(no subject)
This is AU after Time Bomb. Features Gunn and Lindsey and is rated R.
Strangers
Feedback is always groovy.
The night after he’d been brought back from the ‘special hell’, he came to see me. I’d been lying on the cot in my cell when I heard the footsteps. Felt my body tense up because at first I thought it would be Spike again, coming to see if I was interested in sharing information. The only problem was, he never asked any questions and my skin was still covered in bruises from the last time around.
I started to say something sarcastic when I saw the look on his face. He used a key and came into the cell, leaving the door open. If I wanted to, I could make a run for it, but as long as I was in this building, the Senior Partners couldn’t take me away again.
As I sat up, brushing my hair out of my eyes, he lowered his body next to mine. He didn’t say anything, so I decided to get the ball rolling. Whatever it was must be pretty important for him to come all the way down here in the middle of the night. “Can I help you with something?”
His hands shook a little as he set the key down. I knew almost nothing about him, other than he’d been a street thug before Angel stepped into his life. Tried to remember his name and I knew it was a kind of weapon. Started going through a list in my head as I waited for him to speak. Sword, knife, mace... or maybe it was gun. That’s it, Charles Gunn.
“I can’t talk to them about this. They hate me because of what I did.”
Somehow I didn’t think they really hated him because if they did, he wouldn’t be here right now. He’d either be dead or no longer part of their very dysfunctional family. “Say that they do, where do I fit into this?” I wasn’t trying to be an asshole, I was curious now.
“I didn’t know what would happen when I signed the papers. She wasn’t supposed to die.”
I closed my eyes and leaned back against the wall. “You didn’t kill her, Gunn. That thing that’s in her body might not have taken control without your signature, but you didn’t sign knowing what would happen.”
He shifted his body closer to mine until our shoulders were brushing. I didn’t open my eyes though because that defeated look on his face reminded me of myself before I left LA. “Even if they think it’s your fault, I don’t.” I wasn’t sure how much it might matter to Gunn, but I heard him suck in a breath.
I felt a shudder go through his body and this time I did open my eyes. This man was almost a complete stranger. I’d never gone after him when I worked for the firm; he’d barely been a blip on the radar. And yet out of everyone in this building, he had come to me. “It wasn’t enough. What they did down there wasn’t enough to make up for it. It wasn’t real.”
Brought my hand up and set it on his back. Not really sure why I did it, I just reacted. “That’s bullshit. Everything that happens in those places is very real. Just because you don’t have any scars on the outside doesn’t mean there aren’t any in your head and your heart.”
There was another shudder as I mentioned ‘heart’, and I didn’t blame him for that. The moment the necklace came off, I remembered every last detail of what the Wrath had done to me. “Why are you here, Gunn?” A thought occurred to me as his eyes met mine. “You want me to make it real, don’t you? You don’t think the others would give you what you need, so you came to me.”
He didn’t say yes, but he didn’t say no either. “What if I don’t think you deserve what you’re asking for? Are you going to go out at night, walk into a bar of demons and insult their mothers? That might give you the pain, the hurt, and maybe the death, but your friends won’t understand the why.”
Gunn reached under his shirt and pulled out crimson-coated object. My blood ran cold as I recognized it. “You stole his fucking knife?” He passed it over to me and I had to force my fingers to wrap around the handle. “You honestly thought that I would stab you with this? What the hell kind of a person do you think I am?”
“I think you’re an arrogant asshole who was too much of a pussy to stick around and do his fucking job. You’re a chickenshit bastard who turned tail and ran when things got too difficult for him to handle. Even a damn vampire didn’t want your ass.”
I whirled around, wrapping my free hand around his throat and shoving his body up against the wall as I brought the point of the knife to the spot just above his heart. “Is this what you want, Gunn? You want me to make it all go away?”
He couldn’t answer me, not with the pressure I was putting on his neck. And then he started to lean forward, slowly pushing the point of the knife inside. “Angel will kill me if you do this. You’ll have another death on your head and when you die, you go back down there again. You signed a contract when they stuck that shit into your head, you dumb fuck.”
Gunn froze. I eased the grip on his throat and he gasped, trying to get air into his lungs. Then I pulled the knife loose before throwing it to the other side of my cell. My hands were shaking and I wiped them on my pants. It would have been so easy to kill him.
Blood was starting to stain his shirt and I stared at it for a moment before looking at his face again. “I don’t know how to fix things.”
“You can’t fix it.” I tore off a piece of the sheet and then worked on getting his shirt undone. He didn’t try to stop me, so I folded up the cloth and pressed it hard against his chest. “What’s done can’t be undone. And eventually they’ll get over it. If they can’t, they never were your friends in the first damn place.”
His hand came up, wrapping around my wrist. It covered my scar and he shifted a little closer to me. “How am I supposed to go on when I know what I was responsible for?”
“That’s the hard part. You do something like that, even if it isn’t totally your fault, it’ll haunt you until the end of your days. I’ve got a lot of things following me around. Late at night you’ll wake up with your hand in your mouth to keep from screaming because you know you can’t tell anyone else what you were dreaming about.
