[JE] [FAIRY] Expecting Trouble 1/2
Title: Expecting Trouble 1/2
Fandom: KAT-TUN
Pairing: Kame/Jin
Word count: 12,000 total
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Mpreg
Genre: Twisted fairy tale, crack
Disclaimer: Not mine, damnit.
Summary: Sequel to Silver Cinders on the Road to Matrimony. It's time Prince Kame did his duty and fathered an heir. With his parents setting a precedent, having a child with his male spouse isn't out of the question - but persuading Jin to sign himself up for the whole nine months is easier said than done.
Author's Note: This is all the fault of lilmatchgirl007, luciene and gothicauthor, so blame them for the crack. Please note that I have no practical experience of pregnancy - I don't mean to make light of it or misrepresent it in any way, but this is fanfic, and writing realistic mpreg is out of my range. (Yes, I know how weird that sentence sounds.) My apologies if anyone feels offended by this.
Expecting Trouble 1/2
It wasn't the first time Jin had had family members keeping secrets from him. His own father hadn't even bothered to mention he was seeing anyone until he'd brought home a wealthy widow on Jin's thirteenth birthday and introduced her as Jin's new stepmother. And now, it seemed, Jin's fathers-in-law were getting in on the act, even though they were on a tour of the kingdom and weren't due back at the palace for months.
But Jin knew the signs. He wasn't an idiot. He'd asked the decorators working on the bedroom on the other side of Kame's and they'd given him knowing winks before asking him whether he thought bunnies or chicks would be cuter. Jin had picked bunnies, starting off another round of sly nods, and left when one of the painters asked if he could please keep Junno, his big, black Labrador, from dipping his tail in the paint cans.
His next clue had been the furniture. A large crib had arrived a week later, followed by a baby-change unit, bouncer, pram, playpen and nappy bin - all bunny-print. Kame had found him lurking in the doorway of the new nursery, watching the decorators turn it into a room fit for a king - or a prince, at least.
It was obvious what was going on, but nobody was talking. Jin took to interrogating the kitchen staff, because they knew everything - mostly because Yamapi and Prince Kame liked to hang out there and steal food, a practice which Jin had been more than happy to adopt since he'd moved into the palace almost two years ago. But no one would tell him anything. There were hints that there might be a new arrival within a year, and speculation that perhaps it would be necessary to create new and unusual menus to cater for changing tastes, but Jin couldn't get anything concrete.
Kame, damn him, wouldn't say anything either. Jin asked him about the nursery, and if King Takki and Queen (it was a non-gendered job title) Tsubasa were really touring the kingdom or if they were holed up at a retreat somewhere, taking it easy in anticipation of a happy event, but Kame merely smiled and said he'd know all about it soon. Jin didn't see why it was such a big secret. There didn't seem to have been a formal announcement yet, though - perhaps they were holding off in case something went wrong. Jin had occasionally asked his fathers-in-law about the unusual circumstances surrounding Kame's birth, and had walked away with the impression that magically-induced male pregnancy was quite a trial for all concerned.
Enlightenment finally came on Jin and Kame's first wedding anniversary. Theirs was a complicated relationship. The circumstances leading up to their first meeting had been extraordinary; those leading to the wedding day no less so. It wasn't a perfect relationship by any means, and their newlywed fights were exacerbated by their difference in rank, but for every night the connecting door between their rooms stayed firmly locked, there were at least a dozen where only one bed was slept in...if any sleeping was taking place at all, which was questionable.
They didn't go out on their anniversary. With his parents away, Kame's royal duties had increased and he'd had a harder time than usual giving palace security the slip. Now he'd come of age, more responsibilities had been placed on his eighteen year-old shoulders and the paperwork awaiting his official signature seemed to grow taller every time he looked away. Unfortunately, the ministers had discovered that Yamapi was proficient at forging Kame's signature, and had insisted on watching the prince as he worked to avoid approval being accidentally passed on such ridiculous proposals as making pole-dancing a compulsory subject in schools, and instituting a cake a day as a basic human right.
"Sorry about the setting," Kame said as he and Jin sat down to dinner in their private dining room. "I was hoping we could go to the sea to celebrate, but with my parents away..."
Jin eyed the wine glasses with glee. "Doesn't matter; we can go another time. I'm sure we can keep ourselves entertained."
Kame grinned as their server for the evening poured them both drinks. "It'll still be a special night."
The drink in question turned out to be orange juice, as Jin was surprised to discover when he took a sip from his glass. Kame's obviously wasn't, based on the colour and the way his eyes sparkled when he tasted it. It wasn't worth calling the servant back, though. Jin would simply ask for wine when the food arrived.
"There's something I wanted to talk to you about," Kame said. "You can finally stop lurking round the nursery and ambushing everyone who walks past for answers."
"I can't help it if people like to stop and talk to me." Jin offered Kame his most winning smile. "It's not like I couldn't guess; I just wanted confirmation."
Kame seemed startled; he gave Jin a wary look and held his breath for a moment before releasing it as a sigh, visibly relaxing. "So you know. I thought this would be more...awkward."
"Why should it be? I think it's great news!"
"Really? Because I thought you might get angry about it."
Jin couldn't help laughing. Kame looked like he was expecting a temper tantrum. "I'd hardly get angry about this, would I?" He took Kame's hands between his own, looking him straight in the eyes. "Congratulations on your new little brother or sister."
"Huh?"
Jin's smile faltered, but only for a second. Could it be that Kame didn't know? "That's what the nursery's for, right? Your parents have gone away to have another kid, and when they come back we're going to have a cute little boy or girl to play with. Right? Right?"
"Jin, I-"
"Dinner is served!" came the announcement from the doorway, and whatever Kame was about to say had to wait for half-a-dozen platters to be placed on the table between them.
"Can I get some wine?" Jin remembered to ask.
The servant gave Kame a panicked look. Kame shrugged and nodded. "Bring a couple of bottles. I think we're going to need them."
"But you gave orders that-"
"I know," Kame interrupted, "but I don't think the alcohol's going to make any difference. It doesn't have to happen tonight, after all."
Jin's appetite was rapidly disappearing. Not knowing what was going on made him wary, especially since even the servants seemed to have a better idea than he did.
When they were alone again and Jin had downed half a glass without tasting it, Kame tried to explain himself. "No one's pregnant," he said gently. "Not yet. My parents really are touring the kingdom. They've been planning this for years, intending to go when I came of age. They're not at some retreat, I promise. You can call them yourself - actually, you might want to talk to them later. They might have some advice for you."
"On what!" Jin demanded. "What's all this about, Kame? There's obviously a baby involved, and I want to know whose it is!"
"Ours."
Jin's fork clattered to his plate, forgotten. "Ours?" he repeated. "But we don't..."
"Not yet, but we can." Kame pushed his plate aside, seemingly also having lost his appetite. "Jin, I know we took all references to providing an heir out of the wedding, but the reality is that someone has to take over the kingdom when I'm gone and adopting isn't an option."
"So father a child!" Jin spat out. "I know girls don't do much for you but I'm sure you could manage to get yourself an heir on some suitably noble young lady!"
"By cheating on you?" Kame shook his head. "Never."
Jin felt slightly cheered by that until he realised the implications. If Kame, as the Crown Prince and an only child, were to father a legitimate heir, that meant Jin would have to...
"Yes," Kame said wearily. "It would have to be with you. Any child I have with the person I am legally married to - you - would have a legitimate claim to the throne, and that's what I - we - have a duty to provide."
Jin's mouth went dry. He knew it was possible for two men to have a child, with the help of sorcery - Kame was living proof of that - but the idea of participating in it himself...that simply defied imagination. He finished the remaining wine in his glass and poured himself another. Kame followed his example. Good. Perhaps they could both keep drinking till they passed out and by the time they woke up, the conversation would be nothing more than a seriously weird dream.
