APRIL 3 - APRIL 9
WEATHER
Monday, 4/3 - 38 °F / 4 °C, cloudy with light rain in the afternoon
Tuesday, 4/4 - 38 °F / 4 °C, light snow in the morning
Wednesday, 4/5 - 42 °F / 6 °C, scattered rain in the afternoon
Thursday, 4/6 - 44 °F / 6 °C, cloudy, rain midday
Friday, 4/7 - 8 °F / 4 °C, afternoon showers
Saturday, 4/8 - 36 °F / 3 °C, cloudy
Sunday, 4/9 - 37 °F / 3 °C, cloudy
DAILY PROPHET
Monday, 4/3 - LEARNING LOST TO LEWD LEISURE
by R.A. Hunter
Students at Hogwarts were shocked to learn of their Headmaster's plans to hold a dance on April 22nd, particularly considering that twice during the current school year, social events have resulted in student deaths.
"Dances really just encourage students to seek to establish serious relationships," complains one fourth year Gryffindor. While this remark may seem preposterous, it is not far off the mark. Walking the halls of Hogwarts, it is hard to go more than twenty feet without stumbling across a couple in the middle of a romantic rendezvous, or a violent break-up. According to our Gryffindor informant it has reached such a point that students "are more concerned with dating than with classes." One young Hufflepuff student finds that the activities of his fellow students make it difficult to study. He is unable to acquire help from older students as they are busy "snogging," and is frequently made to feel uncomfortable in his own common room by the numerous couples who use the room to paw at each other's clothing. "There's no place for [these kinds of activities] in schools," he maintains.
Adults are not completely unaware of the manner of prurient pastimes of the students under their care. "It's outrageous how many students I find engaged in inappropriate activities in the stacks," reports Hogwarts librarian Lethe Noire. "I just don't know what the world is coming to."
Tuesday, 4/4 - CELESTINA WARBECK ANNOUNCES FIRST TOUR IN 10 YEARS
Wednesday, 4/5 - TROLL SIGHTING INCREASE
Thursday, 4/6 - CLIODNA FESTIVAL HELD IN IRELAND
Friday, 4/7 - UNEMPLOYMENT AT ALL TIME LOW
Saturday, 4/8 - MINISTER ATTENDS YEARLY TREE DEDICATION
Sunday, 4/9 - WIZARD REENACTORS CAUSE A MUGGLES SCARE
by Phyllis Dylis
A ferocious storm localised over the Bristol area had the Muggle Bureau of Meteorology puzzled today when a wizard reportedly linked to Stormy Seas, the Cornish Arthurian Dedication Society (not to be confused with the Cornish Austen Dedication Society, generally shortened to CADS) attempted to recreate the storm that ravaged the Cornish coast and swallowed the castle Tintagel into the ocean.
"Bizarre!" One Muggle was heard to comment, noticing that it was raining in his front garden, but not in his back garden.
Ministry officials were called to the scene, but Muggle weathermen have chalked it up to what they call "global warming."
THE QUIBBLER
Monday, 4/3 - HOGWARTS HOST OF HIDDEN MONSTERS
by Reese Silverton
Just a few weeks after the bizarre werewolf attack at Hogwarts it seems like the Minister has all but forgotten the incident. There are now two stationed Aurors at the school but no one will deny or confirm the evidence that this werewolf is within the school.
One would wonder if there wasn't more than one werewolf or possible a whole menagerie of dangerous creatures within its walls and that the children are possibly being used as food.
Tuesday, 4/4 - SONG ENCHANTMENTS INCREASING
Wednesday, 4/5 - TROLLS PREPARING FOR WAR
by Trinity McDilly
Troll movement has taken on odd patterns and while they are usually solitary creatures it seems like they are all moving to one central area where it is most likely that they are preparing for war.
All the evidence suggests that these trolls have united for one reason only, and that's not for a picnic. Eye witnesses report that the large groupings of trolls have been seen grunting loudly at each other then doing combat drills.
As to why the trolls are going to war one can only speculate but either way it will not be good for the average wizard.
