The end of self-sabotage: "What's stopping you?"
A few years back, I realised I suffered from pretty serious self-sabotage. To some degree, and in differing areas, all of us do.
Anyway, I did a LOT of googling on this, and never really discovered a resolution. There were a lot of people making vague (and expensive) promises, but no real detail, no step by step plan, and nothing convincing enough that I would actually want to fork out money for the chance to see if they were right.
Defined broadly, self-sabotage is when some part of us (whether knowingly or not) stops us from reaching a desired goal.
An obvious example would be someone who is trying to lose weight, and yet continues eating unhealthily, refraining from exercising, and so on. No matter how much they say they want to lose weight, they're simply not going to.
There's a very simple way to break past this. Get yourself a quiet space (even sitting on a bus with your ipod blaring, if that works for you), and do this:
1. Think of the goal. Make it real. Bring it into the now.
2. Ask yourself, "What's stopping me from being/doing or having that?"
3. Heal* whatever it is that comes up
4. Go to step 2 until the answer is "nothing"
.. and I do mean, whatever, no matter how ridiculous - in fact, particularly if it seems ridiculous.
The reason we self-sabotage is a fight between different parts of ourselves. Typically, intellectually, we'll make an obvious statement, "I want to be wealthier" (which is a bad goal, since it's impossible to measure, but we'll ignore that for the moment). So, intellectually we agree. More wealth means easier to pay the bills, can buy new clothes, fix the car, clear my credit cards and still have enough to go out for a drink. Ok, that's great. Everyone agreed? Good.
Here's where things start to spin out of control. The whole time our intellectual brain is saying "yep, more money, bring it please", the emotional side of our brain may be saying something completely opposite: "but rich people are selfish", "I'd have to pay more tax", "people will be greedy around me", "I'll lose my friends" and so on.
Well, guess which part is going to win? That's right, the emotional.
It's important to understand: We are emotional creatures. We're driven by our emotions. We use our intellects to justify & rationalise our emotional choices - regardless of how ridiculous we end up sounding. The important thing is that once you remove those subconscious emotional pressures, then you really will have free will. Without our emotions pulling on us, we're truly free to make an actual, honest-to-God choice.
Tell someone who's overweight that they're free to choose whether or not to have their favourite food - intellectually of course they do, but it's going to be one hell of a battle.
The reason for this is that our emotions are driving us.
Of course, that's easy to say, but how do we find and remove these subconscious emotional pressures? By asking yourself "What's stopping me?", listening to the answer, healing it, and repeating until the answer is "nothing." You'll be amazed at just how quickly you'll reach this point.
*Now, on healing. This is a tricky one. A lot of people are resistant to efficient energy methods like EFT, and that's fine. Personally, I use every tool in my arsenal - EFT, yuen, releasing, you name it. I'd jump up and down on the spot if I thought it would help me clear something out. Heh, actually, I did that just this morning (don't ask *laugh*). Use any tool you like. Prayer, magic, dance, cognitive therapy, whatever works for you. The important thing is just that you fully and completely heal whatever emotional pressure is discovered.
Once it's cleared, you ask the question again, and see what comes up. I've done this on the issue of money (which has been a big area in my life) and I'm up to 30ish answers. The interesting thing is how these answers have changed as I've gone through. They started pretty obvious, and have been getting more and more subtle, profound, and core-to-my-life as I get deeper into it. By keeping a list, I can also go back and see that all the stuff I've cleared is indeed well and truly gone.
I have to say, I've made more (focussed) progress in the last few days than I have in the last five years.
Going way back to the beginning, the reason I got into EFT, and this whole whacky journey has been simply chasing personal productivity. I know I can be super productive - I've seen it on occasion, but I want this ALL the time. I want that to be a typical day, not once a year or so. So of course I started asking myself "What's stopping me from being massively productive?", healing the answer, then asking again. This time the result has been much faster. I got a couple of questions in, and I simply couldn't stay focussed on asking questions. I kept getting distracted by my code and going back to that instead!! A couple of hours later I'd look up and go "oh yes, I was about to ask..." *laugh*
Without a doubt, this is the single most useful tool I've discovered in the last two years. Combined with all the other stuff I've covered before, it's simply dynamite.
