[JE] [JEF #5] Universal Appeal 5/10
Title: JE Fleet V: Universal Appeal 5/10
Series: JE Fleet
Fandom: KAT-TUN
Pairing: Akame
Rating: R (m/m activity)
Genre: AU, crack, sci-fi
Word count: 35,850
Disclaimer: Not mine, damnit.
Summary: The JE Fleet ship KAT-TUN goes AWOL in more ways than one.
A/N: Takes place straight after III, but won't make any sense unless you've read IV, so if you're new to the series, you might want to read them in order.
Chapter 5
It was all very well saying that they had to go to Alpha Centauri when they had their own ship, but since they were now without transport, Kame and Jin were forced to find other means of travelling to different galaxies. After freshening themselves up as best they could in the hotel room - sharing a shower was no longer a matter of fun but of life and death - and making use of their free meal vouchers for a hasty breakfast at the food court, they turned their attention to the business of leaving Red Spot Terminal.
"Next passenger ship to Alpha Centauri doesn't leave till next week," Kame said, reading aloud from his datapad. "There's not much call for it right now; must be the off-season."
"We don't have enough cash to rent one, either." The state of their finances was causing Jin no end of grief. "We've maybe got enough to rent a shuttle, but nothing with a hyperdrive."
"Then we've got two choices. Either we risk trying our cards, or we steal a ship." Kame tried to think through the implications. In addition to cards under their real names, they had a couple of aliases each. "If we use our cards, we're trying to access bank accounts we set up years ago - accounts that might not exist now."
"But they're in names that do exist - at least, your real one does. Mine's probably wanted for larceny or something, if he's still around."
"Con artists or thieves, huh?" Kame grinned, thinking back. "Feels just like old times."
That little thrill of excitement was coming back to Jin, reminding him of all the things they used to do before going straight. There was something exhilarating about walking outside the law. "Which do you want to try?"
"The question you should be asking is: is there anything around here worth stealing?"
The answer to Kame's question was not easily found. The docking bays in Red Spot Terminal had full, windowless doors, as opposed to the expandable saloon-style doors that allowed passersby to see the ships inside. Only the ship name and date of entry was public knowledge - classification and condition were the business of no one but the owners.
"If we hang around the docks much longer someone's bound to get suspicious," Jin said after receiving his tenth curious look from one of the ship-owners. "They probably think we're bandits."
"Or rent boys." Kame didn't seem too bothered about this, but then, he was the one with the painted nails. "You don't have your electronic lock pick on you, by any chance?"
"Didn't think I'd need it - not to go to lunch."
"Then we're not getting to see any of these ships without chatting to the owners. Let's see how far our cards will get us."
They decided to start small. Miniature, in fact. Kame attempted to buy a pack of gum with one of the cards he held in his own name, knowing full well that even if it turned out to be the most expensive gum in the universe, he had sufficient funds in the account to cover it.
The girl behind the counter almost fainted with excitement. "Oh my God! Kamenashi Kazuya! Can you have my autograph? Uh..." Her cheeks flushed the same scarlet as her uniform. "I mean, can I have your autograph?" She held out a copy of Sports Illustrated, where a feature on Kame occupied the bulk of the pages.
Jin ducked behind a rack of sweet rolls to hide his giggles. The pictures were pretty nice, from what he could see. Maybe he could talk Kame into buying a copy if his card worked.
"Uh...sure." Kame took the proffered pen and scrawled his name next to the glossiest picture. He hoped his signature wasn't different in this universe, else he was liable to be arrested for impersonating himself. "Sorry about the card; I'm all out of change."
The still-blushing girl rang up the gum, swiped Kame's card, and frowned. "That's weird. Let me try that again."
Kame smiled nervously. It didn't sound like the transaction was going to work. He looked around the store for security but the only other person in there was Jin, gazing longingly at the baked goods.
"I'm really sorry, Mr. Kamenashi, but there must be a problem with the system or something because it's declined your card." The girl spoke so fast Kame had trouble following her apology. "It happens all the time, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your account. You know what? Just take the gum. It's on me."
