Wow...that's really insightful...It's totally the same way I felt when I almost died. Things just don't matter anymore -- that is, the unimportant shit. If I become a monk, I'll say hey just for you.
all that is how im trying to look at this college thing... it'll happen, no matter what. if i go one place rather than another, im still learning and growing as a person, so why worry about it? eh?
so i guess im saying...
its good that your growing intellectually, but it sucks that it took physical incapacity to invoke it.
Beliving that everything happens for a reason can be a very conforting idea; that this wans't suppose to happen for a reason and that something better will come of it. This may be true, I don't know. I am not the one that controls the universe and its undertakings. The fact of the matter is that in all of my experiances the only thing to prove to have an effect on life is hard work. Last year something happened to me that put everything into perspective, but that vision of life I had was being seen through a negitive lens. What I saw was the darker side of life where you get to a low and have no control over it. It didn't start this way but quickly evolved into this. I didn't realize this until it was almost too late. Since I had no control over what was going on I gave up the control of the things I had control of. Don't let this happen. You were with me when I threw in my last ditch effort of getting something out of that Chem class. I thought that everything would fall into place, but it didn't. You have way too much potential to
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I think there's a difference between what you can or cannot control and what you let bother you. It's not like I'm letting myself slide to where there IS no way to return. School and college are important to me, but more important at this time is getting well. Do you really think I'd let myself slide into that pit of no return? At the moment, I'm physically incapable of worrying about these things. When it's time for me to worry about them, I will. My college app is almost done. I'm trying to study again, but it's hard when you're on meds
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First off, I know that you wouldn't let yourself slide to where you couldn't get yourself back, I was only warning you of what could happen if your mindset keeps swaying that way, which with you probably wouldn't be the case, but still. What I ment by "Last year something happened to me that put everything into perspective, but that vision of life I had was being seen through a negitive lens. What I saw was the darker side of life where you get to a low and have no control over it," was that I had to, not only see, but help my father move out of my house. After that every time I saw him he was worse and worse, killing himself due to his alcoholism. We would walk into his appartment and he would be passed out and there would be empty vodka and rubbing alcohol bottles becuase he couldn't afford anymore liquor. Seeing a loved one dead is hard, but seeing a loved one dying is harder. Seeing them dying for no reason is the hardest. From then I got the mindset that nothing mattered, especially college. From my family everyone that didn't go
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Wow...that's really insightful...It's totally the same way I felt when I almost died. Things just don't matter anymore -- that is, the unimportant shit. If I become a monk, I'll say hey just for you.
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so i guess im saying...
its good that your growing intellectually, but it sucks that it took physical incapacity to invoke it.
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