Wrestlemania 25
I have not finished my review of WM24 yet (Thanks for sending me things out-of-order, Netflix), so here is my premature review of 25.
WWE Wrestlemania XV
Hey look! Wrestlemania is a quarter-century old! It actually makes me feel really old to think about; not because I “remember” the first one or anything (I actually did not start watching wrestling until right around Wrestlemania VIII), but to think that I was 4 years old when Wrestlemania debuted, and this was the quarter-century anniversary…it really makes me feel like a dinosaur. But I take solace in the fact that I REALLY like the vast majority of this show, so I’m stoked to see it again.
Match 1: Money In The Bank Ladder Match - CM Punk vs. Mark Henry vs. MVP vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswaggle) vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Kane
The backstory: Punk comes out first, instantly reminding us that he was the previous year’s winner of Money In The Bank and did pretty much bupkiss with it, being merely a transitional champ and booked to look weak against Randy Orton and Batista. Christian had made his return to WWE shortly before Wrestlemania here and was widely considered to be the likely winner before this event. MVP and Finlay had both just turned face in the last year, the former due to a 20+ match losing streak (meh, it made sense at the time, I guess), and the latter due to the only-somewhat-memorable Hornswaggle-as-Vince’s-bastard-son angle. I will always remember the scene where, before it was revealed that Finlay was actually Swaggle’s father, Finlay was defending his son from Vince McMahon, and Hornswaggle just looked up to him on the way to the ring and said “Thank you”. It was such a sweet, understated moment that wrestling really needs more of.
The match: I think this is one of the two or three best MitB matches in history, so I’m a fan. This was a huge coming out match for Kofi who really does some spots that put even some of Shelton’s throughout history pale (though Shelton does perform a senton from the tallest ladder outside the ring onto pretty much everyone else that elicits an audible “HOLY SHIT“ chant from the crowd). Kane and Henry really do a better job here than anyone would have suspected, as they work in their own little power spots while the other guys do their athletic spots. There is just some level of chemistry between these eight men that lead to some beautiful moments in MitB history (Christian hitting the Killswitch to Punk from off a set up ladder, Kofi climbing a folded up ladder as Mark Henry held it in his arms). In the end, CM Punk gets the briefcase after a nifty little three-way scruff atop the ladders with himself, Christian, and Kane.
Aftermath: Inexplicably, Punk went onto a feud with Umaga where Punk was utterly dominated, and the IWC bitched about how he was being mishandled; that is, until he used the contract to cash in on a worn-out Jeff Hardy who had won the World Title (over Edge) and then started one of the best heel turns in WWE history. Punk still wrestled as a face, but grew darker and more vicious as he refused to believe that the fans would cheer an addict like Hardy over the virtue that he represented. Faked injuries, temper tantrums, and great vitriol in each others’ promos made for a fantastic feud that absolutely blew Punk up as one of the most overall talented guys in the company. I can only assume this MitB victory was management’s apology to Punk for how poorly they handled his win the year before.
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Match 2: 25-Diva Battle Royal For The Title of Miss Wrestlemania.
The backstory: WWE wanted to have a Battle Royal to crown the first ever Miss Wrestlemania among current and past Divas. For the weeks leading up the event, Santino Marella had been pointing out the inherent superiority of male wrestlers and trying to get entrance into the battle royal to use assistance from his girlfriend Beth Phoenix to win it. He was denied entry at every turn.
The match: Ha ha…oh, okay. Well, before the match, there were two major controversies. Maybe one, but it was controversial for two reasons. Before this match, Kid Rock played a mini-rock concert that had to have been 10-15 minutes long, and it segued into his singing the ladies down to the ring. Why was this controversial (besides the fact that Kid Rock absolutely blows and was at least 6 or 7 years removed from cultural relevance at this point)? First, it reduced the World Tag Team Title unification match between the Colons and The Miz and John Morrison to pre-show dark match status, and second, because it kept the ladies from getting ring introductions, so most people had no idea that some Divas had returned to partake in this match (though, to be fair, having introductions would have drastically spoiled the ending, so this might have been accidentally clever on WWE‘s part). By the way…on this DVD, the Kid Rock concert is M.I.A. Thank god. The match is…non-essential at best, as it is really just a segue to its own result.
