(no subject)
So I cranked this out in about an hour and a half. It's nothing overly poetic or beautiful, but I like it and sometimes you just can't ignore your inspirations.
I was there when they met. It had been snowing all day long, probably one of the first snows of the season; the middle of November. It wasn’t too out of the ordinary for this city. I wouldn’t be too thrilled with a few inches of snow on my birthday, but he didn’t seem to mind. We were on our way to the store, just to pick up a few things for his party that night. Well, it wasn’t so much a party as it was just about five of our friends coming over to celebrate. We decided to walk the seven or so blocks, despite the snow and the wind. He’d given me one of the scarves he had lying around and never used while he was content to make the trek in just some fleece-lined jacket he had for a few years.
I don’t remember what we were talking about. Our conversations were always random, kind of inane and not exactly important, but we never really cared. I always like to think that it didn’t matter what we were taking about, as long as we were together. We were best friends, still are. He looks a little lost sometimes, just for a few seconds at a time and that’s when I know he’s thinking about her. He doesn’t know that those moments are exactly when my heart breaks, but I’d never tell him. I don’t blame him for never loving me like he loved her. I still want every reason to hate her, but I’ll never have a good enough reason.
We were coming around the corner of the block, just kind of meandering towards the entrance of the store and not particularly paying attention to anyone else. Apparently, neither was the other guy in this huge, green down jacket. I think it had some football team emblem on it, but all I remember is a flash of green slamming into her muted red and a flurry of vegetables and fruits, among other things, hurrying towards the ground. The snow was just wet enough to freeze into ice on the ground and she immediately slipped. He broke his sentence to me to run to her side. This wasn’t really out of the ordinary. He was one of those people who held open doors for others, stopped along the interstate to help someone with a flat tire, but thank God he never picked up any hitchhikers. I would’ve killed him. She was pretty, nothing like some of the other girls he’d dated or shown interest in; bright green eyes and red hair, no longer than her shoulders maybe. I followed behind him, trying to push away any jealousy I was bound to feel. I hated that. The second he talked to another girl, I was jealous. I’m never too certain why. I have no claim over him. It’s just that if it had been me who fell, he would’ve laughed for a good fifteen seconds before helping me up. He actually looked concerned when he reached for her hands and held her a little too close to him for my comfort. She smiled and laughed, both out of embarrassment and maybe because this wasn’t the first time her feet were a bit too eager. He gave half of a glance around for the guy who ran into her, but he was already long gone.
He introduced himself to her. Her name was Lauren and he left it up to me to tell her who I was. She smiled and said she liked my name, which I like to believe was sincere. I’ve always hated my name. Not that it mattered, they were both too surprised with each other. I bet they were having a moment where they felt as though they were the only two people in the world. It would’ve been perfect foreshadowing. He helped her pick up the food items that had flown out of the two paper bags she was bracing inside of her arms and I figured that was it. I was already starting towards the doors, but he remained behind. I was far enough away that I couldn’t hear what they were saying, thanks to distance and the noise of the wind and the cars in the street below. I waited for a while, watching their smiles, the way they were trying to be subtle with their touches to the other’s arm. I turned away then, remembering the temperature dropping twenty degrees and deciding it was best to go inside. He could catch up with me later.
She came to the party that night, but she was an hour late. She was just uncomfortable coming to the birthday party for a man she just met, but I think his night would’ve been ruined had she not shown up. She came with a bottle of wine, forgoing a gift like the one I’d spent an entire month scouring the city for. He was so hard to buy for. The rest of us crowded in his living room might as well have not even been there that night. He spent most of his time talking to her, stopping only to cut the cake and thank me for his gift. I was always the last one at his house when we were with our friends, but I left and walked home through the snow.
I hung up on him when he told me that they were officially together. He called me back right away and even though I could tell he was annoyed, he told me that no one would replace me. I was always going to be his best friend. As much as I tried to believe him, it never rolled off of my shoulders so easily. We argued once, but he cut me short when he told me that he never owed me anything. He wasn’t mine. I can’t say we saw each other very often in the following months. He called me once in awhile and I think I called him one too many times.
Then he came to me one morning, a little too early; right around nine where I was just getting to coffee on a Saturday and trying to come up with something I could possibly do with my time. She’d been in an accident on the drive from his house to hers. I wasn’t exactly sure what happened, I could only make out key words since his voice was so unsteady and interrupted with cries. I’ve seen him cry before, but nothing like this. He sat down beside me and had his head against my chest. For once, we were together and didn’t want to say a word. I let him cry and as best as I tried to comfort him, I knew it wouldn’t make a difference. I was his friend and I could never compare to her. He just needed someone he thought would understand. She was gone. She passed away in the hospital just after surgery and he never got the chance to say goodbye.