"With sorcery?" Jin whispered. "A sorcerer could make us pregnant?"
"Make you pregnant," Kame corrected him. "As the prince, it's expected that I...uh...impregnate the princess..."
"Princess" was Jin's official (non-gendered) job title. He didn't care for it much but figured if Queen Tsubasa had put up with it for years, he could do the same. His stepbrothers occasionally ribbed him about it but mostly no one cared, the queen having set a precedent.
"Tell you what," Kame said brightly. "If we have a second one, I'll carry it. How about that?"
Jin tried to envision Kame's skinny frame with the added pounds of pregnancy but his imagination wasn't up to the task. "What makes you think we're having a first one?" he said. "You've already got the nursery, and the servants are all excited, and you didn't want me to drink alcohol and-" He stopped short, leaping to his feet. "You've already done it, haven't you? What, did you have some sorcerer come in and wave a magic wand when I was asleep and I'm the only person who didn't know? How dare you-"
"Jin!" Kame almost knocked the table over, he was in such a rush to stand up. He reached for Jin but Jin backed away, putting the chair between himself and Kame. "It doesn't work like that, okay? No one's done anything to you. You're not pregnant, I promise."
Slightly mollified, Jin sat down again. "I'd better not be."
"He's right," a new voice said. "It doesn't work like that."
It took Jin a moment to identify the source, since he'd had a change of hair colour and dress sense since Jin had last seen him. Jin's fairy godmother (it was a non-gendered job title) was now a redhead, sensibly dressed in dark slacks and a long, grey cardigan, as opposed to the black-and-silver Grim Reaper look he'd once sported.
"Ueda!" Jin exclaimed with delight. "Why's my fairy godmother here?"
Ueda shook his head. "I've quit the fairy godmother business," he said. "Too many of my clients couldn't afford to pay me. I signed up at the local Magic & Mystery school instead to become a qualified sorcerer."
"Mystery?" Jin queried.
"All sorcerers are encouraged to develop an air of mystery," Ueda said solemnly, as if reciting from a set of rules. "It means we can charge more - everyone's so afraid of what we might be capable of that they're too terrified not to pay our extortionate fees."
Jin looked dubiously at Ueda's less than intimidating attire. "You're not really dressed for mystery," he said.
Ueda shrugged. "You both already know me. Besides, the king and queen are paying my fees for this. They're desperate for a grandchild." He pulled an extra chair from the corner and joined them at the table, helping himself to a forkful of Jin's abandoned lasagne. "I've been assigned to you until the child is six months old, so you'll be seeing a lot of me from now on. Just think of me as your own personal midwife."
Somehow, that was even more disturbing to Jin than Ueda's usual aspect. "There's no child," he said dully. "I'm not pregnant."
"But you will be if you drink this!" Ueda brandished a small bottle he'd plucked from a point somewhere above Kame's head. "This will give you a perfectly fertile womb, and assuming your other half is up to the task, he'll give you something to put in it. Egg meets sperm, you know how the story goes." He ignored Kame's indignant glare and continued, "After nine months, I make you sleep for a little while and remove the child. Then you wake up, a lot lighter, and the two of you get to be proud parents of a tiny royal troublemaker."
"Make me sleep?" Jin said.
"You can hardly give birth the way a woman can," Ueda pointed out. "I'm not giving you a potion to alter your anatomy that much. It's easier for you if you're not conscious while I remove the child, trust me, unless you have a desire to watch your belly become mist."
Kame laid a comforting arm round Jin's shoulders. "It's not that bad. Things have changed since my parents had me - you don't even have to get sliced open to give birth, so no scarring, and there's none of that business with the needles and tests and stuff first."
"Most unprofessional," Ueda said. "I can do a much better job than that charlatan did with your parents almost twenty years ago, I guarantee. I'm expensive, but worth every penny."
"See?" Kame pleaded. "Ueda will be here to help us, and you'll have everyone's support. Me, my parents, your stepbrothers, Yamapi, Junno..." Even the dog got a mention, but Jin's stepmother didn't and Jin wasn't about to argue. Her behaviour towards Jin had improved markedly since the whole family had moved into the palace, but she still hadn't quite forgiven him for marrying the prince when her own two sons, Koki and Nakamaru, had been passed over in favour of the boy she'd once had as little better than her household slave.
"Your parents aren't even here," Jin complained. "It's this big conspiracy! Everyone seems to know about it but me. Do you have any idea how stupid I feel now, thinking about all the questions I asked?"
"We were just making preparations," Kame said. "Being optimistic. I was hoping by the time I got around to mentioning it, you'd be all worked up over the bunnies and baby toys."
Jin had to admit, the bunnies were pretty cute. But that didn't mean he was going to give in so easily. It had taken him long enough to adjust to the idea of matrimony, of tying himself to a whole new family who could so easily discard him, leaving him with nothing but a broken heart and an acrobatic Labrador. He'd realised, five minutes before making his wedding vows, that he was pledging himself only to Kame and not his family, and that he didn't need to leave himself an escape route in case it all went horribly wrong...but having a child would be yet another tie, and Jin didn't think he could walk away from a baby.
"Nothing happens without your consent," Kame said. "I promise. But think about it. Nine months, and then we'd have a baby! Can you imagine, dressing it up, and teaching it how to play baseball-"
"Soccer," Jin argued.
"Baseball and soccer," Kame argued back. "Teaching it all about nail polish and jewellery-"
"And if it's a girl?" Jin asked, finally cracking a smile. When Kame got worked up about something there was no stopping him.
"Yamapi," Kame said. "He's got a little sister."
Ueda raised an eyebrow. "I'm not sure he'd be my first choice for child-rearing advice, but it's your baby."
"Please?" Kame begged.
Jin thought it was criminally unfair for Kame to use his own puppy-dog eyes against him. It made it hard to think rationally, but he had a go anyway. "Kame, I'm a guy. What do I know about being pregnant? And don't tell me to ask your parents, because they're not here!"
"Jin, if it was that much of a challenge, the human race would've died out years ago because no one would be willing to put themselves through it. If millions of women - and one man - can do this, I'm sure you can." Kame's lips curved into a smirk. "Or don't you think you can handle it?"
"Oh, I can handle it," Jin sneered back. "At least I've got the build. You'd probably collapse after a week."
"Wait till we have our second child and I'll prove you wrong."
"I haven't even agreed to a first one yet!"
"Should I come back later?" Ueda said. "Because I haven't had dinner yet and catfights always make me hungry."
"Here." Jin pushed his plate towards Ueda, who wasted no time in tucking in. "I've lost my appetite."
Kame's face fell. "So you won't do it?"
"I..."
"Don't think about it too long," Ueda advised between bites. "Another couple of years and the risk increases."
"You mean you'll be better qualified and able to charge more," Kame said.
"Precisely."
Jin didn't want to think about it. What would it feel like, having another life forming inside him? Would he be able to feel it move? Would he lie awake at night, wondering if his baby was comfortable? Would he even sleep, or would he be too worried about hurting the child by accident?
It wasn't that he didn't want children. He'd never ruled it out as an option, even after he acquired the stepmother from hell and lost all hope of ever meeting anyone who might be interested in co-parenting with him, and the thought of having a baby with Kame, a tiny new life made up of bits of both of them, was a pleasant one. They'd have no shortage of help, at least, and the baby would be guaranteed the finest education money could buy. There were worse starts to be had in life.
Should he do it? Could he let his body serve as an incubator for nine months? Would it not be better if he considered the situation further when completely sober?
"At least think about it," Kame said. "No pressure."
"You've already had the nursery painted."