Giving up is easy. Hell, it’s one of the easiest things there is. I was waiting for death in the wine cellar, and it never came. I could almost taste it though. It was my fault she’d been brought back, my fault that she’d been turned, and all those dead employees around us had died because of my actions. She didn’t give me what I wanted.”
He leaned forward, resting his head on my shoulder and I brought my other hand around to his back. “If this is something you can’t live with, you wait for the right time. There’s a fight coming, one of those battles where everyone’s going to die in order to make a point. If you want to go down, you take some of them down with you first. That way you die as a hero and your friends will never know you went into it with a goal in mind.”
Gunn muttered something that I couldn’t make out before pressing his body as close to mine as possible. They all had death wishes, which meant they wouldn’t even come close to winning the war. You always end up holding back just a little more than you should, or not trying quite as hard.
Angel thought he was the only one who could take the Partners down and if it meant sacrificing everyone, he’d do it in the blink of an eye. The ex-Watcher had lost part of his sanity when he’d lost the person he’d cared about. Spike was going in to prove he was just as good as Angel, if not better and that would make him careless. Gunn wished for death to make up for the wrong he’d committed. The only one who might get out of this in one piece was Lorne, but somehow I doubted that he wouldn’t be tainted too.
As for me, I went into this mess with the thought that I wouldn’t be coming out again. Too many people wanted me dead; it was only a matter of time before someone stepped up to the fucking plate and took me out of the picture. I planned on going out fighting because just once I’d like to be a hero and see what it felt like.
I just sat there, holding onto him until he straightened up. Gunn had come to a decision in his head and I knew he’d pretend this whole thing never happened. That was fine by me. We weren’t strangers any longer, more like brothers united in the same damned cause. “You ever want to talk about that place or anything else, I’ll be down here.”
He nodded and looked at the wound on his chest. It would scar and if Gunn did make it out of this alive, it would always be there to remind him of what he’d done. “Did you mean everything you said?”
“I might have made a living lying through my teeth, but there’s no reason to lie now. Just keep it in mind.”
I watched as he headed towards the door of the cell. He paused by the knife on the floor. “Leave it, Gunn. You don’t need it anymore.” For a moment I thought he was going to pick it up anyway, but he straightened up and walked out, closing the door behind him.
Sighing, I rubbed my temple. I hated this place; it had ruined the lives of so many people. Hopefully whatever we did wouldn’t be in vain. This kind of shit had to stop and if all the heroes died, who would be left to put an end to it?
Strangers
Feedback is always groovy.
The night after he’d been brought back from the ‘special hell’, he came to see me. I’d been lying on the cot in my cell when I heard the footsteps. Felt my body tense up because at first I thought it would be Spike again, coming to see if I was interested in sharing information. The only problem was, he never asked any questions and my skin was still covered in bruises from the last time around.
I started to say something sarcastic when I saw the look on his face. He used a key and came into the cell, leaving the door open. If I wanted to, I could make a run for it, but as long as I was in this building, the Senior Partners couldn’t take me away again.
As I sat up, brushing my hair out of my eyes, he lowered his body next to mine. He didn’t say anything, so I decided to get the ball rolling. Whatever it was must be pretty important for him to come all the way down here in the middle of the night. “Can I help you with something?”
His hands shook a little as he set the key down. I knew almost nothing about him, other than he’d been a street thug before Angel stepped into his life. Tried to remember his name and I knew it was a kind of weapon. Started going through a list in my head as I waited for him to speak. Sword, knife, mace... or maybe it was gun. That’s it, Charles Gunn.
“I can’t talk to them about this. They hate me because of what I did.”
Somehow I didn’t think they really hated him because if they did, he wouldn’t be here right now. He’d either be dead or no longer part of their very dysfunctional family. “Say that they do, where do I fit into this?” I wasn’t trying to be an asshole, I was curious now.
“I didn’t know what would happen when I signed the papers. She wasn’t supposed to die.”
I closed my eyes and leaned back against the wall. “You didn’t kill her, Gunn. That thing that’s in her body might not have taken control without your signature, but you didn’t sign knowing what would happen.”
He shifted his body closer to mine until our shoulders were brushing. I didn’t open my eyes though because that defeated look on his face reminded me of myself before I left LA. “Even if they think it’s your fault, I don’t.” I wasn’t sure how much it might matter to Gunn, but I heard him suck in a breath.
I felt a shudder go through his body and this time I did open my eyes. This man was almost a complete stranger. I’d never gone after him when I worked for the firm; he’d barely been a blip on the radar. And yet out of everyone in this building, he had come to me. “It wasn’t enough. What they did down there wasn’t enough to make up for it. It wasn’t real.”
Brought my hand up and set it on his back. Not really sure why I did it, I just reacted. “That’s bullshit. Everything that happens in those places is very real. Just because you don’t have any scars on the outside doesn’t mean there aren’t any in your head and your heart.”
