It's a fight between my heart and mind, no one really wins this time.

Dec 11, 2005 13:01

Three days off is sort-of surreal. An endless abyss of nothing. I'm doing domestic things and it is making me crazy. My mom wants me to keep baking, but I've got really nothing else to do. The Giant's game is on at four. And I've got to go grocery shopping and I want to go to the gym before then. EEK ( Read more... )

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christophedekkr December 11 2005, 18:10:32 UTC
"I have this imagery that everything around me is disappearing...when I'm driving, I'm just this body moving at 60 miles an hour through a white space. And then my body disappears, and I'm not sure what would be left to imagine, because really...I've never my brain, so how do I know it exists? Accidents are really a blessing, blood is a proof of life.
(I am here, this is really happening.) "

i rather like that bit. especially the last part about "proof of life." you called me profound...

we need to hang out. i'll be back for a bit later this week perhaps, or for the holidays a while on the 22nd. take your pick.

cheers.

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Hang out with me tonight! mrisaka December 12 2005, 15:09:51 UTC
I truly believe that happiness is a decision that you make at some point. Everyone has all the reasons in the world they need to be sad. Everyone also has all the reasons in the world they need to be happy. It's not like I thought it was, a pulling of the wool over your eyes, instead I think it's just a decision to accept the bad with the good and choose the lighter road.

I am happy because I cry and I get upset and I let myself gloat and I don't feel anything because of it. I am happy because I like violence and darkness and pain. I like the way anger and sadness and sickness feel because they feel different and desperate and interesting. I just do things and accept them as what I did.

I wish that we could see each other more often. What the heck happened!

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I have other things I want to respond to mrisaka December 12 2005, 15:17:01 UTC
I agree that three days off is surreal. It's pretty awesome, but also pretty weird. By the third day, I start to feel lost, like I'm floating on a life preserver in the chilly ocean, watching a the happy yellow lights of a giant cruise ship fade off into the night, not even shouting because I know they can't hear me. Or something like that. That's pretty dramatic ( ... )

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step out side our world. anewdander December 15 2005, 16:13:06 UTC
What is happy to us might be very different than what it is to say, an ethiopian. Being happy only makes you a sell-out if you are only looking from your own blessed point of view, so it's ok to be happy as long as you are greatful i think.

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