"All right, so there's some pressure..."
Ueda set the bottle down on the table. "It's your choice, Jin. No one can make you drink this."
It couldn't hurt to ask a few cautious questions, could it? "If I...if I drink it, what happens?" Jin said.
"Your body will undergo a few changes," Ueda explained. "Unless you've already got a womb I don't know about, anyway."
He pulled out a pen and paper from the folds of his cardigan and drew what he said was a picture of Jin but what looked more like a cartoon mouse. Both Kame and Jin were slightly green around the gills by the time Ueda had finished with his somewhat graphic lesson on magical anatomy changes and description of exactly how it was possible for a man to become pregnant. A servant came in with dessert and Kame waved him away without even looking.
"How long would the changes last?" Jin asked.
"Depends. Just because you'll be fertile, doesn't mean you'll get pregnant. You can keep trying, of course. If it doesn't take, your body will reshape itself after about a week and you'll have to take another dose. If it does...you'll get your own body back a couple of days after the baby is born, making you the envy of anyone doing this without the benefit of magic." Ueda gave them a broad smile and pulled a pink bangle from his pocket. "Now, since you're not exactly in a position to notice a missed period, wear this when you're trying for a baby. It'll turn blue if you get lucky."
"Does that indicate the gender?" Kame asked, curious.
Ueda's smile grew wider. "Your baby won't even have a gender at that point. I'll be able to tell you when it does. What are you hoping for?"
Kame gulped. "That Jin will say yes."
That was it; Jin couldn't say no now, could he? Not when Kame was looking at him like he was holding a rope down into a pit and Kame was trapped at the bottom, waiting for Jin to rescue him.
"Fine," Jin huffed, "but you're waiting on me hand and foot till the baby is born."
"I'm a prince," Kame said with a smirk. "I've got servants for that."
Ueda correctly surmised that Kame was eager to start trying immediately, left both bottle and bangle on the table, and strategically vanished into thin air.
-----
Kame had resigned himself to things never going to plan with Jin. It didn't matter what they were doing - somehow, with Jin involved, everything became three times as complicated. Even when they both wanted the same thing, and Kame wasn't entirely sure they did. Not this time.
"Maybe Ueda's potion doesn't work?" Kame suggested after the bangle stubbornly remained pink for a third night in a row.
Jin shifted against the pillows, still breathing hard. "Or maybe you're not up to the task? Something definitely happened when I drank that stuff, Kame, so don't try to tell me it didn't work!"
What Ueda had neglected to mention was that the immediate effects of the potion were rather unpleasant. Kame had found out the hard way when Jin curled up under the table and threatened to stab with a fork anyone who got near him unless they were bearing a hot water bottle. It had taken four security guards to get him out of the dining room. They'd been ordered to hold their tongues but by the next morning, there were rumours that Jin had had a miscarriage, so Kame had been forced to announce that yes, they were trying for a baby.
With the resulting uproar, Kame could see why his parents had decided to spend the next year touring the kingdom. They were clearly much craftier than he'd assumed.
"I'm not suggesting you're not physically capable of becoming pregnant," Kame said. "Just...are you sure you really want this?"
Kame had been lucky enough to be able to marry for love, not politics - just as well, since marrying Jin didn't do anything for him politically except make him more appealing to Labrador-owners, and as the monarchy wasn't elected this made absolutely no difference. But he knew where his duty lay. He was obliged to father a child to inherit the throne, and his parents preferred it be as soon as possible so they could enjoy playing with it while they were still relatively young.
To that end, Kame had been enthusiastic in his attempts; Jin, once the night of nausea induced by the potion had worn off, had been no less dedicated, happily experimenting with different positions in an effort to turn the bangle blue. But with half their time already elapsed, there was still no response, and Kame was starting to wonder if it was a case of mind over matter.
"I said I'd do it, didn't I?" Jin said. "Do you hear me complaining?"
"Mostly I hear you moaning...but not like that!" Kame ducked as Jin brandished a pillow at him, threatening to wipe the cheeky grin off his face with a fistful of feathers. "But if you don't want this..."
"Better this than letting you go to someone else," Jin said matter-of-factly. "Yeah, I'm nervous. I keep thinking I must be crazy to put my body through something like this, especially when Ueda won't tell me what the symptoms are likely to be, just hints that I might want to move my bed into the bathroom.
"But I'll do it."
"You didn't want to marry me until half-way through the wedding - maybe you'll want a baby once you're a few minutes from giving birth," Kame mused.
"Which you will be present for so that if Ueda screws up while I'm asleep, you can claim a refund and threaten to take his Gackt albums away if he doesn't fix me."
"I'd want to be there anyway." Kame slid down to plant a kiss on Jin's bare stomach; still flat but not, he hoped, for much longer. "My baby too."
"Just so long as he or she gets my eyebrows," Jin said smugly. "I've seen your childhood pictures, Kame!"
They had much better luck the next afternoon, when a luxurious hour in the jacuzzi became first a bubble fight and then a struggle of quite another kind, one considerably less innocent though wholly unplanned. Jin hadn't bothered to remove the bangle before sinking into the glorious hot water; Kame squeezed his eyes shut as Jin rocked back and forth on his lap, not daring to look at the thin band of pink.
"This getting pregnant thing is a lot harder than I thought it would be," Jin mumbled, back arching under Kame's hands, his own hands tangling in Kame's hair.
Kame wasn't sure how much more he could take. Jin took his own time, not letting Kame move, setting a pace so slow and languid that Kame was starting to worry about whether or not he'd remembered to lock the door.
He obviously hadn't, because when they'd finished, sprawling lazily on a heap of towels, Ueda stuck his head round the door. Kame had just enough presence of mind to drag one of the towels over them, though it was unfortunate that the first one his fingers found happened to be a hand towel and therefore on the small side.
Ueda's eyes went straight to Jin's wrist, however, where the bangle shone bright blue. "Congratulations!" he said. "It's triplets!"
It took five minutes for Kame to pry Jin's fingers from Ueda's throat, by which point Ueda was forced to admit that he was only kidding. Not about the positive result, but about the quantity. "But aren't you relieved now when I tell you there's only one baby on the way?" he asked, trying to rub away the finger marks.
Jin tugged on a bathrobe. "Don't scare me like that! I thought I was going to end up the size of the entire palace!"
"No, only one wing of it," Ueda said cheerfully. "I have to go spread the good news. You enjoy the hot tub while you can - it's not a good idea to use them when you're expecting."
This time, Kame did lock the door. "Uh...Jin?"
Jin had a hand on his tummy, looking deep in thought. Kame hoped they were good thoughts but there was no way to tell. He held his breath until a slow, confused sort of smile spread across Jin's face.
"This is so weird," Jin said softly, but he didn't seem upset - more awed than anything else. "We're creating life, Kame. A little piece of you and a little piece of me."
"Our baby's going to have one hell of a family tree," Kame said.
-----
Ueda's idea of guiding them through this difficult time was to present them with a pamphlet on pregnancy, then incinerate it before their eyes. "Forget everything you've been told," he said. "We're going to have to take things as they come. There's not much of a precedent for this."
Jin wasn't filled with optimism. He was looking forward to the food cravings, since they would give him a legitimate excuse to raid the pantry at all hours for all manner of things, but he'd heard terrible stories about sickness, and not just in the morning. He wasn't looking forward to the inevitable weight gain either, but consoled himself with the fact that he was in pretty good shape to start with. People had been telling him for the last few days that he had a "glow", though his stepbrothers maintained it was just the palace lighting.
"How did Queen Tsubasa manage?" he asked. He still hadn't been able to reach Kame's parents on the phone, though he'd left dozens of messages.
