well, i went out last night to drink. i went out with this guy who is friends with 2 of the guys that ive fucked recently. i drank a lot. i found out that this guy made this other guy promise that he wouldn't hit up on me. the next thing i know im geeting kicked out of this house for reasons i don't know, and i tried to walk home. a bunch of ( Read more... )

this is all that i will ever be, i suppose. i don't mean that in the way that im not going anywhere, though thats a possibility. its just, that this is who i am. ive been crying all morning, and theres nowhere to run. the house is full of my family, and i think that i would truly take off, anywhere, if it wasnt snowing. i think that my whole ( Read more... )

it's been a while since my last update. sometimes it feels as if when you have the most to say, that it's not worth the effort. my life seems almost like it is a mirage lately. even my eyesight seems somewhat blurry. i don't know what to think of things, and worse yet, i really don't see much point to seeing things uniformly, and the reason for ( Read more... )

theres been this aftertaste of tequila lingering in my mouth since before i even started drinking, and all i drank was beer. it started suddenly @ work. i thought it was a smell, but after smoking a cigarette i realized that indeed it was a taste. im high and tipsy and none the better for it all. i called jimmy in my drunken spontaneity and ( Read more... )

i finally finished reading the iliad, and i can honestly say that book is one of the most tedious ive ever read. right now, im a bit more than halfway through the celestine prophecy. i really like it, though i cant help but think im just partaking in a psudo-spiritual new age fad. i got a job as a hostess @ this little, fancy italian restaurant ( Read more... )

envelopes never opened. i hope that i am not that. perhaps the best stories would be those unclouded by video-camera and pen. but, how easy that would be. that is the true purpose of writers. to be a conveyor unclouded. you see, i have these inklings of the words to say @ those precise times i have no pen. or worse, no energy to write them ( Read more... )

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it seems that it is not oursleves that change, but rather, our perceptions. drug-induced, literary, or whatever, take your pick. i used to wonder how someone could adapt from heaven to purgatory, and now i understand. it is just that. adaptation. not a voluntary will, but a lack of options. we do what we must to survive, and if not, we die ( Read more... )

well, things are looking up. ive enrolled for 1 class, english to be precise. im going to start looking for a job, seriously. im going to get my drivers license. i cant believe i still havent gotten 1, but hey whos perfect, or even close for that matter? besides josh epps, of course. im just kidding. ive smoked pot a few times since ive been ( Read more... )

well, we finally got the internet going today @ the house here in carlsbad. i can't possibly begin to describe how terribly boring it is here. its truly depressing to realize how altogether fleeting friendships are. i think im trying to inadvertently smoke myself without a lung. the people here are so shady. and i know that i am no genius by ( Read more... )