"love is watching someone die"
I. Poems by Mary Oliver
II. Three Years of Writing
III. Daughters and Fathers
I. Poems by Mary Oliver
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
from Poppies
Of course nothing stops the cold,
black, curved blade
from hooking forward-
of course
loss is the great lesson.
But I also say this: that light
is an invitation
to happiness,
and that happiness,
when it's done right,
is a kind of holiness,
palpable and redemptive.
II. Three Years of Writing
i am going to argue that grief is transformative. for me, i have learned about the woman i was to become. the emptiness of longing is filled with platinum and has solidified into my biology. the universe transforms, as energy is recycled, and my understanding of the stars and time and space is different, more profound. the pain is the wardrobe of narnia, that lets you into a new world, that you can only experience if you believe in it. and allow the waves of weakness, hollowness and blackness to wash over and heal you. a profound loneliness lingers. a heavy space inside my chest of never ending grief. this suffocates me and steals my strength. as the body strains to connect beyond my realm. the grief is still palpable.
the first year
| 26 sept 2003 | 28 sept 2003 | 29 oct 2003 | 7 nov 2003 | 10 nov 2003 | 11 nov 2003 | 19 nov 2003 | 20 nov 2003 | 3 dec 2003 | 31 dec 2003 | 29 jan 2004 | 24 feb 2004 | 1 april 2004 | 16 june 2004 | 19 june 2004 | 27 june 2004 | 6 sept 2004 | 21 sept 2004 one year. |
the second year
| 8 aug 2005 other people die. | 5 sept 2005 | 7 sept 2005 | 20 sept 2005 two years. |
the third year
| 26 sept 2005 | 30 sept 2005 | 13 oct 2005 | 20 oct 2004 | 1 nov 2005 | 4 dec 2005 | 12 dec 2005 | 26 dec 2005 | 2 feb 2006 | 18 april 2006 | 11 may 2006 master of library and information science | 5 sept 2006 |
III. Daughters and Fathers
sally and her father on her wedding day. charlie died on sept 5.
maggie and dad at sally's wedding.
sally got married on my 20th birthday. i sure miss you dad.