The aftermath: The winner of the match is Santino Marella, dressed in a wig and drag and pretending to be his own twin sister, Santina. He last eliminates his girlfriend Beth Phoenix, spelling the end of both their relationship and Santino’s career as a heel. Haters gonna hate, but I thought Santina/Santino was even more solid gold that Santino’s regular work in promos and on the microphone, so I think this match was totally worth it just for that. Eventually “Santina” was fired on the one night Donal Trump owned the company, but the gag was near the end of its course by that point anyway.
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Match 3: Handicap Match - Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka, and Ricky Steamboat (w/ Ric Flair)
The backstory: After turning heel (and adopting a persona based on the villain in the movie “No Country For Old Men”) shortly after last year’s Wrestlemania in a gorgeous feud with Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho decided to take umbrage to Mickey Rourke’s movie “The Wrestler”, saying it glorified the has-been wrestlers of yesteryear who were hanging on and taking spotlight away from current stars like himself. He decided to take this umbrage out on a few older wrestlers in various assaults until they ended up signing this match. Pretty smart of WWE to go out of its way to capitalize on the success of “The Wrestler”, and use its most charismatic (and hate-able) star to do it.
The match: Jericho is the one who deserves an Oscar for carrying the unmistakably broken down and valueless pair Jimmy Snuka and Roddy Piper through the first few minutes of this match before eliminating them individually (Snuka looks especially putrid in the ring--was there no one else they could have found to fill the third spot here?). But that is when things got interesting, when this essentially shifted to a one-on-one match between Jericho and Ricky Steamboat who really showed a lot of skill and vigor.
The aftermath: After defeating the legends and beating up Ric Flair for fun, Jericho gets the come-uppance that everyone knew was coming: Mickey Rourke hit’s the ring and one-punches him out. Even though it is part of a Wrestlemania trend that I despise (celebrities not named Pete Rose getting the better of the professional wrestlers), it was great booking: Jericho looks great for beating three different guys--and cleaning the clock of a fourth--and yet the fans are still happy because he ends up staring up at the sky.
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Match 4: Extreme Rules Match - Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy
The backstory: After Jeff Hardy had sustained drug problems and the loss of his house due to a fire (in his real life), Jeff Hardy began having bad luck that was blamed on his lack of focus in life--he was found unconscious in a stairwell, his pyro blasted him in the face, among other instances. So on the same night that he lost the ECW Title to Jack Swagger, Matt Hardy attacked his brother with a chair to cost him the WWE Title to Edge. In a wickedly sinister move, Matt then took credit for everything else that had happened to Jeff in the past few months (including the house fire that killed his pet dog; seriously how much lower can you get than setting your brother‘s house on fire and killing his dog just because you‘re mad he‘s had a better career than you and can‘t stop doing drugs?). After a few months of refusing to fight Matt, Jeff finally relents, and this match is signed.
The match: This is where Jabroniville and I differ; he’d probably see this as an overhyped spotfest, but I love overhyped spotfests! I’m such an easy mark to please; seeing Eddie Guerrero and Dean Malenko reverse hold after hold is great, but seeing guys do flips through tables is spectacular! If not for a certain legendary match later in the card, this match would have no problem being the best of the night. This match is full of highlights: Matt hitting Jeff with a chair mid-Whisper In The Wind; Jeff wailing on Matt, while trapped in a garbage can, with a crutch; Jeff splashing through a Table-Chair-Matt-Table sandwich; and Jeff leapfrogging ladders to attempt a leg drop. Matt ends up winning after hitting a Twist of Fate with Jeff’s head stuck in a chair--even watching this a second time, I have no idea how Matt didn’t break Jeff’s neck. Following the Jericho match, this match is another perfect example of How To Book 101: Matt wins, getting the much needed win for his career, and Jeff had most of the high spots, making himself look like a trillion bucks. I was kind of shocked to see chair shots to the head in this match, as I thought they’d already been banned outright by Vince here, but maybe not.
