(no subject)
Title: Sacrifices made. part Three (Alternate Ending)
rating: pg-13 for implied actions and maybe language
pairings: onesided Hanchul, Shihan, onesided Kichul
summary: Hankyung returns from China,his feelings of many things have changed.
disclaimer: i own nothing and no one.
Kibum let the door creak shut as he exited the room behind him. The small scream the door released while closing reminded him of his own tortured screams going unheard. His attention was drawn to the sobbing heap of naked flesh in the middle of the hallway. He took in the bare slim figure of smooth skin, one he had of late got to know all too well. It haunted his dreams, always walking away and disappearing from his sight.
“Heechul?” Kibum whispered watching carefully as the body stopped heaving at the mention of the name but then again resumed it’s violent shaking.
“Bummie!” Heechul cried out desperately clinging to the younger man’s rough jeans.
“Hyung,” Kibum whispered sympathetically as he delicately ran a hand through Heechul’s silky hair.
“H-he is..is cheating on me.” Heechul bit his quivering lip in an attempt to stop the motion. “B-but I st-still..” His words broke off into sobs.
“I know, you still love him.” Kibum shut his eyes to painful truth of that statement. A whimper escaped Heechul’s lips as Kibum retreated from his tight grasp. The warmth of the room seemed to seep out as Kibum disappeared out a door. Heechul felt his life being put into perspective, the truth arising from within.
“I’m nothing but a whore, a filthy, trashy whore.” Heechul spat, his fingers clawing at the floor boards below. “No one has ever loved me and no one ever could. Who could love such a worthless and useless being as I? No one. I don’t even love me.” Heechul’s fist pounded against the floor, but pain was nothing to what he felt inside. “All I am is a toy, a simple toy to play around with. It’s disgusting, I’m disgusting. The only thing I have ever done in my life is block someone from their ‘true love.” Heechul snarled, leaning his forehead against the cold floor.
Just as it seemed darkness would swallow him whole, he felt a warm blanket drape over his shaking shoulders, trying to protect him from the low temperature of the apartment. His eyes blinked open, vision burry from tears.
“You looked cold.” Kibum whispered tucking the blanket around Heechul. “You know, you being naked and all.” Kibum explained.
“I’m not naked.” Heechul’s voice was barely audible. “I am wearing a thong. I had put it on… for him.” Kibum’s mouth opened into an ‘O’ as he nodded to show he understood.
“Why are you so nice to me?” Heechul questioned wiping away his own tears. Kibum opened his mouth to speak but was quickly cut off. “I mean I know you said you ‘love’ me but love can only go so far right? And besides now that you know I am nothing but a whore I’m sure your opinion of me has changed. Which that is probably for the best because I can’t even keep a boyfriend interested in me,” Heechul turned his head not allowing Kibum to see the silent tears glisten before they splattered against the floor.
“Okay, one you are not a whore. The only reason I said that was because I wanted you to hurt like I was.” Kibum confessed despite his pride. His finger’s grazed across Heechul’s cheek. “You are a princess, Rella. A delicate beautiful princess. You just need to wait until your prince comes and finds you.” Kibum smiled curling Heechul’s hair behind his ear, praying for a good look at the man’s porcelain face.
“And if you think love can be so easily dismissed you have never been in love.” Kibum’s soft voice entranced Heechul into a sense of security. “I wish it was easy not to love you but I’m afraid you have caught my interest and it won’t seem to fade away.” Kibum’s thumb brushed away the tears still clinging to the other’s ghostly face.
“Why do you have to be so amazing?!” Heechul questioned throwing himself into the younger man’s arms. “You are always so kind and gentle with me and deal with my stubborn ways. You are always there to pick up the pieces even though it’s never you who makes me shatter. You being like this makes it so much more difficult for me to hurt you.” Heechul whispered nuzzling his head into Kibum’s chest. Heechul didn’t need to say anything, Kibum had always known where his allegiance lied.
“I still wish he would come back…. To me.” Heechul murmured quietly to the constant sound of Kibum’s heart beat.
“I know, I know.” Kibum cooed his fingers stroking Heechul’s hair rhythmically, comfort finally beginning to grow in his pain.
