Fanbook Opinion

[noseless_wonder]

Since dqbunny and the other editors of the fanbook were kind enough to extend the deadline for fanbook submissions, I actually had time to develop a submission that might be worth sharing.

The problem is I don't write short stories because I'm generally incapable of being concise. My last attempt at a "short story" was 300+ pages. In fact, I've had

Comments

[noseless_wonder]

Thanks! That the sentence seems like it might be missing a word is not a huge surprise. I had to do some fairly serious chopping to get it below 500 words. ^^;

Does this sound better?

"She was her own protector; people fled at the sound mere of her voice, afraid she might cast one of her powerful, destructive spells."

[noseless_wonder]

Whoops, flip "mere" and "sound"

"She was her own protector; people fled at the mere sound of her voice, afraid she might cast one of her powerful spells."

[anonymous]

How about...

"She was her own protector; People feared her voice and its power to cast powerful, destructive spells."

[dqbunny]

I'd actually end it at "Maybe depending on someone else wasn't such a bad thing." That's a great sentence to end it on.

Also: "The glare on her face softened when she realized she would have been dead if Gourry wouldn't have been there" sounds a bit better as "The glare on her face softened when she realized she'd be dead if Gourry hadn't been there"

Other than that, you have a thumbs up from me!

[noseless_wonder]

I took both of your suggestions. The wording in your second suggestion is definitely better considering the earlier portion of the sentence.

Yay! That makes me happy. It's such a generic little fic, but with so little space, that's about all I could fit into it. Plus, I really wanted to make the deadline so I could participate.

[dqbunny]

I think you could have made arrangements with the editor. ^_~ You're absolutely fine, and this is a lovely story.

[earthstar_moon]

Fully agree with dqbunny this is cute and fine for the book. ^_~

[noseless_wonder]

Thanks! ^___^

[pharoah999]

really liked it!!! you write Gourry very well!!! He is the best!!! Hope you do submit this!!

[noseless_wonder]

Ah thanks! =D I'm going to hold onto it for a little while in case I can think up something a little less generic, but considering we have only two weeks left, I will probably end up submitting. it. ^^

[pharoah999]

great!!! maybe this can turn into another story as well^^

[noseless_wonder]

Thanks! =D I definitely took Dqbunny's suggestions and reworded the sentence SecondLina mentioned, so I think it looks a little cleaner.

My last long story was 500+ pages and it was part one of what was going to be a seven-fic series. Luckily it died, otherwise I'd probably still be working on it. ^^;