Who would have ever thought I'd have another son...
Continues from here.
Dom: *I glance instantly to Billy as he sets the tray down, making little clinking noises as he takes off the tea cups and our plates of pie. Billy sets my plate before me and I look to Dad, voice shaking as I speak.* Here's my pie... *Just the sight of it makes me nervous. I'd pictured sitting here in front of this very pie and thinking these thoughts. But in my imagination, I wasn't shaking like I am now...again. I have a feeling I'll never eat pie again without an unsettled stomach. Didn't we have pie on Christmas Eve? My breath comes in on impulse and I shake it away, looking up to everyone with a slight smile, refusing to pick up my fork just yet. Not until I can move my hands without losing control of them. I think I know now; pie = the obligation to reveal all of my deepest, darkest secrets to anyone near me. I'll have to be more wary of where I am and who I'm with next time I think of ordering pie for dessert.*
Aureen: Oh, tea! *I remark with a smile as Billy sets a cup down before me. I haven't had my tea in a few days now, and I was beginning to miss it. How nice of him to brew some for us.* Thank you, Billy, this is lovely. It smells so good! *I say to him, cradling my cup in my hands and feeling it warm up as Billy pours the steaming tea inside.*
Billy: *I finish pouring the tea, passing the cups around the table before I take my seat, smiling nervously at Dom. My own pie stares up at me from its plate, taunting me, daring me to take a bite, take the plunge, opening this course to confessions. I don’t know if I can actually eat anything. Any more. I can’t believe I managed to choke anything down at dinner. Still, I’d better make a show of it at least. I pick up my fork, poking it into the wedge of pie and raising it back to my lips, though not taking the bite yet.* How is it? *I ask Dom and his parents, smiling inquisitively.*
Aureen: *I finally let go of my warm cup of tea, the smell filling me up like sugar in the air. I pick up my fork and take the end off of the pie and smiling at Billy as I pop it into my mouth. The spices melt instantly, everything familiar and rich about pumpkin pie. I raise my brow at him and continue to move the taste on my tongue.* Mm, Billy, that's wonderful! Where did you learn to make a pie?
Dom: *My fingers tremble around my fork and I lift it to the pie, getting the awful feeling that as soon as I put a cut into the piece I'll be beyond returning. So I wait, holding the fork in my hand, feeling horrible for not trying any, since it is Billy's pie, and he did ask how it tastes. But I just can't bring myself to do it. My stomach turns with guilt, and I simply hold the fork and rest my hand against the table, glancing to Billy and not saying anything.*
Austin: *All it takes is one bite and then I’m practically halfway through the pie, inhaling it though I was sure I wasn’t in the least bit hungry.* It’s delicious Billy, really. The perfect end to the meal.
Billy: *End to the meal... it is, isn’t it? Which means that with every second that passes, we draw nearer to telling them.* Cooking shows. *I answer Dom’s mum’s question hollowly, finally popping the bite poised on my fork into my mouth. It’s rather tasteless to me, but I think anything would be at the moment, including dark chocolate, which is saying something. I wash the bite down with a sip of tea, glancing at Dom to see he hasn’t tried any yet. I can’t blame him. I look back to Dom’s parents, who are oblivious as to why Dom and I are both behaving so off colour, and I feel bad for putting them through this, for making this dinner unpleasant in the slightest. I open my mouth, ready to put us all out of our misery... but I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to begin. I look at Dom helplessly. And as much as I hate to put this on him... they’re his parents. I can’t be the first one to speak.*
Dom: *It's so...quiet. That is, we're speaking, sort of... But we're just not...talking about the right things. My fork still rests in my hand, waiting to be used, but I just can't bring myself to eat anything. Just another excuse to get sick and leave the table. I can't put this off, but then...every second that goes by, I feel as though it's being put off. I should just speak. There's that lurching sensation in my chest again as I think of opening my mouth. My voice sticks in my throat and I sigh. My eyes turn to Billy and he's already looking back, looking at me uncertainly, expectantly. My heart goes still. I don't want to think about what he's expecting. My brow bends desperately with a breath, eyes trapped on Billy as if to ask what he wants me to do - but I know what he wants me to do. I don't...want to do it. I just want it to be done. If I could plead his name now, I would.*
Aureen: Really? *I ask in response to Billy's statement, taking another bite of his pie.* I can never seem to keep up with those shows. I suppose you're supposed to take notes, but I always hated taking notes... *I grin at him, putting down my fork to have a drink of tea. The warm liquid hits my lips gently and I take a sip, sighing into the scent of the vapours under my nose. Swallowing, I peek over my cup at Dominic and Billy, noting they're unchanged expressions. In fact, they look even more upset than before. I place my cup down carefully, trying not to act too worried as I speak, changing the subject from that of my thoughts.* Do you watch television often, Billy?
Billy: I... *What is she talking about? Television? When did we start talking about television? Maybe I should start thinking about television, talking about it. It would be a lot easier than the topic that’s running through my mind at the moment. I set my fork down, hands reaching for my napkin to fidget with.* I used to. I don’t watch very much anymore. *Since Dom’s been here, I should add, but I’m sure saying Dom’s name at all will just come out sounding like a plea, and that wouldn’t do. I look over at him again, eyes nervous and questioning.*
Dom: *Billy's eyes flicker to me again. He's waiting. I feel like everyone's waiting. My glance darts to my parents. It's the perfect time - they're silently eating their dessert, waiting for a conversation, and I realise that I could just speak...right now. I could just give one small push, and the entire boulder would start rolling. And if I just do it, right this second, it will be over in only another couple seconds, and I won't have to feel this way anymore. So I move to say something, even a little thing, but that wash of anxiety hits me again and I can't, and my throat tightens. I sigh inwardly, brow furrowing. Disheartened, I press the fork in my hand back to the table, against my napkin, looking at it fearfully. Surely Mum and Dad have noticed by now. Something's wrong. Not with what I have to say; after it's said, I...believe with all my heart that everything will be all right. Something's wrong with me for not saying it. And I'm so, so sorry to Billy for every tick of the clock that passes without my confession. He doesn't know how much I... I'm trying to say it.*
Aureen: *I nod lightly at Billy, not knowing quite how to respond to his answer. I pick up my tea cup gently.* Oh. *And then I stop. What an awful place to stop. I can't simply end everything there. But when I try to think of anything else, nothing comes to mind. And I keep getting distracted, every time Billy looks at Dominic. Dom isn't eating. Not a bite. He hasn't even cut into his pie and now he looks as though he's planning not to. I know I shouldn't ask him anything about it. There's something very serious written on his face that I'm...almost terrified to break. I've never seen him look like this in my life. Hesitantly, I tip my tea cup to my lips, taking a drink and gazing inside the cup as I do so, hoping someone else might say something instead.*
Austin: *I sip slowly from my cup, looking around the table. Something’s afoot, and for once Aureen seems as clueless as I am. It all rests on what hangs between Dom and Billy, the glances they keep giving each other, and I’m just waiting for it all to break out.*
Billy: *Who’s idea was it to do this over dessert, anyway? Oh yes, mine. I can feel all that I’ve eaten sitting heavily in my stomach, and I wonder how long it will stay there. Crap. If I get up from the table now to go throw up, Dom’s parents are going to think I’m bulimic. That’s not what we’re trying to tell them. I look at Dom again, steadily, sorry to be putting this on him.*
Dom: *I can feel the elusive warmth of Billy's eyes on me. I don't know why his gaze has a temperature. It seems crazy that I can feel it, even when I'm not looking. I gaze at the pie on my plate, still untouched, and this time I don't turn to look up into Billy's eyes. My heart is already far enough in my throat as it is; I'd hate to think of what sort of nervous reaction I'd have if I could see him, waiting still. My parents sitting on the other side of the table, waiting. Even I'm waiting. I run my thumb along the stem of my fork, the reflections disappearing under the shadows. My lips open gently.* I... *My voice shakes, heart jumping, and everything abruptly stops. The imprint of the word is left in the cavern of my throat. And I don't even remember trying to speak. Now it's there; one word, hanging on the silence over the table. Shite, I've just nudged that boulder and now it's tipping forward. My panic rises tenfold and my eyes turn to my parents, their gazes glancing back. That sense of expectation in the air suddenly grows heavier, like lead, or the weight of the earth. They want me to say something else. Why do I have to keep saying things? I feel like I'm going to break. Or throw up. And, of all people, I can't look at Billy, because I'm afraid the sight of him will trigger it all, because of how I love him and can't express it. That's what this is, isn't it? I'm telling them how I love Billy; how much, so much. I have to say it while I can still feel my last word over our heads. Before it's gone. I have to. I have to say it; say it. I force my mouth open again.* Well... *I swallow, watching their faces for any sense of disappointment. But this time, I don't stop to even consider stopping again.* Billy and I have something... to tell you.