**************************************************
The crisp air of twilight filled Hankyung’s lungs in hopes to bring new life into the empty shell. The impact of intense emotions left him feeling numb, like his face with the cool air washing over it. He felt as if he was stuck between a rock and a hard place, between love and friendship, pain and pleasure. Either decision ready to lead him down a crooked path of betrayal.
His slow and steady footsteps with a lost gaze made him appear like a zombie, the living dead. His heart still beat despite his blackened soul. Anxious people pushed past him on the crowded city street, their happy laughs echoing in his mind, taunting his despair.
The dark cloud above him dispersed at the sound of a familiar voice. His eyes darted up to hold his friend in his gaze.
“Oh. Wonnie! Look at that!” Ryeowook shook Siwon excitedly as he pointed to something in a shop window. “Do you see it? Do you see it?”
Siwon’s warm laughed filled Hankyung’s heart with pain as he knew the warmth wasn’t meant for him. “Yes, yes Wookie I see it.” Siwon smiled down at the slender man next to him.
“Let’s go in!” Ryeowook slid his arm in Siwon’s.
“Ugh if we have too!” Siwon pretended to whine.
“Oh shut up!” Ryeowook giggled bumping his hips against Siwon’s playfully.
“Make me.” Siwon stuck his tongue out, grinning.
“I’ll get tape and tape your mouth shut.” Ryeowook spoke big words for a little man. Hankyung watched the happy couple, feeling a black hole replace his heart and all hope deteriorate. Siwon began to follow Ryeowook’s lead into the store when the smaller man suddenly stopped.
“Hyung!” Ryeowook called frantically waving towards Hankyung.
“Oh um… hi.” Hankyung replied when he noticed he was caught.
“What are you doing around here?” Ryeowook asked pulling Siwon behind him.
“Picking up something for Heechul.” Hankyung lied. He saw a flash of hurt in Siwon’s cold eyes.
“Oh well we are-” Ryeowook began but was cut off.
“I’m sorry I have to go, Heechul wants me home soon.” Hankyung darted across the street trying to make as much space between him and Siwon. Being around the other man made his blood boil with desire while his heart froze in regret. He hated the hurt and betrayed look Siwon gave him, it was as if a child just found out Santa wasn’t real or Christmas would never come again. Siwon’s gaze reflected how Hankyung felt…miserable. He wished he could stop both of their misery and be held tightly in Siwon’s arms but he also wished Heechul would remain his friend. But his wishes are only dreams that will never come true.
He leaned against the cement staircase, in an attempt to catch his breath from all of the running away. The dirt cut into his hand as his chest heaved up and down trying desperately to get all the oxygen he required. With all of the things going through his mind he hadn’t noticed how far or where he had run to. His eyes scanned the familiar apartment building in front of him.
“What are you doing?” a voice questioned as the sound of foot steps came closer.
“Teukie… I was just umm…” Hankyung couldn’t think of an explanation he knew no matter what the true Umma would be able to see through. Teukie shifted the paper grocery bag in his arms, getting a better grip of it as his eyes stayed locked on Hankyung’s.
“I guess… I was just thinking about coming here to see the other members.” Hankyung decided to pull out an answer, it wasn’t a complete lie.
“No, Hankyung. What are you doing?” Teukie’s gaze intensified as if he was trying to read Hankyung’s mind.
“I…I don’t understand.” Hankyung straightened himself up.
“Why are you putting yourself through such pain?” Teukie questioned his eyes now alive him compassion. Hankyung didn’t know how to answer the question so he let it disappear into the night sky.
“You love Siwon and Heechul loves you.” Teukie spoke as if giving hints or clues to what he wanted to hear.
“Yes, I know that! And don’t worry I don’t plan on hurting Heechul. I love him too, so we are going to stay together.” Hankyung replied frustrated.
“No, you don’t know.” Teukie replied simply. “I said Heechul loves you.” Teukie’s eyes searched Hankyung’s for some kind of understanding. “Heechul loves you so no matter what you do he will still love you. You can never completely lose him, he won’t let you. And because of his love for you despite what he says he just wants to see you happy and Siwon makes you happy. And if you don’t act soon Siwon is going to walk out of your loveless life. And Heechul will blame himself for that. Heechul will blame every tear you cry on himself. You will be helping him if you follow your heart.”
Teukie quickly broke the gaze as one hand ventured in the grocery bag and shuffled around. “So are you coming up for super? I’ll let you cook.” Teukie smiled brightly as if the conversation before hadn’t taken place.
