[JE] [JEF #5] Universal Appeal 8/10
Title: JE Fleet V: Universal Appeal 8/10
Series: JE Fleet
Fandom: KAT-TUN
Pairing: Akame
Rating: R (m/m activity)
Genre: AU, crack, sci-fi
Word count: 35,850
Disclaimer: Not mine, damnit.
Summary: The JE Fleet ship KAT-TUN goes AWOL in more ways than one.
A/N: Takes place straight after III, but won't make any sense unless you've read IV, so if you're new to the series, you might want to read them in order.
Chapter 8
It took another two minutes for Kame to give Ueda the same short explanation he'd given Junno; he hoped Ohkura was too busy after his teabreak to remember any of it and come looking for them. To his credit, Ueda didn't argue about such outlandish things as cursed diamonds and custom-made clones. He'd always been at least partly in a world of his own, which helped tremendously in allowing him to believe the implausible.
They arranged to split up to cover more ground. Kame and Jin had to go together, of course, and Nakamaru accompanied them. He and Koki could easily communicate by datband, so Koki led the other group. Everybody knew what Kamenashi Kazuya looked like. Recognising him, when they found him, wouldn't be a problem.
"Remember: if you find him, just keep him under control until I get there," Kame said. "Don't stun him if you can avoid it. And especially don't hit him in the head; I need to talk to him."
Koki had handed his stolen stunner to Ueda, and Nakamaru had given his to Junno, both against their better judgment. Once Junno was armed, he appeared to lose faith in the idea of the whole thing being some mad publicity stunt. It didn't make him any less cheerful, though.
The Crescent Moon Stadium was enormous. Inside the building, several storeys ringed the arena, each one with dozens of rooms to be searched and thousands of people still wandering around before taking their seats. They queued for the bathrooms, they queued for food and souvenirs, they queued simply because they were standing next to people who happened to be standing next to other people and somehow, a queue had formed.
"Don't they have anything better to do?" Jin complained after being mobbed by a gang of teenage girls.
Kame jammed his hat even further down on his head. "Apparently not. It's a shame we won't get to see the game after all this."
"I'm not holding off fixing the universe so you can watch baseball!"
Jin had spoken more emphatically than he'd intended; unfortunately, Nakamaru had overheard. "Fixing the universe?" he repeated. "Does this have anything to do with clones?"
"He meant that we'd be putting things right by doing this," Kame said. "Jin's very into his causes."
"Oh yeah." Jin pumped his fist in the air in mock-salute. "Save the trees, help the whales, switch off the lights and all that."
Nakamaru was overjoyed by this and insisted on sharing his own views on the environment as they searched, though in truth, the only bit Jin really cared about was switching off the lights, and only then when Kame was with him.
Once they fought their way clear of the public areas it became easier to move, the crowd being reduced to staff only. They followed the signs to the locker rooms, which were, as Kame pointed out, the most logical places to search before a game. Koki's team had checked in to say they were approaching from the other side. Whichever team located the room in use by the Olympian Gods was to join the others, as it was unlikely that alter!Kame (or clone!Kame, depending on who you were and what you knew) would be chatting up his opponents.
"Remember," Kame said, "it's all about the attitude. You're LIPS officers in uniform and you don't answer to anyone except your boss. And since you don't technically have one and I'm the only one of us who has actually served-"
Jin put a hand up to stall him. "We get it." When Kame started on a power trip, it was best to stop him before he went too far. "After you, leader."
They were descending a staircase when Koki's voice crackled over Nakamaru's datband. "Guys? You're not going to believe this but...uh..."
In the background, Ueda said, "Just tell them."
"Uh...are there any more clones running around? Because we think we just saw another Akanishi Jin."
Kame groaned and grabbed Nakamaru's wrist so he could join the conversation. "Where? What was he wearing?"
"Going into the men's room by the sushi stand, third floor. I only got a quick look, might not have been him. He had his hair tied back in a ponytail, wore jeans, white T-shirt and a black vest. Do you want us to go back and see if he's still there?"
Kame was trapped between a rock and a hard place. If he asked them to keep an eye on alter!Jin, that meant he acknowledged the possibility of Jin becoming a paid killer. If he didn't, he took the risk of having alter!Kame wiped out before he could ask about the diamond. He looked to Jin for help, but Jin was frozen in place, back pressed against the wall and eyes glazed over.