Austin: *My eyes raise from my empty plate, the last bite of pie balanced precariously on the fork raised halfway to my lips. And here it comes.* What is it, Dom? *This is the time in the conversation that Dom would say that they accidentally got pregnant... if Billy were a woman. But he’s not. So all I can do is wait, Dom’s tone of voice ringing reminiscently to back when he was young and would confess to breaking a lamp or spilling on the carpet, or something equally as dismaying to a parent.*
Billy: *My heart jumps and I’m almost positive it’s going to leap out of my chest, it’s beating so hard. He’s going to say it. At long lost, we’re going to tell his parents. I keep my eyes trained on Dom, hoping to give him confidence through my gaze. I want to take his hand, to squeeze it reassuringly, but I don’t think I can even move at the moment. Say it, love. Say it.*
Aureen: *I don't even look from Dom as my fork clinks to my plate where I was cutting another bite of pie. Somehow it's escaped my grasp, and my hands are clutched together in my lap as I feel my heart fly to a worried and incalculable pace. But I can't stay worried; I can't be anything but silent, shocked at what I'm thinking, longing to know if I have any real idea about Dom's next words, or if I'm simply insane. My eyes waver as they take him in, breathing quickly, trying to judge from his expression what he means, knowing words like his from some other time or place. But they shouldn't be coming from him. This is my little Dominic. This is my baby; and this was bound to happen, but never in reality... Only in my imagination; in the dreams I've had for him. He's... I feel tears pricking my eyes and my hand flies to my mouth, vision becoming blurry. He's still my little baby... Who's all grown up, and living an ocean away, and in love. He's in love. And it's nothing like...like his old girlfriends. All of these empty "I love you"s, the playful touches, meeting girl after girl and wondering what the next one will be like. He's... he's in love, and I don't wonder what the next one will be like. But I didn't even realise I hadn't thought of it until..., and it's stopping the breath in my lungs. The realisation that I haven't heard one empty word between them... And I've seen the reality of it blossoming between him and Billy, each second they look at each other, when they are near each other, fascinated by each other, but it... This was never going to happen to my baby boy. A tear trips over my eyelashes and travels down into the shape of my hand over my mouth. I begin to shake my head against all of it - the thickness of my throat, the trembling, more and more tears.* Mm-mm. *My voice squeaks from under my hand, barely marking the silence, while in my mind I'm smiling brilliantly at Dommie and nodding and loving him so much.*
Dom: *My eyes catch on Mum as she drops her fork and begins to cry, the tears tripping down her flushed cheeks one after another, and she shakes her head. There has never been a moment like this before in my life. I've never been so frightened for my parents; I've never seen my mum like this. Not shaking, so astonished, not with her tears streaming down, her gaze on me, her voice trembling, and I watch for moments until something impossible happens. A bend somehow breaks through my lips, slowly, my countenance shifting, against all of my worry and fear and even some of my might, a smile turning my emotions around in my stomach as I watch her and begin to know...that she must understand. Because mums always understand. Because mums are clever and lovely things. And my smile starts blooming, tears enter my eyes at the sight of her and line my eyelashes, and I begin to nod softly and break with a small, unexpected laugh in spite of my own soppiness. Yes, it's happening. Yes, Mum, I'm all grown up. And I want you to know how much I'm in love. And I'm ready. I'm not afraid anymore... to have a home with someone. Hesitantly, my gaze shifts, and I see him there beside me. I see him. Billy. My Billy. My heart is the only thing I hear as my eyes rest upon him. And gently, I slip a hand under the table to find his, touching his warm skin, losing my breath. Our fingers wrap together gradually, without a sense of time, and my smile is now for him; only, always for him. Our hands are finally laced, and I feel that cold band pressed against my fingers, I take a breath and speak softly as though no one exists in this room but Billy Boyd.* We're getting married...
Austin: *My jaw drops open, and I gape at Dom and Billy, shocked. Did I hear that right? Dom’s getting married?* You’re what? *I breathe, dumbfounded. I never thought I’d see this day. I glance at Aureen, and cue in on the fact that she guessed it before I did, of course. But not much before I don’t think, as her face is still showing the same shock I feel. Still, it’s not an unpleasant shock. Neither is mine.*
Billy: A small gasp escapes my lips, as if he were telling me for the first time as well as his parents. I can’t believe he’s said it. Somehow, even through all our discussing and our planning, I never thought we’d make it to this moment. And yet here we are. My fingers tighten around Dom’s, and I look at him, my nervous lips twitching until they’ve formed a smile, a tiny one that grows slowly. I bring our hands out from under the table and rest them on the table top for everyone to see, all the world if they want to look, because from now on, this is the way our hands should always look. Together. My eyes finally break away from Dom, and I turn to look at his parents, prepared for the worst, but... I don’t see it. I see shock. I see surprise. I see emotion from Dom’s mum, tears, but... I don’t think they’re the kind either of us needs to be frightened of. Somehow, things look like they might be alright. Somehow.* Mr. and Mrs. Monaghan... *I begin, my voice slightly hoarse, and maybe I shouldn’t speak at all, because Dom and I haven’t discussed this. But it seems only right at this point. I squeeze Dom’s hand again before taking a deep breath and continuing.* ...Would you do me the honour of allowing me to marry your son?
Aureen: *My gasp is a long, shuddering sound, coming between my hand and my lips when I hear Dom, then Billy, the tears dropping down my cheeks uncontrollably. I cover my mouth tightly again, and then take my hand away, then press it back. I glance at their hands, entwined together upon the table, and I hope with all my heart that Austin will see how lovely that is. My eyes flood and I look to Billy, then to Dom, then back to Billy, nodding repeatedly, almost speechless until my voice unexpectedly breaks through my lips and I pull my hand away so Billy can hear.* Of course- you can. *I sob, trying to smile, not knowing what I should do. I can't think of anyone I'd rather see Dom with, holding his hand, asking me this question about my Dommie... I gasp another tiny sob and suddenly stand from my seat, shaking as I step around the table to Billy's chair, reaching to embrace him and picking him up into my arms.* Oh, darling, of course you can... *I almost lose my breath, holding him tightly and never wanting to let go. Not until he knows how much we all love him.*
Dom: *I laugh suddenly through my tears as Mum takes hold of Billy, and I manage to stand as well, sure that I'll be the next one she'll need to hug. That is, if she can ever let go of Bill. I step closer to them and put a hand to Mum's arm with a knowing smile, reminding her to let Billy breathe, which I'm sure she's forgotten. Knowing her, she'll probably want to take him home to England now. And maybe I'm a little jealous, now that I've never felt so in need of holding him, of having his hand back in mine, and I know I'll probably be the last one who's able to do so now that all has been said.*
Austin: *I feel my face gradually gain some of its coordination, remembering how to move again, and my look of shock melts into a small smile, then a huge grin. My son’s getting married. And here I was, thinking he’d be young and irresponsible forever. But he’s not. He’s an adult now, making adult decisions, making wise choices like choosing someone like Billy to settle down with. And it surprises me, because I haven’t the slightest problem with Billy being a man. And I’m so glad I don’t. I stand up, going around the table to pull Dom into my arms.* Congratulations, son. *I say, hugging him tightly.*
Billy: *My body goes tense when Dom’s mum first pulls me into her arms and then I melt, believing this to be a dream. It can’t be real, can it? Surely not. Because when Dom’s mum hugs me, it feels almost as if this is my own mum hugging me, congratulating me in the biggest decision I’ve ever made in my life. My arms come around her and I’m squeezing her tightly then, my own eyes leaking small tears. This is real. I’ve been accepted. This is my family now.*
Dom: *I'm surprised when I'm turned about and suddenly Dad is the one holding me. I was under the impression that I always had to be a 'man' around him; men played footie, they talked about footie, they read large books and drank and didn't hug. But this is definitely a hug. And it actually... feels good. My smile reappears and I raise my arms around him, his words finally registering in my ears and my nerves finally spilling out of me, everything pent up from before dessert, everything trapped in my fearful words from a few moments ago. I sigh over Dad's shoulder, arms holding onto him like I only remember doing when I was a very small child. But now, it's much different. Now I think he's ready to let me go, as much as it scares the both of us. Not to mention, I'm tall enough now to hug him without being picked up first. I grin, my eyes dampening again, but holding most of it inside.* Thanks, Dad.