The aftermath: These two had a few other matches after this, or at least two that I remember: A Stretcher match (that Matt won) and an I Quit match (that Jeff won to end the feud). After all this heat and all the great matches, Jeff was rewarded with another world championship and the aforementioned brilliant feud with Punk, and Matt was rewarded with…being drafted to Raw and turned into a Jobber To The Stars. Just because I swear sometimes that WWE likes to reverse-engineer diamonds into coal. What’s the point in having a guy make a huge heel turn, beat his popular rival more often than he loses to him, and then turning him into an ineffectual buffoon? But I guess that’s why they don’t pay me to book these things.
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Match 5: Intercontinental Title Match - JBL ( c ) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.
The backstory: JBL had spent the better part of the last few months enslaving a financially broke Shawn Michaels, and had recently lost HBK’s services, but somehow gained the IC belt. Rey Mysterio was the #1 contender, so they have a match. Ta-da?
The match: JBL hit’s the ring without a car or music, merely shouting into a microphone and declaring he would give the most dominant victory in Wrestlemania history. Rey Mysterio--in a moment I’ve never stopped talking about--comes out to a DEAD crowd. There is zero excitement for his ring introduction, and I always thought I might have imagined it, but I did not; the crowd is pin-drop silent here. Maybe Rey’s stupid Joker-inspired costume confused them? Whatever, Rey wins in 21 seconds to win the IC title.
The aftermath: JBL grabs a microphone and screams that he quits after Rey’s celebration. It turns out JBL had wanted to leave for some time at this point, so he gave his good friend Rey a dominant victory to send himself off. Which, say what you will about JBL, is pretty nifty of him, even if Rey .
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Match 6: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker
The backstory: Undertaker’s whole modern day Undefeated Streak schtick really started strong here, as there was a few guys fighting for the RIGHT to battle ‘Taker at Wrestlemania. Shawn ended up fending off JBL and Vladimir Kozlov (who was still a big deal then, even having beaten Taker clean on Smackdown recently) to earn the privilege. It all made sense for the 25th anniversary of ’Mania: the guy who can’t lose vs. the guy who always put on the best match. After this, we got a clinic on how to build a match, as Shawn outsmarted Taker at most every turn, giving some great promos in the meantime. It came down to Shawn’s white, holy avenging angel vs. Undertaker’s dark, sinister deadman to see who was really the king of Wrestlemania. And sometimes it really is just that easy.
The match: Watching this match in a crowded restaurant was a great experience; no one was eating or drinking or playing trivia at this point--everyone was screaming and yelling. It was about as electric as I can imagine a restaurant watching TV getting. Most importantly, there is no gimmick here. It’s not “hardcore”; there’s no caskets or ladders; nothing is any more or less legal than any regular old one-on-one match, so it’s a testament to how two guys can have a beautiful standard match if they want to. There is an obnoxious stretch of typical Undertaker where Shawn has Taker locked in an unorthodox version of a Figure Four, but Taker eventually breaks it, essentially limps four or five times, and then shows no other effects as he hit’s a lot of his power offense. But it just wouldn’t be Undertaker without forgetting to sell. After Taker misses his Once-Per-Year suicide dive (the miss that got Sim Snuka a lot of unfair heat from Taker because he did not stand as short as Taker jumped), Shawn has a great moment where he pleads with the referee to count Taker out--Shawn is huddled in the corner bouncing like an eager child as the ref counts; that still slays me.
Past that, it’s hard to describe this match. If you haven’t seen it, you need to. It lives up to the hype. Granted, knowing the result really does take some of the mystique away; you don’t get all the kickouts and escapes you never expected. But regardless, it’s still a fantastic match.
The aftermath: These guys would do it again at next year’s Wrestlemania, and again, they put on a “How To Establish A Match” clinic, but the rematch, in my eyes, always fell well short of this battle; it wasn’t even the best match of Wrestlemania 26. But who cares? They still gave us this classic at WM25.