"Kame?" Koki said. "Still there?"
"Still here." He made an executive decision. They couldn't take the risk. "If you find him, follow him. And be careful."
He dropped Nakamaru's wrist, then waved a hand in front of Jin's face. "Hey. You still with us?"
Jin was, but just barely. "I knew it. The old man sent him to take you out."
"He could be here to watch the game." Kame knew he didn't sound convincing but he still had to try. "Maybe he's a fan. Maybe our other selves are secretly seeing each other and he's here to cheer his boyfriend on, who knows?"
"And maybe he's here to kill him and we'll both be stuck here forever."
"Shut up before I have to kick you down the stairs."
"But-mph!"
"Now get moving," Kame said after detaching his lips from Jin's. "I think the locker rooms are on the next floor down."
"Can you guys not do that?" Nakamaru asked. "There's a pair of security guards giving us some really weird looks. I think they want to join in."
"Not allowed." Kame ushered the other two down the stairs. "Locker rooms: dead ahead."
"Hold it." The note on the door said they'd found the right room - the Lunar City Lunatics were inside - but the guard on the door showed no signs of removing himself from their path. "I'm going to have to ask you for some ID."
All three men held out their badges for inspection. The guard lingered longest over Kame's. "I don't know how you got out or why you're dressed like that, Mr. Kamenashi, but you'd better get back inside. You know the rules - everyone stays together till you come out for the game. Weren't you paying attention when Coach told you someone's gunning for you tonight?" He opened the door behind him.
It was as good an opportunity as they were ever going to get. The guard might not believe the disguise but maybe the players would. Kame could corner his other self.
"Sorry." He winked at the guard and threw an arm round Jin's shoulders. "Slipped out for a little privacy, if you know what I mean."
The guard winked back, though with less style. "I get you, Mr. Kamenashi." He looked hard at Nakamaru. "What's his story?"
Nakamaru jabbed Jin in the arm. "I'm his minder. Where he goes, I go."
"And he's going with me." Kame rushed through the door before the guard poked holes in their story. Jin and Nakamaru followed, Jin somewhat irritated.
"My minder?"
"It sounded better than 'babysitter'," Nakamaru said.
Nobody noticed them at first. The room was full of men wearing pale green uniforms, talking excitedly amongst themselves about the impending game. Kame recognised some of them as belong to the Lunatics he knew in his own universe. There was little Anderson, shortest man on the team and best known for being struck out more times than anyone else in the league. He was deep in conversation with Scacci, who never caught a ball clean when dropping it would do just as well. Wyatt, leaning against the back wall, was notorious for tripping en route to first base. If he made it past there, he was okay, but that first stage was critical.
But there was only so long three men in black, two of them wearing fedoras, could avoid attention. They scanned the room in search of the other Kame. He was nowhere to be seen.
Kame was just about to suggest they check the stalls in the corner when one of the players - unfortunately, one he didn't recognise - hailed him from across the room.
"Kame! Thought you'd be longer than that. You say you're going out for a quickie you're not kidding, are you?"
Another player joined in. "I thought you were just slipping out to meet one guy? Where'd you pick up the other one?"
Nakamaru looked like he'd rather be trapped in a pit of piranhas than spend another minute in that locker room.
"I didn't know you were into cosplay," Anderson chimed in. "You should've said; I've got a schoolgirl costume that'd fit you perfectly!"
So much for the LIPS uniforms. Kame gathered from the greetings that his other self was more concerned about getting laid than getting assassinated, which meant that he could be anywhere and they were right back where they started - clueless.
"Guys," he began, interrupting the catcalls, wolfwhistles, and other animal-related sounds of congratulations, "I know this'll sound stupid, but did I say where I was going?" The room exploded with laughter, leaving Kame with a sheepish smile. "I know, I know. But I left my sunglasses, and now I can't remember where. I had other things to think about."
He hoped they managed to restore the universe, otherwise he was going to be forever known as the team's airhead. The speculative leers he, Jin and Nakamaru were receiving from the others left him with no doubt that they were gleefully contemplating exactly how he'd managed to lose his sunglasses.
"Somewhere on the third floor, wasn't it?" Wyatt said. "I'm sure you said something about going for sushi. I thought it was a euphemism, personally..."
Third floor. Sushi stand. "Contact Koki," Kame whispered to Nakamaru. "Tell him to stay up there; I might be around. We're on our way."
