Chapter 132: "Ike Fighter II Turbo"
A warm breeze blew Ike's cape in an epic fashion.
"This is it," Pikachu said, walking to meet his side.
"...MechaJesus lives in a townhouse?" Soren said, disappointed.
"He prefers 'Christ's Condo.' But yeah. Kinda anticlimactic in a way."
Ike marched forward without uttering a word. What stood before him looked a lot like an earth door, and it fortunately cut like one as well. In seconds he was in the foyer, eyes darting back and forth in search of the true target. There was a wide array of paintings on the walls supposedly depicting family members, which was particularly odd considering he assumed MechaJesus was a robot of some sort.
"He does all of his writing in the kitchen," Pikachu whispered. "If we can sneak back there before he notices us, we might be able to score a preemptive strike, which could prove advantageous to us over the course of the battle."
"I don't want to hear tactics from a guy who can only learn four moves," Ike said bluntly.
"What, you think you're special because you've got grids and shit?" Pikachu retorted. "You wait your turn to attack just like the rest of us, pal."
"What? Who's there?!"
"Oh no he heard us!"
*Cue battle music, arena change*
"Prepare yourself!" Ike shouted, brandishing his sword.
"Eh? Pikachu! You came back?!" A figure emerged from the shadows, carrying in one hand what must have been the Pen of Absurdly Awesome.
"Yeah, and I brought friends!"
Ike began to snicker and knelt down. He covered his mouth with one hand and whispered into Pikachu's ear: "You didn't say MechaJesus was Asian."
"Yeah? Is that some sort of problem?"
"Well... well, no, I just... I dunno... I thought he'd be different is all..."
"Are you guys talking about me?!" MechaJesus stomped a foot. "You know I hate that!! Come on, say whatever it is you want to say properly!"
"Ike here is some sort of bigot is all," Pikachu snorted.
"Whoa, what?! Hold the phone, I am not a bigot, I just... I didn't know what to expect, and 'Asian Jesus' wasn't my first guess is all."
"Asia's a big continent, you know," MechaJesus said, irritated.
"Y-yeah I know."
"A bunch of diverse people and cultures. Lotta people over in China. Bet you don't know how many. Bet you can't even count that high."
"I'm... I'm sure there are."
"Know how many people occupy a single corner of Tokyo?"
"Well... no, I don't--"
"A fuckton, hear me? That's how many."
"Really now? Well thanks for the trivia lesson, but I'm not here for any of that..."
"You are if I say you are. I wrote you, ya know."
"Oooh, that's great. Really, that's great. But I don't care about any of that at the moment and I'm really just here to put a stop to--"
"Bet you didn't think we could write, huh? Probably thought we'd all be out solving equations or stopping time or something, right? Asshole."
"That actually never even crossed my mind, MechaJesus," Ike sighed. The battle music had his blood pumping but his will to fight was fading by the second.
"Ike, he's preying on your pitiful resistance!" Soren finally said. "You have to stop him now!!"
Ike glanced over his shoulder and nodded. Soren or not, the voice that spoke did not lie. "Thanks."
Ike charged forward, swinging Ragnell high. A war cry flew from his lips.
"Not so fast!" MechaJesus drew a circle in the air with the pen, creating a magical defense barrier of some sort that Ike smacked into violently. He tumbled onto his back.
"Ike! Be more careful!" Pikachu shouted, making no actual attempt to help him.
"How about a weak point?" Ike winced, rising to his feet slowly.
"Sorry, but it's not my turn," Pikachu growled. "Magic-boy, you're up."
Soren looked surprised. "Huh? Me?"
"Who else? Now hurry up and give it your best shot."
Soren nodded with determination in his eyes, and heaved six semi-circular blades of howling wind forward.
MechaJesus' confident smirk was shattered with his barrier as the blades destroyed his only line of defense. "How... could anyone...?"
Pikachu smirked. "You should plan out your fiction better, old friend!"