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Match 7: World Heavyweight Title Match - John Cena vs. The Big Show vs. Edge ( c )
The backstory: Vickie Guerrero was still in her career-making heel role as Edge’s lover, having been guiding and cheating for Edge for over a year now. At this point, Edge and Vickie had gotten married (Alicia Fox speedbump notwithstanding), and became the new incarnation of the McMahon-Helmsley era gimmick. Big Show had somehow become the #1 contender and was signed to compete with Edge. John Cena blackmailed Vickie into putting him in the match, as well, and then revealed his blackmail anyway since he’s such an honorable guy: Vickie had been having an affair with The Big Show. So everybody hates everybody, two of them love Vickie, and we have a Heavyweight Title feud! Vickie and Chavo are at ringside, but it’s hard to say whether they are “with” Edge or Show.
The match: The three guys involved aren all pretty good, and this is still a lot better than the match they selected to follow it, but it suffers from Typical Triple Threat Match Syndrome: far too many instances of one guy being incapacitated so that the other two can go at it for a while until they need someone to break up a finish. Vickie does not play nearly the role that she should have here, and I feel they missed a boat there--she pretty much just gets Speared early on and then disappears. Show gets stuck in the ropes, and it’s startling to me how huge he looks even being stuck; the ropes look like twine holding his arms in place. In a fairly famous finish, Cena lifts up both Edge and Show momentarily into FU position (oh, sorry, PG-era. “Attitude Adjustment” position) to finish off Show and win the World Heavyweight Championship.
The aftermath: …Honestly, I had no idea. I actually had to look it up on Wikipedia because, other than hanging around the main event scene, I had no recollection of what these guys went on to do. I guess Cena kept fighting Edge, and…no word on where Show went until he started teaming with Jericho (ironically, due to an injury to Edge) about half-a-year later. So…thrilling.
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Match 8: WWE Title Match - Randy Orton vs. Triple-H ( c )
The backstory: If I don’t miss my guess, these two had been feuding for quite some time in one of those incredibly rare “The McMahons are united as FACES” kind of storylines (I am hard-pressed to actually think of another time in which every McMahon was a good guy for a main-event feud). Orton had recently picked up some dead-weight baggage Cody Rhodes (a full TWO YEARS before he gained his current relevance and talent) and Ted DiBiase Jr (a full TWO YEARS before he was as worthless as he is now) to round out his little stable of Nth-generation stars, and had started deciding to attack the McMahons. Major vitriol here as Orton had punted all the McMahons, and attacked Stephanie while Trips was helpless. I think this was also memorable for basically “outing” HHH and Steph as legitimately married; prior to this, there was just some occasional side remarks that alluded to it. Due to whatever reasons, there is a stipulation that if HHH got disqualified or counted out, he would lose the title.
The match: I wonder if Trips was having flashbacks to Wrestlemania 18 where he was main-eventing a Wrestlemania, but an earlier match was clearly the one that should have been the main event. The crowd was just exhausted from Shawn/Taker, and the Heavyweight title match took what little wind remained in their sails. Trips and Orton try hard to engage them, with both hitting their finisher inside the first two minutes, but after this, this thing just plods along for 20+ minutes. In one of the more infamous quotes I’m sure HHH would have been, he blamed the failure of this match on the fact that it followed Shawn/Taker and that a match this big can’t be successful with the stipulations that were put on it, despite the fact that the very Shawn/Taker match was not “hardcore” at all.
The aftermath: These two just kept right on fighting over the belt for a while. It seriously feels like HHH and Orton feuded over a world title for about 7 straight years.
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In summation: For my money, one of the best ‘Manias ever. Shawn/Taker and Jeff/Matt are both must-see’s, the Money-In-The-Bank match was one of the better ones (and directly lead to the creation of the best character in WWE today, CM Punk as a heel), Ricky Steamboat giving one last great show was really nice to see, and the debut of Santina--I don’t care what anyone says; I loved it. Really, the only downsides were the Kid Rock mini-concert (which they smartly left off the DVD) and another boring chapter in the endless rivalry of Triple-H and Randy Orton. Even the 20-second Intercontinental title match, featuring two guys I disdain, is worth it just for JBL’s temper tantrum.