Nakamaru nodded and did so, using Jin for cover while Kame took a peek out the door. The security guard smiled back at him and waggled a disapproving finger. Kame shut the door in a hurry.
"Door's out, unless anyone feels like stunning the guard."
One of the other players, who was throwing a ball in the air and catching it in his glove, made the suggestion that Kame merely send one of his "companions" to locate his sunglasses for him, saving him from having to do it himself. This was entirely too sensible, so Kame ignored it.
"Go the same way you went before," Anderson said. "The window hasn't moved."
Kame took one look at the window and concluded that his other self was clearly insane. "Tiny" didn't quite do it justice; wherever alter!Kame was, he was probably missing a layer of skin. He couldn't see Jin wriggling through - his ego alone would have problems - and since they couldn't risk separation, the window was out.
Jin felt the same way. "How about bribery? Or we could send Nakamaru out to lecture him about saving energy. That should put him to sleep."
Nakamaru ignored him. "What about asking Koki to create a diversion? Or," he smiled brightly, "we send Akanishi out to distract him. A couple of hair flips and a few coy glances should do it."
"What exactly do you think I am?"
"Hmm." Kame wasn't touching that one. "I think he's got something, though..."
The team didn't take much convincing to get with the plan. In fact, a couple of them fell in so readily that Kame suspected they'd been after an opportunity to take a shot at him for a while. He borrowed a ball, wound up, and gave the nearest locker a dent to remember. That was the cue for the shouting to break out.
"I've had enough of you, Kamenashi!" Wyatt yelled. "You waltz in here with your emptyheaded prettyboys and your fancy designer cosplay outfits and you think we should all put up with it when you start going at it in the showers!" Sotto voce, he added, "How am I doing?"
Kame gave him a thumbs up.
Jin kicked a locker on the opposite side. "Emptyheaded prettyboys? You're just jealous because no one with any taste would even look twice at you!"
Eager to help, Scacci overturned a bench. The crash drew the attention of the guard. "Keep it down in there, can't you? I thought it was rock stars who were supposed to destroy rooms, not athletes!"
Everyone ignored him to concentrate on making as much of a ruckus as possible. Bags flew through the air, with tempers following. Kame received abuse about his perfectionist streak, his bad jokes, his love of designer goods, his habit of painting his nails and his apparently insatiable libido, though much of this was drowned out by the clang of metal and Kame's own, entirely artificial fury. Jin helped out with some inarticulate yells; Nakamaru judged it safest to keep out of harm's way.
When Kame gave the signal, Wyatt flung open the door and shoved him outside, yelling, "And stay out!" for good measure. Kame caught himself before he hit the wall. Jin and Nakamaru slipped out after him, the door slamming shut behind.
The guard was not at all happy about this. "With all due respect, Mr. Kamenashi, you're supposed to get back in there. It could be dangerous out here."
"It's definitely dangerous in there! I'll be back for the game." Kame whirled round to head for the stairs. "Come on, guys."
Leaving the guard muttering obscenities about divas, they raced back upstairs to the third floor. The sushi stand wasn't hard to find. Junno was standing next to it, entertaining the queue with a series of bad food-related puns. He broke off when he saw Kame.
"Koki and Ueda are watching them," he explained. "They took a tray and went to sit down at the tables in the back."
"Watching who?" Kame said. "Did my clone show up?"
Junno led them into the alcove so they could see for themselves. There were half a dozen small tables, each one occupied by diners bolting their food before the game. Koki and Ueda were leaning casually against opposite walls, unable to sit down as all the chairs were full.
Right at the back, almost completely hidden by the tables in front, sat Kamenashi Kazuya and Akanishi Jin.
"It makes sense that your clone would have the same taste in men as you do," Nakamaru said, fascinated by the sight. "But why did they clone Akanishi too?"
Kame was too taken aback by the sight of himself to come up with an answer. It was one thing seeing pictures on the news, or hearing people talk about him, but to actually see his other self in the flesh was nothing short of horrifying.
Jin didn't feel quite the same way. "I can see why the other you sneaked out to see the other me. I mean, look at me!" He watched alter!Jin's face light up with laughter. "Oh yeah, I'd definitely do me."
"I think you'd have some competition." It was quite clear to Kame that their other selves were taking great pleasure in hiding out in plain sight, chatting away like they'd known each other for years - which well they might have. "Don't go getting any ideas about a foursome. You wouldn't have the stamina."
