina from the mad king Barabbas."
They passed through the gates, colossal portals of solid hewed stone, undecorated but no less magnificent for it. There was no one on the walls, no guards in the square, no servants waiting on the steps that rose to the main palace rooms beyond. Shadows slept between the columns. Dust filled the gaps on the friezes.
"My lady," the cabin girl called, hurrying after Cassiopeia as she strode inside. "Should the gates be open?"
"No doubt the watchtowers saw our flag miles ago, girl," Cassiopeia said distractedly, feeling her heart begin to beat faster in anticipation of the meeting to come. "From the top of the east tower, on a clear day, you can see clear to Dragon's Reef, where Rarlith fell and from whose bones were carved the twin thrones of Cassiopeia and Delphinia."
"Still, my lord," the girl said, fear of the place around her greater than her fear of causing offence. "The city is oddly silent, almost sleeping. Perhaps backup--"
Cassiopeia laughed at the idea. "Come now! We have our wands, do we--" They stepped out together into the great hall, and the deep silence all but swallowed her final word. "--not?"
There were no tables, no revelry, no laughing greeting from old friends. All life had been stripped from that place. No wood, no tapestries, no torches waiting to be lit, not even a few spiders to drape the place in cobwebs. Only bone and stone remained. On the dais, the bone chair sat empty. Before it, a great marble sarcophagus now occupied the room, cold and immobile. On it, carved rather into it, a timeless reflection of the more mortal body beneath, was an image of Delphinia, her eyes closed, her arms crossed over her chest. Even this figure could not pretend at mere sleep.
"Oh, my dearest friend," Cassiopeia whispered, pressing a hand to the stone. Her rings scratched against the marble, and she pulled them off with sudden disgust, forcing them on the cabin girl. "Girl, show my rings to the Nimbus's first mate and tell her to set sail for home."
"But--" The cabin girl fumbled at the rings and then, when Cassiopeia drew her wand, straightened her spine and, holding them fast, faced Cassiopeia bravely. "My lady--"
"Go," said Cassiopeia softly, and loudly, "Go! Now!" and the wand took her words and made a command of them, so that the girl suddenly broke away and went running off down the mountain as if all the trolls had once more become sensate and were after her to fend off decades of stone-clad hunger. Cassiopeia stared at her wand before turning and walking slowly back to the sarcophagus. When her legs threatened to give way, she clung to the stone, dropping her wand on the image of her friend.
"And here she is," she whispered. "The rowan wand, with which I slew the roc, with which you slew the blind god Caravaggio; forged by the deep makers of the black forests from the most ancient tree, the swiftest, brightest phoenix, never breaking, always true..."
Cassiopeia left the wand behind when she left. Never had she felt her years so clearly as in this moment. The weight of them pressed her on, pressed her down through the catacombs and out to the secret river beyond. There amongst the wrecks she found enough to salvage something of a sailboat, and she set her back to the world. West, then. Always west. Everything fell behind. Auruk, the mountain, the Nimbus, the soft world, safe as she had made it, it all fell away, until there was only she and the sea.
Black clouds began to boil up from the horizon, higher and higher, thicker and thicker, until they filled the whole sky. The cold winds returned, no longer soft fingers but clawing hands, pulling and beating at her. The rain come with them, harder and harder, until she could no longer tell sky from sea, until the thunder bellowed below her feet and lightning came from everywhere to sear the storm apart and melt it back together. Cassiopeia had thought, when the time came, she would just give herself to it, but she could not. Her hands moved of their own accord, to pull ropes and tie sales. Her feet, now bare, moved again and again to keep her in the boat as the storm and the sky and sea took it to pieces around her until, finally, when they came down, they came down on nothing.
The swell closed out the noise. It was silent and slow down here. Her robes sucked in the sea, became as heavy as her years. It was quiet and dark and all she had to do was breathe out, just one last time, and it would be done. She closed her eyes. Something moved through the water. Cassiopeia's eyes burst open. She tore at her robes, slipping and kicking free. They clung to her legs for a moment and were gone, falling, fading. She pushed, up and up, through the swells, surfacing nakedly into wet air that burnt and froze her lungs all at once. Wet, but drying air. The clouds above were charcoal, then purple-grey, becoming ragged. The sea flattened. She found some wood and clung to it, pulling herself up, naked now, out of the sea.