Aureen: *I let a couple more tears fall before pulling gently away from Billy, looking over his face soppily and trying to wipe my face, only to see that his cheeks are now lined with tears as well.* Ohh... *I coo at him, lifting my sleeve to his face and wiping the dampness away gently, feeling the sudden need to mother him. After all, he is going to be my son-in-law. But in my heart, I genuinely feel like I'm going to have another son to care for. My family has suddenly and unexpectedly grown by one person. I couldn't possibly be happier than I am at this moment. I hold Billy at a distance to see him, bringing my sleeve down and revealing his trembling smile. I would so love to embrace him again, but I stop myself, my own lips trembling with the promise of more tears.* Who would have ever thought I'd have another son. *I say to him, smile blossoming across my lips.*
Billy: *My smile wobbles dangerously again as I look at Dom’s mum, how she smiles at me, and her words. How true they feel, and yet so unbelievable. They’re music to my ears. My lip trembles a bit, but I hold in the rest of my tears, though I’m unable to stop my voice from wavering.* Thank you, Mrs. Monaghan. Thank you so much for letting me marry your son.
Austin: *I pull back to look at Dom, still smiling broadly. He looks even more grown up now than he did at the beginning of dinner, if that’s possible. He’s been a man for so many years, and yet I never even noticed it. That’s all changed now. I give him another tight squeeze before letting him go, turning to face Billy, who’s still under Aureen’s adoring attention.* Billy. *I say, holding out a hand to him.* I’m glad to let you marry my son.
Billy: *Is that really Dom’s father saying those things to me? Is he really so willing to let me marry his son? I turn, slipping from Dom’s mum’s hold a bit reluctantly, until I see Austin’s hand held out to me. I take it slowly, shaking it firmly as I give him a grin. Now I know I must be dreaming. This can’t be this easy.* Thank you, sir.
Dom: *I step out of the way to let Dad by, watching Billy's expressions change as Dad approaches him and offers his hand. My heart is beating so heavily for Billy, knowing how nervous he must be as he takes my father's hand, and when I see that smile spread across his lovely face, it sends more tears to my eyes. This is actually happening. Mum is teary, just like I knew she would be; just like I told Billy she would be. And here's Dad, even, happy for the both of us, and I have the memory of a hug, and the sight of this simple handshake, to prove it. Billy looks as though he's going to cry, and I can almost feel my heart stop, only loving him, wanting him so much in my arms I can barely stand anymore. My face is now wet with tears. I suppose I wasn't prepared for how this was going to feel. Because it's... this is actually happening.*
Aureen: *I watch Billy and Austin exchange words, bringing my hand under my eyes as I begin to recover from all of this emotion, only to look up and see Dominic standing alone with tears on his own face. My heart nearly breaks at the sight of him, more tears appearing in my eyes as I step closer. It's only a moment before I've come to him and tucked him into my arms, holding him and rocking him gently, letting him press his damp cheek to my shoulder. I hush him softly and hold onto him with all of my heart.* My baby... *I whisper to him, throat tightening all over again. My voice grows high now and breaks with tears.* I don't want to let you go.
Dom: *A sobbing laugh comes through my lips and I wrap my arms around Mum, recalling the only time she's ever called me her baby before this, that I can remember - when I skinned my knee learning to ride my bike. It was on the walk outside our home in Berlin. I didn't know how to ride off of the curbs yet and I fell, and within seconds, she was outside holding me and kissing my forehead. My baby, my poor baby..., she said. And I got angry and told her that I wasn't a baby. I laugh a little more now, smile spreading across my face, more than grateful now to be her baby again... but at the same time, more than ready to grow up. I lift my cheek from her shoulder and lean our heads close, tears slowing down.* I love you, Mum. *I tell her simply, knowing she won't object; knowing she'll understand what I mean.*
Billy: *I let go of Austin’s hand finally, giving him a happy smile before turning to look at Dom and his mum. So this is love. So this is family. As if life could get any better. More tears spring to my eyes and trickle down my cheeks, seeing how very much Dom’s mum loves him, and yet she’s letting me take him away. I love Dom’s mum. Speaking of love... I watch my love be smothered in the affection he probably hasn’t really had since he was young, and my heart swells. It’s up to me now. I’ve got to give him all the love he’ll ever need. I’m up to the task though, no doubt in my mind. I stand there watching them, grinning as the tears flow down my cheeks. How I love him.*
Aureen: *My breath shatters, a sigh, listening to Dom's words and knowing what he's saying - It's all right, Mum... You can let go, Mum... I'm going to be fine now, Mum... And he's not a baby anymore. No, he's not a baby. I squeeze him, more tears dripping down.* I love you, too, Dommie. I know you're ready for this. *I smile slightly, reassuring myself with my own words; he's ready for this. I slowly pull myself away from him and look into his eyes, seeing that his tears have finally stopped falling. I slide my hands down his arms, heart aching to hold him again, already, but only allowing myself a smile, full of pride and happiness for him.* You're so big. Grown up, I mean.
Dom: *I smile at her, watching her for a few moments, knowing how hard it's going to be for her to leave Lauderville now. We'll have to arrive four hours early to the airport to save time for goodbyes. But that's okay. As long as every hour spent means that Billy and I can be together, and that my parents want us to be together. I do believe that Mum wants me with Billy more than with any other person on the planet. I grin at her and then glance silently over her shoulder where my love is standing. My love. He really is my fiancé now, in every way. He's showing me his most beautiful smile, and my heart has melted away, leaving me standing here without anything to hold in my love. My eyes flicker to Mum happily, and I let my arms fall from her, not needing to say anything else to make her see what I need most right now. I hesitate, and then I look back over her shoulder, caught in a sudden trance and stepping away, around her, past Dad, without a word to either of them, reaching Billy suddenly with a giant, beaming smile, bringing him into me and burying him in my arms, holding him with such a love and excitement that I nearly lift him from the floor, beginning to feel familiar tears in my eyes as instantly as I've touched him.* Oh, Billy, I love you so much. *My voice breaks as I say the words to him, pressing my lips to his cheek and not caring who can see or hear. He's going to be mine forever. The whole universe should know that out of its entirety, I've claimed this one thing as my own, and I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live.*
Billy: *Dom’s embrace squeezes a bit of laughter out of me and I cling to him tightly, looking to him to hold me up, knowing that we’re holding each other up, now and forever. I can’t believe I ever felt worried about this night, not when it’s turned completely around and become so much better than anyone could have ever hoped for.* I love you too, Dommie. So much, so much. *Wasn’t it just the other day that I was afraid of showing any affection whatsoever around Dom’s parents, that it seemed best to come across as more of a glorified roommate than a lover? And now here we are, and Dom’s parents know the depths of our love. I’m going to marry him, and they’re happy for us. It’s too much at once. I press my face closely to Dom, feeling the mingling of our tears and holding on for dear life.*
Aureen: *My heart leaps when I see them embrace, and in the same moment I see Dom's decision, more clearly, more closely than ever. I never thought this day would come - my son wanting to settle down, impatient to settle down, holding tightly to the one he's chosen to settle down with. Billy is going to take care of him now. And I'll be the one he calls on weekends, perhaps, when he has a bit of free time; the one he sends Christmas cards to with loving words, instead of the one who watches as he sits under the tree eagerly opening packages with that sweet, bright smile on his face. He won't be coming home. Not to stay. And that's something I didn't really understand until now. Somehow tears are still trickling down from the corners of my eyes, and I try to dab them, but they won't go away. Quickly, I lean into Austin's side and put my arms lightly around him, not knowing what else to do but hide my tears on his shoulder.*
Dom: My Billy... *I sigh happily against his skin, unable to stop smiling long enough to kiss him, but I try anyway, over and over again I try. I can't believe how incredible this feels. I can't control the eagerness to hold Bill, comfort Bill, celebrate with him, and love him, love him no matter what happens.* I love you. I'm so happy... *My voice breaks through my smile and I lean back to look at him. Oh, he's beautiful. He's so beautiful. I look at him and want to cry, fall apart. My hands rise to his face, holding him still as each of my fingers brush his tears gently away. Now my parents know... Now everyone will know that this is my love; my new life. I'll never leave him.*
Austin: *I slide my arms around Aureen, holding her close, knowing that she needs this now more than ever. It was hard to let go of Dom the first time, when he decided to go to America. I think Aureen and I both suspected that he wouldn’t be coming back, or if he did come back nothing would ever be the same. But now we have to let him go again. This time we know it’s for good. I rub Aureen’s back softly, smiling at my son and the man he loves. Who would have ever thought I’d be so content to give him up?*
Billy: *I stare deeply into Dom’s eyes, hands fisting in the back of his shirt as I swallow rapidly, trying to stop the tears, stop the crying, because although they are happy tears, they’re blurring my vision when all I want to do is look at him, take him in. I lean in and kiss him then, a loving, tender kiss that puts a seal on everything that’s just happened. Pulling away finally, I look at him for one long, fond moment before turning to look at his parents, not letting him go for anything. I clear my throat.* Anyone want some more pie? *I ask, grinning and breaking out into laughter.*
Aureen: *Even I let out a small laugh, lifting my cheek from Austin's shoulder and letting the tears run down unknowingly. It's all so perfect, the way this is happening. Dom is going to be with someone he loves, who just happens to be someone I love, and even though Dom is going to be living oceans away I believe I'll be content, knowing that he is with Billy. I shake my head at Billy with an irrepressible smile.* Oh, love, I'm too happy to even eat. *I laugh again as I say it, now lifting a hand to wipe all of the dampness from my face.*
Dom: *I grin at my parents as they hold each other, tightening my arms around Billy as I hold him. This is how it's going to be. For so many years. I can't believe I'm turning out just like my parents; I thought that's why I was running away. I laugh a little to myself, turning my head to Billy proudly and thinking that this is so much different. I mean, my parents never kiss like we do, they never get caught in each other's eyes like this... I know it isn't true, but you never think of your parents as being in love. They're much too practical. I hope that no one will ever think that of Bill and me. I smile at him for a moment and then look to my parents, wondering what to say.* Sorry we scared you like that... *I speak finally, recalling how Billy and I were behaving and releasing a hesitant breath.* I never thought I'd be so nervous in my life.