WWE Wrestlemania XV
Hey look! Wrestlemania is a quarter-century old! It actually makes me feel really old to think about; not because I “remember” the first one or anything (I actually did not start watching wrestling until right around Wrestlemania VIII), but to think that I was 4 years old when Wrestlemania debuted, and this was the quarter-century anniversary…it really makes me feel like a dinosaur. But I take solace in the fact that I REALLY like the vast majority of this show, so I’m stoked to see it again.
Match 1: Money In The Bank Ladder Match - CM Punk vs. Mark Henry vs. MVP vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswaggle) vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Kane
The backstory: Punk comes out first, instantly reminding us that he was the previous year’s winner of Money In The Bank and did pretty much bupkiss with it, being merely a transitional champ and booked to look weak against Randy Orton and Batista. Christian had made his return to WWE shortly before Wrestlemania here and was widely considered to be the likely winner before this event. MVP and Finlay had both just turned face in the last year, the former due to a 20+ match losing streak (meh, it made sense at the time, I guess), and the latter due to the only-somewhat-memorable Hornswaggle-as-Vince’s-bastard-son angle. I will always remember the scene where, before it was revealed that Finlay was actually Swaggle’s father, Finlay was defending his son from Vince McMahon, and Hornswaggle just looked up to him on the way to the ring and said “Thank you”. It was such a sweet, understated moment that wrestling really needs more of.
The match: I think this is one of the two or three best MitB matches in history, so I’m a fan. This was a huge coming out match for Kofi who really does some spots that put even some of Shelton’s throughout history pale (though Shelton does perform a senton from the tallest ladder outside the ring onto pretty much everyone else that elicits an audible “HOLY SHIT“ chant from the crowd). Kane and Henry really do a better job here than anyone would have suspected, as they work in their own little power spots while the other guys do their athletic spots. There is just some level of chemistry between these eight men that lead to some beautiful moments in MitB history (Christian hitting the Killswitch to Punk from off a set up ladder, Kofi climbing a folded up ladder as Mark Henry held it in his arms). In the end, CM Punk gets the briefcase after a nifty little three-way scruff atop the ladders with himself, Christian, and Kane.
Aftermath: Inexplicably, Punk went onto a feud with Umaga where Punk was utterly dominated, and the IWC bitched about how he was being mishandled; that is, until he used the contract to cash in on a worn-out Jeff Hardy who had won the World Title (over Edge) and then started one of the best heel turns in WWE history. Punk still wrestled as a face, but grew darker and more vicious as he refused to believe that the fans would cheer an addict like Hardy over the virtue that he represented. Faked injuries, temper tantrums, and great vitriol in each others’ promos made for a fantastic feud that absolutely blew Punk up as one of the most overall talented guys in the company. I can only assume this MitB victory was management’s apology to Punk for how poorly they handled his win the year before.
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Match 2: 25-Diva Battle Royal For The Title of Miss Wrestlemania.
The backstory: WWE wanted to have a Battle Royal to crown the first ever Miss Wrestlemania among current and past Divas. For the weeks leading up the event, Santino Marella had been pointing out the inherent superiority of male wrestlers and trying to get entrance into the battle royal to use assistance from his girlfriend Beth Phoenix to win it. He was denied entry at every turn.
The match: Ha ha…oh, okay. Well, before the match, there were two major controversies. Maybe one, but it was controversial for two reasons. Before this match, Kid Rock played a mini-rock concert that had to have been 10-15 minutes long, and it segued into his singing the ladies down to the ring. Why was this controversial (besides the fact that Kid Rock absolutely blows and was at least 6 or 7 years removed from cultural relevance at this point)? First, it reduced the World Tag Team Title unification match between the Colons and The Miz and John Morrison to pre-show dark match status, and second, because it kept the ladies from getting ring introductions, so most people had no idea that some Divas had returned to partake in this match (though, to be fair, having introductions would have drastically spoiled the ending, so this might have been accidentally clever on WWE‘s part). By the way…on this DVD, the Kid Rock concert is M.I.A. Thank god. The match is…non-essential at best, as it is really just a segue to its own result.