Nakamaru covered his ears. "Do the rest of us really need to know this?"
"He's cutting it close if he's going to play." Junno checked his watch. "You might have to substitute, Kame."
"That's not funny." While Kame did find it somewhat surreal to witness what was effectively himself and Jin on a date, it gave him hope that alter!Jin wasn't there to wipe out alter!Kame. It didn't look like the last meal of a condemned man by any means. "We need to get him alone."
By this point, Koki had sidled up to them. "Those of us who aren't already sitting at that table and are still in uniform," meaning himself and Nakamaru, "could go over there and haul him off for questioning. You said it's all about the attitude, right?"
"Right." Kame caught Koki's eye. "Let's get him somewhere a little less crowded."
They couldn't get him out of the stadium altogether but the staff-only areas would do. Koki suggested the break room they'd visited earlier; the location wasn't important. Kame just didn't want anyone spotting him confronting his other self, especially not the media.
The decision was made for them as alter!Kame left the table, heading for the stairs. Kame was slightly mortified to see how his other self insisted on waving cutely at alter!Jin as he departed, though Jin found it adorable.
"Watch the other Jin," Kame muttered to Koki as he and Jin set off in pursuit. "We'll be back in a minute."
They were running out of time. Alter!Kame was presumably rejoining his team, which meant Kame's chances of getting him alone were shrinking by the second and if he didn't manage it there was going to be a locker room full of very confused (and possibly angry) people.
The stairwell was practically empty, with only the other Kame jogging round and down below them, bouncing flecks of green and red. Kame and Jin picked up the pace; their quarry appeared not to notice he'd acquired a tail, for he never looked up. It wasn't until they exited the stairwell and entered the corridor that they finally saw another person.
It was another security guard - not the same one as before, because this one was taller, younger and wearing a baseball cap pulled down over his eyes. The badge hanging halfway down his chest provided the only spot of colour on an otherwise solid black outfit.
Further down the corridor, the lone guard outside the locker room had disappeared. The new guard was positioned by another door entirely, near the entrance to the stairwell, close enough that he didn't have to leave his post to talk to alter!Kame.
Jin couldn't hear what was said, not from where they were lingering in the doorway, but alter!Kame's expression went from confused to accepting in the space of ten seconds and when the guard opened the door next to him, he had no problems walking through it. Jin wished he could see the guard's face. There was something familiar in the way he stood, in the way his fingertips caressed the pink teddy bear hanging from the stunner on his belt...
"Jin!"
Kame's frantic whisper shook Jin out of his memories. "What?"
"There was a sign on that door when we were down here before," Kame said. "It's gone now. It leads to one of the emergency evacuation tunnels. You know, the ones they make everyone go down if the domes fail and we start losing the atmosphere?"
Jin knew. On Earth, such things weren't necessary, but humans couldn't survive on the surface of the Moon without the domes that shielded them, locking in the artificial atmosphere and allowing them to live their lives as they would anywhere else. The alternative was an eternity in what would be little more than grounded spaceships.
Kame nudged him towards the door, eager to follow. "Why would the guard take him down there?"
"That's not a real security guard." Jin's heart broke the moment he remembered where he'd seen the teddy bear before. He'd bought it twelve years ago, as a present for his best friend - the only pink one in the store, and he'd been a bit embarrassed when the assistant asked him if he was buying it for his girlfriend and aww, wasn't that cute, he was blushing. The recipient hadn't minded the colour at all, though. It had always been his favourite.
"That's not a real security guard," Jin repeated. "That's Yamapi, and I can think of exactly two reasons why he'd invite your other self down to the tunnels. Either the other me is being cheated on, or..." He didn't want to say it.
Kame sighed and drew his blaster. "This wasn't how I wanted to confirm your innocence. We'd better go after them."
Jin really didn't want to shoot anybody, especially people who happened to be identical to his loved ones. He drew his stolen stunner instead. What it lacked in intimidation, it made up for in humanity. Perhaps if he just shot everyone in the ankles, on the lowest setting, they could stop this ridiculous chase all round the stadium and get some answers.
Unlike most of the doors in the stadium, this one was a slider. Jin pressed his thumb to the panel. It was a heavy door, unwilling to open at any great speed, but eventually there was enough room for Jin to squeeze himself through the gap. He stepped back to give Kame space to follow...