Austin: You bloody terrified us. *I answer truthfully, grinning.* I don’t think either of us knew what to expect when you two went all silent. *I won’t say that a myriad of impossibilities went through my head, and yet this had never occurred to me. No reason to appear even more thick than I already do.*
Billy: You certainly aren’t the only ones who were terrified. *I say, grinning, tucking myself closer into Dom’s arms. I’ve got nothing to hide from anymore, nothing to fear, and still this feeling of security I derive from Dom is invaluable. I don’t think I ever want to leave his arms again.* I thought that if Dom didn’t say anything I was going to throw up.
Aureen: Goodness! *I laugh lightly, loving Billy's honesty, amazed at the fact that he can talk about throwing up while still being completely charming. I don't think I could say that about many people. I smile amusedly at him and continue.* I hope we don't scare you that much. *I try to sound comforting, knowing that I would have loved them both the same, no matter what they had said to us.*
Dom: Nah, not Bill. *I reply to Mum, teasing, and taking this chance to look at my love again, broad smile on my lips.* Billy doesn't get afraid. Like he's made of steel or something. *I grin and hold him close, leaning in to kiss on his cheek and wishing I could wipe away all of the little tear trails I feel under my lips. Softening, I pull back and allow my gaze to remain with him, hands moving gently on his sides.* He's very brave.
Billy: Very soft, wobbly steel. *I add with a laugh, pressing my cheek to Dom’s shoulder. I’m embarrassed to think we were so nervous, especially now that I know how loving Dom’s parents are. You’d think they would have needed time to get adjusted to the idea, but no. It’s as if they’d already decided that they wanted me for their son, and our announcement was just giving them what they wanted in the first place.*
Dom: *I wrap Billy up in my arms with a laugh, nuzzling down to his hair teasingly.* That's my favourite kind. *And I know I should, but I don't lift my head. Billy has that beautiful smell that I love so much, and he's so comforting and warm, and I feel the need to finally get away from all of this nervousness I've been having, all of this tension in all of me. He's the only place I know where I can feel like this. I close my eyes and begin to rock him in my arms, the excitement springing into me, so ready to love him. I press my nose to his hair, my throat tickling with laughter. I don't know how to tell him how happy I am; I don't know.*
Billy: *I giggle, his movement tickling slightly. I really should keep in mind that Dom’s parents are still right there, and as supportive as they are, they probably don’t want to see their son go completely lovey-dovey with his fiancé. No matter how happy they are for us. Still, it’s not like I’m about to pull away, not when I’m still running off the high that our announcement has brought. And not when he feels so good.*
Aureen: *I'm captured on the sight of them, both captured with each other. It's becoming so evident now, how much they love each other. I'm beginning to think that even I wasn't completely aware that they loved like this, probably because they didn't feel allowed to show it until now. Or maybe it's something else... Maybe it's the excitement now in the air that we can all feel. It's moving us all a little closer, both emotionally and physically... And then the thought hits me, and I finally see Dom's arms wrapping around Billy more and more tightly. For goodness sake, they are two young men, aren't they? I can't believe I haven't stopped to consider it. And after living with men all my life... I would think I'd know enough about their physical demands to realise that this kind of romancing and excitement can't easily lead to more discussion over tea and pie. It's past time the poor dears had a bit of time alone. I look to Austin, hands sliding off of him to tug at his shirt. I clear my throat, hoping he won't discover my intentions as I speak, knowing how sudden my words seem.* How do you fancy a walk, love? I was thinking of having one; give my dinner a chance to settle. *I pat my stomach softly to indicate, beginning to smile at him.* Come and make sure I don't get lost?
Austin: Alright... *I say, giving her a bit of an odd look, wondering what brought this on, and then... oh. Very observant, Austin. The lads just announced their engagement. It’s hardly logical that they’d want to spend the rest of the evening playing dominoes with the parents, is it? I can’t even tell if they’ve heard either of us speak.* Of course, love. *I say to Aureen, smiling gently at her.* Let’s get our coats.
Aureen: *I smile softly at him, seeing the flash of understanding pass through his eyes. I reach down and take his hand, giving him a fond look before turning my gaze back to Billy and Dominic where they still stand wrapped up in each other, in silent, hesitant glances.* Well, your father and I are going to go for a small walk. *I say, mostly to Dominic, wondering if he'll even look away from Billy long enough to absorb what I'm saying. The adorable things, they're so immersed in one another. They should be so proud. They're absolutely beautiful together. Moving past them, I lead Austin by the hand, unable to restrain my smile as I speak.* We'll be gone...probably for a while. *I say with a sneaking grin, teasing as I add:* But don't let our absence stop you from having any fun.
Dom: *I look up with abrupt surprise as Mum and Dad step past, and suddenly I snap to attention.* What? Wait- *I don't know how much I remember from what Mum said. Something about being gone... They're going out? I want to stop them, realising that Billy and I probably shouldn't have been touching quite so much in front of them. Do they feel awkward? I turn to look after them as they begin to leave, unable to let go of Billy. I don't want to let go of Billy. As much as I don't want to inconvenience Mum and Dad like this... I feel horrible, but... I'm glad that they want to go. Just a little. Okay, a lot, but I shouldn't just let them walk out, right?* Where are you going? *I ask, still holding Billy close.*
Austin: *I look from Aureen to Dom, shrugging my shoulders with a slight grin.* Just around. Maybe down to the river again, it was so pretty when you took us yesterday. We’ll be careful, don’t worry. *I wink at Dom, looking to Billy with a grin as Aureen and I head to the hallway closet to retrieve our coats.*
Billy: *I stay silent, loving Dom’s mum and dad more than ever at the moment. They’re not leaving because they’re uncomfortable, I can tell that easily enough. They’re leaving because they’re smart enough to see where the boundaries of family ends and the realm of lovers begins, and that this is a point where Dom and I need to be together.* Don’t stay out too late. *I say, wanting them to know that it’s not that I’m eager to get rid of them, it’s just that I’m eager to have Dom all to myself.* And make sure you bundle up; it’s cold outside.