“I…um.. No I can’t I need to go some place.” Hankyung replied quickly running back the direction he came.
“Good, good.” Teukie smiled to himself as he walked up the few steps and into the building ready for a loving night with Kangin and the other members.
********************************
The bright streetlamps passed over Hankyung’s head as he ran down the street, his eyes searching feverously through the crowds. His heart felt light and ready to be fully given away. He saw many faces but not the one he looked for, not the one his heart called out for longingly. He quickly took out his cell phone scrolling through his contacts. His heart rate quickened as he clicked the call back. He was surprised when he heard the phone he had been trying to call sing out. His eyes landed on Siwon who shoved his phone back in his pocket after he saw who was calling. Hankyung sped up hoping to catch Siwon before he crossed the street but he reached there too late. The cars began to pass over the cross walk.
He hit the button repeatedly hoping for the ‘walk’ sign to glow green. His heart tightened as he noticed Siwon almost disappear into a restaurant.
“Siwon! Siwon!” Hankyung cried out in the loudest voice he could manage, not catching Siwon’s attention but little Ryeowook next to him. Ryeowook nudged Siwon before pointing to Hankyung across the street. Siwon didn’t speak a word but watched Hankyung intently. “Siwon!” Hankyung called out one more time. “I was wrong!” Hankyung called across the busy street, many passerbyers stopping to listen to what Hankyung had to say. “I was wrong to say I didn’t love you. Because I do. I love you more than anyone else. I… I need you, Siwon!” Hankyung felt as if he couldn’t breathe waiting for Siwon’s reply.
Siwon stood staring at Hankyung, he bit his lip trying to stop the smile spreading on his face. “ I love you too! And I’ve always needed you.” Siwon called back. Hankyung felt his heart stop beating then begin again with new life. He quickly wiped away the tears of joy that built up in his eyes. Hankyung glanced up at the crosswalk sign ‘walk’ was lit up in green. He quickly ran out onto the cross walk and across the street and into Siwon’s loving embrace.
They stood there in each other’s embrace enjoying the warmth and love that radiated from the other. Everything that had gone in the past few days had disappeared. Nothing mattered but their love. Now they both knew they would be living happily with no regrets.
rating: pg-13 for implied actions and maybe language
pairings: onesided Hanchul, Shihan, onesided Kichul
summary: Hankyung returns from China,his feelings of many things have changed.
disclaimer: i own nothing and no one.
Kibum let the door creak shut as he exited the room behind him. The small scream the door released while closing reminded him of his own tortured screams going unheard. His attention was drawn to the sobbing heap of naked flesh in the middle of the hallway. He took in the bare slim figure of smooth skin, one he had of late got to know all too well. It haunted his dreams, always walking away and disappearing from his sight.
“Heechul?” Kibum whispered watching carefully as the body stopped heaving at the mention of the name but then again resumed it’s violent shaking.
“Bummie!” Heechul cried out desperately clinging to the younger man’s rough jeans.
“Hyung,” Kibum whispered sympathetically as he delicately ran a hand through Heechul’s silky hair.
“H-he is..is cheating on me.” Heechul bit his quivering lip in an attempt to stop the motion. “B-but I st-still..” His words broke off into sobs.
“I know, you still love him.” Kibum shut his eyes to painful truth of that statement. A whimper escaped Heechul’s lips as Kibum retreated from his tight grasp. The warmth of the room seemed to seep out as Kibum disappeared out a door. Heechul felt his life being put into perspective, the truth arising from within.
“I’m nothing but a whore, a filthy, trashy whore.” Heechul spat, his fingers clawing at the floor boards below. “No one has ever loved me and no one ever could. Who could love such a worthless and useless being as I? No one. I don’t even love me.” Heechul’s fist pounded against the floor, but pain was nothing to what he felt inside. “All I am is a toy, a simple toy to play around with. It’s disgusting, I’m disgusting. The only thing I have ever done in my life is block someone from their ‘true love.” Heechul snarled, leaning his forehead against the cold floor.
Just as it seemed darkness would swallow him whole, he felt a warm blanket drape over his shaking shoulders, trying to protect him from the low temperature of the apartment. His eyes blinked open, vision burry from tears.
“You looked cold.” Kibum whispered tucking the blanket around Heechul. “You know, you being naked and all.” Kibum explained.