...and the door slid shut, leaving Kame on the other side.
Series: JE Fleet
Fandom: KAT-TUN
Pairing: Akame
Rating: R (m/m activity)
Genre: AU, crack, sci-fi
Word count: 35,850
Disclaimer: Not mine, damnit.
Summary: The JE Fleet ship KAT-TUN goes AWOL in more ways than one.
A/N: Takes place straight after III, but won't make any sense unless you've read IV, so if you're new to the series, you might want to read them in order.
Chapter 8
It took another two minutes for Kame to give Ueda the same short explanation he'd given Junno; he hoped Ohkura was too busy after his teabreak to remember any of it and come looking for them. To his credit, Ueda didn't argue about such outlandish things as cursed diamonds and custom-made clones. He'd always been at least partly in a world of his own, which helped tremendously in allowing him to believe the implausible.
They arranged to split up to cover more ground. Kame and Jin had to go together, of course, and Nakamaru accompanied them. He and Koki could easily communicate by datband, so Koki led the other group. Everybody knew what Kamenashi Kazuya looked like. Recognising him, when they found him, wouldn't be a problem.
"Remember: if you find him, just keep him under control until I get there," Kame said. "Don't stun him if you can avoid it. And especially don't hit him in the head; I need to talk to him."
Koki had handed his stolen stunner to Ueda, and Nakamaru had given his to Junno, both against their better judgment. Once Junno was armed, he appeared to lose faith in the idea of the whole thing being some mad publicity stunt. It didn't make him any less cheerful, though.
The Crescent Moon Stadium was enormous. Inside the building, several storeys ringed the arena, each one with dozens of rooms to be searched and thousands of people still wandering around before taking their seats. They queued for the bathrooms, they queued for food and souvenirs, they queued simply because they were standing next to people who happened to be standing next to other people and somehow, a queue had formed.
"Don't they have anything better to do?" Jin complained after being mobbed by a gang of teenage girls.
Kame jammed his hat even further down on his head. "Apparently not. It's a shame we won't get to see the game after all this."
"I'm not holding off fixing the universe so you can watch baseball!"
Jin had spoken more emphatically than he'd intended; unfortunately, Nakamaru had overheard. "Fixing the universe?" he repeated. "Does this have anything to do with clones?"
"He meant that we'd be putting things right by doing this," Kame said. "Jin's very into his causes."
"Oh yeah." Jin pumped his fist in the air in mock-salute. "Save the trees, help the whales, switch off the lights and all that."
Nakamaru was overjoyed by this and insisted on sharing his own views on the environment as they searched, though in truth, the only bit Jin really cared about was switching off the lights, and only then when Kame was with him.
Once they fought their way clear of the public areas it became easier to move, the crowd being reduced to staff only. They followed the signs to the locker rooms, which were, as Kame pointed out, the most logical places to search before a game. Koki's team had checked in to say they were approaching from the other side. Whichever team located the room in use by the Olympian Gods was to join the others, as it was unlikely that alter!Kame (or clone!Kame, depending on who you were and what you knew) would be chatting up his opponents.
"Remember," Kame said, "it's all about the attitude. You're LIPS officers in uniform and you don't answer to anyone except your boss. And since you don't technically have one and I'm the only one of us who has actually served-"
Jin put a hand up to stall him. "We get it." When Kame started on a power trip, it was best to stop him before he went too far. "After you, leader."
They were descending a staircase when Koki's voice crackled over Nakamaru's datband. "Guys? You're not going to believe this but...uh..."
In the background, Ueda said, "Just tell them."
"Uh...are there any more clones running around? Because we think we just saw another Akanishi Jin."
Kame groaned and grabbed Nakamaru's wrist so he could join the conversation. "Where? What was he wearing?"
"Going into the men's room by the sushi stand, third floor. I only got a quick look, might not have been him. He had his hair tied back in a ponytail, wore jeans, white T-shirt and a black vest. Do you want us to go back and see if he's still there?"
Kame was trapped between a rock and a hard place. If he asked them to keep an eye on alter!Jin, that meant he acknowledged the possibility of Jin becoming a paid killer. If he didn't, he took the risk of having alter!Kame wiped out before he could ask about the diamond. He looked to Jin for help, but Jin was frozen in place, back pressed against the wall and eyes glazed over.
"Kame?" Koki said. "Still there?"