Thursday, 4/6 - IRISH PIXIES ATTACKING TOURISTS
Friday, 4/7 - DEATH RATE HIGHEST IN DECADES
Saturday, 4/8 - WANDS CREATED WEAKER ON PURPOSE
Sunday, 4/9 - GLOBAL WARMING HOAX CREATED BY SECRET MILITANT WIZARDS
+ Ideas and Article Submissions
+ Letters to the Editor
Monday, 4/3 - 38 °F / 4 °C, cloudy with light rain in the afternoon
Tuesday, 4/4 - 38 °F / 4 °C, light snow in the morning
Wednesday, 4/5 - 42 °F / 6 °C, scattered rain in the afternoon
Thursday, 4/6 - 44 °F / 6 °C, cloudy, rain midday
Friday, 4/7 - 8 °F / 4 °C, afternoon showers
Saturday, 4/8 - 36 °F / 3 °C, cloudy
Sunday, 4/9 - 37 °F / 3 °C, cloudy
DAILY PROPHET
Monday, 4/3 - LEARNING LOST TO LEWD LEISURE
by R.A. Hunter
Students at Hogwarts were shocked to learn of their Headmaster's plans to hold a dance on April 22nd, particularly considering that twice during the current school year, social events have resulted in student deaths.
"Dances really just encourage students to seek to establish serious relationships," complains one fourth year Gryffindor. While this remark may seem preposterous, it is not far off the mark. Walking the halls of Hogwarts, it is hard to go more than twenty feet without stumbling across a couple in the middle of a romantic rendezvous, or a violent break-up. According to our Gryffindor informant it has reached such a point that students "are more concerned with dating than with classes." One young Hufflepuff student finds that the activities of his fellow students make it difficult to study. He is unable to acquire help from older students as they are busy "snogging," and is frequently made to feel uncomfortable in his own common room by the numerous couples who use the room to paw at each other's clothing. "There's no place for [these kinds of activities] in schools," he maintains.
Adults are not completely unaware of the manner of prurient pastimes of the students under their care. "It's outrageous how many students I find engaged in inappropriate activities in the stacks," reports Hogwarts librarian Lethe Noire. "I just don't know what the world is coming to."
Tuesday, 4/4 - CELESTINA WARBECK ANNOUNCES FIRST TOUR IN 10 YEARS
Wednesday, 4/5 - TROLL SIGHTING INCREASE
Thursday, 4/6 - CLIODNA FESTIVAL HELD IN IRELAND
Friday, 4/7 - UNEMPLOYMENT AT ALL TIME LOW
Saturday, 4/8 - MINISTER ATTENDS YEARLY TREE DEDICATION
Sunday, 4/9 - WIZARD REENACTORS CAUSE A MUGGLES SCARE
by Phyllis Dylis
A ferocious storm localised over the Bristol area had the Muggle Bureau of Meteorology puzzled today when a wizard reportedly linked to Stormy Seas, the Cornish Arthurian Dedication Society (not to be confused with the Cornish Austen Dedication Society, generally shortened to CADS) attempted to recreate the storm that ravaged the Cornish coast and swallowed the castle Tintagel into the ocean.
"Bizarre!" One Muggle was heard to comment, noticing that it was raining in his front garden, but not in his back garden.
Ministry officials were called to the scene, but Muggle weathermen have chalked it up to what they call "global warming."
THE QUIBBLER
Monday, 4/3 - HOGWARTS HOST OF HIDDEN MONSTERS
by Reese Silverton
Just a few weeks after the bizarre werewolf attack at Hogwarts it seems like the Minister has all but forgotten the incident. There are now two stationed Aurors at the school but no one will deny or confirm the evidence that this werewolf is within the school.
One would wonder if there wasn't more than one werewolf or possible a whole menagerie of dangerous creatures within its walls and that the children are possibly being used as food.
Tuesday, 4/4 - SONG ENCHANTMENTS INCREASING
Wednesday, 4/5 - TROLLS PREPARING FOR WAR
by Trinity McDilly
Troll movement has taken on odd patterns and while they are usually solitary creatures it seems like they are all moving to one central area where it is most likely that they are preparing for war.
All the evidence suggests that these trolls have united for one reason only, and that's not for a picnic. Eye witnesses report that the large groupings of trolls have been seen grunting loudly at each other then doing combat drills.
As to why the trolls are going to war one can only speculate but either way it will not be good for the average wizard.
Thursday, 4/6 - IRISH PIXIES ATTACKING TOURISTS
Friday, 4/7 - DEATH RATE HIGHEST IN DECADES
Saturday, 4/8 - WANDS CREATED WEAKER ON PURPOSE
Sunday, 4/9 - GLOBAL WARMING HOAX CREATED BY SECRET MILITANT WIZARDS
+ Ideas and Article Submissions
+ Letters to the Editor