Aureen: Thanks, love. *I say to Billy with a sweet grin, shrugging on my coat as Austin helps me with it. I reach down for the zipper and pull it up to my neck, then reaching for my gloves up on the coat rack and slipping them on. I turn a last time and look at Dominic, tugging at one of my gloves securely and giving him a stern expression.* You take care of him, Dominic. *I speak slowly so he'll understand the exact connotation, then I turn to Austin with a ready smile, sighing gladly. He opens the door and I send my smile to the two boys in the dining room as we head out.*
Dom: *The door slams shut and I still watch it, hearing Mum's words hanging in the air. My hands burrow into Billy's shirt curiously for moments. Well, I guess we're on our own... I stop, and think again: we're on our own... My eyes turn to look around the house, empty and silent, the dishes untouched, no one standing near us, not a voice to distract us. And slowly, my smile begins. This isn't so bad... I feel Billy move gently in my arms and I turn my eyes to him, look at all of him, take him in, feeling my smile spread across my face to the very breaking point as I watch him, knowing he'll be just as happy as I am. We're all alone. We have this time all to ourselves. We have this house all to ourselves. We have each other all to ourselves.* What should we do? *I ask him softly, imagining the endless possibilities.*
Dom: *I glance instantly to Billy as he sets the tray down, making little clinking noises as he takes off the tea cups and our plates of pie. Billy sets my plate before me and I look to Dad, voice shaking as I speak.* Here's my pie... *Just the sight of it makes me nervous. I'd pictured sitting here in front of this very pie and thinking these thoughts. But in my imagination, I wasn't shaking like I am now...again. I have a feeling I'll never eat pie again without an unsettled stomach. Didn't we have pie on Christmas Eve? My breath comes in on impulse and I shake it away, looking up to everyone with a slight smile, refusing to pick up my fork just yet. Not until I can move my hands without losing control of them. I think I know now; pie = the obligation to reveal all of my deepest, darkest secrets to anyone near me. I'll have to be more wary of where I am and who I'm with next time I think of ordering pie for dessert.*
Aureen: Oh, tea! *I remark with a smile as Billy sets a cup down before me. I haven't had my tea in a few days now, and I was beginning to miss it. How nice of him to brew some for us.* Thank you, Billy, this is lovely. It smells so good! *I say to him, cradling my cup in my hands and feeling it warm up as Billy pours the steaming tea inside.*
Billy: *I finish pouring the tea, passing the cups around the table before I take my seat, smiling nervously at Dom. My own pie stares up at me from its plate, taunting me, daring me to take a bite, take the plunge, opening this course to confessions. I don’t know if I can actually eat anything. Any more. I can’t believe I managed to choke anything down at dinner. Still, I’d better make a show of it at least. I pick up my fork, poking it into the wedge of pie and raising it back to my lips, though not taking the bite yet.* How is it? *I ask Dom and his parents, smiling inquisitively.*
Aureen: *I finally let go of my warm cup of tea, the smell filling me up like sugar in the air. I pick up my fork and take the end off of the pie and smiling at Billy as I pop it into my mouth. The spices melt instantly, everything familiar and rich about pumpkin pie. I raise my brow at him and continue to move the taste on my tongue.* Mm, Billy, that's wonderful! Where did you learn to make a pie?
Dom: *My fingers tremble around my fork and I lift it to the pie, getting the awful feeling that as soon as I put a cut into the piece I'll be beyond returning. So I wait, holding the fork in my hand, feeling horrible for not trying any, since it is Billy's pie, and he did ask how it tastes. But I just can't bring myself to do it. My stomach turns with guilt, and I simply hold the fork and rest my hand against the table, glancing to Billy and not saying anything.*
Austin: *All it takes is one bite and then I’m practically halfway through the pie, inhaling it though I was sure I wasn’t in the least bit hungry.* It’s delicious Billy, really. The perfect end to the meal.
Billy: *End to the meal... it is, isn’t it? Which means that with every second that passes, we draw nearer to telling them.* Cooking shows. *I answer Dom’s mum’s question hollowly, finally popping the bite poised on my fork into my mouth. It’s rather tasteless to me, but I think anything would be at the moment, including dark chocolate, which is saying something. I wash the bite down with a sip of tea, glancing at Dom to see he hasn’t tried any yet. I can’t blame him. I look back to Dom’s parents, who are oblivious as to why Dom and I are both behaving so off colour, and I feel bad for putting them through this, for making this dinner unpleasant in the slightest. I open my mouth, ready to put us all out of our misery... but I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to begin. I look at Dom helplessly. And as much as I hate to put this on him... they’re his parents. I can’t be the first one to speak.*
Dom: *It's so...quiet. That is, we're speaking, sort of... But we're just not...talking about the right things. My fork still rests in my hand, waiting to be used, but I just can't bring myself to eat anything. Just another excuse to get sick and leave the table. I can't put this off, but then...every second that goes by, I feel as though it's being put off. I should just speak. There's that lurching sensation in my chest again as I think of opening my mouth. My voice sticks in my throat and I sigh. My eyes turn to Billy and he's already looking back, looking at me uncertainly, expectantly. My heart goes still. I don't want to think about what he's expecting. My brow bends desperately with a breath, eyes trapped on Billy as if to ask what he wants me to do - but I know what he wants me to do. I don't...want to do it. I just want it to be done. If I could plead his name now, I would.*
Aureen: Really? *I ask in response to Billy's statement, taking another bite of his pie.* I can never seem to keep up with those shows. I suppose you're supposed to take notes, but I always hated taking notes... *I grin at him, putting down my fork to have a drink of tea. The warm liquid hits my lips gently and I take a sip, sighing into the scent of the vapours under my nose. Swallowing, I peek over my cup at Dominic and Billy, noting they're unchanged expressions. In fact, they look even more upset than before. I place my cup down carefully, trying not to act too worried as I speak, changing the subject from that of my thoughts.* Do you watch television often, Billy?
Billy: I... *What is she talking about? Television? When did we start talking about television? Maybe I should start thinking about television, talking about it. It would be a lot easier than the topic that’s running through my mind at the moment. I set my fork down, hands reaching for my napkin to fidget with.* I used to. I don’t watch very much anymore. *Since Dom’s been here, I should add, but I’m sure saying Dom’s name at all will just come out sounding like a plea, and that wouldn’t do. I look over at him again, eyes nervous and questioning.*
Dom: *Billy's eyes flicker to me again. He's waiting. I feel like everyone's waiting. My glance darts to my parents. It's the perfect time - they're silently eating their dessert, waiting for a conversation, and I realise that I could just speak...right now. I could just give one small push, and the entire boulder would start rolling. And if I just do it, right this second, it will be over in only another couple seconds, and I won't have to feel this way anymore. So I move to say something, even a little thing, but that wash of anxiety hits me again and I can't, and my throat tightens. I sigh inwardly, brow furrowing. Disheartened, I press the fork in my hand back to the table, against my napkin, looking at it fearfully. Surely Mum and Dad have noticed by now. Something's wrong. Not with what I have to say; after it's said, I...believe with all my heart that everything will be all right. Something's wrong with me for not saying it. And I'm so, so sorry to Billy for every tick of the clock that passes without my confession. He doesn't know how much I... I'm trying to say it.*
Aureen: *I nod lightly at Billy, not knowing quite how to respond to his answer. I pick up my tea cup gently.* Oh. *And then I stop. What an awful place to stop. I can't simply end everything there. But when I try to think of anything else, nothing comes to mind. And I keep getting distracted, every time Billy looks at Dominic. Dom isn't eating. Not a bite. He hasn't even cut into his pie and now he looks as though he's planning not to. I know I shouldn't ask him anything about it. There's something very serious written on his face that I'm...almost terrified to break. I've never seen him look like this in my life. Hesitantly, I tip my tea cup to my lips, taking a drink and gazing inside the cup as I do so, hoping someone else might say something instead.*
Austin: *I sip slowly from my cup, looking around the table. Something’s afoot, and for once Aureen seems as clueless as I am. It all rests on what hangs between Dom and Billy, the glances they keep giving each other, and I’m just waiting for it all to break out.*
Billy: *Who’s idea was it to do this over dessert, anyway? Oh yes, mine. I can feel all that I’ve eaten sitting heavily in my stomach, and I wonder how long it will stay there. Crap. If I get up from the table now to go throw up, Dom’s parents are going to think I’m bulimic. That’s not what we’re trying to tell them. I look at Dom again, steadily, sorry to be putting this on him.*
Dom: *I can feel the elusive warmth of Billy's eyes on me. I don't know why his gaze has a temperature. It seems crazy that I can feel it, even when I'm not looking. I gaze at the pie on my plate, still untouched, and this time I don't turn to look up into Billy's eyes. My heart is already far enough in my throat as it is; I'd hate to think of what sort of nervous reaction I'd have if I could see him, waiting still. My parents sitting on the other side of the table, waiting. Even I'm waiting. I run my thumb along the stem of my fork, the reflections disappearing under the shadows. My lips open gently.* I... *My voice shakes, heart jumping, and everything abruptly stops. The imprint of the word is left in the cavern of my throat. And I don't even remember trying to speak. Now it's there; one word, hanging on the silence over the table. Shite, I've just nudged that boulder and now it's tipping forward. My panic rises tenfold and my eyes turn to my parents, their gazes glancing back. That sense of expectation in the air suddenly grows heavier, like lead, or the weight of the earth. They want me to say something else. Why do I have to keep saying things? I feel like I'm going to break. Or throw up. And, of all people, I can't look at Billy, because I'm afraid the sight of him will trigger it all, because of how I love him and can't express it. That's what this is, isn't it? I'm telling them how I love Billy; how much, so much. I have to say it while I can still feel my last word over our heads. Before it's gone. I have to. I have to say it; say it. I force my mouth open again.* Well... *I swallow, watching their faces for any sense of disappointment. But this time, I don't stop to even consider stopping again.* Billy and I have something... to tell you.
