(no subject)
I can't believe I have to have that conversation with Nico. Seriously she just rants at me about her own insecurities and about liking Karolina and it's like why are you telling me? Like we might be okay friends again after Lillie but that doesn't make it cool. Even before she couldn't lie or filter her words, so came to me for advice about kissing her. Why can't she talk to Gert or Chase about it, why does my ex-girlfriend have to talk to me about liking girls? MARRIED girls. Is she just trying to keep punishing me? Losing Lillie is bad enough, but Nico would be the kind of girl to never let me live it down.
And I can't say anything. I thought when this started being able to lie would be like, finally something helpful out of my immunities. I don't have to babysit kid versions of them or play zookeeper or take care of infected people or something. It's be like the movie, where I'm like some kind of fantastic genius cause I don't spill my guts whenever anyone talks to me. But it's not funny and it's not working at all. Xavin is here and I have to play peacekeeper and listen to Nico talk to me like my feelings don't matter! If I couldn't lie I'd really lay into her-- but since I can, what's the point? When we're back to normal everybody will have to apologize and try and be a team again. I'd be making a bad situation worse by adding my anger to the mess.
Maybe I should've faked it and been honest. I don't want to fight with her but she doesn't care about me at all. She just uses this situation to have attention on herself or to make herself look like a martyr. Meanwhile I have to go around cleaning up her messes and act like Karolina liking her and her dating me and then liking Karolina all of a sudden doesn't make me feel like a freaking robotic third wheel.