one year and three days...
it was one year ago today that we were preparing to bury my first nephew. it was right after the holidays, and in the dead of winter, we had to say goodbye to a baby boy whom we had all grown to love.
so maybe most of his short, short life was lived in an incubator. maybe he never did get to see the outside of the neonatal care centre of the hospital. regardless... there was something about Ethan that brought us joy. This tiny baby was stronger, and fought harder than any of us ever had. He had overcome obstacles that not even the doctors thought he would. when he was born over four months early, no one believed he would even live, but live he did. my cousins and i believed that maybe just maybe Ethan was brought to earth to bring our family closer together. and that he did.
Ethan the name, means strength. how odd it is, that he manifested this trait from the get go. they told us he was blind, but i know in my heart that he could see. that he saw all of us. his mother(my sister) and his father. his proud mama and papa, who were beaming every single time they got a chance to see him. and even if he never did while he was physically here, i know he looks down from above and sees them everyday.
i remember holding ethan just after he died. it was the first time i had ever seen him without tubes coming out of his nose, first time i had seen him not connected to an iv. he was still warm, and he wasnt stiff, it was as if he was asleep. and i kept praying and hoping that he would wake up. i remember saying it again and again in my head "wake up, wake up", but he never did... my first nephew was really dead. i held him and sobbed and my mother and father placed their hands on my shoulders and sobbed right along with me. i made a vow right there to him that i would think of him everyday, and i havent broken it. i still look at the picture of him that sits on my dresser, and i still have a pair of his socks that i gave him for christmas.
ethan, i know you watch down on us and you protect us from above. and i know yer up there being well taken care of, by my grandparents! i know that one day, you and i will chill up in the clouds. i'll teach you how to pick up girls by singing them a love song, and we'll be a family again... all of us.
i love you ethan.
we'll see u soon.