The days were beginning to blur for me. My limbs slowly falling asleep amidst screaming and crying and begging and bleeding. I couldn't see where one part of me started and the other began, it all just meshed together in one big swirl of black. Occasionally there would be the reprieve of screaming until I was raw and then passing out for a few hours. I'd nod on and off and those few sweet moments of unconsciousness were what I held onto. I was learning that food and water was a luxury, but that wasn't a new lesson. I'd been learning that one forever. But it just kept going on and on until I thought that maybe I just didn't exist anymore
( ... )
I watched her closely, checking for any signs that her sanity had gone for good. One of these times I'd push Faith too far and she'd break for good. Of course if that happened, I would just have to put her out of her misery, after I made her bleed some more for disappointing me. But it looked like she still had all her marbles as she slowly got off the bed
( ... )
It stung something wicked, the etching on my skin. Now I understood his little butterfly fetish. I was cocooned, trapped all the time now in that trunk. But he said I was gonna be strong again, and for some fucked up reason I believed him. If he built me back up enough I'd stab him to death, over and over and over again. I'd show him a hellish repetition. Choking back another scream as he put the bandage on it, I let my eyes wander along the patterns in the ceiling. I'd gotten good at trying to distract myself with random things
( ... )
My smile turned genuine when Faith said she wanted to learn. Part of me had been hoping she'd say no just so I could add some more bruises to her body. I moved a little further away to the edge of the bed and thought about what I was going to show her next. "Sure, you can have one. You've been very good since I let you out this time
( ... )
Faith's grip on my body increased, making me fight to keep from sitting up and throwing her across the room. Breathed deeply through my nose, inhaling her scent and willing myself to calm back down. Don't hurt her, not now. Then she answered my question and I opened my eyes, looking at her face. I tried to see if this was some sort of a trick, but I didn't think it was
( ... )
Instantly I loosened my grip on him at his request. Didn't wanna make him mad, wanted to be good. My feet already hurt wicked bad and I didn't want anything bad to happen. Wanted him to stay calm, but I felt anything but calm. Felt panicked, shaking me all the way down to my core and back up to the surface of my skin again. Hurt
( ... )
I was getting very drowsy. Could still feel the rage, but it wasn't screaming any more. Only one other person had ever made me calm down like this, and she'd done it through pain. I wasn't used to anyone being nice, even if she was forcing herself to do it. After what I'd done, this had to be at least partly out of fear
( ... )
"I know." I replied automatically for about the tenth time. He only hurt me because he loved me. Shit. We were startin' to sound like a wicked psycho after school special or some pamphlet you could find at a homeless shelter for women. This went beyond that, because those men? They had souls, even when they were doing all that fucked up shit. He was human, but he had no soul. Nothing but black nothing
( ... )
Faith pushed me back and I was too stunned to react. Guess the training was starting to pay off already. She had her backbone again. I watched as she reset her own shoulder. Usually I had to shove it back into place, and I was never nice about it. Loved to hear her scream, but she managed to keep herself quiet. I didn't always win, she had knocked me to the floor once, but I won most of the fights, and that's what counted
( ... )
His gaze was glowing down at me and I had to fight to keep the permanant scowl in place. Like a mother hen all proud of her little chicklets. What the fuck? Did he know he was more confusing than listening to Willow talk about Quantum Physics? Make up your mind for fuck's sake. At least he was bein' sorta nice, which was better than when he was kickin' my ass, so I was gonna be happy about that. Psycho. I'd learned two modes with him. Screaming in terror and wanting to kill him. I couldn't remember anything else. Even if I didn't actually execute either of them
( ... )
I pulled ingredients from the fridge and got the mix out of a cupboard. Grabbing a bowl, I quickly whipped it up while the butter in the frying pan began to sizzle. As I poured batter into the pan, I heard her question but didn't answer until my hands were no longer full. Rather not burn this shit before I have a chance to eat any of it
( ... )
I nodded at him seriously. New Mexico, one hundred miles north of Santa Fe. I was gonna have to remember all this shit, because it was good to know. Still had forty bucks layin' in a pair of pants too. Not alot, but it was something. Something was better than nothin'. If I was gonna make it outta this one alive I was gonna have to be way smarter than I usually was
( ... )
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