getting too old for this ...
About a week and a half ago I left the place I was able to arrange to stay at since I had arrived back from my Rhode Island trip and was on the streets of Montpelier for what turned out to be one sleepless night and I was pretty much done in already.
Earlier that evening I had a hunch it might be a hard one, especially since I did not sleep either well or enough the night before, so I decided to grab my sleeping bag and make an attempt to find a spot to sleep in a place I had never dared try before and, although I did find a spot to lay down for a bit, it did not go very good.
When I left and walked back into downtown and not having a watch to tell time with, it turned out to be two hours earlier than I thought it was, so I had lots more time to kill and nowhere I really do so.
Later that day I was able to finally make contact with the housing person at WCMHS, who had been able to help me in late June prior to leaving for RI and, while this time around they could not provide me with what I had requested, they offered to get me off the street for one night and I took it of course.
From there I was able to arrange to be under that particular temporary roof until yesterday morning (August 26, 2005).
Last night was sort of like the previous experience out, with the exception that I found a place to rest my bones that was a little more comfortable to lie down upon and actually managed maybe two hours sleep or so. Late this afternoon I found about two more hours of sleep. Am not sure what tonight holds once I get off-line and leave here, since I cannot stay put where I currently am.
As the title of this post suggests, I am getting too old for this and, even worse than that is the fact that I cannot see any light at the end if this lengthy tunnel I've been within off and on for far too long and, though I want out badly, I will not just take any old exit either however. Whatever I seek and, eventually do, has to be something I can truly live with and accept or I will not go there no matter what.