"I checked the records," Ueda said. "The nausea went on for most of his pregnancy, the whole time he wasn't being sick he was on the yoga mat, and the labour was a lot longer than yours is going to be. Oh, and he kept having nosebleeds, but I'm sure that was the king's fault."
Kame grimaced, which was his usual expression when confronted with evidence of his parents' love lives. "We don't need to hear the gory details."
Maybe Kame didn't, but Jin wanted all the information he could get. He only had Ueda's word for it that he was even pregnant - the only change to his life so far was that the palace guards stopped letting him steal their cigarettes and no one would let him touch so much as a drop of alcohol. He didn't feel any different yet.
Not physically, anyway. Mentally, he was caught between disbelief, wonder, and anxiety. Long walks with Junno seemed to help with the last of these, as the dog's propensity for backflips never failed to amuse him, but even that didn't stop him lying awake at night, snuggled up next to Kame, wondering what the next nine months were going to be like.
-----
Of course, life didn't stop just because they were going to have a baby. They still had to make the expected appearances at court - more than usual, with Kame's parents away - and entertain at dinner parties; Kame still had an office full of paperwork to review and sign.
"If I distract the ministers, you could slide under the desk and escape through the secret passage?" Yamapi suggested one evening when Kame was frantically trying to clear his in-tray before meeting Jin to attend Lord Jun's going-away party.
Kame cast a discreet glance under the desk. He didn't see any sign of an exit. "What secret passage?" he whispered back.
Yamapi grinned. "Your dad showed me once. Just press the rose in the corner and the carpet panel lifts up."
Exactly what Yamapi had been doing under King Takki's desk, Kame didn't want to think about. Though Yamapi was a good friend, his obsession with Kame's parents bordered on the creepy, as far as Kame was concerned. Sure, they still looked like a couple in their late twenties, but they were Kame's parents.
"Maybe another time," Kame said. "If you want to help, read this and give me a summary." He handed Yamapi a sixty-page document covered in minuscule print.
Yamapi skimmed it for all of three minutes, then returned with an answer. "Property dispute between Count Tadayoshi and Viscount Tegoshi."
Kame knew the answer to this one. "Offer to slice the disputed property in half and whichever one says they'd rather let the other have it, gets it." He scribbled his signature at the end, giving the ministers a triumphant peace sign when he realised it was the last document. "What was the property, anyway?"
"Baron Nishikido."
"Oh."
When Kame finally escaped, he raced back to the residential wing to find out what Jin was wearing to the party so they didn't accidentally end up in the same outfit again, only to discover Jin under the covers, reading manga and obviously not ready to go out.
"It's not like you to forget about a party," Kame teased, perching on the edge of Jin's bed.
Jin marked his place with a skull-print bookmark and set the comic down. "I didn't forget - I'm just not going."
"Have the symptoms kicked in?" Kame felt a spark of excitement. He didn't want Jin to feel ill, of course, but he was eager to have more than Ueda's word for it that they were going to be parents.
"No, but I'm still not going." Jin patted his stomach.
"You've only been pregnant four days! Isn't it a bit early to start using it as an excuse to get out of things?"
"Anything that gets me out of an evening with Lord Jun is fine by me."
Kame recalled the vicious spat Jin and Jun had had not only at the wedding reception, but at several other formal events over the past year - verbal sparring matches usually escalating into violence, during which Jin had to be held back in case he accidentally damaged Jun's face, an offense for which he was likely to find himself the target of an assassin.
"If he says anything, I can have his favourite boutique shut down?" he offered.
"He's leaving the kingdom for three months anyway - I don't think he'll notice. Besides," Jin pushed the covers away so Kame could see he was fully dressed, "you've spent your entire day stuck with your father's ministers. Do you really want to follow it up with an evening playing politics?"
"Well..."
Jin didn't give him a chance to make up his mind, tackling him round the waist and flipping him down onto the mattress. By the time Kame managed to leave the bed, sans clothing, the party had been over for three hours and Yamapi had been forced to explain their absence by dropping oblique hints about the exhaustion brought on by pregnancy.
Consequently, by midday, half the kingdom thought Kame was expecting too.
-----
Jin was under orders to stay away from the palace gym, but Ueda suggested he start spending time in the Royal Swimming Pool instead.
"Exercise is important," his former fairy godmother told him. "You'll feel a lot better later on in your pregnancy if you get into good habits now, and swimming will help. Walking, too."
Junno let out an excited bark in anticipation of more walks. Jin stroked his ears. "But the water's so cold," he complained. "Can't you magic up an indoor pool?"
"Just think of it as character building," Ueda said.
Character building. Hah. Jin was pretty sure Ueda was just trying to make him suffer. Sadism was obviously a mandatory trait for sorcerers.
Nevertheless, Jin gritted his teeth and swam his laps, up until his sixth week of what had been, so far, an easy pregnancy. Nausea kicked in like someone had grabbed hold of his guts and started twisting. Ueda's suggestion about moving the bed into the bathroom made perfect sense now. Never mind getting anywhere near the pool - Jin had trouble dragging himself out of bed, and even when he managed that, it was only to throw up.
It didn't seem worth the effort for Jin to force food down when he knew it would be making a reappearance before long. Kame tried to persuade him to eat, having the kitchen staff whip up all sorts of tempting treats, but even their best efforts were for naught as Jin sent the dishes back untouched.
After a fortnight of Jin's calorie intake being woefully inadequate for his needs, let alone the baby's, Kame put his foot down - albeit from a distance, because Junno was standing guard over his master and not letting anyone closer than the doorway.
"You might as well ask Ueda for a magical abortion," he said. "At the rate you're going, the baby's never going to make it."
Jin flinched. It wasn't as if he wanted not to eat, but the mere thought of food turned his stomach. A few mouthfuls were enough to set his insides roiling. "I'll be all right," he muttered, hugging a cushion to his chest.
Kame couldn't hear him at all. He had to negotiate his way past Junno to reach the couch, which was Jin's rest stop between the bed and the bathroom and consequently saw a great deal of use. Jin didn't even look up when he sat down.
"Jin, I know you don't feel like eating but-"
"You wouldn't feel excited about food either if you knew you were going to see it again all over the carpet."
"Can't Ueda do anything?" Kame said desperately.
"He told me to drink lots of fluids and take supplements."
The empty sports drinks bottles cluttering the table proved Jin had at least been following part of Ueda's advice. Somewhere in the kingdom, a deprived athlete was cursing the royal family.
"It'll pass, right?" Kame brushed his fingers against Jin's, taking his hand when no resistance was forthcoming. "It can't last forever."
"No more than another seven months," Jin joked, but he didn't have the energy to put any humour into it. It wasn't fair. He wasn't even showing yet and he was already worn out.
Kame's despair drove him to take desperate measures. "How about if I cooked for you?" he offered. "Would you try that?"
The prince...cooking? The very idea was enough to bring a smile to Jin's face. The closest he'd ever seen Kame get to cooking was making a cup of coffee. If nothing else, it would be a diversion.
"As long as I get to watch," he said.
Although the kitchen staff grumbled when Kame kicked them out for the morning, they did so goodnaturedly, knowing he must have his reasons. Much to Jin's surprise, Kame turned out to be a brisk and efficient cook, throwing together meals that, while uncomplicated, tasted better than anything else Jin had tried to force down his throat in the past two weeks. He didn't know if it was simply the way Kame had used the ingredients that made him finish every last bite, or if it was because it was made by Kame.
There were a few nervous minutes where they waited to see if Kame had been wasting his time, but Jin's stomach felt more settled than it had in ages. When he shook his head and smiled, there was a round of applause from the window, where the kitchen staff were hovering to see the results.
"It's really okay?" Kame asked.
Kame wore an apron that said "Kiss the Cook", so Jin did. Another round of applause followed.
