Private - Unless You can Hack
They say when the dead are gone, they’re gone forever but I think…particularly in our line of work, that’s no longer the case but I hope…
They talk of the darkness and nothing else but I hope that’s not true,
I hope Lisa’s passed on.
I hope she’s in heaven because I couldn’t bear the thought of her along in the dark.
Her voice haunts me sometimes and other times I fear I’m going to forget her face, the finer details and so I have to look at a picture…how awful is that? Yet her image has come back to me, talked to me more times than I can bear.
She used to tease me mercilessly; she bought me a spray bottle of flash for my birthday once. She used to end up with rings on the counter from her mugs…but she did love my coffee...That apparently is the way I seduce, through hot beverages. She loved life and was so full of energy I couldn’t help but smile when I watched her…I don’t know what she saw in her “shy boy with the wicked smile” but she made me feel like I was king of everything.
I just wonder if she knew how much I loved her…because I can’t tell her that anymore. Whether she really died in London or Cardiff…her last moments I…I would give the world to change them but life never works that way. And now I have Jack and a wedding and a baby on the way…everything Lisa and I had once planned. To know she’ll never experience it…that her dad will never walk her down the aisle, or her mum who makes the most fantastic jerk chicken will never see her daughter get married. It’s …hard.
Strange, I’ve never really managed to get through a few lines about Lisa before. This must be the most I’ve managed to write without breaking down…I don’t know whether that’s worrying or a relief.