It came too, that movement, so like the sea in its colouring that it was easy to believe it was water, this vast snake of a thing bursting up through the surface to tower above her. Salt-spray foamed off seemingly endless green scales that twisted up to a head larger than her body, to an eye larger than her head and a slash of scars where another should be. She was naked and unarmed, but she was Cassiopeia and she would stand. Even now, by god, she would stand.
"Well?" she cried.
The sea serpent hissed at her. It was something of a roar, something of a laugh. "Have you come back to finish me off, little pirate?"
The force of its breath pushed her back. She pressed forward against it as best she could on her little raft of wood, and raised her own voice, stead and strong. "Serpent! Do I know thee?"
The storm, abated, departed; even its dregs gone from above them, where the darkness of the sky now signified nothing more pressing than the coming of the night. The serpent undulated as it looked her over.
"Has age so dimmed your memory?" it asked. "Aye, ye know me of old, Cassiopeia Nigellus, who cost me my eye and my treasures; but I am the last of my kind, old and weary, and revenge holds little for me now, so rest your fears."
Cassiopeia bowed her head. The moon shone down upon them, a silvery trail of light.
"And what of you?" the serpent asked. "Have you too come here to the edge of the world to die?"
"I had thought so," Cassiopeia admitted. "Now I am not so sure." She pointed west. "I want to keep going."
"It is the edge of the world, little pirate," the serpent said. "What else is there?"
Cassiopeia laughed at that. "What else indeed! I do not know, mighty serpent, and it brings me joy to know that there are still mysteries in the world. What else is there? I do not know -- but I would like to!"
"Then come!" The serpent gave a mighty roar of a laugh and ducked back under the water in a great splash only to rise again a moment later, smashing through Cassiopeia's wood and dragging her along. "Hold on to me, little pirate, and we shall see what we shall see -- for there is always time for one last ride before the sea reclaims us!"
Cassiopeia clinging to its neck, the serpent went dancing through the swells, down the trail of moonlight as the stars began to burn before them; and so they went, the witch and the serpent, onwards and outwards, chasing the moon beyond the horizon, out beyond the darkness, beyond space and time, out until there was nothing left...
Blaise lifted his wand, making soft lights dance and swirl.
"...but memory and starlight," Blaise finished quietly.
Nicodemus was curled up against him, snoring softly. One of Blaise's hands moved gently still against his hair; the other conducted the images on the wall, the witch and the serpent, making them rise to the ceiling where they became glittering constellations, Cassiopeia and Draco. Natalie raised her wand, and Dennis too, and they filled others in until the whole night sky danced above them.
Blaise carefully settled Nicodemus in to his bed, pulling the covers up and tucking them in around them. Natalie cast watch-wards on the bed in case Nicodemus woke in the night, while Dennis retrieved the empty Pepper-Up Potion bottle and then, one by one, they crept from the room as quietly as they could so that Nicodemus wouldn't wake, and stood at the bottom of the stairs, listening. There were no coughs or cries or stirrings. All was well.
"My story was way more upbeat than your story," Dennis said.
Blaise scoffed. "Mine was completely upbeat. It had a very positive message, good for nurturing the young minds of today."
"And my story had goblins and adventure and kissing--"
"I don't think you should be telling my son stories with kissing in," Blaise said, though he didn't quite hide his smile.
"It's not a real story without kissing in," Dennis complained.
"Boys," Natalie sighed. "You'll wake Nicky." They both looked contrite. "Besides, all three stories had witches in, and that's the sign of the best stories of all: witches."
"And pirates," Dennis and Blaise both said.
"And love," Natalie agreed, kissing Dennis on one cheek and Blaise on the other. "But, mostly, witches."
Giggling, she ran off towards the kitchen with Dennis and Blaise in cheerful pursuit.
"And they all lived happily ever after," Nicodemus murmured, wrapping his arms around the dragon, the cow, and the floppy princess. While tiny stars wheeled about his bedroom ceiling, he closed his eyes and slept.
[ Part One | Part Two | Read on DW ]