Part 2
Fandom: KAT-TUN
Pairing: Kame/Jin
Word count: 12,000 total
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Mpreg
Genre: Twisted fairy tale, crack
Disclaimer: Not mine, damnit.
Summary: Sequel to Silver Cinders on the Road to Matrimony. It's time Prince Kame did his duty and fathered an heir. With his parents setting a precedent, having a child with his male spouse isn't out of the question - but persuading Jin to sign himself up for the whole nine months is easier said than done.
Author's Note: This is all the fault of lilmatchgirl007, luciene and gothicauthor, so blame them for the crack. Please note that I have no practical experience of pregnancy - I don't mean to make light of it or misrepresent it in any way, but this is fanfic, and writing realistic mpreg is out of my range. (Yes, I know how weird that sentence sounds.) My apologies if anyone feels offended by this.
Expecting Trouble 1/2
It wasn't the first time Jin had had family members keeping secrets from him. His own father hadn't even bothered to mention he was seeing anyone until he'd brought home a wealthy widow on Jin's thirteenth birthday and introduced her as Jin's new stepmother. And now, it seemed, Jin's fathers-in-law were getting in on the act, even though they were on a tour of the kingdom and weren't due back at the palace for months.
But Jin knew the signs. He wasn't an idiot. He'd asked the decorators working on the bedroom on the other side of Kame's and they'd given him knowing winks before asking him whether he thought bunnies or chicks would be cuter. Jin had picked bunnies, starting off another round of sly nods, and left when one of the painters asked if he could please keep Junno, his big, black Labrador, from dipping his tail in the paint cans.
His next clue had been the furniture. A large crib had arrived a week later, followed by a baby-change unit, bouncer, pram, playpen and nappy bin - all bunny-print. Kame had found him lurking in the doorway of the new nursery, watching the decorators turn it into a room fit for a king - or a prince, at least.
It was obvious what was going on, but nobody was talking. Jin took to interrogating the kitchen staff, because they knew everything - mostly because Yamapi and Prince Kame liked to hang out there and steal food, a practice which Jin had been more than happy to adopt since he'd moved into the palace almost two years ago. But no one would tell him anything. There were hints that there might be a new arrival within a year, and speculation that perhaps it would be necessary to create new and unusual menus to cater for changing tastes, but Jin couldn't get anything concrete.
Kame, damn him, wouldn't say anything either. Jin asked him about the nursery, and if King Takki and Queen (it was a non-gendered job title) Tsubasa were really touring the kingdom or if they were holed up at a retreat somewhere, taking it easy in anticipation of a happy event, but Kame merely smiled and said he'd know all about it soon. Jin didn't see why it was such a big secret. There didn't seem to have been a formal announcement yet, though - perhaps they were holding off in case something went wrong. Jin had occasionally asked his fathers-in-law about the unusual circumstances surrounding Kame's birth, and had walked away with the impression that magically-induced male pregnancy was quite a trial for all concerned.
Enlightenment finally came on Jin and Kame's first wedding anniversary. Theirs was a complicated relationship. The circumstances leading up to their first meeting had been extraordinary; those leading to the wedding day no less so. It wasn't a perfect relationship by any means, and their newlywed fights were exacerbated by their difference in rank, but for every night the connecting door between their rooms stayed firmly locked, there were at least a dozen where only one bed was slept in...if any sleeping was taking place at all, which was questionable.
They didn't go out on their anniversary. With his parents away, Kame's royal duties had increased and he'd had a harder time than usual giving palace security the slip. Now he'd come of age, more responsibilities had been placed on his eighteen year-old shoulders and the paperwork awaiting his official signature seemed to grow taller every time he looked away. Unfortunately, the ministers had discovered that Yamapi was proficient at forging Kame's signature, and had insisted on watching the prince as he worked to avoid approval being accidentally passed on such ridiculous proposals as making pole-dancing a compulsory subject in schools, and instituting a cake a day as a basic human right.
"Sorry about the setting," Kame said as he and Jin sat down to dinner in their private dining room. "I was hoping we could go to the sea to celebrate, but with my parents away..."
Jin eyed the wine glasses with glee. "Doesn't matter; we can go another time. I'm sure we can keep ourselves entertained."
Kame grinned as their server for the evening poured them both drinks. "It'll still be a special night."
The drink in question turned out to be orange juice, as Jin was surprised to discover when he took a sip from his glass. Kame's obviously wasn't, based on the colour and the way his eyes sparkled when he tasted it. It wasn't worth calling the servant back, though. Jin would simply ask for wine when the food arrived.
"There's something I wanted to talk to you about," Kame said. "You can finally stop lurking round the nursery and ambushing everyone who walks past for answers."
"I can't help it if people like to stop and talk to me." Jin offered Kame his most winning smile. "It's not like I couldn't guess; I just wanted confirmation."
Kame seemed startled; he gave Jin a wary look and held his breath for a moment before releasing it as a sigh, visibly relaxing. "So you know. I thought this would be more...awkward."
"Why should it be? I think it's great news!"
"Really? Because I thought you might get angry about it."
Jin couldn't help laughing. Kame looked like he was expecting a temper tantrum. "I'd hardly get angry about this, would I?" He took Kame's hands between his own, looking him straight in the eyes. "Congratulations on your new little brother or sister."
"Huh?"
Jin's smile faltered, but only for a second. Could it be that Kame didn't know? "That's what the nursery's for, right? Your parents have gone away to have another kid, and when they come back we're going to have a cute little boy or girl to play with. Right? Right?"
"Jin, I-"
"Dinner is served!" came the announcement from the doorway, and whatever Kame was about to say had to wait for half-a-dozen platters to be placed on the table between them.
"Can I get some wine?" Jin remembered to ask.
The servant gave Kame a panicked look. Kame shrugged and nodded. "Bring a couple of bottles. I think we're going to need them."
"But you gave orders that-"
"I know," Kame interrupted, "but I don't think the alcohol's going to make any difference. It doesn't have to happen tonight, after all."
Jin's appetite was rapidly disappearing. Not knowing what was going on made him wary, especially since even the servants seemed to have a better idea than he did.
When they were alone again and Jin had downed half a glass without tasting it, Kame tried to explain himself. "No one's pregnant," he said gently. "Not yet. My parents really are touring the kingdom. They've been planning this for years, intending to go when I came of age. They're not at some retreat, I promise. You can call them yourself - actually, you might want to talk to them later. They might have some advice for you."
"On what!" Jin demanded. "What's all this about, Kame? There's obviously a baby involved, and I want to know whose it is!"
"Ours."
Jin's fork clattered to his plate, forgotten. "Ours?" he repeated. "But we don't..."
"Not yet, but we can." Kame pushed his plate aside, seemingly also having lost his appetite. "Jin, I know we took all references to providing an heir out of the wedding, but the reality is that someone has to take over the kingdom when I'm gone and adopting isn't an option."
"So father a child!" Jin spat out. "I know girls don't do much for you but I'm sure you could manage to get yourself an heir on some suitably noble young lady!"
"By cheating on you?" Kame shook his head. "Never."
Jin felt slightly cheered by that until he realised the implications. If Kame, as the Crown Prince and an only child, were to father a legitimate heir, that meant Jin would have to...
"Yes," Kame said wearily. "It would have to be with you. Any child I have with the person I am legally married to - you - would have a legitimate claim to the throne, and that's what I - we - have a duty to provide."
Jin's mouth went dry. He knew it was possible for two men to have a child, with the help of sorcery - Kame was living proof of that - but the idea of participating in it himself...that simply defied imagination. He finished the remaining wine in his glass and poured himself another. Kame followed his example. Good. Perhaps they could both keep drinking till they passed out and by the time they woke up, the conversation would be nothing more than a seriously weird dream.
