(no subject)
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT,
>DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
>
>My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has
been
>completed.
>
>
>Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
>mission in Iraq is complete.
>
>
>This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces
> from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to
>begin the reckoning.
>
>Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which
>have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short.
The
>United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the
>countries listed there.
>
>The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
world's
>nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing
copies of
>both lists later this evening.
>
>Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to
those
>nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money
saved
>during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
Iraqi
>war.
>
>The American people are no longer going to pour money into third
world
>Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
>
>Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
>
>In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
money
>toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On
that
>note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will
hunt you
>down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the
earth.
>
>Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe
China.
>
>
>I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with
France,
>Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
retiring
>from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
>
>I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many
UN
>diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
parking
>tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
>crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You
creeps
>have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow
or
>watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some
of the
>finest chop shops in the world. I love New York .
>
>
>A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
likely
>to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not
>pissing us off for a change.
>
>Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt
government
>really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank
and
>infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em?
Yep,
>border security. So start doing something with your oil.
>
>Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
>treaty - starting now.
>
>
>
>We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling
for oil
>in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for
decades to
>come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer
you
>to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.
>
>It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own
citizens.
>Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn
>tootin."
>
>
>
>Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
>world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on
the
>planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to
eliminate
>homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from
>America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We
owe
>you and we won't forget.
>
>To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to
>speak Arabic.
>
>
>
>
>
>God bless America. Thank you and good night.
>
>
>
>
>
>If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in
English,
>thank a soldier.