Declined. Wonderful. Kame's stomach tightened with dread, like he was back at Planet Disney with Jin dragging him on every rollercoaster in the park. "Ah, it's okay. I'm trying to quit anyway." He returned the card to his wallet.
"Try mine?"
Kame jumped. He hadn't noticed Jin sneaking up behind him but there he was, smiling amicably at the assistant and holding out his own card - the one under his real name, Kame noted.
Two minutes later, they were chewing gum outside the store. "I don't get it," Kame said. "Why did yours work?"
"My account...um..." Jin rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed, "I set it up when I was working for old man Kitagawa. It's been open since long before I signed up with the JE Fleet. I thought maybe it would still be active, if the me here is still working for him."
A quick check at the nearest ATM - Jin's fingerprints served to identify him - revealed that the Akanishi Jin in this universe had not only kept the account but was making the kind of money holovid stars could only dream about.
"I think we can afford a ship," Kame said gleefully. "Or ten."
Jin wanted to share his partner's joy, but he knew what that bank balance meant. You didn't get that kind of cash by playing errand boy and shaking down store owners for protection money all your life. This was the real deal, the end of the line, what you did when you had the old man's ear and you did whatever he wanted because he owned you, body and soul.
"Kame, if we ever run into the other me..."
"He might be annoyed next time he checks his bank account." Kame shrugged carelessly. "Well, if he's anything like you, we can probably talk him round."
"I don't think he's anything like me." Jin became painfully aware of the blaster tucked under his jacket. "I think his bank account's full of blood money."
-----
There wasn't much Kame could say to reassure Jin that no matter how screwed up this universe was, his other self couldn't possibly be a paid killer. The other explanations were no better. He turned his attention to more practical matters instead, such as finding them a ship. Buying and outfitting their own would take too long to be practical - if they wanted to spend that kind of time, they could wait till next week for the first passenger flight - which left them with the option of renting.
"Nothing with less than a Class 8 hyperdrive." Jin was very insistent on this point. "I'd like to get there before next year."
"That narrows our options." Kame scrolled through the list of ships for rent. "None of these rentals have anything better than a Class 4. We'll have to try talking to the owners after all, see if any of them would be willing to fly us out there for a fee."
"I'm not hanging around the docks again - people keep trying to pick me up."
"They couldn't possibly afford you," Kame said. "Let's see what our local bartender has to say."
They returned to the bar nearest the docks, where the bartender recognised them from the previous afternoon. "Got a taste for wine?" he asked Kame. "We've just received a new delivery of wines from Earth, all from the twentieth century. Have you ever sampled wine that's over a thousand years old, son?"
Kame was intrigued but opted out on financial grounds. Wine that old was bound to cost a fortune, and the only fortune they had available right now belonged to someone else. "Another time, perhaps. We're looking for a lift, not a drink."
"A lift?" The bartender raised an eyebrow. "Where to?"
"Alpha Centauri."
"That's an awful long way to travel. There's an agency next to the food court can book you in on one of the passenger ships next week, if you're not in a rush."
"We're in a rush." Kame and Jin spoke simultaneously, making the bartender smile.
"Well, I guess you could give the fella in the corner a try. He takes passengers sometimes, provided he's interested in wherever they want to go - and if you give him a sad enough story, he'll be interested. He might look like a guy you wouldn't want to meet on a dark night but he's got a good heart."
Jin peered at the table in the corner and spotted a very familiar face. "Koki!"
"Yep, that's the one. Tanaka Koki. Got himself a nice Gazelle - quick little thing, she is."
"Quick?" Jin's ears pricked up. The ship class threw him slightly - he was used to the feline nomenclature - but it had to be a sign that the bartender was directing them to Koki, of all people.
Kame, too, considered it a fortuitous omen. He thanked the bartender, promised to return for wine if he should ever inherit a fortune, and drew Jin off towards Koki's table. This was going to be strange, he knew, pretending to meet one of their closest friends for the first time.