"With sorcery?" Jin whispered. "A sorcerer could make us pregnant?"
"Make you pregnant," Kame corrected him. "As the prince, it's expected that I...uh...impregnate the princess..."
"Princess" was Jin's official (non-gendered) job title. He didn't care for it much but figured if Queen Tsubasa had put up with it for years, he could do the same. His stepbrothers occasionally ribbed him about it but mostly no one cared, the queen having set a precedent.
"Tell you what," Kame said brightly. "If we have a second one, I'll carry it. How about that?"
Jin tried to envision Kame's skinny frame with the added pounds of pregnancy but his imagination wasn't up to the task. "What makes you think we're having a first one?" he said. "You've already got the nursery, and the servants are all excited, and you didn't want me to drink alcohol and-" He stopped short, leaping to his feet. "You've already done it, haven't you? What, did you have some sorcerer come in and wave a magic wand when I was asleep and I'm the only person who didn't know? How dare you-"
"Jin!" Kame almost knocked the table over, he was in such a rush to stand up. He reached for Jin but Jin backed away, putting the chair between himself and Kame. "It doesn't work like that, okay? No one's done anything to you. You're not pregnant, I promise."
Slightly mollified, Jin sat down again. "I'd better not be."
"He's right," a new voice said. "It doesn't work like that."
It took Jin a moment to identify the source, since he'd had a change of hair colour and dress sense since Jin had last seen him. Jin's fairy godmother (it was a non-gendered job title) was now a redhead, sensibly dressed in dark slacks and a long, grey cardigan, as opposed to the black-and-silver Grim Reaper look he'd once sported.
"Ueda!" Jin exclaimed with delight. "Why's my fairy godmother here?"
Ueda shook his head. "I've quit the fairy godmother business," he said. "Too many of my clients couldn't afford to pay me. I signed up at the local Magic & Mystery school instead to become a qualified sorcerer."
"Mystery?" Jin queried.
"All sorcerers are encouraged to develop an air of mystery," Ueda said solemnly, as if reciting from a set of rules. "It means we can charge more - everyone's so afraid of what we might be capable of that they're too terrified not to pay our extortionate fees."
Jin looked dubiously at Ueda's less than intimidating attire. "You're not really dressed for mystery," he said.
Ueda shrugged. "You both already know me. Besides, the king and queen are paying my fees for this. They're desperate for a grandchild." He pulled an extra chair from the corner and joined them at the table, helping himself to a forkful of Jin's abandoned lasagne. "I've been assigned to you until the child is six months old, so you'll be seeing a lot of me from now on. Just think of me as your own personal midwife."
Somehow, that was even more disturbing to Jin than Ueda's usual aspect. "There's no child," he said dully. "I'm not pregnant."
"But you will be if you drink this!" Ueda brandished a small bottle he'd plucked from a point somewhere above Kame's head. "This will give you a perfectly fertile womb, and assuming your other half is up to the task, he'll give you something to put in it. Egg meets sperm, you know how the story goes." He ignored Kame's indignant glare and continued, "After nine months, I make you sleep for a little while and remove the child. Then you wake up, a lot lighter, and the two of you get to be proud parents of a tiny royal troublemaker."
"Make me sleep?" Jin said.
"You can hardly give birth the way a woman can," Ueda pointed out. "I'm not giving you a potion to alter your anatomy that much. It's easier for you if you're not conscious while I remove the child, trust me, unless you have a desire to watch your belly become mist."
Kame laid a comforting arm round Jin's shoulders. "It's not that bad. Things have changed since my parents had me - you don't even have to get sliced open to give birth, so no scarring, and there's none of that business with the needles and tests and stuff first."
"Most unprofessional," Ueda said. "I can do a much better job than that charlatan did with your parents almost twenty years ago, I guarantee. I'm expensive, but worth every penny."
"See?" Kame pleaded. "Ueda will be here to help us, and you'll have everyone's support. Me, my parents, your stepbrothers, Yamapi, Junno..." Even the dog got a mention, but Jin's stepmother didn't and Jin wasn't about to argue. Her behaviour towards Jin had improved markedly since the whole family had moved into the palace, but she still hadn't quite forgiven him for marrying the prince when her own two sons, Koki and Nakamaru, had been passed over in favour of the boy she'd once had as little better than her household slave.
"Your parents aren't even here," Jin complained. "It's this big conspiracy! Everyone seems to know about it but me. Do you have any idea how stupid I feel now, thinking about all the questions I asked?"
"We were just making preparations," Kame said. "Being optimistic. I was hoping by the time I got around to mentioning it, you'd be all worked up over the bunnies and baby toys."
Jin had to admit, the bunnies were pretty cute. But that didn't mean he was going to give in so easily. It had taken him long enough to adjust to the idea of matrimony, of tying himself to a whole new family who could so easily discard him, leaving him with nothing but a broken heart and an acrobatic Labrador. He'd realised, five minutes before making his wedding vows, that he was pledging himself only to Kame and not his family, and that he didn't need to leave himself an escape route in case it all went horribly wrong...but having a child would be yet another tie, and Jin didn't think he could walk away from a baby.
"Nothing happens without your consent," Kame said. "I promise. But think about it. Nine months, and then we'd have a baby! Can you imagine, dressing it up, and teaching it how to play baseball-"
"Soccer," Jin argued.
"Baseball and soccer," Kame argued back. "Teaching it all about nail polish and jewellery-"
"And if it's a girl?" Jin asked, finally cracking a smile. When Kame got worked up about something there was no stopping him.
"Yamapi," Kame said. "He's got a little sister."
Ueda raised an eyebrow. "I'm not sure he'd be my first choice for child-rearing advice, but it's your baby."
"Please?" Kame begged.
Jin thought it was criminally unfair for Kame to use his own puppy-dog eyes against him. It made it hard to think rationally, but he had a go anyway. "Kame, I'm a guy. What do I know about being pregnant? And don't tell me to ask your parents, because they're not here!"
"Jin, if it was that much of a challenge, the human race would've died out years ago because no one would be willing to put themselves through it. If millions of women - and one man - can do this, I'm sure you can." Kame's lips curved into a smirk. "Or don't you think you can handle it?"
"Oh, I can handle it," Jin sneered back. "At least I've got the build. You'd probably collapse after a week."
"Wait till we have our second child and I'll prove you wrong."
"I haven't even agreed to a first one yet!"
"Should I come back later?" Ueda said. "Because I haven't had dinner yet and catfights always make me hungry."
"Here." Jin pushed his plate towards Ueda, who wasted no time in tucking in. "I've lost my appetite."
Kame's face fell. "So you won't do it?"
"I..."
"Don't think about it too long," Ueda advised between bites. "Another couple of years and the risk increases."
"You mean you'll be better qualified and able to charge more," Kame said.
"Precisely."
Jin didn't want to think about it. What would it feel like, having another life forming inside him? Would he be able to feel it move? Would he lie awake at night, wondering if his baby was comfortable? Would he even sleep, or would he be too worried about hurting the child by accident?
It wasn't that he didn't want children. He'd never ruled it out as an option, even after he acquired the stepmother from hell and lost all hope of ever meeting anyone who might be interested in co-parenting with him, and the thought of having a baby with Kame, a tiny new life made up of bits of both of them, was a pleasant one. They'd have no shortage of help, at least, and the baby would be guaranteed the finest education money could buy. There were worse starts to be had in life.
Should he do it? Could he let his body serve as an incubator for nine months? Would it not be better if he considered the situation further when completely sober?
"At least think about it," Kame said. "No pressure."
"You've already had the nursery painted."
"All right, so there's some pressure..."