It’s been over a year, almost two and he’s there with her today. I’ve only been with him to her gravesite once or twice, but I like to leave him alone, leave him with her. He says goodbye and how he misses her. I still never believe him when he comes home and tells me that he loves me before I fall asleep. He knows that I love him and that I’m not going anywhere. He needs someone to say those words to in just some attempt to feel whole again, but I know he’s thinking of her.
Visits to You
Visits to you are suddenly new and suddenly everything's so good
I've been here before, will I be here again.
Please tell me you'll never be taken
Is this the right time or is this the last time, how much more time
When will time take away my visits to you?
Living with this, holding your hand, knowing I'll have to let go soon
Living right now, and right now and right now,
Knowing I'll soon be without you.
Is this another time or is this the last time
How much more time, when will time take away my visits
And when you go where your going, where will you be going
I know I'll keep going on my visits to you
Is this another time, or is this the last time
How much more time when will time take away my visits to you?
Is this another time, or is this the last time
How much more time will, when will time take away, when will time take away
When will time take away my visits to you?
-- Anthony Rapp
Room to Breathe
I still take you to bed, but it's the you I'd face instead
Where I use every word I never said to crack you open.
There was barely room to breathe, getting a skeptic to believe
That the goal wasn't to leave, one of us broken
If it's true that nothing gets close to you for fear of melting down
Then I've become the chosen one, an example for the crowd
Your star is due for shooting, and I'll be watching the night sky
In hopes by then what binds us has become untied
I'm the tune of a lesser band, sea legs on dry land
Thinking how you forfeited your hand, to keep us from winning
I watch them orbiting around you now, just like you showed them how
And you reach out like the hand of God, a tap will keep them spinning.
If it's true they flock to you without your shepherd's call
For a change just let them range, and see how far you fall
Your star is due for shooting, and I'll be watching the night sky
In hopes that soon what binds us has now come untied.
Can I take it back, can I take it back?
It's what the loss of our friends brings, it's in the way you held my strings
It's now all the little things, I can't help doubt,
Sometimes I wish I'd never known, just how brilliantly you shone
Right before you threw the stone to cast me out.
--Anthony Rapp
Lose It All
Heaven will be waiting when I fall into your open arms
I believe you'll find me there
You'll find me there
And if I lose it all
There'll be nothing left to lose and I would take the fall
'Cause knowing you are out there breathing
It's so wonderful, it's a chance I take even if I break it
I lose it all, if I lose it all
-- Backstreet Boys
Siberia
I was drifting in between
Like I was on the outside looking in,
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head
--Backstreet Boys
(Merrie gets credit for making me download Anthony's album! ha)
I was there when they met. It had been snowing all day long, probably one of the first snows of the season; the middle of November. It wasn’t too out of the ordinary for this city. I wouldn’t be too thrilled with a few inches of snow on my birthday, but he didn’t seem to mind. We were on our way to the store, just to pick up a few things for his party that night. Well, it wasn’t so much a party as it was just about five of our friends coming over to celebrate. We decided to walk the seven or so blocks, despite the snow and the wind. He’d given me one of the scarves he had lying around and never used while he was content to make the trek in just some fleece-lined jacket he had for a few years.
I don’t remember what we were talking about. Our conversations were always random, kind of inane and not exactly important, but we never really cared. I always like to think that it didn’t matter what we were taking about, as long as we were together. We were best friends, still are. He looks a little lost sometimes, just for a few seconds at a time and that’s when I know he’s thinking about her. He doesn’t know that those moments are exactly when my heart breaks, but I’d never tell him. I don’t blame him for never loving me like he loved her. I still want every reason to hate her, but I’ll never have a good enough reason.
We were coming around the corner of the block, just kind of meandering towards the entrance of the store and not particularly paying attention to anyone else. Apparently, neither was the other guy in this huge, green down jacket. I think it had some football team emblem on it, but all I remember is a flash of green slamming into her muted red and a flurry of vegetables and fruits, among other things, hurrying towards the ground. The snow was just wet enough to freeze into ice on the ground and she immediately slipped. He broke his sentence to me to run to her side. This wasn’t really out of the ordinary. He was one of those people who held open doors for others, stopped along the interstate to help someone with a flat tire, but thank God he never picked up any hitchhikers. I would’ve killed him. She was pretty, nothing like some of the other girls he’d dated or shown interest in; bright green eyes and red hair, no longer than her shoulders maybe. I followed behind him, trying to push away any jealousy I was bound to feel. I hated that. The second he talked to another girl, I was jealous. I’m never too certain why. I have no claim over him. It’s just that if it had been me who fell, he would’ve laughed for a good fifteen seconds before helping me up. He actually looked concerned when he reached for her hands and held her a little too close to him for my comfort. She smiled and laughed, both out of embarrassment and maybe because this wasn’t the first time her feet were a bit too eager. He gave half of a glance around for the guy who ran into her, but he was already long gone.
