This wasn't the way it was all supposed to go
How can you think you've won // When there can be no winners
(Tori Amos - ‘Apollo’s Frock’)
In conjunction with this
The entire world has stopped and Sam doesn’t know how to restart it. He thinks in theory it should be like a heart with the paddles and someone can just yell clear, shock it and everything will start up again. It will go on like before and Dean won’t be lying in his arms. There won’t be so much blood and he’ll make a joke. He’ll sit up and they’ll sing Bon Jovi again because this can’t be happening. The world did not just end.
Only it did. It did. It did. It did.
And now Sam doesn’t know what to do. He never thought this far. He never thought he’d lose Dean. He never thought…
It’s here and it’s real and it hurts. He can’t even process what happened. He knows Lilith possessed Ruby. He knows that ruby opened the door and he knows…but none of it matters because Dean is gone. He closes his eyes and bows his head low over Dean’s body, everything so still because all he wants to hear is Dean’s heartbeat. Please. Please. Please. Please.
And it just won’t come.
He’s not sure how long he is there on his knees with Dean in his arms but eventually he looks up to see Ruby standing over them with tears down her cheeks.
“Get up you big idiot” Ruby hisses between her teeth and she’s pretending she’s not crying.
The battle is winding down, Lilith’s minions are departing and Sam struggles to his feet, bringing Dean with him. The Impala is so close and he knows he’s adding Dean’s blood to the backseat as he tucks his brother in. Ruby slides in from the other side and pulls Dean’s head up onto her lap. Her fingers are twined in his hair but her eyes on Sam. She nods at him and Sam gets in the Impala and she starts like a dream. She starts like she knows exactly what’s going on and how precious her cargo is. The tires roll over the salt line and Sam just wants to get Dean back to the motel room. Maybe he can start the world again there.
(Tori Amos - ‘Apollo’s Frock’)
In conjunction with this
The entire world has stopped and Sam doesn’t know how to restart it. He thinks in theory it should be like a heart with the paddles and someone can just yell clear, shock it and everything will start up again. It will go on like before and Dean won’t be lying in his arms. There won’t be so much blood and he’ll make a joke. He’ll sit up and they’ll sing Bon Jovi again because this can’t be happening. The world did not just end.
Only it did. It did. It did. It did.
And now Sam doesn’t know what to do. He never thought this far. He never thought he’d lose Dean. He never thought…
It’s here and it’s real and it hurts. He can’t even process what happened. He knows Lilith possessed Ruby. He knows that ruby opened the door and he knows…but none of it matters because Dean is gone. He closes his eyes and bows his head low over Dean’s body, everything so still because all he wants to hear is Dean’s heartbeat. Please. Please. Please. Please.
And it just won’t come.
He’s not sure how long he is there on his knees with Dean in his arms but eventually he looks up to see Ruby standing over them with tears down her cheeks.
“Get up you big idiot” Ruby hisses between her teeth and she’s pretending she’s not crying.
The battle is winding down, Lilith’s minions are departing and Sam struggles to his feet, bringing Dean with him. The Impala is so close and he knows he’s adding Dean’s blood to the backseat as he tucks his brother in. Ruby slides in from the other side and pulls Dean’s head up onto her lap. Her fingers are twined in his hair but her eyes on Sam. She nods at him and Sam gets in the Impala and she starts like a dream. She starts like she knows exactly what’s going on and how precious her cargo is. The tires roll over the salt line and Sam just wants to get Dean back to the motel room. Maybe he can start the world again there.