"Still here." He made an executive decision. They couldn't take the risk. "If you find him, follow him. And be careful."
He dropped Nakamaru's wrist, then waved a hand in front of Jin's face. "Hey. You still with us?"
Jin was, but just barely. "I knew it. The old man sent him to take you out."
"He could be here to watch the game." Kame knew he didn't sound convincing but he still had to try. "Maybe he's a fan. Maybe our other selves are secretly seeing each other and he's here to cheer his boyfriend on, who knows?"
"And maybe he's here to kill him and we'll both be stuck here forever."
"Shut up before I have to kick you down the stairs."
"But-mph!"
"Now get moving," Kame said after detaching his lips from Jin's. "I think the locker rooms are on the next floor down."
"Can you guys not do that?" Nakamaru asked. "There's a pair of security guards giving us some really weird looks. I think they want to join in."
"Not allowed." Kame ushered the other two down the stairs. "Locker rooms: dead ahead."
"Hold it." The note on the door said they'd found the right room - the Lunar City Lunatics were inside - but the guard on the door showed no signs of removing himself from their path. "I'm going to have to ask you for some ID."
All three men held out their badges for inspection. The guard lingered longest over Kame's. "I don't know how you got out or why you're dressed like that, Mr. Kamenashi, but you'd better get back inside. You know the rules - everyone stays together till you come out for the game. Weren't you paying attention when Coach told you someone's gunning for you tonight?" He opened the door behind him.
It was as good an opportunity as they were ever going to get. The guard might not believe the disguise but maybe the players would. Kame could corner his other self.
"Sorry." He winked at the guard and threw an arm round Jin's shoulders. "Slipped out for a little privacy, if you know what I mean."
The guard winked back, though with less style. "I get you, Mr. Kamenashi." He looked hard at Nakamaru. "What's his story?"
Nakamaru jabbed Jin in the arm. "I'm his minder. Where he goes, I go."
"And he's going with me." Kame rushed through the door before the guard poked holes in their story. Jin and Nakamaru followed, Jin somewhat irritated.
"My minder?"
"It sounded better than 'babysitter'," Nakamaru said.
Nobody noticed them at first. The room was full of men wearing pale green uniforms, talking excitedly amongst themselves about the impending game. Kame recognised some of them as belong to the Lunatics he knew in his own universe. There was little Anderson, shortest man on the team and best known for being struck out more times than anyone else in the league. He was deep in conversation with Scacci, who never caught a ball clean when dropping it would do just as well. Wyatt, leaning against the back wall, was notorious for tripping en route to first base. If he made it past there, he was okay, but that first stage was critical.
But there was only so long three men in black, two of them wearing fedoras, could avoid attention. They scanned the room in search of the other Kame. He was nowhere to be seen.
Kame was just about to suggest they check the stalls in the corner when one of the players - unfortunately, one he didn't recognise - hailed him from across the room.
"Kame! Thought you'd be longer than that. You say you're going out for a quickie you're not kidding, are you?"
Another player joined in. "I thought you were just slipping out to meet one guy? Where'd you pick up the other one?"
Nakamaru looked like he'd rather be trapped in a pit of piranhas than spend another minute in that locker room.
"I didn't know you were into cosplay," Anderson chimed in. "You should've said; I've got a schoolgirl costume that'd fit you perfectly!"
So much for the LIPS uniforms. Kame gathered from the greetings that his other self was more concerned about getting laid than getting assassinated, which meant that he could be anywhere and they were right back where they started - clueless.
"Guys," he began, interrupting the catcalls, wolfwhistles, and other animal-related sounds of congratulations, "I know this'll sound stupid, but did I say where I was going?" The room exploded with laughter, leaving Kame with a sheepish smile. "I know, I know. But I left my sunglasses, and now I can't remember where. I had other things to think about."
He hoped they managed to restore the universe, otherwise he was going to be forever known as the team's airhead. The speculative leers he, Jin and Nakamaru were receiving from the others left him with no doubt that they were gleefully contemplating exactly how he'd managed to lose his sunglasses.
"Somewhere on the third floor, wasn't it?" Wyatt said. "I'm sure you said something about going for sushi. I thought it was a euphemism, personally..."
Third floor. Sushi stand. "Contact Koki," Kame whispered to Nakamaru. "Tell him to stay up there; I might be around. We're on our way."