The aftermath: The winner of the match is Santino Marella, dressed in a wig and drag and pretending to be his own twin sister, Santina. He last eliminates his girlfriend Beth Phoenix, spelling the end of both their relationship and Santino’s career as a heel. Haters gonna hate, but I thought Santina/Santino was even more solid gold that Santino’s regular work in promos and on the microphone, so I think this match was totally worth it just for that. Eventually “Santina” was fired on the one night Donal Trump owned the company, but the gag was near the end of its course by that point anyway.
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Match 3: Handicap Match - Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka, and Ricky Steamboat (w/ Ric Flair)
The backstory: After turning heel (and adopting a persona based on the villain in the movie “No Country For Old Men”) shortly after last year’s Wrestlemania in a gorgeous feud with Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho decided to take umbrage to Mickey Rourke’s movie “The Wrestler”, saying it glorified the has-been wrestlers of yesteryear who were hanging on and taking spotlight away from current stars like himself. He decided to take this umbrage out on a few older wrestlers in various assaults until they ended up signing this match. Pretty smart of WWE to go out of its way to capitalize on the success of “The Wrestler”, and use its most charismatic (and hate-able) star to do it.
The match: Jericho is the one who deserves an Oscar for carrying the unmistakably broken down and valueless pair Jimmy Snuka and Roddy Piper through the first few minutes of this match before eliminating them individually (Snuka looks especially putrid in the ring--was there no one else they could have found to fill the third spot here?). But that is when things got interesting, when this essentially shifted to a one-on-one match between Jericho and Ricky Steamboat who really showed a lot of skill and vigor.
The aftermath: After defeating the legends and beating up Ric Flair for fun, Jericho gets the come-uppance that everyone knew was coming: Mickey Rourke hit’s the ring and one-punches him out. Even though it is part of a Wrestlemania trend that I despise (celebrities not named Pete Rose getting the better of the professional wrestlers), it was great booking: Jericho looks great for beating three different guys--and cleaning the clock of a fourth--and yet the fans are still happy because he ends up staring up at the sky.
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Match 4: Extreme Rules Match - Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy
The backstory: After Jeff Hardy had sustained drug problems and the loss of his house due to a fire (in his real life), Jeff Hardy began having bad luck that was blamed on his lack of focus in life--he was found unconscious in a stairwell, his pyro blasted him in the face, among other instances. So on the same night that he lost the ECW Title to Jack Swagger, Matt Hardy attacked his brother with a chair to cost him the WWE Title to Edge. In a wickedly sinister move, Matt then took credit for everything else that had happened to Jeff in the past few months (including the house fire that killed his pet dog; seriously how much lower can you get than setting your brother‘s house on fire and killing his dog just because you‘re mad he‘s had a better career than you and can‘t stop doing drugs?). After a few months of refusing to fight Matt, Jeff finally relents, and this match is signed.
The match: This is where Jabroniville and I differ; he’d probably see this as an overhyped spotfest, but I love overhyped spotfests! I’m such an easy mark to please; seeing Eddie Guerrero and Dean Malenko reverse hold after hold is great, but seeing guys do flips through tables is spectacular! If not for a certain legendary match later in the card, this match would have no problem being the best of the night. This match is full of highlights: Matt hitting Jeff with a chair mid-Whisper In The Wind; Jeff wailing on Matt, while trapped in a garbage can, with a crutch; Jeff splashing through a Table-Chair-Matt-Table sandwich; and Jeff leapfrogging ladders to attempt a leg drop. Matt ends up winning after hitting a Twist of Fate with Jeff’s head stuck in a chair--even watching this a second time, I have no idea how Matt didn’t break Jeff’s neck. Following the Jericho match, this match is another perfect example of How To Book 101: Matt wins, getting the much needed win for his career, and Jeff had most of the high spots, making himself look like a trillion bucks. I was kind of shocked to see chair shots to the head in this match, as I thought they’d already been banned outright by Vince here, but maybe not.
