backward;
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
travelled alone. made a significant loss. filed my tax return months ahead of time!
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
the only resolution i made was to read ulysses; with four days left the spine is still unbroken, so i suppose i'll be carrying that over into next year! i have also promised myself that no longer will i let myself down so much.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
i wouldn't say close - but e.'s twin sister welcomed little m. into the world.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
not this year - thank god, thank god. s. & i spent much of the year still reeling from a sudden death, last year, in his very immediate family. you can never know the shape and size of loss until it is before you: a constant dark hill that you have to climb, from which there is no exit.
5. What countries did you visit?
denmark, france (briefly), JAPAN!!!!!
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
a steady income. a group of friends that i can trust. good health.
7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
just as sarah said: no dates, just experiences. two trips to glasgow in the winter (& how i love that city), spending so much time in tramway, watching duncan campbell's strangely prophetic film installation make it new john. my springtime trip to northern denmark, where it was not quite yet spring: discovering that there were people who respected me, and what i do! such lovely people, too. little wooden houses, danish flags everywhere, learning very quickly how to smile & say, undskyld, jeg kan ikke tale dansk. oh, and the long low landscape, the great wide sprawling sky!; the glassy fjord, the sudden jewel-blue of the north sea on a bright day; walking in the rainy woods & gathering birch-twigs, eating wild wood-sorrel. billund airport, alone, & the curious experience of being treated as though i was beautiful by more than one man (a little old-fashioned, a little hard to handle, but so very memorable). flying home through volcanic ash! the dusty redpink sky. the night before i flew to denmark, sitting in a bar in stoke newington with friends; learning that david cameron would be our new prime minister and feeling a little scared, & lost. three weeks in japan, in the height & the heat of the summer! may-time with alex; seeing the birds at the barbican, eating sourdough in a garden cafe in clapton, and having the best, most sprawling conversations.
there are bad things, too, but nothing i want to record. i'd rather let the bad times dissolve & disappear than pin them down for good.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
definitely that trip to denmark. to travel in that way, just my work and i, was a difficult thing to do - but worth it; so, so worth it. keeping up my A-N blog, in spite of so much hostility from various people. as well, i made a big decision (quite recently, in fact!): to return to university & finally get my BA. this is exciting! (though baffling to a few friends, who wonder why i need it: the reasoning was twofold; firstly, that there are always things to learn, & the worst thing one can do is stand still; secondly, that although i've been invited to apply for MA level courses, i do not think i'm strong enough to cope with the critical rigours, not yet; thirdly - politically - this government revolts me & i wish to leave the country as soon as i am able. a BA will make this so much easier.
9. What was your biggest failure?
my biggest failures are failures of management: money management, time management, self-management. i have not seen a very pleasant side of myself this year, & i feel that i lost sight of many of the things that were important to me. i fell apart. next year i want to be a better, brighter, stronger person once again.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
yes, though i've tried to keep it secret. one nervous breakdown and one very scary Mystery Illness, on account of which i'm still being poked & prodded & tested & scanned.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
things for other people; and so many things in japan!
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
those friends & loved-ones who have seen the very worst of me & responded with nothing but acceptance. thse who have little, but remain generous. everybody who faces difficult circumstances with humour, bravery and strength. (and they are strong, even if they don't feel it.)
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
my own (it's been a bad year). a few other people, but i do hate to sit in judgement. we are all just trying to get through as best we can. one area where i will judge is politics: this awful, loathsome government, and the riot police, have been the source of much sadness & anger this year. oh, & my former upstairs neighbour.
14. Where did most of your money go?
travel, bills, food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
japan! denmark! christmas!!
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
high places - shared islands; memory tapes - bicycle; the entire jonsi & alex record; anything by julianna barwick; so much japanese pop music...
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder?
sadder.
ii. Thinner or fatter?
a little fatter.
iii. richer or poorer?
poorer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
reading, picnicking, travelling, loving.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
negativity.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
i spent it with s...
23. How many one-night stands?
none, though one person really tried...
24. What was your favourite TV programme?
i loved mad men, in spite of my initial cynicism.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
i don't hate anyone.
26. What was the best book you read?
a book of silence by sara maitland. it's really helped me to embrace my own inclination towards silence & seclusion, and i've begun to work this into the fabric of my art...
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
julianna barwick.
28. What did you want and get?
a lovely new flat with a second room for working in! a chance to go to denmark again next year. snow!
29. What was your favourite film of this year?
i caught tokyo sonata on television a few weeks ago, just as i was missing japan the hardest. and i loved it. i'm sure there've been others; i'm so hopeless at remembering films.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i was 28. there was a thick, cold frost. i bought myself some lingerie & went for catalan food with sam.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
lots of layers. i started wearing heels (only small ones!) & make-up, for the first time.
34. What kept you sane?
to the extent that i was sane? sam, books, silence, birds, the possibilities of escape.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
i still melt at the sight of a young george harrison...
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
this horrendous government. the state of american politics. the fact that it becomes more and more clear by the day that banks & corporations rule the world, & that we as individuals are nothing more than economic units to those at the top. the great freedom of capitalism!
37. Who did you miss?
like sarah, everyone i know. i've felt at such a great remove from things this year.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
everybody i met in denmark - particularly the people from the centre for fine print research, for being so friendly and welcoming and wonderful.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
KNOW THYSELF.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
i haven't slept a wink in weeks just thinking about sleeping.