Koki was slouched in a corner seat, eyes closed and ring-covered fingers tapping the table in time to the beat from his earphones. Kame was amused to see the 'JOKER' printed on his jacket sleeve - clearly, some things never changed.
"Uh...Mr. Tanaka?" he said.
Koki ignored him.
"He can't hear you." Jin dropped into the seat opposite Koki and began drumming a pattern of his own, knowing Koki would feel the vibrations across the table.
It worked. Koki opened angry eyes, displeased with the intrusion; Jin plastered his friendliest smile on his face and hoped he wasn't about to get shot by his own head of Security.
Kame squeezed himself alongside Jin and tried again. "Mr. Tanaka? I'm...um...Shinkame Kazuma, and this is Akasei Jinpachi. The bartender said you might be able to help us."
Koki removed his earphones, leaning across the table to take a good look at Kame. "Hey, you look just like-"
"I know," Kame interrupted. "People tell me that all the time. But I'm better looking."
"Much better looking," Jin said.
"Oh." Koki sat back, disappointed. "I was going to ask for your autograph for my kid brother. What do you want, Mr. Shinkami?"
"Shinkame," Kame corrected. "Just call me 'Kame'. We're trying to get to Alpha Centauri and we hear you're willing to take passengers?"
"Alpha Centauri? There's commercial flights going there all the time; why not take one of them?"
"Because we're in a hurry," Jin said, letting the faintest hint of urgency slip into his voice. "We need a fast ship and we're prepared to pay."
Kame mentally crossed his fingers that Koki wouldn't think they were on the lam, what with Jin suggesting ever so delicately that they were being chased. The Koki they knew wouldn't have had a problem with giving two felons a ride, being one himself, but there was no telling with this guy.
He remembered the advice they'd been given: tell a sad story. "It's my niece," he said. "She's having a heart transplant in a few days and I want to be there when she wakes up. She's only seven and..." He trailed off, apparently overcome with emotion.
Jin played along, wrapping a comforting arm around Kame's shoulders. "We didn't get the message till late last night; she's been on the waiting list for months. Now it's finally happening, we have to be there for her." He blinked back tears - real ones, because one of the first lessons Jin had learned as a child was how to make people feel sorry for him and buy him candy to cheer him up.
It worked a charm on Koki, who melted like chocolate in the sun. He screwed up his face, rubbing away tears with his sleeve, then looked Kame straight in the eyes. "I will definitely get you there in time. That little girl needs her uncle and her-" he stopped and looked blankly at Jin.
"Uncle by marriage," Jin said, squeezing Kame tighter for emphasis - just in case Koki had any ideas about comforting the distraught bachelor uncle.
Kame seized Koki's right hand with both of his for a heartfelt "Thank you!" He bowed over their clasped hands. There was time enough to enlighten Koki later, once they'd actually reached Alpha Centauri and Kame was forced to explain why they were going not to a hospital but an orbital shopping complex. Somehow, he didn't think Koki would feel so inclined to convey them if he knew Kame wanted to talk to a diamond. Insane passengers didn't usually pay up.
"Give me half an hour and we can go," Koki said. "I've already got the Sakura fueled up and supplied."
"Already?" Kame said. He released Koki's hand.
"Promised I'd give a friend a ride after his exam this morning. He should be finished in about five minutes."
An exam? No, it would be too much of a coincidence...or would it? "Is your friend taking an intergalactic science exam?" Jin asked.
"Yeah, how'd you know? He's got a couple of weeks booked off from work to recover, so he asked if we could go somewhere."
"Sorry if we're spoiling your plans," Kame said.
Koki shrugged. "We didn't have a destination in mind. Nakamaru won't mind taking a trip to Alpha Centauri; he's never been out of the Milky Way before.
Kame and Jin attempted to elbow each other at the same time and wound up knocking sharp corners together. They got the message, painful though it was. Maybe the universe as they knew it had changed, but some things were written in the stars.