The aftermath: These two had a few other matches after this, or at least two that I remember: A Stretcher match (that Matt won) and an I Quit match (that Jeff won to end the feud). After all this heat and all the great matches, Jeff was rewarded with another world championship and the aforementioned brilliant feud with Punk, and Matt was rewarded with…being drafted to Raw and turned into a Jobber To The Stars. Just because I swear sometimes that WWE likes to reverse-engineer diamonds into coal. What’s the point in having a guy make a huge heel turn, beat his popular rival more often than he loses to him, and then turning him into an ineffectual buffoon? But I guess that’s why they don’t pay me to book these things.
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Match 5: Intercontinental Title Match - JBL ( c ) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.
The backstory: JBL had spent the better part of the last few months enslaving a financially broke Shawn Michaels, and had recently lost HBK’s services, but somehow gained the IC belt. Rey Mysterio was the #1 contender, so they have a match. Ta-da?
The match: JBL hit’s the ring without a car or music, merely shouting into a microphone and declaring he would give the most dominant victory in Wrestlemania history. Rey Mysterio--in a moment I’ve never stopped talking about--comes out to a DEAD crowd. There is zero excitement for his ring introduction, and I always thought I might have imagined it, but I did not; the crowd is pin-drop silent here. Maybe Rey’s stupid Joker-inspired costume confused them? Whatever, Rey wins in 21 seconds to win the IC title.
The aftermath: JBL grabs a microphone and screams that he quits after Rey’s celebration. It turns out JBL had wanted to leave for some time at this point, so he gave his good friend Rey a dominant victory to send himself off. Which, say what you will about JBL, is pretty nifty of him, even if Rey .
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Match 6: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker
The backstory: Undertaker’s whole modern day Undefeated Streak schtick really started strong here, as there was a few guys fighting for the RIGHT to battle ‘Taker at Wrestlemania. Shawn ended up fending off JBL and Vladimir Kozlov (who was still a big deal then, even having beaten Taker clean on Smackdown recently) to earn the privilege. It all made sense for the 25th anniversary of ’Mania: the guy who can’t lose vs. the guy who always put on the best match. After this, we got a clinic on how to build a match, as Shawn outsmarted Taker at most every turn, giving some great promos in the meantime. It came down to Shawn’s white, holy avenging angel vs. Undertaker’s dark, sinister deadman to see who was really the king of Wrestlemania. And sometimes it really is just that easy.
The match: Watching this match in a crowded restaurant was a great experience; no one was eating or drinking or playing trivia at this point--everyone was screaming and yelling. It was about as electric as I can imagine a restaurant watching TV getting. Most importantly, there is no gimmick here. It’s not “hardcore”; there’s no caskets or ladders; nothing is any more or less legal than any regular old one-on-one match, so it’s a testament to how two guys can have a beautiful standard match if they want to. There is an obnoxious stretch of typical Undertaker where Shawn has Taker locked in an unorthodox version of a Figure Four, but Taker eventually breaks it, essentially limps four or five times, and then shows no other effects as he hit’s a lot of his power offense. But it just wouldn’t be Undertaker without forgetting to sell. After Taker misses his Once-Per-Year suicide dive (the miss that got Sim Snuka a lot of unfair heat from Taker because he did not stand as short as Taker jumped), Shawn has a great moment where he pleads with the referee to count Taker out--Shawn is huddled in the corner bouncing like an eager child as the ref counts; that still slays me.
Past that, it’s hard to describe this match. If you haven’t seen it, you need to. It lives up to the hype. Granted, knowing the result really does take some of the mystique away; you don’t get all the kickouts and escapes you never expected. But regardless, it’s still a fantastic match.
The aftermath: These guys would do it again at next year’s Wrestlemania, and again, they put on a “How To Establish A Match” clinic, but the rematch, in my eyes, always fell well short of this battle; it wasn’t even the best match of Wrestlemania 26. But who cares? They still gave us this classic at WM25.