MechaJesus was shaking his head incredulously when Pikachu charged into him with a volt tackle.
"This is it," Pikachu said, walking to meet his side.
"...MechaJesus lives in a townhouse?" Soren said, disappointed.
"He prefers 'Christ's Condo.' But yeah. Kinda anticlimactic in a way."
Ike marched forward without uttering a word. What stood before him looked a lot like an earth door, and it fortunately cut like one as well. In seconds he was in the foyer, eyes darting back and forth in search of the true target. There was a wide array of paintings on the walls supposedly depicting family members, which was particularly odd considering he assumed MechaJesus was a robot of some sort.
"He does all of his writing in the kitchen," Pikachu whispered. "If we can sneak back there before he notices us, we might be able to score a preemptive strike, which could prove advantageous to us over the course of the battle."
"I don't want to hear tactics from a guy who can only learn four moves," Ike said bluntly.
"What, you think you're special because you've got grids and shit?" Pikachu retorted. "You wait your turn to attack just like the rest of us, pal."
"What? Who's there?!"
"Oh no he heard us!"
*Cue battle music, arena change*
"Prepare yourself!" Ike shouted, brandishing his sword.
"Eh? Pikachu! You came back?!" A figure emerged from the shadows, carrying in one hand what must have been the Pen of Absurdly Awesome.
"Yeah, and I brought friends!"
Ike began to snicker and knelt down. He covered his mouth with one hand and whispered into Pikachu's ear: "You didn't say MechaJesus was Asian."
"Yeah? Is that some sort of problem?"
"Well... well, no, I just... I dunno... I thought he'd be different is all..."
"Are you guys talking about me?!" MechaJesus stomped a foot. "You know I hate that!! Come on, say whatever it is you want to say properly!"
"Ike here is some sort of bigot is all," Pikachu snorted.
"Whoa, what?! Hold the phone, I am not a bigot, I just... I didn't know what to expect, and 'Asian Jesus' wasn't my first guess is all."
"Asia's a big continent, you know," MechaJesus said, irritated.
"Y-yeah I know."
"A bunch of diverse people and cultures. Lotta people over in China. Bet you don't know how many. Bet you can't even count that high."
"I'm... I'm sure there are."
"Know how many people occupy a single corner of Tokyo?"
"Well... no, I don't--"
"A fuckton, hear me? That's how many."
"Really now? Well thanks for the trivia lesson, but I'm not here for any of that..."
"You are if I say you are. I wrote you, ya know."
"Oooh, that's great. Really, that's great. But I don't care about any of that at the moment and I'm really just here to put a stop to--"
"Bet you didn't think we could write, huh? Probably thought we'd all be out solving equations or stopping time or something, right? Asshole."
"That actually never even crossed my mind, MechaJesus," Ike sighed. The battle music had his blood pumping but his will to fight was fading by the second.
"Ike, he's preying on your pitiful resistance!" Soren finally said. "You have to stop him now!!"
Ike glanced over his shoulder and nodded. Soren or not, the voice that spoke did not lie. "Thanks."
Ike charged forward, swinging Ragnell high. A war cry flew from his lips.
"Not so fast!" MechaJesus drew a circle in the air with the pen, creating a magical defense barrier of some sort that Ike smacked into violently. He tumbled onto his back.
"Ike! Be more careful!" Pikachu shouted, making no actual attempt to help him.
"How about a weak point?" Ike winced, rising to his feet slowly.
"Sorry, but it's not my turn," Pikachu growled. "Magic-boy, you're up."
Soren looked surprised. "Huh? Me?"
"Who else? Now hurry up and give it your best shot."
Soren nodded with determination in his eyes, and heaved six semi-circular blades of howling wind forward.
MechaJesus' confident smirk was shattered with his barrier as the blades destroyed his only line of defense. "How... could anyone...?"
Pikachu smirked. "You should plan out your fiction better, old friend!"
MechaJesus was shaking his head incredulously when Pikachu charged into him with a volt tackle.