Ueda set the bottle down on the table. "It's your choice, Jin. No one can make you drink this."
It couldn't hurt to ask a few cautious questions, could it? "If I...if I drink it, what happens?" Jin said.
"Your body will undergo a few changes," Ueda explained. "Unless you've already got a womb I don't know about, anyway."
He pulled out a pen and paper from the folds of his cardigan and drew what he said was a picture of Jin but what looked more like a cartoon mouse. Both Kame and Jin were slightly green around the gills by the time Ueda had finished with his somewhat graphic lesson on magical anatomy changes and description of exactly how it was possible for a man to become pregnant. A servant came in with dessert and Kame waved him away without even looking.
"How long would the changes last?" Jin asked.
"Depends. Just because you'll be fertile, doesn't mean you'll get pregnant. You can keep trying, of course. If it doesn't take, your body will reshape itself after about a week and you'll have to take another dose. If it does...you'll get your own body back a couple of days after the baby is born, making you the envy of anyone doing this without the benefit of magic." Ueda gave them a broad smile and pulled a pink bangle from his pocket. "Now, since you're not exactly in a position to notice a missed period, wear this when you're trying for a baby. It'll turn blue if you get lucky."
"Does that indicate the gender?" Kame asked, curious.
Ueda's smile grew wider. "Your baby won't even have a gender at that point. I'll be able to tell you when it does. What are you hoping for?"
Kame gulped. "That Jin will say yes."
That was it; Jin couldn't say no now, could he? Not when Kame was looking at him like he was holding a rope down into a pit and Kame was trapped at the bottom, waiting for Jin to rescue him.
"Fine," Jin huffed, "but you're waiting on me hand and foot till the baby is born."
"I'm a prince," Kame said with a smirk. "I've got servants for that."
Ueda correctly surmised that Kame was eager to start trying immediately, left both bottle and bangle on the table, and strategically vanished into thin air.
-----
Kame had resigned himself to things never going to plan with Jin. It didn't matter what they were doing - somehow, with Jin involved, everything became three times as complicated. Even when they both wanted the same thing, and Kame wasn't entirely sure they did. Not this time.
"Maybe Ueda's potion doesn't work?" Kame suggested after the bangle stubbornly remained pink for a third night in a row.
Jin shifted against the pillows, still breathing hard. "Or maybe you're not up to the task? Something definitely happened when I drank that stuff, Kame, so don't try to tell me it didn't work!"
What Ueda had neglected to mention was that the immediate effects of the potion were rather unpleasant. Kame had found out the hard way when Jin curled up under the table and threatened to stab with a fork anyone who got near him unless they were bearing a hot water bottle. It had taken four security guards to get him out of the dining room. They'd been ordered to hold their tongues but by the next morning, there were rumours that Jin had had a miscarriage, so Kame had been forced to announce that yes, they were trying for a baby.
With the resulting uproar, Kame could see why his parents had decided to spend the next year touring the kingdom. They were clearly much craftier than he'd assumed.
"I'm not suggesting you're not physically capable of becoming pregnant," Kame said. "Just...are you sure you really want this?"
Kame had been lucky enough to be able to marry for love, not politics - just as well, since marrying Jin didn't do anything for him politically except make him more appealing to Labrador-owners, and as the monarchy wasn't elected this made absolutely no difference. But he knew where his duty lay. He was obliged to father a child to inherit the throne, and his parents preferred it be as soon as possible so they could enjoy playing with it while they were still relatively young.
To that end, Kame had been enthusiastic in his attempts; Jin, once the night of nausea induced by the potion had worn off, had been no less dedicated, happily experimenting with different positions in an effort to turn the bangle blue. But with half their time already elapsed, there was still no response, and Kame was starting to wonder if it was a case of mind over matter.
"I said I'd do it, didn't I?" Jin said. "Do you hear me complaining?"
"Mostly I hear you moaning...but not like that!" Kame ducked as Jin brandished a pillow at him, threatening to wipe the cheeky grin off his face with a fistful of feathers. "But if you don't want this..."
"Better this than letting you go to someone else," Jin said matter-of-factly. "Yeah, I'm nervous. I keep thinking I must be crazy to put my body through something like this, especially when Ueda won't tell me what the symptoms are likely to be, just hints that I might want to move my bed into the bathroom.
"But I'll do it."
"You didn't want to marry me until half-way through the wedding - maybe you'll want a baby once you're a few minutes from giving birth," Kame mused.
"Which you will be present for so that if Ueda screws up while I'm asleep, you can claim a refund and threaten to take his Gackt albums away if he doesn't fix me."
"I'd want to be there anyway." Kame slid down to plant a kiss on Jin's bare stomach; still flat but not, he hoped, for much longer. "My baby too."
"Just so long as he or she gets my eyebrows," Jin said smugly. "I've seen your childhood pictures, Kame!"
They had much better luck the next afternoon, when a luxurious hour in the jacuzzi became first a bubble fight and then a struggle of quite another kind, one considerably less innocent though wholly unplanned. Jin hadn't bothered to remove the bangle before sinking into the glorious hot water; Kame squeezed his eyes shut as Jin rocked back and forth on his lap, not daring to look at the thin band of pink.
"This getting pregnant thing is a lot harder than I thought it would be," Jin mumbled, back arching under Kame's hands, his own hands tangling in Kame's hair.
Kame wasn't sure how much more he could take. Jin took his own time, not letting Kame move, setting a pace so slow and languid that Kame was starting to worry about whether or not he'd remembered to lock the door.
He obviously hadn't, because when they'd finished, sprawling lazily on a heap of towels, Ueda stuck his head round the door. Kame had just enough presence of mind to drag one of the towels over them, though it was unfortunate that the first one his fingers found happened to be a hand towel and therefore on the small side.
Ueda's eyes went straight to Jin's wrist, however, where the bangle shone bright blue. "Congratulations!" he said. "It's triplets!"
It took five minutes for Kame to pry Jin's fingers from Ueda's throat, by which point Ueda was forced to admit that he was only kidding. Not about the positive result, but about the quantity. "But aren't you relieved now when I tell you there's only one baby on the way?" he asked, trying to rub away the finger marks.
Jin tugged on a bathrobe. "Don't scare me like that! I thought I was going to end up the size of the entire palace!"
"No, only one wing of it," Ueda said cheerfully. "I have to go spread the good news. You enjoy the hot tub while you can - it's not a good idea to use them when you're expecting."
This time, Kame did lock the door. "Uh...Jin?"
Jin had a hand on his tummy, looking deep in thought. Kame hoped they were good thoughts but there was no way to tell. He held his breath until a slow, confused sort of smile spread across Jin's face.
"This is so weird," Jin said softly, but he didn't seem upset - more awed than anything else. "We're creating life, Kame. A little piece of you and a little piece of me."
"Our baby's going to have one hell of a family tree," Kame said.
-----
Ueda's idea of guiding them through this difficult time was to present them with a pamphlet on pregnancy, then incinerate it before their eyes. "Forget everything you've been told," he said. "We're going to have to take things as they come. There's not much of a precedent for this."
Jin wasn't filled with optimism. He was looking forward to the food cravings, since they would give him a legitimate excuse to raid the pantry at all hours for all manner of things, but he'd heard terrible stories about sickness, and not just in the morning. He wasn't looking forward to the inevitable weight gain either, but consoled himself with the fact that he was in pretty good shape to start with. People had been telling him for the last few days that he had a "glow", though his stepbrothers maintained it was just the palace lighting.
"How did Queen Tsubasa manage?" he asked. He still hadn't been able to reach Kame's parents on the phone, though he'd left dozens of messages.