Series: JE Fleet
Fandom: KAT-TUN
Pairing: Akame
Rating: R (m/m activity)
Genre: AU, crack, sci-fi
Word count: 35,850
Disclaimer: Not mine, damnit.
Summary: The JE Fleet ship KAT-TUN goes AWOL in more ways than one.
A/N: Takes place straight after III, but won't make any sense unless you've read IV, so if you're new to the series, you might want to read them in order.
Chapter 5
It was all very well saying that they had to go to Alpha Centauri when they had their own ship, but since they were now without transport, Kame and Jin were forced to find other means of travelling to different galaxies. After freshening themselves up as best they could in the hotel room - sharing a shower was no longer a matter of fun but of life and death - and making use of their free meal vouchers for a hasty breakfast at the food court, they turned their attention to the business of leaving Red Spot Terminal.
"Next passenger ship to Alpha Centauri doesn't leave till next week," Kame said, reading aloud from his datapad. "There's not much call for it right now; must be the off-season."
"We don't have enough cash to rent one, either." The state of their finances was causing Jin no end of grief. "We've maybe got enough to rent a shuttle, but nothing with a hyperdrive."
"Then we've got two choices. Either we risk trying our cards, or we steal a ship." Kame tried to think through the implications. In addition to cards under their real names, they had a couple of aliases each. "If we use our cards, we're trying to access bank accounts we set up years ago - accounts that might not exist now."
"But they're in names that do exist - at least, your real one does. Mine's probably wanted for larceny or something, if he's still around."
"Con artists or thieves, huh?" Kame grinned, thinking back. "Feels just like old times."
That little thrill of excitement was coming back to Jin, reminding him of all the things they used to do before going straight. There was something exhilarating about walking outside the law. "Which do you want to try?"
"The question you should be asking is: is there anything around here worth stealing?"
The answer to Kame's question was not easily found. The docking bays in Red Spot Terminal had full, windowless doors, as opposed to the expandable saloon-style doors that allowed passersby to see the ships inside. Only the ship name and date of entry was public knowledge - classification and condition were the business of no one but the owners.
"If we hang around the docks much longer someone's bound to get suspicious," Jin said after receiving his tenth curious look from one of the ship-owners. "They probably think we're bandits."
"Or rent boys." Kame didn't seem too bothered about this, but then, he was the one with the painted nails. "You don't have your electronic lock pick on you, by any chance?"
"Didn't think I'd need it - not to go to lunch."
"Then we're not getting to see any of these ships without chatting to the owners. Let's see how far our cards will get us."
They decided to start small. Miniature, in fact. Kame attempted to buy a pack of gum with one of the cards he held in his own name, knowing full well that even if it turned out to be the most expensive gum in the universe, he had sufficient funds in the account to cover it.
The girl behind the counter almost fainted with excitement. "Oh my God! Kamenashi Kazuya! Can you have my autograph? Uh..." Her cheeks flushed the same scarlet as her uniform. "I mean, can I have your autograph?" She held out a copy of Sports Illustrated, where a feature on Kame occupied the bulk of the pages.
Jin ducked behind a rack of sweet rolls to hide his giggles. The pictures were pretty nice, from what he could see. Maybe he could talk Kame into buying a copy if his card worked.
"Uh...sure." Kame took the proffered pen and scrawled his name next to the glossiest picture. He hoped his signature wasn't different in this universe, else he was liable to be arrested for impersonating himself. "Sorry about the card; I'm all out of change."
The still-blushing girl rang up the gum, swiped Kame's card, and frowned. "That's weird. Let me try that again."
Kame smiled nervously. It didn't sound like the transaction was going to work. He looked around the store for security but the only other person in there was Jin, gazing longingly at the baked goods.
"I'm really sorry, Mr. Kamenashi, but there must be a problem with the system or something because it's declined your card." The girl spoke so fast Kame had trouble following her apology. "It happens all the time, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your account. You know what? Just take the gum. It's on me."