Austin: *My eyes raise from my empty plate, the last bite of pie balanced precariously on the fork raised halfway to my lips. And here it comes.* What is it, Dom? *This is the time in the conversation that Dom would say that they accidentally got pregnant... if Billy were a woman. But he’s not. So all I can do is wait, Dom’s tone of voice ringing reminiscently to back when he was young and would confess to breaking a lamp or spilling on the carpet, or something equally as dismaying to a parent.*
Billy: *My heart jumps and I’m almost positive it’s going to leap out of my chest, it’s beating so hard. He’s going to say it. At long lost, we’re going to tell his parents. I keep my eyes trained on Dom, hoping to give him confidence through my gaze. I want to take his hand, to squeeze it reassuringly, but I don’t think I can even move at the moment. Say it, love. Say it.*
Aureen: *I don't even look from Dom as my fork clinks to my plate where I was cutting another bite of pie. Somehow it's escaped my grasp, and my hands are clutched together in my lap as I feel my heart fly to a worried and incalculable pace. But I can't stay worried; I can't be anything but silent, shocked at what I'm thinking, longing to know if I have any real idea about Dom's next words, or if I'm simply insane. My eyes waver as they take him in, breathing quickly, trying to judge from his expression what he means, knowing words like his from some other time or place. But they shouldn't be coming from him. This is my little Dominic. This is my baby; and this was bound to happen, but never in reality... Only in my imagination; in the dreams I've had for him. He's... I feel tears pricking my eyes and my hand flies to my mouth, vision becoming blurry. He's still my little baby... Who's all grown up, and living an ocean away, and in love. He's in love. And it's nothing like...like his old girlfriends. All of these empty "I love you"s, the playful touches, meeting girl after girl and wondering what the next one will be like. He's... he's in love, and I don't wonder what the next one will be like. But I didn't even realise I hadn't thought of it until..., and it's stopping the breath in my lungs. The realisation that I haven't heard one empty word between them... And I've seen the reality of it blossoming between him and Billy, each second they look at each other, when they are near each other, fascinated by each other, but it... This was never going to happen to my baby boy. A tear trips over my eyelashes and travels down into the shape of my hand over my mouth. I begin to shake my head against all of it - the thickness of my throat, the trembling, more and more tears.* Mm-mm. *My voice squeaks from under my hand, barely marking the silence, while in my mind I'm smiling brilliantly at Dommie and nodding and loving him so much.*
Dom: *My eyes catch on Mum as she drops her fork and begins to cry, the tears tripping down her flushed cheeks one after another, and she shakes her head. There has never been a moment like this before in my life. I've never been so frightened for my parents; I've never seen my mum like this. Not shaking, so astonished, not with her tears streaming down, her gaze on me, her voice trembling, and I watch for moments until something impossible happens. A bend somehow breaks through my lips, slowly, my countenance shifting, against all of my worry and fear and even some of my might, a smile turning my emotions around in my stomach as I watch her and begin to know...that she must understand. Because mums always understand. Because mums are clever and lovely things. And my smile starts blooming, tears enter my eyes at the sight of her and line my eyelashes, and I begin to nod softly and break with a small, unexpected laugh in spite of my own soppiness. Yes, it's happening. Yes, Mum, I'm all grown up. And I want you to know how much I'm in love. And I'm ready. I'm not afraid anymore... to have a home with someone. Hesitantly, my gaze shifts, and I see him there beside me. I see him. Billy. My Billy. My heart is the only thing I hear as my eyes rest upon him. And gently, I slip a hand under the table to find his, touching his warm skin, losing my breath. Our fingers wrap together gradually, without a sense of time, and my smile is now for him; only, always for him. Our hands are finally laced, and I feel that cold band pressed against my fingers, I take a breath and speak softly as though no one exists in this room but Billy Boyd.* We're getting married...
Austin: *My jaw drops open, and I gape at Dom and Billy, shocked. Did I hear that right? Dom’s getting married?* You’re what? *I breathe, dumbfounded. I never thought I’d see this day. I glance at Aureen, and cue in on the fact that she guessed it before I did, of course. But not much before I don’t think, as her face is still showing the same shock I feel. Still, it’s not an unpleasant shock. Neither is mine.*
Billy: A small gasp escapes my lips, as if he were telling me for the first time as well as his parents. I can’t believe he’s said it. Somehow, even through all our discussing and our planning, I never thought we’d make it to this moment. And yet here we are. My fingers tighten around Dom’s, and I look at him, my nervous lips twitching until they’ve formed a smile, a tiny one that grows slowly. I bring our hands out from under the table and rest them on the table top for everyone to see, all the world if they want to look, because from now on, this is the way our hands should always look. Together. My eyes finally break away from Dom, and I turn to look at his parents, prepared for the worst, but... I don’t see it. I see shock. I see surprise. I see emotion from Dom’s mum, tears, but... I don’t think they’re the kind either of us needs to be frightened of. Somehow, things look like they might be alright. Somehow.* Mr. and Mrs. Monaghan... *I begin, my voice slightly hoarse, and maybe I shouldn’t speak at all, because Dom and I haven’t discussed this. But it seems only right at this point. I squeeze Dom’s hand again before taking a deep breath and continuing.* ...Would you do me the honour of allowing me to marry your son?
Aureen: *My gasp is a long, shuddering sound, coming between my hand and my lips when I hear Dom, then Billy, the tears dropping down my cheeks uncontrollably. I cover my mouth tightly again, and then take my hand away, then press it back. I glance at their hands, entwined together upon the table, and I hope with all my heart that Austin will see how lovely that is. My eyes flood and I look to Billy, then to Dom, then back to Billy, nodding repeatedly, almost speechless until my voice unexpectedly breaks through my lips and I pull my hand away so Billy can hear.* Of course- you can. *I sob, trying to smile, not knowing what I should do. I can't think of anyone I'd rather see Dom with, holding his hand, asking me this question about my Dommie... I gasp another tiny sob and suddenly stand from my seat, shaking as I step around the table to Billy's chair, reaching to embrace him and picking him up into my arms.* Oh, darling, of course you can... *I almost lose my breath, holding him tightly and never wanting to let go. Not until he knows how much we all love him.*
Dom: *I laugh suddenly through my tears as Mum takes hold of Billy, and I manage to stand as well, sure that I'll be the next one she'll need to hug. That is, if she can ever let go of Bill. I step closer to them and put a hand to Mum's arm with a knowing smile, reminding her to let Billy breathe, which I'm sure she's forgotten. Knowing her, she'll probably want to take him home to England now. And maybe I'm a little jealous, now that I've never felt so in need of holding him, of having his hand back in mine, and I know I'll probably be the last one who's able to do so now that all has been said.*
Austin: *I feel my face gradually gain some of its coordination, remembering how to move again, and my look of shock melts into a small smile, then a huge grin. My son’s getting married. And here I was, thinking he’d be young and irresponsible forever. But he’s not. He’s an adult now, making adult decisions, making wise choices like choosing someone like Billy to settle down with. And it surprises me, because I haven’t the slightest problem with Billy being a man. And I’m so glad I don’t. I stand up, going around the table to pull Dom into my arms.* Congratulations, son. *I say, hugging him tightly.*
Billy: *My body goes tense when Dom’s mum first pulls me into her arms and then I melt, believing this to be a dream. It can’t be real, can it? Surely not. Because when Dom’s mum hugs me, it feels almost as if this is my own mum hugging me, congratulating me in the biggest decision I’ve ever made in my life. My arms come around her and I’m squeezing her tightly then, my own eyes leaking small tears. This is real. I’ve been accepted. This is my family now.*
Dom: *I'm surprised when I'm turned about and suddenly Dad is the one holding me. I was under the impression that I always had to be a 'man' around him; men played footie, they talked about footie, they read large books and drank and didn't hug. But this is definitely a hug. And it actually... feels good. My smile reappears and I raise my arms around him, his words finally registering in my ears and my nerves finally spilling out of me, everything pent up from before dessert, everything trapped in my fearful words from a few moments ago. I sigh over Dad's shoulder, arms holding onto him like I only remember doing when I was a very small child. But now, it's much different. Now I think he's ready to let me go, as much as it scares the both of us. Not to mention, I'm tall enough now to hug him without being picked up first. I grin, my eyes dampening again, but holding most of it inside.* Thanks, Dad.