Nakamaru nodded and did so, using Jin for cover while Kame took a peek out the door. The security guard smiled back at him and waggled a disapproving finger. Kame shut the door in a hurry.
"Door's out, unless anyone feels like stunning the guard."
One of the other players, who was throwing a ball in the air and catching it in his glove, made the suggestion that Kame merely send one of his "companions" to locate his sunglasses for him, saving him from having to do it himself. This was entirely too sensible, so Kame ignored it.
"Go the same way you went before," Anderson said. "The window hasn't moved."
Kame took one look at the window and concluded that his other self was clearly insane. "Tiny" didn't quite do it justice; wherever alter!Kame was, he was probably missing a layer of skin. He couldn't see Jin wriggling through - his ego alone would have problems - and since they couldn't risk separation, the window was out.
Jin felt the same way. "How about bribery? Or we could send Nakamaru out to lecture him about saving energy. That should put him to sleep."
Nakamaru ignored him. "What about asking Koki to create a diversion? Or," he smiled brightly, "we send Akanishi out to distract him. A couple of hair flips and a few coy glances should do it."
"What exactly do you think I am?"
"Hmm." Kame wasn't touching that one. "I think he's got something, though..."
The team didn't take much convincing to get with the plan. In fact, a couple of them fell in so readily that Kame suspected they'd been after an opportunity to take a shot at him for a while. He borrowed a ball, wound up, and gave the nearest locker a dent to remember. That was the cue for the shouting to break out.
"I've had enough of you, Kamenashi!" Wyatt yelled. "You waltz in here with your emptyheaded prettyboys and your fancy designer cosplay outfits and you think we should all put up with it when you start going at it in the showers!" Sotto voce, he added, "How am I doing?"
Kame gave him a thumbs up.
Jin kicked a locker on the opposite side. "Emptyheaded prettyboys? You're just jealous because no one with any taste would even look twice at you!"
Eager to help, Scacci overturned a bench. The crash drew the attention of the guard. "Keep it down in there, can't you? I thought it was rock stars who were supposed to destroy rooms, not athletes!"
Everyone ignored him to concentrate on making as much of a ruckus as possible. Bags flew through the air, with tempers following. Kame received abuse about his perfectionist streak, his bad jokes, his love of designer goods, his habit of painting his nails and his apparently insatiable libido, though much of this was drowned out by the clang of metal and Kame's own, entirely artificial fury. Jin helped out with some inarticulate yells; Nakamaru judged it safest to keep out of harm's way.
When Kame gave the signal, Wyatt flung open the door and shoved him outside, yelling, "And stay out!" for good measure. Kame caught himself before he hit the wall. Jin and Nakamaru slipped out after him, the door slamming shut behind.
The guard was not at all happy about this. "With all due respect, Mr. Kamenashi, you're supposed to get back in there. It could be dangerous out here."
"It's definitely dangerous in there! I'll be back for the game." Kame whirled round to head for the stairs. "Come on, guys."
Leaving the guard muttering obscenities about divas, they raced back upstairs to the third floor. The sushi stand wasn't hard to find. Junno was standing next to it, entertaining the queue with a series of bad food-related puns. He broke off when he saw Kame.
"Koki and Ueda are watching them," he explained. "They took a tray and went to sit down at the tables in the back."
"Watching who?" Kame said. "Did my clone show up?"
Junno led them into the alcove so they could see for themselves. There were half a dozen small tables, each one occupied by diners bolting their food before the game. Koki and Ueda were leaning casually against opposite walls, unable to sit down as all the chairs were full.
Right at the back, almost completely hidden by the tables in front, sat Kamenashi Kazuya and Akanishi Jin.
"It makes sense that your clone would have the same taste in men as you do," Nakamaru said, fascinated by the sight. "But why did they clone Akanishi too?"
Kame was too taken aback by the sight of himself to come up with an answer. It was one thing seeing pictures on the news, or hearing people talk about him, but to actually see his other self in the flesh was nothing short of horrifying.
Jin didn't feel quite the same way. "I can see why the other you sneaked out to see the other me. I mean, look at me!" He watched alter!Jin's face light up with laughter. "Oh yeah, I'd definitely do me."
"I think you'd have some competition." It was quite clear to Kame that their other selves were taking great pleasure in hiding out in plain sight, chatting away like they'd known each other for years - which well they might have. "Don't go getting any ideas about a foursome. You wouldn't have the stamina."
