im not blaming any problems we have on him. i know it takes two people. i know i have not been an easy person to be in a relationship with but oh my god am i trying. not just for him or us, but for me. i know that my problems have been detrimental at times. and he has been difficult, too. but he has always insisted that i can get better, that he would see me through it, in supporting my trying to get better. im not putting this all on him, as blame. im saying that it is in his hands now what happens. and i dont know if he is really thinking about everything involved, because his actions are showing that his line of thought is stubborn and closed. i never at any point said it was all his fault, i never talked about fault. its both of us. and i want to work on this. and he doesnt, thats what i am struggling with. its not easy for me to understand why he doesnt want to. i am not blaming him for anything, and i am not mad, and i understand his concerns and see them for the most part, and if not, i see where he is coming from.
and as far as me being positive, i have been better lately. ive been working on myself a lot. no one sees the work i have to do, that i do to make myself better. even after that horrible night when i wasnt well, i made myself go out, to that show, i wanted to, and i stayed when he left, and i was happy to. i wanted to go to casiotone, but i had to work. ive wanted to be social more, and go out with D, but D and i havent had hardly any time with each other or to ourselves or anything. its a really tough thing im trying to fight. but ive believed for some time that it is possible for me to be happy and to cope. i want to and i have to, otherwise i will never be happy and have anthing that i want, whether i am by myself, with D or anyone else.
This is a tough one. I know that a couple of the things I fear most are a)becoming dependent on Mike for my mental well-being and b)having him feel that I'm dependent on him for my mental well-being. From what he's told me in our conversations on this subject, it's tough for him when I'm feeling especially gross, because he feels like there's nothing he can do to help me and that he's never sure if he's perhaps not part of the problem. It might be the case that D is going through a period where he feels frustrated, because he cares about you so much and wishes there's more he could do? Or maybe, as in Mike's case sometimes, he's starting to feel like your problems might be in reaction to him and it's making him feel kind of shitty. Of course, I'm totally speculating based on my own experiences, but it does at least seem like D just might be going through some kind of uncommunicative phase. From my super-limited perspective, it seems like he owes it to you to at least hear out the things you've said in the post, and given you
( ... )
though i know in the past it has been an issue that he felt like there was nothing he could do, but even then i told him that it wasnt up to him, and he knew that it wasnt, and i knew that it wasnt, its up to me myself. hes now just reached a point where he doesnt want to be by me at all, or have a relationship, because of this problem of mine. which has gotten better, which i work on, but he refuses to admit or see this
( ... )
I don't know, if Dustin is serious about "giving up" on you or thinking that he can't do anything to help you, it sounds like maybe he's not the person you should be with, at least not right now. From my far-off perspective, it seems like up until recently he's been really great & supportive and has all of a sudden flipped out on you a little bit. Maybe he's dealing with his own shit and is too proud/emotionally guarded to talk it over with you? At any rate, you definitely don't deserve to be with someone who refuses to communicate about something so important. I do really hope you guys are able to talk these things out eventually, though! Even if it turns out that the two of you are better off without one another, it's always good to clear the air about these things.
Aw honey, I'm sorry. Give me a call if you want to talk or something. Boys are really dumb. If you want to get out of town for a little while, you're always welcome to stay with me.
not something i'd usually weigh in on, but...trouserminnowMarch 30 2006, 22:20:32 UTC
i did sort of accidentally spend a good bit of time thinking about this post while i was on the cook line this morning. you see, cooking is done best while not thinking about cooking, but that is a whoel different story
( ... )
I know this won't be of much comfort, but for what it's worth, I have seen a change in you. You do seem more positive, you do seem more active and more willing to tackle problems, you do seem more independent, you do seem like you're taking more risks, and you know, I think that's a good thing. I realize that I only have limited access, but I think I can glean at least something from these entries, and that's it. That's what I've gleaned.
As seems to be the case so often, I agree with Ms. Ashley. Maybe he's going through something right now that he's having trouble talking with you about. It seemed like he had been really warm, and I have trouble seeing any other reason that could explain something like this. I dunno, I'm hardly a relationship expert.
Comments 10
Reply
im not putting this all on him, as blame. im saying that it is in his hands now what happens. and i dont know if he is really thinking about everything involved, because his actions are showing that his line of thought is stubborn and closed. i never at any point said it was all his fault, i never talked about fault. its both of us. and i want to work on this. and he doesnt, thats what i am struggling with. its not easy for me to understand why he doesnt want to. i am not blaming him for anything, and i am not mad, and i understand his concerns and see them for the most part, and if not, i see where he is coming from.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
I know this won't be of much comfort, but for what it's worth, I have seen a change in you. You do seem more positive, you do seem more active and more willing to tackle problems, you do seem more independent, you do seem like you're taking more risks, and you know, I think that's a good thing. I realize that I only have limited access, but I think I can glean at least something from these entries, and that's it. That's what I've gleaned.
As seems to be the case so often, I agree with Ms. Ashley. Maybe he's going through something right now that he's having trouble talking with you about. It seemed like he had been really warm, and I have trouble seeing any other reason that could explain something like this. I dunno, I'm hardly a relationship expert.
But for what it's worth, I know you'll be fine.
Reply
Leave a comment