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Match 7: World Heavyweight Title Match - John Cena vs. The Big Show vs. Edge ( c )
The backstory: Vickie Guerrero was still in her career-making heel role as Edge’s lover, having been guiding and cheating for Edge for over a year now. At this point, Edge and Vickie had gotten married (Alicia Fox speedbump notwithstanding), and became the new incarnation of the McMahon-Helmsley era gimmick. Big Show had somehow become the #1 contender and was signed to compete with Edge. John Cena blackmailed Vickie into putting him in the match, as well, and then revealed his blackmail anyway since he’s such an honorable guy: Vickie had been having an affair with The Big Show. So everybody hates everybody, two of them love Vickie, and we have a Heavyweight Title feud! Vickie and Chavo are at ringside, but it’s hard to say whether they are “with” Edge or Show.
The match: The three guys involved aren all pretty good, and this is still a lot better than the match they selected to follow it, but it suffers from Typical Triple Threat Match Syndrome: far too many instances of one guy being incapacitated so that the other two can go at it for a while until they need someone to break up a finish. Vickie does not play nearly the role that she should have here, and I feel they missed a boat there--she pretty much just gets Speared early on and then disappears. Show gets stuck in the ropes, and it’s startling to me how huge he looks even being stuck; the ropes look like twine holding his arms in place. In a fairly famous finish, Cena lifts up both Edge and Show momentarily into FU position (oh, sorry, PG-era. “Attitude Adjustment” position) to finish off Show and win the World Heavyweight Championship.
The aftermath: …Honestly, I had no idea. I actually had to look it up on Wikipedia because, other than hanging around the main event scene, I had no recollection of what these guys went on to do. I guess Cena kept fighting Edge, and…no word on where Show went until he started teaming with Jericho (ironically, due to an injury to Edge) about half-a-year later. So…thrilling.
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Match 8: WWE Title Match - Randy Orton vs. Triple-H ( c )
The backstory: If I don’t miss my guess, these two had been feuding for quite some time in one of those incredibly rare “The McMahons are united as FACES” kind of storylines (I am hard-pressed to actually think of another time in which every McMahon was a good guy for a main-event feud). Orton had recently picked up some dead-weight baggage Cody Rhodes (a full TWO YEARS before he gained his current relevance and talent) and Ted DiBiase Jr (a full TWO YEARS before he was as worthless as he is now) to round out his little stable of Nth-generation stars, and had started deciding to attack the McMahons. Major vitriol here as Orton had punted all the McMahons, and attacked Stephanie while Trips was helpless. I think this was also memorable for basically “outing” HHH and Steph as legitimately married; prior to this, there was just some occasional side remarks that alluded to it. Due to whatever reasons, there is a stipulation that if HHH got disqualified or counted out, he would lose the title.
The match: I wonder if Trips was having flashbacks to Wrestlemania 18 where he was main-eventing a Wrestlemania, but an earlier match was clearly the one that should have been the main event. The crowd was just exhausted from Shawn/Taker, and the Heavyweight title match took what little wind remained in their sails. Trips and Orton try hard to engage them, with both hitting their finisher inside the first two minutes, but after this, this thing just plods along for 20+ minutes. In one of the more infamous quotes I’m sure HHH would have been, he blamed the failure of this match on the fact that it followed Shawn/Taker and that a match this big can’t be successful with the stipulations that were put on it, despite the fact that the very Shawn/Taker match was not “hardcore” at all.
The aftermath: These two just kept right on fighting over the belt for a while. It seriously feels like HHH and Orton feuded over a world title for about 7 straight years.
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In summation: For my money, one of the best ‘Manias ever. Shawn/Taker and Jeff/Matt are both must-see’s, the Money-In-The-Bank match was one of the better ones (and directly lead to the creation of the best character in WWE today, CM Punk as a heel), Ricky Steamboat giving one last great show was really nice to see, and the debut of Santina--I don’t care what anyone says; I loved it. Really, the only downsides were the Kid Rock mini-concert (which they smartly left off the DVD) and another boring chapter in the endless rivalry of Triple-H and Randy Orton. Even the 20-second Intercontinental title match, featuring two guys I disdain, is worth it just for JBL’s temper tantrum.