"I checked the records," Ueda said. "The nausea went on for most of his pregnancy, the whole time he wasn't being sick he was on the yoga mat, and the labour was a lot longer than yours is going to be. Oh, and he kept having nosebleeds, but I'm sure that was the king's fault."
Kame grimaced, which was his usual expression when confronted with evidence of his parents' love lives. "We don't need to hear the gory details."
Maybe Kame didn't, but Jin wanted all the information he could get. He only had Ueda's word for it that he was even pregnant - the only change to his life so far was that the palace guards stopped letting him steal their cigarettes and no one would let him touch so much as a drop of alcohol. He didn't feel any different yet.
Not physically, anyway. Mentally, he was caught between disbelief, wonder, and anxiety. Long walks with Junno seemed to help with the last of these, as the dog's propensity for backflips never failed to amuse him, but even that didn't stop him lying awake at night, snuggled up next to Kame, wondering what the next nine months were going to be like.
-----
Of course, life didn't stop just because they were going to have a baby. They still had to make the expected appearances at court - more than usual, with Kame's parents away - and entertain at dinner parties; Kame still had an office full of paperwork to review and sign.
"If I distract the ministers, you could slide under the desk and escape through the secret passage?" Yamapi suggested one evening when Kame was frantically trying to clear his in-tray before meeting Jin to attend Lord Jun's going-away party.
Kame cast a discreet glance under the desk. He didn't see any sign of an exit. "What secret passage?" he whispered back.
Yamapi grinned. "Your dad showed me once. Just press the rose in the corner and the carpet panel lifts up."
Exactly what Yamapi had been doing under King Takki's desk, Kame didn't want to think about. Though Yamapi was a good friend, his obsession with Kame's parents bordered on the creepy, as far as Kame was concerned. Sure, they still looked like a couple in their late twenties, but they were Kame's parents.
"Maybe another time," Kame said. "If you want to help, read this and give me a summary." He handed Yamapi a sixty-page document covered in minuscule print.
Yamapi skimmed it for all of three minutes, then returned with an answer. "Property dispute between Count Tadayoshi and Viscount Tegoshi."
Kame knew the answer to this one. "Offer to slice the disputed property in half and whichever one says they'd rather let the other have it, gets it." He scribbled his signature at the end, giving the ministers a triumphant peace sign when he realised it was the last document. "What was the property, anyway?"
"Baron Nishikido."
"Oh."
When Kame finally escaped, he raced back to the residential wing to find out what Jin was wearing to the party so they didn't accidentally end up in the same outfit again, only to discover Jin under the covers, reading manga and obviously not ready to go out.
"It's not like you to forget about a party," Kame teased, perching on the edge of Jin's bed.
Jin marked his place with a skull-print bookmark and set the comic down. "I didn't forget - I'm just not going."
"Have the symptoms kicked in?" Kame felt a spark of excitement. He didn't want Jin to feel ill, of course, but he was eager to have more than Ueda's word for it that they were going to be parents.
"No, but I'm still not going." Jin patted his stomach.
"You've only been pregnant four days! Isn't it a bit early to start using it as an excuse to get out of things?"
"Anything that gets me out of an evening with Lord Jun is fine by me."
Kame recalled the vicious spat Jin and Jun had had not only at the wedding reception, but at several other formal events over the past year - verbal sparring matches usually escalating into violence, during which Jin had to be held back in case he accidentally damaged Jun's face, an offense for which he was likely to find himself the target of an assassin.
"If he says anything, I can have his favourite boutique shut down?" he offered.
"He's leaving the kingdom for three months anyway - I don't think he'll notice. Besides," Jin pushed the covers away so Kame could see he was fully dressed, "you've spent your entire day stuck with your father's ministers. Do you really want to follow it up with an evening playing politics?"
"Well..."
Jin didn't give him a chance to make up his mind, tackling him round the waist and flipping him down onto the mattress. By the time Kame managed to leave the bed, sans clothing, the party had been over for three hours and Yamapi had been forced to explain their absence by dropping oblique hints about the exhaustion brought on by pregnancy.
Consequently, by midday, half the kingdom thought Kame was expecting too.
-----
Jin was under orders to stay away from the palace gym, but Ueda suggested he start spending time in the Royal Swimming Pool instead.
"Exercise is important," his former fairy godmother told him. "You'll feel a lot better later on in your pregnancy if you get into good habits now, and swimming will help. Walking, too."
Junno let out an excited bark in anticipation of more walks. Jin stroked his ears. "But the water's so cold," he complained. "Can't you magic up an indoor pool?"
"Just think of it as character building," Ueda said.
Character building. Hah. Jin was pretty sure Ueda was just trying to make him suffer. Sadism was obviously a mandatory trait for sorcerers.
Nevertheless, Jin gritted his teeth and swam his laps, up until his sixth week of what had been, so far, an easy pregnancy. Nausea kicked in like someone had grabbed hold of his guts and started twisting. Ueda's suggestion about moving the bed into the bathroom made perfect sense now. Never mind getting anywhere near the pool - Jin had trouble dragging himself out of bed, and even when he managed that, it was only to throw up.
It didn't seem worth the effort for Jin to force food down when he knew it would be making a reappearance before long. Kame tried to persuade him to eat, having the kitchen staff whip up all sorts of tempting treats, but even their best efforts were for naught as Jin sent the dishes back untouched.
After a fortnight of Jin's calorie intake being woefully inadequate for his needs, let alone the baby's, Kame put his foot down - albeit from a distance, because Junno was standing guard over his master and not letting anyone closer than the doorway.
"You might as well ask Ueda for a magical abortion," he said. "At the rate you're going, the baby's never going to make it."
Jin flinched. It wasn't as if he wanted not to eat, but the mere thought of food turned his stomach. A few mouthfuls were enough to set his insides roiling. "I'll be all right," he muttered, hugging a cushion to his chest.
Kame couldn't hear him at all. He had to negotiate his way past Junno to reach the couch, which was Jin's rest stop between the bed and the bathroom and consequently saw a great deal of use. Jin didn't even look up when he sat down.
"Jin, I know you don't feel like eating but-"
"You wouldn't feel excited about food either if you knew you were going to see it again all over the carpet."
"Can't Ueda do anything?" Kame said desperately.
"He told me to drink lots of fluids and take supplements."
The empty sports drinks bottles cluttering the table proved Jin had at least been following part of Ueda's advice. Somewhere in the kingdom, a deprived athlete was cursing the royal family.
"It'll pass, right?" Kame brushed his fingers against Jin's, taking his hand when no resistance was forthcoming. "It can't last forever."
"No more than another seven months," Jin joked, but he didn't have the energy to put any humour into it. It wasn't fair. He wasn't even showing yet and he was already worn out.
Kame's despair drove him to take desperate measures. "How about if I cooked for you?" he offered. "Would you try that?"
The prince...cooking? The very idea was enough to bring a smile to Jin's face. The closest he'd ever seen Kame get to cooking was making a cup of coffee. If nothing else, it would be a diversion.
"As long as I get to watch," he said.
Although the kitchen staff grumbled when Kame kicked them out for the morning, they did so goodnaturedly, knowing he must have his reasons. Much to Jin's surprise, Kame turned out to be a brisk and efficient cook, throwing together meals that, while uncomplicated, tasted better than anything else Jin had tried to force down his throat in the past two weeks. He didn't know if it was simply the way Kame had used the ingredients that made him finish every last bite, or if it was because it was made by Kame.
There were a few nervous minutes where they waited to see if Kame had been wasting his time, but Jin's stomach felt more settled than it had in ages. When he shook his head and smiled, there was a round of applause from the window, where the kitchen staff were hovering to see the results.
"It's really okay?" Kame asked.
Kame wore an apron that said "Kiss the Cook", so Jin did. Another round of applause followed.
Part 2