“I’m not naked.” Heechul’s voice was barely audible. “I am wearing a thong. I had put it on… for him.” Kibum’s mouth opened into an ‘O’ as he nodded to show he understood.
“Why are you so nice to me?” Heechul questioned wiping away his own tears. Kibum opened his mouth to speak but was quickly cut off. “I mean I know you said you ‘love’ me but love can only go so far right? And besides now that you know I am nothing but a whore I’m sure your opinion of me has changed. Which that is probably for the best because I can’t even keep a boyfriend interested in me,” Heechul turned his head not allowing Kibum to see the silent tears glisten before they splattered against the floor.
“Okay, one you are not a whore. The only reason I said that was because I wanted you to hurt like I was.” Kibum confessed despite his pride. His finger’s grazed across Heechul’s cheek. “You are a princess, Rella. A delicate beautiful princess. You just need to wait until your prince comes and finds you.” Kibum smiled curling Heechul’s hair behind his ear, praying for a good look at the man’s porcelain face.
“And if you think love can be so easily dismissed you have never been in love.” Kibum’s soft voice entranced Heechul into a sense of security. “I wish it was easy not to love you but I’m afraid you have caught my interest and it won’t seem to fade away.” Kibum’s thumb brushed away the tears still clinging to the other’s ghostly face.
“Why do you have to be so amazing?!” Heechul questioned throwing himself into the younger man’s arms. “You are always so kind and gentle with me and deal with my stubborn ways. You are always there to pick up the pieces even though it’s never you who makes me shatter. You being like this makes it so much more difficult for me to hurt you.” Heechul whispered nuzzling his head into Kibum’s chest. Heechul didn’t need to say anything, Kibum had always known where his allegiance lied.
“I still wish he would come back…. To me.” Heechul murmured quietly to the constant sound of Kibum’s heart beat.
“I know, I know.” Kibum cooed his fingers stroking Heechul’s hair rhythmically, comfort finally beginning to grow in his pain.
**************************************************
The crisp air of twilight filled Hankyung’s lungs in hopes to bring new life into the empty shell. The impact of intense emotions left him feeling numb, like his face with the cool air washing over it. He felt as if he was stuck between a rock and a hard place, between love and friendship, pain and pleasure. Either decision ready to lead him down a crooked path of betrayal.
His slow and steady footsteps with a lost gaze made him appear like a zombie, the living dead. His heart still beat despite his blackened soul. Anxious people pushed past him on the crowded city street, their happy laughs echoing in his mind, taunting his despair.
The dark cloud above him dispersed at the sound of a familiar voice. His eyes darted up to hold his friend in his gaze.
“Oh. Wonnie! Look at that!” Ryeowook shook Siwon excitedly as he pointed to something in a shop window. “Do you see it? Do you see it?”
Siwon’s warm laughed filled Hankyung’s heart with pain as he knew the warmth wasn’t meant for him. “Yes, yes Wookie I see it.” Siwon smiled down at the slender man next to him.
“Let’s go in!” Ryeowook slid his arm in Siwon’s.
“Ugh if we have too!” Siwon pretended to whine.
“Oh shut up!” Ryeowook giggled bumping his hips against Siwon’s playfully.
“Make me.” Siwon stuck his tongue out, grinning.
“I’ll get tape and tape your mouth shut.” Ryeowook spoke big words for a little man. Hankyung watched the happy couple, feeling a black hole replace his heart and all hope deteriorate. Siwon began to follow Ryeowook’s lead into the store when the smaller man suddenly stopped.
“Hyung!” Ryeowook called frantically waving towards Hankyung.
“Oh um… hi.” Hankyung replied when he noticed he was caught.
“What are you doing around here?” Ryeowook asked pulling Siwon behind him.
“Picking up something for Heechul.” Hankyung lied. He saw a flash of hurt in Siwon’s cold eyes.
“Oh well we are-” Ryeowook began but was cut off.
“I’m sorry I have to go, Heechul wants me home soon.” Hankyung darted across the street trying to make as much space between him and Siwon. Being around the other man made his blood boil with desire while his heart froze in regret. He hated the hurt and betrayed look Siwon gave him, it was as if a child just found out Santa wasn’t real or Christmas would never come again. Siwon’s gaze reflected how Hankyung felt…miserable. He wished he could stop both of their misery and be held tightly in Siwon’s arms but he also wished Heechul would remain his friend. But his wishes are only dreams that will never come true.