Go nuts! Have fun! Give it a try! Have a better life, it's ok, you're allowed. In fact, you're positively encouraged.
Anyway, I did a LOT of googling on this, and never really discovered a resolution. There were a lot of people making vague (and expensive) promises, but no real detail, no step by step plan, and nothing convincing enough that I would actually want to fork out money for the chance to see if they were right.
Defined broadly, self-sabotage is when some part of us (whether knowingly or not) stops us from reaching a desired goal.
An obvious example would be someone who is trying to lose weight, and yet continues eating unhealthily, refraining from exercising, and so on. No matter how much they say they want to lose weight, they're simply not going to.
There's a very simple way to break past this. Get yourself a quiet space (even sitting on a bus with your ipod blaring, if that works for you), and do this:
1. Think of the goal. Make it real. Bring it into the now.
2. Ask yourself, "What's stopping me from being/doing or having that?"
3. Heal* whatever it is that comes up
4. Go to step 2 until the answer is "nothing"
.. and I do mean, whatever, no matter how ridiculous - in fact, particularly if it seems ridiculous.
The reason we self-sabotage is a fight between different parts of ourselves. Typically, intellectually, we'll make an obvious statement, "I want to be wealthier" (which is a bad goal, since it's impossible to measure, but we'll ignore that for the moment). So, intellectually we agree. More wealth means easier to pay the bills, can buy new clothes, fix the car, clear my credit cards and still have enough to go out for a drink. Ok, that's great. Everyone agreed? Good.
Here's where things start to spin out of control. The whole time our intellectual brain is saying "yep, more money, bring it please", the emotional side of our brain may be saying something completely opposite: "but rich people are selfish", "I'd have to pay more tax", "people will be greedy around me", "I'll lose my friends" and so on.
Well, guess which part is going to win? That's right, the emotional.
It's important to understand: We are emotional creatures. We're driven by our emotions. We use our intellects to justify & rationalise our emotional choices - regardless of how ridiculous we end up sounding. The important thing is that once you remove those subconscious emotional pressures, then you really will have free will. Without our emotions pulling on us, we're truly free to make an actual, honest-to-God choice.
Tell someone who's overweight that they're free to choose whether or not to have their favourite food - intellectually of course they do, but it's going to be one hell of a battle.
The reason for this is that our emotions are driving us.
Of course, that's easy to say, but how do we find and remove these subconscious emotional pressures? By asking yourself "What's stopping me?", listening to the answer, healing it, and repeating until the answer is "nothing." You'll be amazed at just how quickly you'll reach this point.
*Now, on healing. This is a tricky one. A lot of people are resistant to efficient energy methods like EFT, and that's fine. Personally, I use every tool in my arsenal - EFT, yuen, releasing, you name it. I'd jump up and down on the spot if I thought it would help me clear something out. Heh, actually, I did that just this morning (don't ask *laugh*). Use any tool you like. Prayer, magic, dance, cognitive therapy, whatever works for you. The important thing is just that you fully and completely heal whatever emotional pressure is discovered.
Once it's cleared, you ask the question again, and see what comes up. I've done this on the issue of money (which has been a big area in my life) and I'm up to 30ish answers. The interesting thing is how these answers have changed as I've gone through. They started pretty obvious, and have been getting more and more subtle, profound, and core-to-my-life as I get deeper into it. By keeping a list, I can also go back and see that all the stuff I've cleared is indeed well and truly gone.
I have to say, I've made more (focussed) progress in the last few days than I have in the last five years.
Going way back to the beginning, the reason I got into EFT, and this whole whacky journey has been simply chasing personal productivity. I know I can be super productive - I've seen it on occasion, but I want this ALL the time. I want that to be a typical day, not once a year or so. So of course I started asking myself "What's stopping me from being massively productive?", healing the answer, then asking again. This time the result has been much faster. I got a couple of questions in, and I simply couldn't stay focussed on asking questions. I kept getting distracted by my code and going back to that instead!! A couple of hours later I'd look up and go "oh yes, I was about to ask..." *laugh*
Without a doubt, this is the single most useful tool I've discovered in the last two years. Combined with all the other stuff I've covered before, it's simply dynamite.
Go nuts! Have fun! Give it a try! Have a better life, it's ok, you're allowed. In fact, you're positively encouraged.