Nakamaru covered his ears. "Do the rest of us really need to know this?"
"He's cutting it close if he's going to play." Junno checked his watch. "You might have to substitute, Kame."
"That's not funny." While Kame did find it somewhat surreal to witness what was effectively himself and Jin on a date, it gave him hope that alter!Jin wasn't there to wipe out alter!Kame. It didn't look like the last meal of a condemned man by any means. "We need to get him alone."
By this point, Koki had sidled up to them. "Those of us who aren't already sitting at that table and are still in uniform," meaning himself and Nakamaru, "could go over there and haul him off for questioning. You said it's all about the attitude, right?"
"Right." Kame caught Koki's eye. "Let's get him somewhere a little less crowded."
They couldn't get him out of the stadium altogether but the staff-only areas would do. Koki suggested the break room they'd visited earlier; the location wasn't important. Kame just didn't want anyone spotting him confronting his other self, especially not the media.
The decision was made for them as alter!Kame left the table, heading for the stairs. Kame was slightly mortified to see how his other self insisted on waving cutely at alter!Jin as he departed, though Jin found it adorable.
"Watch the other Jin," Kame muttered to Koki as he and Jin set off in pursuit. "We'll be back in a minute."
They were running out of time. Alter!Kame was presumably rejoining his team, which meant Kame's chances of getting him alone were shrinking by the second and if he didn't manage it there was going to be a locker room full of very confused (and possibly angry) people.
The stairwell was practically empty, with only the other Kame jogging round and down below them, bouncing flecks of green and red. Kame and Jin picked up the pace; their quarry appeared not to notice he'd acquired a tail, for he never looked up. It wasn't until they exited the stairwell and entered the corridor that they finally saw another person.
It was another security guard - not the same one as before, because this one was taller, younger and wearing a baseball cap pulled down over his eyes. The badge hanging halfway down his chest provided the only spot of colour on an otherwise solid black outfit.
Further down the corridor, the lone guard outside the locker room had disappeared. The new guard was positioned by another door entirely, near the entrance to the stairwell, close enough that he didn't have to leave his post to talk to alter!Kame.
Jin couldn't hear what was said, not from where they were lingering in the doorway, but alter!Kame's expression went from confused to accepting in the space of ten seconds and when the guard opened the door next to him, he had no problems walking through it. Jin wished he could see the guard's face. There was something familiar in the way he stood, in the way his fingertips caressed the pink teddy bear hanging from the stunner on his belt...
"Jin!"
Kame's frantic whisper shook Jin out of his memories. "What?"
"There was a sign on that door when we were down here before," Kame said. "It's gone now. It leads to one of the emergency evacuation tunnels. You know, the ones they make everyone go down if the domes fail and we start losing the atmosphere?"
Jin knew. On Earth, such things weren't necessary, but humans couldn't survive on the surface of the Moon without the domes that shielded them, locking in the artificial atmosphere and allowing them to live their lives as they would anywhere else. The alternative was an eternity in what would be little more than grounded spaceships.
Kame nudged him towards the door, eager to follow. "Why would the guard take him down there?"
"That's not a real security guard." Jin's heart broke the moment he remembered where he'd seen the teddy bear before. He'd bought it twelve years ago, as a present for his best friend - the only pink one in the store, and he'd been a bit embarrassed when the assistant asked him if he was buying it for his girlfriend and aww, wasn't that cute, he was blushing. The recipient hadn't minded the colour at all, though. It had always been his favourite.
"That's not a real security guard," Jin repeated. "That's Yamapi, and I can think of exactly two reasons why he'd invite your other self down to the tunnels. Either the other me is being cheated on, or..." He didn't want to say it.
Kame sighed and drew his blaster. "This wasn't how I wanted to confirm your innocence. We'd better go after them."
Jin really didn't want to shoot anybody, especially people who happened to be identical to his loved ones. He drew his stolen stunner instead. What it lacked in intimidation, it made up for in humanity. Perhaps if he just shot everyone in the ankles, on the lowest setting, they could stop this ridiculous chase all round the stadium and get some answers.
Unlike most of the doors in the stadium, this one was a slider. Jin pressed his thumb to the panel. It was a heavy door, unwilling to open at any great speed, but eventually there was enough room for Jin to squeeze himself through the gap. He stepped back to give Kame space to follow...
...and the door slid shut, leaving Kame on the other side.