Declined. Wonderful. Kame's stomach tightened with dread, like he was back at Planet Disney with Jin dragging him on every rollercoaster in the park. "Ah, it's okay. I'm trying to quit anyway." He returned the card to his wallet.
"Try mine?"
Kame jumped. He hadn't noticed Jin sneaking up behind him but there he was, smiling amicably at the assistant and holding out his own card - the one under his real name, Kame noted.
Two minutes later, they were chewing gum outside the store. "I don't get it," Kame said. "Why did yours work?"
"My account...um..." Jin rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed, "I set it up when I was working for old man Kitagawa. It's been open since long before I signed up with the JE Fleet. I thought maybe it would still be active, if the me here is still working for him."
A quick check at the nearest ATM - Jin's fingerprints served to identify him - revealed that the Akanishi Jin in this universe had not only kept the account but was making the kind of money holovid stars could only dream about.
"I think we can afford a ship," Kame said gleefully. "Or ten."
Jin wanted to share his partner's joy, but he knew what that bank balance meant. You didn't get that kind of cash by playing errand boy and shaking down store owners for protection money all your life. This was the real deal, the end of the line, what you did when you had the old man's ear and you did whatever he wanted because he owned you, body and soul.
"Kame, if we ever run into the other me..."
"He might be annoyed next time he checks his bank account." Kame shrugged carelessly. "Well, if he's anything like you, we can probably talk him round."
"I don't think he's anything like me." Jin became painfully aware of the blaster tucked under his jacket. "I think his bank account's full of blood money."
-----
There wasn't much Kame could say to reassure Jin that no matter how screwed up this universe was, his other self couldn't possibly be a paid killer. The other explanations were no better. He turned his attention to more practical matters instead, such as finding them a ship. Buying and outfitting their own would take too long to be practical - if they wanted to spend that kind of time, they could wait till next week for the first passenger flight - which left them with the option of renting.
"Nothing with less than a Class 8 hyperdrive." Jin was very insistent on this point. "I'd like to get there before next year."
"That narrows our options." Kame scrolled through the list of ships for rent. "None of these rentals have anything better than a Class 4. We'll have to try talking to the owners after all, see if any of them would be willing to fly us out there for a fee."
"I'm not hanging around the docks again - people keep trying to pick me up."
"They couldn't possibly afford you," Kame said. "Let's see what our local bartender has to say."
They returned to the bar nearest the docks, where the bartender recognised them from the previous afternoon. "Got a taste for wine?" he asked Kame. "We've just received a new delivery of wines from Earth, all from the twentieth century. Have you ever sampled wine that's over a thousand years old, son?"
Kame was intrigued but opted out on financial grounds. Wine that old was bound to cost a fortune, and the only fortune they had available right now belonged to someone else. "Another time, perhaps. We're looking for a lift, not a drink."
"A lift?" The bartender raised an eyebrow. "Where to?"
"Alpha Centauri."
"That's an awful long way to travel. There's an agency next to the food court can book you in on one of the passenger ships next week, if you're not in a rush."
"We're in a rush." Kame and Jin spoke simultaneously, making the bartender smile.
"Well, I guess you could give the fella in the corner a try. He takes passengers sometimes, provided he's interested in wherever they want to go - and if you give him a sad enough story, he'll be interested. He might look like a guy you wouldn't want to meet on a dark night but he's got a good heart."
Jin peered at the table in the corner and spotted a very familiar face. "Koki!"
"Yep, that's the one. Tanaka Koki. Got himself a nice Gazelle - quick little thing, she is."
"Quick?" Jin's ears pricked up. The ship class threw him slightly - he was used to the feline nomenclature - but it had to be a sign that the bartender was directing them to Koki, of all people.
Kame, too, considered it a fortuitous omen. He thanked the bartender, promised to return for wine if he should ever inherit a fortune, and drew Jin off towards Koki's table. This was going to be strange, he knew, pretending to meet one of their closest friends for the first time.