He introduced himself to her. Her name was Lauren and he left it up to me to tell her who I was. She smiled and said she liked my name, which I like to believe was sincere. I’ve always hated my name. Not that it mattered, they were both too surprised with each other. I bet they were having a moment where they felt as though they were the only two people in the world. It would’ve been perfect foreshadowing. He helped her pick up the food items that had flown out of the two paper bags she was bracing inside of her arms and I figured that was it. I was already starting towards the doors, but he remained behind. I was far enough away that I couldn’t hear what they were saying, thanks to distance and the noise of the wind and the cars in the street below. I waited for a while, watching their smiles, the way they were trying to be subtle with their touches to the other’s arm. I turned away then, remembering the temperature dropping twenty degrees and deciding it was best to go inside. He could catch up with me later.
She came to the party that night, but she was an hour late. She was just uncomfortable coming to the birthday party for a man she just met, but I think his night would’ve been ruined had she not shown up. She came with a bottle of wine, forgoing a gift like the one I’d spent an entire month scouring the city for. He was so hard to buy for. The rest of us crowded in his living room might as well have not even been there that night. He spent most of his time talking to her, stopping only to cut the cake and thank me for his gift. I was always the last one at his house when we were with our friends, but I left and walked home through the snow.
I hung up on him when he told me that they were officially together. He called me back right away and even though I could tell he was annoyed, he told me that no one would replace me. I was always going to be his best friend. As much as I tried to believe him, it never rolled off of my shoulders so easily. We argued once, but he cut me short when he told me that he never owed me anything. He wasn’t mine. I can’t say we saw each other very often in the following months. He called me once in awhile and I think I called him one too many times.
Then he came to me one morning, a little too early; right around nine where I was just getting to coffee on a Saturday and trying to come up with something I could possibly do with my time. She’d been in an accident on the drive from his house to hers. I wasn’t exactly sure what happened, I could only make out key words since his voice was so unsteady and interrupted with cries. I’ve seen him cry before, but nothing like this. He sat down beside me and had his head against my chest. For once, we were together and didn’t want to say a word. I let him cry and as best as I tried to comfort him, I knew it wouldn’t make a difference. I was his friend and I could never compare to her. He just needed someone he thought would understand. She was gone. She passed away in the hospital just after surgery and he never got the chance to say goodbye.
It’s been over a year, almost two and he’s there with her today. I’ve only been with him to her gravesite once or twice, but I like to leave him alone, leave him with her. He says goodbye and how he misses her. I still never believe him when he comes home and tells me that he loves me before I fall asleep. He knows that I love him and that I’m not going anywhere. He needs someone to say those words to in just some attempt to feel whole again, but I know he’s thinking of her.
Visits to You
Visits to you are suddenly new and suddenly everything's so good
I've been here before, will I be here again.
Please tell me you'll never be taken
Is this the right time or is this the last time, how much more time
When will time take away my visits to you?
Living with this, holding your hand, knowing I'll have to let go soon
Living right now, and right now and right now,
Knowing I'll soon be without you.
Is this another time or is this the last time
How much more time, when will time take away my visits
And when you go where your going, where will you be going
I know I'll keep going on my visits to you
Is this another time, or is this the last time
How much more time when will time take away my visits to you?
Is this another time, or is this the last time
How much more time will, when will time take away, when will time take away
When will time take away my visits to you?
-- Anthony Rapp
Room to Breathe
I still take you to bed, but it's the you I'd face instead
Where I use every word I never said to crack you open.
There was barely room to breathe, getting a skeptic to believe
That the goal wasn't to leave, one of us broken
If it's true that nothing gets close to you for fear of melting down
Then I've become the chosen one, an example for the crowd
Your star is due for shooting, and I'll be watching the night sky
In hopes by then what binds us has become untied
I'm the tune of a lesser band, sea legs on dry land
Thinking how you forfeited your hand, to keep us from winning
I watch them orbiting around you now, just like you showed them how
And you reach out like the hand of God, a tap will keep them spinning.
If it's true they flock to you without your shepherd's call
For a change just let them range, and see how far you fall
Your star is due for shooting, and I'll be watching the night sky
In hopes that soon what binds us has now come untied.
Can I take it back, can I take it back?
It's what the loss of our friends brings, it's in the way you held my strings
It's now all the little things, I can't help doubt,
Sometimes I wish I'd never known, just how brilliantly you shone
Right before you threw the stone to cast me out.
--Anthony Rapp
Lose It All
Heaven will be waiting when I fall into your open arms
I believe you'll find me there
You'll find me there
And if I lose it all
There'll be nothing left to lose and I would take the fall
'Cause knowing you are out there breathing
It's so wonderful, it's a chance I take even if I break it
I lose it all, if I lose it all
-- Backstreet Boys
Siberia
I was drifting in between
Like I was on the outside looking in,
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head
--Backstreet Boys
(Merrie gets credit for making me download Anthony's album! ha)