He leaned against the cement staircase, in an attempt to catch his breath from all of the running away. The dirt cut into his hand as his chest heaved up and down trying desperately to get all the oxygen he required. With all of the things going through his mind he hadn’t noticed how far or where he had run to. His eyes scanned the familiar apartment building in front of him.
“What are you doing?” a voice questioned as the sound of foot steps came closer.
“Teukie… I was just umm…” Hankyung couldn’t think of an explanation he knew no matter what the true Umma would be able to see through. Teukie shifted the paper grocery bag in his arms, getting a better grip of it as his eyes stayed locked on Hankyung’s.
“I guess… I was just thinking about coming here to see the other members.” Hankyung decided to pull out an answer, it wasn’t a complete lie.
“No, Hankyung. What are you doing?” Teukie’s gaze intensified as if he was trying to read Hankyung’s mind.
“I…I don’t understand.” Hankyung straightened himself up.
“Why are you putting yourself through such pain?” Teukie questioned his eyes now alive him compassion. Hankyung didn’t know how to answer the question so he let it disappear into the night sky.
“You love Siwon and Heechul loves you.” Teukie spoke as if giving hints or clues to what he wanted to hear.
“Yes, I know that! And don’t worry I don’t plan on hurting Heechul. I love him too, so we are going to stay together.” Hankyung replied frustrated.
“No, you don’t know.” Teukie replied simply. “I said Heechul loves you.” Teukie’s eyes searched Hankyung’s for some kind of understanding. “Heechul loves you so no matter what you do he will still love you. You can never completely lose him, he won’t let you. And because of his love for you despite what he says he just wants to see you happy and Siwon makes you happy. And if you don’t act soon Siwon is going to walk out of your loveless life. And Heechul will blame himself for that. Heechul will blame every tear you cry on himself. You will be helping him if you follow your heart.”
Teukie quickly broke the gaze as one hand ventured in the grocery bag and shuffled around. “So are you coming up for super? I’ll let you cook.” Teukie smiled brightly as if the conversation before hadn’t taken place.
“I…um.. No I can’t I need to go some place.” Hankyung replied quickly running back the direction he came.
“Good, good.” Teukie smiled to himself as he walked up the few steps and into the building ready for a loving night with Kangin and the other members.
********************************
The bright streetlamps passed over Hankyung’s head as he ran down the street, his eyes searching feverously through the crowds. His heart felt light and ready to be fully given away. He saw many faces but not the one he looked for, not the one his heart called out for longingly. He quickly took out his cell phone scrolling through his contacts. His heart rate quickened as he clicked the call back. He was surprised when he heard the phone he had been trying to call sing out. His eyes landed on Siwon who shoved his phone back in his pocket after he saw who was calling. Hankyung sped up hoping to catch Siwon before he crossed the street but he reached there too late. The cars began to pass over the cross walk.
He hit the button repeatedly hoping for the ‘walk’ sign to glow green. His heart tightened as he noticed Siwon almost disappear into a restaurant.
“Siwon! Siwon!” Hankyung cried out in the loudest voice he could manage, not catching Siwon’s attention but little Ryeowook next to him. Ryeowook nudged Siwon before pointing to Hankyung across the street. Siwon didn’t speak a word but watched Hankyung intently. “Siwon!” Hankyung called out one more time. “I was wrong!” Hankyung called across the busy street, many passerbyers stopping to listen to what Hankyung had to say. “I was wrong to say I didn’t love you. Because I do. I love you more than anyone else. I… I need you, Siwon!” Hankyung felt as if he couldn’t breathe waiting for Siwon’s reply.
Siwon stood staring at Hankyung, he bit his lip trying to stop the smile spreading on his face. “ I love you too! And I’ve always needed you.” Siwon called back. Hankyung felt his heart stop beating then begin again with new life. He quickly wiped away the tears of joy that built up in his eyes. Hankyung glanced up at the crosswalk sign ‘walk’ was lit up in green. He quickly ran out onto the cross walk and across the street and into Siwon’s loving embrace.
They stood there in each other’s embrace enjoying the warmth and love that radiated from the other. Everything that had gone in the past few days had disappeared. Nothing mattered but their love. Now they both knew they would be living happily with no regrets.