Aureen: *I let a couple more tears fall before pulling gently away from Billy, looking over his face soppily and trying to wipe my face, only to see that his cheeks are now lined with tears as well.* Ohh... *I coo at him, lifting my sleeve to his face and wiping the dampness away gently, feeling the sudden need to mother him. After all, he is going to be my son-in-law. But in my heart, I genuinely feel like I'm going to have another son to care for. My family has suddenly and unexpectedly grown by one person. I couldn't possibly be happier than I am at this moment. I hold Billy at a distance to see him, bringing my sleeve down and revealing his trembling smile. I would so love to embrace him again, but I stop myself, my own lips trembling with the promise of more tears.* Who would have ever thought I'd have another son. *I say to him, smile blossoming across my lips.*
Billy: *My smile wobbles dangerously again as I look at Dom’s mum, how she smiles at me, and her words. How true they feel, and yet so unbelievable. They’re music to my ears. My lip trembles a bit, but I hold in the rest of my tears, though I’m unable to stop my voice from wavering.* Thank you, Mrs. Monaghan. Thank you so much for letting me marry your son.
Austin: *I pull back to look at Dom, still smiling broadly. He looks even more grown up now than he did at the beginning of dinner, if that’s possible. He’s been a man for so many years, and yet I never even noticed it. That’s all changed now. I give him another tight squeeze before letting him go, turning to face Billy, who’s still under Aureen’s adoring attention.* Billy. *I say, holding out a hand to him.* I’m glad to let you marry my son.
Billy: *Is that really Dom’s father saying those things to me? Is he really so willing to let me marry his son? I turn, slipping from Dom’s mum’s hold a bit reluctantly, until I see Austin’s hand held out to me. I take it slowly, shaking it firmly as I give him a grin. Now I know I must be dreaming. This can’t be this easy.* Thank you, sir.
Dom: *I step out of the way to let Dad by, watching Billy's expressions change as Dad approaches him and offers his hand. My heart is beating so heavily for Billy, knowing how nervous he must be as he takes my father's hand, and when I see that smile spread across his lovely face, it sends more tears to my eyes. This is actually happening. Mum is teary, just like I knew she would be; just like I told Billy she would be. And here's Dad, even, happy for the both of us, and I have the memory of a hug, and the sight of this simple handshake, to prove it. Billy looks as though he's going to cry, and I can almost feel my heart stop, only loving him, wanting him so much in my arms I can barely stand anymore. My face is now wet with tears. I suppose I wasn't prepared for how this was going to feel. Because it's... this is actually happening.*
Aureen: *I watch Billy and Austin exchange words, bringing my hand under my eyes as I begin to recover from all of this emotion, only to look up and see Dominic standing alone with tears on his own face. My heart nearly breaks at the sight of him, more tears appearing in my eyes as I step closer. It's only a moment before I've come to him and tucked him into my arms, holding him and rocking him gently, letting him press his damp cheek to my shoulder. I hush him softly and hold onto him with all of my heart.* My baby... *I whisper to him, throat tightening all over again. My voice grows high now and breaks with tears.* I don't want to let you go.
Dom: *A sobbing laugh comes through my lips and I wrap my arms around Mum, recalling the only time she's ever called me her baby before this, that I can remember - when I skinned my knee learning to ride my bike. It was on the walk outside our home in Berlin. I didn't know how to ride off of the curbs yet and I fell, and within seconds, she was outside holding me and kissing my forehead. My baby, my poor baby..., she said. And I got angry and told her that I wasn't a baby. I laugh a little more now, smile spreading across my face, more than grateful now to be her baby again... but at the same time, more than ready to grow up. I lift my cheek from her shoulder and lean our heads close, tears slowing down.* I love you, Mum. *I tell her simply, knowing she won't object; knowing she'll understand what I mean.*
Billy: *I let go of Austin’s hand finally, giving him a happy smile before turning to look at Dom and his mum. So this is love. So this is family. As if life could get any better. More tears spring to my eyes and trickle down my cheeks, seeing how very much Dom’s mum loves him, and yet she’s letting me take him away. I love Dom’s mum. Speaking of love... I watch my love be smothered in the affection he probably hasn’t really had since he was young, and my heart swells. It’s up to me now. I’ve got to give him all the love he’ll ever need. I’m up to the task though, no doubt in my mind. I stand there watching them, grinning as the tears flow down my cheeks. How I love him.*
Aureen: *My breath shatters, a sigh, listening to Dom's words and knowing what he's saying - It's all right, Mum... You can let go, Mum... I'm going to be fine now, Mum... And he's not a baby anymore. No, he's not a baby. I squeeze him, more tears dripping down.* I love you, too, Dommie. I know you're ready for this. *I smile slightly, reassuring myself with my own words; he's ready for this. I slowly pull myself away from him and look into his eyes, seeing that his tears have finally stopped falling. I slide my hands down his arms, heart aching to hold him again, already, but only allowing myself a smile, full of pride and happiness for him.* You're so big. Grown up, I mean.
Dom: *I smile at her, watching her for a few moments, knowing how hard it's going to be for her to leave Lauderville now. We'll have to arrive four hours early to the airport to save time for goodbyes. But that's okay. As long as every hour spent means that Billy and I can be together, and that my parents want us to be together. I do believe that Mum wants me with Billy more than with any other person on the planet. I grin at her and then glance silently over her shoulder where my love is standing. My love. He really is my fiancé now, in every way. He's showing me his most beautiful smile, and my heart has melted away, leaving me standing here without anything to hold in my love. My eyes flicker to Mum happily, and I let my arms fall from her, not needing to say anything else to make her see what I need most right now. I hesitate, and then I look back over her shoulder, caught in a sudden trance and stepping away, around her, past Dad, without a word to either of them, reaching Billy suddenly with a giant, beaming smile, bringing him into me and burying him in my arms, holding him with such a love and excitement that I nearly lift him from the floor, beginning to feel familiar tears in my eyes as instantly as I've touched him.* Oh, Billy, I love you so much. *My voice breaks as I say the words to him, pressing my lips to his cheek and not caring who can see or hear. He's going to be mine forever. The whole universe should know that out of its entirety, I've claimed this one thing as my own, and I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live.*
Billy: *Dom’s embrace squeezes a bit of laughter out of me and I cling to him tightly, looking to him to hold me up, knowing that we’re holding each other up, now and forever. I can’t believe I ever felt worried about this night, not when it’s turned completely around and become so much better than anyone could have ever hoped for.* I love you too, Dommie. So much, so much. *Wasn’t it just the other day that I was afraid of showing any affection whatsoever around Dom’s parents, that it seemed best to come across as more of a glorified roommate than a lover? And now here we are, and Dom’s parents know the depths of our love. I’m going to marry him, and they’re happy for us. It’s too much at once. I press my face closely to Dom, feeling the mingling of our tears and holding on for dear life.*
Aureen: *My heart leaps when I see them embrace, and in the same moment I see Dom's decision, more clearly, more closely than ever. I never thought this day would come - my son wanting to settle down, impatient to settle down, holding tightly to the one he's chosen to settle down with. Billy is going to take care of him now. And I'll be the one he calls on weekends, perhaps, when he has a bit of free time; the one he sends Christmas cards to with loving words, instead of the one who watches as he sits under the tree eagerly opening packages with that sweet, bright smile on his face. He won't be coming home. Not to stay. And that's something I didn't really understand until now. Somehow tears are still trickling down from the corners of my eyes, and I try to dab them, but they won't go away. Quickly, I lean into Austin's side and put my arms lightly around him, not knowing what else to do but hide my tears on his shoulder.*
Dom: My Billy... *I sigh happily against his skin, unable to stop smiling long enough to kiss him, but I try anyway, over and over again I try. I can't believe how incredible this feels. I can't control the eagerness to hold Bill, comfort Bill, celebrate with him, and love him, love him no matter what happens.* I love you. I'm so happy... *My voice breaks through my smile and I lean back to look at him. Oh, he's beautiful. He's so beautiful. I look at him and want to cry, fall apart. My hands rise to his face, holding him still as each of my fingers brush his tears gently away. Now my parents know... Now everyone will know that this is my love; my new life. I'll never leave him.*
Austin: *I slide my arms around Aureen, holding her close, knowing that she needs this now more than ever. It was hard to let go of Dom the first time, when he decided to go to America. I think Aureen and I both suspected that he wouldn’t be coming back, or if he did come back nothing would ever be the same. But now we have to let him go again. This time we know it’s for good. I rub Aureen’s back softly, smiling at my son and the man he loves. Who would have ever thought I’d be so content to give him up?*
Billy: *I stare deeply into Dom’s eyes, hands fisting in the back of his shirt as I swallow rapidly, trying to stop the tears, stop the crying, because although they are happy tears, they’re blurring my vision when all I want to do is look at him, take him in. I lean in and kiss him then, a loving, tender kiss that puts a seal on everything that’s just happened. Pulling away finally, I look at him for one long, fond moment before turning to look at his parents, not letting him go for anything. I clear my throat.* Anyone want some more pie? *I ask, grinning and breaking out into laughter.*
Aureen: *Even I let out a small laugh, lifting my cheek from Austin's shoulder and letting the tears run down unknowingly. It's all so perfect, the way this is happening. Dom is going to be with someone he loves, who just happens to be someone I love, and even though Dom is going to be living oceans away I believe I'll be content, knowing that he is with Billy. I shake my head at Billy with an irrepressible smile.* Oh, love, I'm too happy to even eat. *I laugh again as I say it, now lifting a hand to wipe all of the dampness from my face.*
Dom: *I grin at my parents as they hold each other, tightening my arms around Billy as I hold him. This is how it's going to be. For so many years. I can't believe I'm turning out just like my parents; I thought that's why I was running away. I laugh a little to myself, turning my head to Billy proudly and thinking that this is so much different. I mean, my parents never kiss like we do, they never get caught in each other's eyes like this... I know it isn't true, but you never think of your parents as being in love. They're much too practical. I hope that no one will ever think that of Bill and me. I smile at him for a moment and then look to my parents, wondering what to say.* Sorry we scared you like that... *I speak finally, recalling how Billy and I were behaving and releasing a hesitant breath.* I never thought I'd be so nervous in my life.