Koki was slouched in a corner seat, eyes closed and ring-covered fingers tapping the table in time to the beat from his earphones. Kame was amused to see the 'JOKER' printed on his jacket sleeve - clearly, some things never changed.
"Uh...Mr. Tanaka?" he said.
Koki ignored him.
"He can't hear you." Jin dropped into the seat opposite Koki and began drumming a pattern of his own, knowing Koki would feel the vibrations across the table.
It worked. Koki opened angry eyes, displeased with the intrusion; Jin plastered his friendliest smile on his face and hoped he wasn't about to get shot by his own head of Security.
Kame squeezed himself alongside Jin and tried again. "Mr. Tanaka? I'm...um...Shinkame Kazuma, and this is Akasei Jinpachi. The bartender said you might be able to help us."
Koki removed his earphones, leaning across the table to take a good look at Kame. "Hey, you look just like-"
"I know," Kame interrupted. "People tell me that all the time. But I'm better looking."
"Much better looking," Jin said.
"Oh." Koki sat back, disappointed. "I was going to ask for your autograph for my kid brother. What do you want, Mr. Shinkami?"
"Shinkame," Kame corrected. "Just call me 'Kame'. We're trying to get to Alpha Centauri and we hear you're willing to take passengers?"
"Alpha Centauri? There's commercial flights going there all the time; why not take one of them?"
"Because we're in a hurry," Jin said, letting the faintest hint of urgency slip into his voice. "We need a fast ship and we're prepared to pay."
Kame mentally crossed his fingers that Koki wouldn't think they were on the lam, what with Jin suggesting ever so delicately that they were being chased. The Koki they knew wouldn't have had a problem with giving two felons a ride, being one himself, but there was no telling with this guy.
He remembered the advice they'd been given: tell a sad story. "It's my niece," he said. "She's having a heart transplant in a few days and I want to be there when she wakes up. She's only seven and..." He trailed off, apparently overcome with emotion.
Jin played along, wrapping a comforting arm around Kame's shoulders. "We didn't get the message till late last night; she's been on the waiting list for months. Now it's finally happening, we have to be there for her." He blinked back tears - real ones, because one of the first lessons Jin had learned as a child was how to make people feel sorry for him and buy him candy to cheer him up.
It worked a charm on Koki, who melted like chocolate in the sun. He screwed up his face, rubbing away tears with his sleeve, then looked Kame straight in the eyes. "I will definitely get you there in time. That little girl needs her uncle and her-" he stopped and looked blankly at Jin.
"Uncle by marriage," Jin said, squeezing Kame tighter for emphasis - just in case Koki had any ideas about comforting the distraught bachelor uncle.
Kame seized Koki's right hand with both of his for a heartfelt "Thank you!" He bowed over their clasped hands. There was time enough to enlighten Koki later, once they'd actually reached Alpha Centauri and Kame was forced to explain why they were going not to a hospital but an orbital shopping complex. Somehow, he didn't think Koki would feel so inclined to convey them if he knew Kame wanted to talk to a diamond. Insane passengers didn't usually pay up.
"Give me half an hour and we can go," Koki said. "I've already got the Sakura fueled up and supplied."
"Already?" Kame said. He released Koki's hand.
"Promised I'd give a friend a ride after his exam this morning. He should be finished in about five minutes."
An exam? No, it would be too much of a coincidence...or would it? "Is your friend taking an intergalactic science exam?" Jin asked.
"Yeah, how'd you know? He's got a couple of weeks booked off from work to recover, so he asked if we could go somewhere."
"Sorry if we're spoiling your plans," Kame said.
Koki shrugged. "We didn't have a destination in mind. Nakamaru won't mind taking a trip to Alpha Centauri; he's never been out of the Milky Way before.
Kame and Jin attempted to elbow each other at the same time and wound up knocking sharp corners together. They got the message, painful though it was. Maybe the universe as they knew it had changed, but some things were written in the stars.