There was another shudder as I mentioned ‘heart’, and I didn’t blame him for that. The moment the necklace came off, I remembered every last detail of what the Wrath had done to me. “Why are you here, Gunn?” A thought occurred to me as his eyes met mine. “You want me to make it real, don’t you? You don’t think the others would give you what you need, so you came to me.”
He didn’t say yes, but he didn’t say no either. “What if I don’t think you deserve what you’re asking for? Are you going to go out at night, walk into a bar of demons and insult their mothers? That might give you the pain, the hurt, and maybe the death, but your friends won’t understand the why.”
Gunn reached under his shirt and pulled out crimson-coated object. My blood ran cold as I recognized it. “You stole his fucking knife?” He passed it over to me and I had to force my fingers to wrap around the handle. “You honestly thought that I would stab you with this? What the hell kind of a person do you think I am?”
“I think you’re an arrogant asshole who was too much of a pussy to stick around and do his fucking job. You’re a chickenshit bastard who turned tail and ran when things got too difficult for him to handle. Even a damn vampire didn’t want your ass.”
I whirled around, wrapping my free hand around his throat and shoving his body up against the wall as I brought the point of the knife to the spot just above his heart. “Is this what you want, Gunn? You want me to make it all go away?”
He couldn’t answer me, not with the pressure I was putting on his neck. And then he started to lean forward, slowly pushing the point of the knife inside. “Angel will kill me if you do this. You’ll have another death on your head and when you die, you go back down there again. You signed a contract when they stuck that shit into your head, you dumb fuck.”
Gunn froze. I eased the grip on his throat and he gasped, trying to get air into his lungs. Then I pulled the knife loose before throwing it to the other side of my cell. My hands were shaking and I wiped them on my pants. It would have been so easy to kill him.
Blood was starting to stain his shirt and I stared at it for a moment before looking at his face again. “I don’t know how to fix things.”
“You can’t fix it.” I tore off a piece of the sheet and then worked on getting his shirt undone. He didn’t try to stop me, so I folded up the cloth and pressed it hard against his chest. “What’s done can’t be undone. And eventually they’ll get over it. If they can’t, they never were your friends in the first damn place.”
His hand came up, wrapping around my wrist. It covered my scar and he shifted a little closer to me. “How am I supposed to go on when I know what I was responsible for?”
“That’s the hard part. You do something like that, even if it isn’t totally your fault, it’ll haunt you until the end of your days. I’ve got a lot of things following me around. Late at night you’ll wake up with your hand in your mouth to keep from screaming because you know you can’t tell anyone else what you were dreaming about.
Giving up is easy. Hell, it’s one of the easiest things there is. I was waiting for death in the wine cellar, and it never came. I could almost taste it though. It was my fault she’d been brought back, my fault that she’d been turned, and all those dead employees around us had died because of my actions. She didn’t give me what I wanted.”
He leaned forward, resting his head on my shoulder and I brought my other hand around to his back. “If this is something you can’t live with, you wait for the right time. There’s a fight coming, one of those battles where everyone’s going to die in order to make a point. If you want to go down, you take some of them down with you first. That way you die as a hero and your friends will never know you went into it with a goal in mind.”
Gunn muttered something that I couldn’t make out before pressing his body as close to mine as possible. They all had death wishes, which meant they wouldn’t even come close to winning the war. You always end up holding back just a little more than you should, or not trying quite as hard.
Angel thought he was the only one who could take the Partners down and if it meant sacrificing everyone, he’d do it in the blink of an eye. The ex-Watcher had lost part of his sanity when he’d lost the person he’d cared about. Spike was going in to prove he was just as good as Angel, if not better and that would make him careless. Gunn wished for death to make up for the wrong he’d committed. The only one who might get out of this in one piece was Lorne, but somehow I doubted that he wouldn’t be tainted too.
As for me, I went into this mess with the thought that I wouldn’t be coming out again. Too many people wanted me dead; it was only a matter of time before someone stepped up to the fucking plate and took me out of the picture. I planned on going out fighting because just once I’d like to be a hero and see what it felt like.
I just sat there, holding onto him until he straightened up. Gunn had come to a decision in his head and I knew he’d pretend this whole thing never happened. That was fine by me. We weren’t strangers any longer, more like brothers united in the same damned cause. “You ever want to talk about that place or anything else, I’ll be down here.”
He nodded and looked at the wound on his chest. It would scar and if Gunn did make it out of this alive, it would always be there to remind him of what he’d done. “Did you mean everything you said?”
“I might have made a living lying through my teeth, but there’s no reason to lie now. Just keep it in mind.”
I watched as he headed towards the door of the cell. He paused by the knife on the floor. “Leave it, Gunn. You don’t need it anymore.” For a moment I thought he was going to pick it up anyway, but he straightened up and walked out, closing the door behind him.
Sighing, I rubbed my temple. I hated this place; it had ruined the lives of so many people. Hopefully whatever we did wouldn’t be in vain. This kind of shit had to stop and if all the heroes died, who would be left to put an end to it?