Austin: You bloody terrified us. *I answer truthfully, grinning.* I don’t think either of us knew what to expect when you two went all silent. *I won’t say that a myriad of impossibilities went through my head, and yet this had never occurred to me. No reason to appear even more thick than I already do.*
Billy: You certainly aren’t the only ones who were terrified. *I say, grinning, tucking myself closer into Dom’s arms. I’ve got nothing to hide from anymore, nothing to fear, and still this feeling of security I derive from Dom is invaluable. I don’t think I ever want to leave his arms again.* I thought that if Dom didn’t say anything I was going to throw up.
Aureen: Goodness! *I laugh lightly, loving Billy's honesty, amazed at the fact that he can talk about throwing up while still being completely charming. I don't think I could say that about many people. I smile amusedly at him and continue.* I hope we don't scare you that much. *I try to sound comforting, knowing that I would have loved them both the same, no matter what they had said to us.*
Dom: Nah, not Bill. *I reply to Mum, teasing, and taking this chance to look at my love again, broad smile on my lips.* Billy doesn't get afraid. Like he's made of steel or something. *I grin and hold him close, leaning in to kiss on his cheek and wishing I could wipe away all of the little tear trails I feel under my lips. Softening, I pull back and allow my gaze to remain with him, hands moving gently on his sides.* He's very brave.
Billy: Very soft, wobbly steel. *I add with a laugh, pressing my cheek to Dom’s shoulder. I’m embarrassed to think we were so nervous, especially now that I know how loving Dom’s parents are. You’d think they would have needed time to get adjusted to the idea, but no. It’s as if they’d already decided that they wanted me for their son, and our announcement was just giving them what they wanted in the first place.*
Dom: *I wrap Billy up in my arms with a laugh, nuzzling down to his hair teasingly.* That's my favourite kind. *And I know I should, but I don't lift my head. Billy has that beautiful smell that I love so much, and he's so comforting and warm, and I feel the need to finally get away from all of this nervousness I've been having, all of this tension in all of me. He's the only place I know where I can feel like this. I close my eyes and begin to rock him in my arms, the excitement springing into me, so ready to love him. I press my nose to his hair, my throat tickling with laughter. I don't know how to tell him how happy I am; I don't know.*
Billy: *I giggle, his movement tickling slightly. I really should keep in mind that Dom’s parents are still right there, and as supportive as they are, they probably don’t want to see their son go completely lovey-dovey with his fiancé. No matter how happy they are for us. Still, it’s not like I’m about to pull away, not when I’m still running off the high that our announcement has brought. And not when he feels so good.*
Aureen: *I'm captured on the sight of them, both captured with each other. It's becoming so evident now, how much they love each other. I'm beginning to think that even I wasn't completely aware that they loved like this, probably because they didn't feel allowed to show it until now. Or maybe it's something else... Maybe it's the excitement now in the air that we can all feel. It's moving us all a little closer, both emotionally and physically... And then the thought hits me, and I finally see Dom's arms wrapping around Billy more and more tightly. For goodness sake, they are two young men, aren't they? I can't believe I haven't stopped to consider it. And after living with men all my life... I would think I'd know enough about their physical demands to realise that this kind of romancing and excitement can't easily lead to more discussion over tea and pie. It's past time the poor dears had a bit of time alone. I look to Austin, hands sliding off of him to tug at his shirt. I clear my throat, hoping he won't discover my intentions as I speak, knowing how sudden my words seem.* How do you fancy a walk, love? I was thinking of having one; give my dinner a chance to settle. *I pat my stomach softly to indicate, beginning to smile at him.* Come and make sure I don't get lost?
Austin: Alright... *I say, giving her a bit of an odd look, wondering what brought this on, and then... oh. Very observant, Austin. The lads just announced their engagement. It’s hardly logical that they’d want to spend the rest of the evening playing dominoes with the parents, is it? I can’t even tell if they’ve heard either of us speak.* Of course, love. *I say to Aureen, smiling gently at her.* Let’s get our coats.
Aureen: *I smile softly at him, seeing the flash of understanding pass through his eyes. I reach down and take his hand, giving him a fond look before turning my gaze back to Billy and Dominic where they still stand wrapped up in each other, in silent, hesitant glances.* Well, your father and I are going to go for a small walk. *I say, mostly to Dominic, wondering if he'll even look away from Billy long enough to absorb what I'm saying. The adorable things, they're so immersed in one another. They should be so proud. They're absolutely beautiful together. Moving past them, I lead Austin by the hand, unable to restrain my smile as I speak.* We'll be gone...probably for a while. *I say with a sneaking grin, teasing as I add:* But don't let our absence stop you from having any fun.
Dom: *I look up with abrupt surprise as Mum and Dad step past, and suddenly I snap to attention.* What? Wait- *I don't know how much I remember from what Mum said. Something about being gone... They're going out? I want to stop them, realising that Billy and I probably shouldn't have been touching quite so much in front of them. Do they feel awkward? I turn to look after them as they begin to leave, unable to let go of Billy. I don't want to let go of Billy. As much as I don't want to inconvenience Mum and Dad like this... I feel horrible, but... I'm glad that they want to go. Just a little. Okay, a lot, but I shouldn't just let them walk out, right?* Where are you going? *I ask, still holding Billy close.*
Austin: *I look from Aureen to Dom, shrugging my shoulders with a slight grin.* Just around. Maybe down to the river again, it was so pretty when you took us yesterday. We’ll be careful, don’t worry. *I wink at Dom, looking to Billy with a grin as Aureen and I head to the hallway closet to retrieve our coats.*
Billy: *I stay silent, loving Dom’s mum and dad more than ever at the moment. They’re not leaving because they’re uncomfortable, I can tell that easily enough. They’re leaving because they’re smart enough to see where the boundaries of family ends and the realm of lovers begins, and that this is a point where Dom and I need to be together.* Don’t stay out too late. *I say, wanting them to know that it’s not that I’m eager to get rid of them, it’s just that I’m eager to have Dom all to myself.* And make sure you bundle up; it’s cold outside.
Aureen: Thanks, love. *I say to Billy with a sweet grin, shrugging on my coat as Austin helps me with it. I reach down for the zipper and pull it up to my neck, then reaching for my gloves up on the coat rack and slipping them on. I turn a last time and look at Dominic, tugging at one of my gloves securely and giving him a stern expression.* You take care of him, Dominic. *I speak slowly so he'll understand the exact connotation, then I turn to Austin with a ready smile, sighing gladly. He opens the door and I send my smile to the two boys in the dining room as we head out.*
Dom: *The door slams shut and I still watch it, hearing Mum's words hanging in the air. My hands burrow into Billy's shirt curiously for moments. Well, I guess we're on our own... I stop, and think again: we're on our own... My eyes turn to look around the house, empty and silent, the dishes untouched, no one standing near us, not a voice to distract us. And slowly, my smile begins. This isn't so bad... I feel Billy move gently in my arms and I turn my eyes to him, look at all of him, take him in, feeling my smile spread across my face to the very breaking point as I watch him, knowing he'll be just as happy as I am. We're all alone. We have this time all to ourselves. We have this house all to ourselves. We have each other all to ourselves.* What should we do? *I ask him softly, imagining the endless possibilities.*